The Void Walker Posted February 21, 2015 Share Posted February 21, 2015 I am an asexual male. Since society places so much importance on us being sex-crazed, it is difficult to admit at times that no, I would not kill for a chance to mate with someone. Link to post Share on other sites
ozzythefabulous Posted February 28, 2015 Share Posted February 28, 2015 I'm a male ace and very open about it. Link to post Share on other sites
nicknack12 Posted March 1, 2015 Share Posted March 1, 2015 There are definitely asexual guys out there, we're just harder to find. Not sure why Link to post Share on other sites
Purge Posted March 1, 2015 Share Posted March 1, 2015 Asexual Christian guy here. Link to post Share on other sites
Acelang Posted March 1, 2015 Share Posted March 1, 2015 I'm a guy and very much find my (grey) ace-ness comes in phases :) Link to post Share on other sites
ByTheTracks Posted March 2, 2015 Share Posted March 2, 2015 Maybe men are less likely to admit it because society will question their masculinity. Maybe if asexuality was more visible, more men will realize they are asexual. The thought of neighbors, and even friends knowing I have almost no interest in sex would just fill me with total embarrassment and shame. Not only am I "not taking care of my wife," but there is something wrong with me. I mean, what guy in middle-class suburbia doesn't have a healthy interest in sex? What is wrong with that guy? What a friggin weirdo. I'm not going to say it would be easier than just flat-out coming out as gay, because I don't want to minimize any real experiences and traumas that people who are gay suffer when they come out, but at least my friends and neighbors would understand that. Oh he's gay. At least gay people are 10% of society. Are we really 1%? Sorry, just getting used to this. Still amazed to find people here who feel similarly to myself. I went through most of my life severely depressed, not knowing who I was. I still don't know a lot, but I'm getting there... Link to post Share on other sites
coyote55 Posted March 2, 2015 Share Posted March 2, 2015 Asexual guy here, but not overly masculine- rather like a short, skinny scarecrow that was left too long in the sun. I do all right though, as an avid runner and cyclist. Link to post Share on other sites
Foreign Atonement Posted March 2, 2015 Share Posted March 2, 2015 Ohai. I'm male.. and ace.. and just kind of about. But existing is a thing I do, so yeah. Link to post Share on other sites
seneca Posted March 3, 2015 Share Posted March 3, 2015 Male and crazy veteran Link to post Share on other sites
Jarndyce Posted March 3, 2015 Share Posted March 3, 2015 I'm male and asexual. I'm also far towards the masculine end of the masculine/feminine psychological spectrum. My armchair theory is that male group mentality may have such an influence on male behaviour that many men do not have reason to consider that they may not be sexual.I prefer my own company and don't get caught up in common group cultures - male drinking culture in Australia for instance - which I think was a major factor in my ability to recognise my asexuality. Link to post Share on other sites
Dantius Posted March 4, 2015 Share Posted March 4, 2015 This individual is an asexual aromantic of the male sex. I have no concept of masculinity or femininity. To me, these things are either societal inventions or simply different personality traits, unreliant on biological gender, in as much the same way that people can have different favourite colours. My personality is more "generic" in that I have little interest in what is popular for both "masculine" or "feminine" individuals. My interests vary considerably, and none of them conform to gender roles. Perhaps my most masculine quality is my somewhat deep voice, while my most feminine quality is likely my sense of compassion for small things (including insects). But as I stated, I have no real concept of "masculine" or "feminine". I too have noticed a distinct lack of male asexuals on this site in that I find they are frequently outnumbered by females (or they simply do not post as much for reasons unknown to me). I agree with several posts, however, that males are more pressured into pursuing sexual relations than females, making it more difficult to reveal their asexuality without the fear of being shunned by an overly sexual society where males are expected to pursue sex the way they would pursue continued existence. Link to post Share on other sites
Barylambda Posted March 4, 2015 Share Posted March 4, 2015 I am male. I guess society expects males to be "sexual beings." Society doesn't know the path I walked or what I have been through. I only want to be what God expects me to be. As far as society's expectations, no pun intended, but screw that! Link to post Share on other sites
