I'm Asexual and Aromantic, Can I Still find a Partner?

[GwendolynAngel83]

I sort of mentioned this in my joining thread, but I was hoping for more responses here maybe. Basically, I don't have sexual or romantic feelings for, well, anyone. I can physically get aroused, but not over people. I've done research and I've never had any of the emotions related with romantic feelings, despite liking the idea of it. Is it really possible for me to find someone who would be ok to have someone like me as a life partner?

I like cuddling, hugging, and laying next to someone, but I don't like holding hands and kissing+ terrifies me. I'm just having trouble believing that someone would want to be a life partner/married to someone who isn't physically attracted to them or romantically feel for them.

[Perseus]

I am sure you can find a partner. There are many people on this site that like all the same things, me included. I am starting to feel like I am a aro-ace. I can only be emotion with women. But the romance is fading or I might not have been there. I am confident that there are people that would love a life partner like you.

[GwendolynAngel83]

Thanks. I want someone who will accept me for me, but I've always kind of seen/been thought that this wasn't how things worked...

[Rashkae]

I am aro/ace and I would love to have a partner, much like the one you described. And there are many others on Aven with the same opinion, you just have to look for them. ^_^

[Member54880]

You're not alone in feeling that way. I might not be aromantic, but I can relate to your concerns, because I'm not completely averse to the idea of a relationship, but am repulsed by kissing. I can't stand it. There are others who feel the same way, and looking for the same kind of relationship that you are.

This thread may help with some questions:
http://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/104093-can