MacAran Posted March 4, 2015 Share Posted March 4, 2015 I'm an asexual male. I'm not very open about it in my life. Although I've never had any interest in sex, it took me a while t realize that I was different fro most people with respect to sexual desire. After I did realize that, it still took me some time to come to terms with it, and be comfortable even typing the sentence "I am asexual" even on a relatively anonymous forum like this one. I live in a very rural and very conservative area and I'm not very open about my (a)sexuality. Even among my college friends, I've only told a hand full of them, although I am working on it. As it happens, I am what would traditionally be considered very masculine. Physically, I'm a tall, broad-chested baritone with an impressive beard. I like to hike, camp, and shoot (not a hunter, but I enjoy sport and target shooting). But I don't like those things because I'm a guy. I'm just a guy who happens to like those things. I first realized I might be asexual when my lack of interest in (and if I'm completely honest, discomfort with the idea of) sex started cause a lot of friction with my long suffering (sexual) girlfriend. I started talking with two of my friend who I knew were Ace (both female as it happens), and one of them directed me to the documentary "(A)sexual." From there I found these forums, and when I started reading I found that many people's stories and feelings were a lot like mine, And that's the short version of how I ended up here Link to post Share on other sites
ByTheTracks Posted March 4, 2015 Share Posted March 4, 2015 I'm an asexual male. I'm not very open about it in my life. Although I've never had any interest in sex, it took me a while t realize that I was different fro most people with respect to sexual desire. After I did realize that, it still took me some time to come to terms with it, and be comfortable even typing the sentence "I am asexual" even on a relatively anonymous forum like this one. I live in a very rural and very conservative area and I'm not very open about my (a)sexuality. Even among my college friends, I've only told a hand full of them, although I am working on it. As it happens, I am what would traditionally be considered very masculine. Physically, I'm a tall, broad-chested baritone with an impressive beard. I like to hike, camp, and shoot (not a hunter, but I enjoy sport and target shooting). But I don't like those things because I'm a guy. I'm just a guy who happens to like those things. I first realized I might be asexual when my lack of interest in (and if I'm completely honest, discomfort with the idea of) sex started cause a lot of friction with my long suffering (sexual) girlfriend. I started talking with two of my friend who I knew were Ace (both female as it happens), and one of them directed me to the documentary "(A)sexual." From there I found these forums, and when I started reading I found that many people's stories and feelings were a lot like mine, And that's the short version of how I ended up here Welcome. This sounds so much like my story. It's amazing how similar some stories on these forums are. The first time I typed it was in my profile, and tonight was the first time I said it out loud (actually talked about it with my wife, as strange as that sounds). It's early I guess. Luckily most of my friends have been techie or artsy and I haven't had to have sex conversations with them, but I do have a few friends (well, co-workers) who still always talk about "what they would do to this one" and the like. It's funny looking back that some friends of mine in high school who were sexual at the time kind of didn't bring those things up with me. It's like they knew that something was different and that I didn't share that interest. I wish I had found this place earlier. It would have saved me (and probably my wife) a lot of time and trouble. I hear you on the guy thing. I love Jeeps and football, hiking and camping -- a guy who happens to like those things. I don't have too much in common with a lot of other regular ol' guys who love those things. There are quite a few stories like ours here. Link to post Share on other sites
JohnDoe1995 Posted March 5, 2015 Share Posted March 5, 2015 I'm a demi-heterosexual man. I pnly found out I was demi 6-7 months ago. It's hard to be ace in this over-sexual world, especially for men, who are supposed to be sex-crazed & constantly horny. Last week I was on kitchen duty & some of the kitchen staff talked about how a man in a relationship will still be unable to resist temptation & will sleep with every woman who'll come on to him, & that every man who won't sleep around is not a real man. It makes me sad & ashamed of my gender to hear that 3 out of the 4 men said they will (& 1 of them had) cheat on their partners. Link to post Share on other sites
KevCo Posted March 17, 2015 Share Posted March 17, 2015 I think men generally need to be seen as "bad-a$$" in some way or another. In the past when I would casually bring up the fact that I was very happy single and celibate, it would get half-confused chuckles at best and squeamish looks at worst. Now I've stopped saying very much about it- some people in my life know. Others know I'm 34 and never been in a serious relationship or fooled around much so they know at least subconsciously that I am how I am. I like to keep it ambiguous and then refer to my bad-a$$ qualities that have nothing to do with sex. Such as having tattoos, hanging out in questionable areas, being OK with blood and guts. I'm from a rural conservative area and now live in a liberal metropolitan area and I try to portray my sexuality in a way that doesn't cause discomfort among people in general. I will say that a lot of guys are total blowhards and just like me they want to be seen as more of a tough guy than they really are. Part of the problem is that a person putting on a front often gets uncomfortable with a guy who is perhaps a little too comfortable being themself. Link to post Share on other sites
divided_sky Posted March 17, 2015 Share Posted March 17, 2015 This is a way that sexism clearly affects men. Men in our society are "supposed to be" very sexual. If they aren't having sex, it is clearly because they can't, and never ever because they don't want to. It's the same thing with men who are more sensitive...men are supposed to sexual, and not allowed to feel or show emotions. They are supposed to be "strong," and for some strange reason that means sexual and not-at-all-emotional in our culture. I think it must be more difficult for men to come out as ace, because society puts so much pressure on them to be having/thinking about/wanting sex all the time. I'm sure there are a crap-ton more men out there who are asexual that no one knows about yet. One of the first people I mentioned asexuality to would later tell me she thought I was saying that as an excuse for why I couldn't get laid. But she later realized I wasn't BSing. Always found that amusing. It is a bit strange to come out and talk about not wanting sex, and doing it at first is a bit difficult, but once you talk about it enough and are truly open with people about yourself, they (in my case) begin accepting it and suddenly I make more sense to them than before I ever mentioned asexuality. The more open I've become about that, and slowly, with my still strong desire to find a romantic partner and my love of cuddly, mushy nonsense, I've found myself feeling that I fit in (or at least, that I've found where I fit) way more than I used to. I don't have to explain things to people anymore. Even when people don't understand my behavior, it's chalked up to "that's just Mike (my name, haha)". But I like it that way. They know I'm a bit different, but are totally cool with it. And coming from someone who had normally been very reserved and private, they seemed to be more appreciative of it than anything. I realized, some friends/acquaintances just wanted to understand me, and I was preventing them from doing so by never talking about asexuality, since it's a big part of who I am. Opening up about all of this has helped those relationships for sure. Same with just telling people that I'm a loner, it gets them to stop probing me about why I don't want to do this or that. They just understand that that's who I am, and take me for how I am. I used to get that weird look from people (usually male coworkers, but also male cousins) when I was clearly not experiencing the same feelings that they were about sexuality and wanting women. Now that I'm very open about who I am, they accept it and most everyone has been very friendly about it. I may have to brow beat them to get them to understand what I am telling them, but once they get it, it's all good. As far as showing emotions, I am a very emotionally reserved person until I get comfortable with someone (although, almost only females), then I can let things out more easily. I think a lot of that is my INTP (yay!) nature. I just don't show much emotion unless I really trust someone and am comfortable enough to do so. I will talk about emotions, but I have trouble actually expressing them. But when I do, it tends to come out way more than it should, haha. Whether happiness or sadness or whatever, it really comes out. But most people that know me never see that side of me. Honestly, I don't think they'd think anything of it if they already have a decent understanding of who I am. Hopefully I can get better at expressing emotions, but that's never been something I was good at. I just don't have any desire to do so unless I'm feeling close to the person. So for now, I just speak about them. Anyway, the more I have embraced my asexuality, the more acceptance and understanding I have gotten from others. Link to post Share on other sites
binary suns Posted March 17, 2015 Share Posted March 17, 2015 I have a male body. Before I understood what asexuality was, I thought it wasn't me. I only knew sexrepulsed and body dysphoric ace women, so I assumed it was a pseudoorientation for people who were severely rejected sex or their gendered body... and I was neither so obviously it wasn't me. I have yet to come out as asexual even to my sister, because I'm afraid it will be dismissed the same way or worse than how I initially dismissed it. I'm afraid it will be another reason for my mother to assume I'm depressed, rejecting my real struggle with anxiety and fear. I'm afraid my peers will mock me for being nonnormative. I'm afraid that my friends will stop being friends with me, one of whom had dated one of the asexual women I referred to and was hurt by the breakup with her. Link to post Share on other sites
uRBAN_Spaceman Posted March 17, 2015 Share Posted March 17, 2015 Male and asexual here. I've known something was different about me for a long time but didn't discover asexual orientation until a few years ago. For the most part I am proud of who I am and I won't hide who I am. But there are times where you really can avoid a bad conversation or an awkward moment by simply keeping to yourself. I've always been in to sports one way or another so growing up I got to see the "jock crowd" do their thing with the ladies and was exposed to all the sexual slang there is. I'm far more interested in the science/biology behind sex than I am in the actual action itself. I've just never really had that "itch in my pants" so to speak. Link to post Share on other sites
prof mags Posted March 17, 2015 Share Posted March 17, 2015 i be a male asexual (fairly sex repulsed at that so suck it male stereotypes) i suppose im lucky in that througe coincidence most of my friends are girls so ive never felt pressure about masculinity or femininity (as funny enough half my friends are tomboys anyway and the other half arent girly girls either) in fact i find the typical stereotypes for both genders to be funny and i dont mind if someone applys a stereotype to me when they first meet or hear about me (hello most partners my friends get) because stereotypes do exist for a reason even if theyre not very nice ones and any body with half a brain will soon realize they dont apply to me (well except for one paranoid douche but i shant go into that) Link to post Share on other sites
Ragman Posted March 18, 2015 Share Posted March 18, 2015 Deffo asexual and pretty sure im male. . Never come out to anybody though as where i'm from you get called a 'pussy' for not ordering meat in a meal. I truly wish I had enough guts to tell people why I "never have a girlfriend" as I do feel people like me are letting the side down somewhat by not opening up. It would also stop people thinking that I am gay, something that always amuses me as I've never had a boyfriend either! Link to post Share on other sites
uRBAN_Spaceman Posted March 18, 2015 Share Posted March 18, 2015 i be a male asexual (fairly sex repulsed at that so suck it male stereotypes) i suppose im lucky in that througe coincidence most of my friends are girls so ive never felt pressure about masculinity or femininity (as funny enough half my friends are tomboys anyway and the other half arent girly girls either) in fact i find the typical stereotypes for both genders to be funny and i dont mind if someone applys a stereotype to me when they first meet or hear about me (hello most partners my friends get) because stereotypes do exist for a reason even if theyre not very nice ones and any body with half a brain will soon realize they dont apply to me (well except for one paranoid douche but i shant go into that) I go through stages of sex repulsion as well. I don't really know how to explain it beyond sometime it seems so invasive while other times I am very impartial to it. The people I have in my life that understand my asexuality still can't understand how a man be be repulsed by sex. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted March 18, 2015 Share Posted March 18, 2015 Physically male, mentally more gender-neutral. I first came to AVEN over 8 years ago after been suggested about asexuality. Before that, I assumed I was "straight but not interested". I wonder if I'm demisexual and/or demiromantic, but I identify as asexual aromantic until proven otherwise. I'm not a very "manly man" and already have been subject to abuse throughout my whole life....so even to be uncovered on AVEN and exposed as asexual to the public does not really bother me. In fact I'm more concerned about my sister finding out I've called her a "covert narcissist" here the other day. However I don't go around telling everyone my (a) sexual orientation because, basically, it's none of their business. Friends I trust shall be told but that's about it.... Link to post Share on other sites
NoLongerWanted Posted March 18, 2015 Share Posted March 18, 2015 I'm not your typical male as I was raised by my mother and sister. I find that because of that I take more interest in things that are associated with femininity, but I still do identify as male and don't wish to change that. I spent so much time living in a world of other peoples opinions, just trying to learn what I was supposed to be like. I ended up suppressing many things about me including my feminine side. I'm pretty sensitive, but am afraid to show it most of the time because I've been ridiculed in the past or jokes about it were thrown around. Then I found out that there are other people like this and that there was nothing wrong with it. So now I am finally learning to embrace it and show it again. It is like I am discovering a part of myself for the first time in a sense, or perhaps reconnecting with that part. I recently found out about non-binary/genderqueer and it helped to fit more pieces together. Now I find I am more able to be myself around people without caring so much about what they might think or say. It has actually helped me cope more with anxiety as I am able to talk about emotions and feelings which helps weed out people that I don't really need in my life anyway. As I start to see it as perfectly fine to not try and seem so strong but instead communicate emotions and feelings to other people that naturally I weed out the people I don't need in my life as well as recognize and strengthen relationships with people I do want and need in my life. Anyway much love and to you all! Time for me to rest up :) Link to post Share on other sites
whthouse Posted March 18, 2015 Share Posted March 18, 2015 My armchair theory is that male group mentality may have such an influence on male behaviour that many men do not have reason to consider that they may not be sexual. This. I had no idea and wasn't something that I'd even considered despite the fact that I'm a married Asexual Male.....Sure made a lot of sense when I did figure there was reason I was not sexually attracted to folks and the reason wasn't because I was a broken person. :) Link to post Share on other sites
AlwaysBeKorra Posted March 21, 2015 Share Posted March 21, 2015 For once the perks of being female are just great, not having to put up with all the "all men are hypersexual" BS! I admire all you strong asexual men out there! Fight on! :D Link to post Share on other sites
Paul Oliver Posted March 22, 2015 Share Posted March 22, 2015 I am a man and an asexual. Link to post Share on other sites
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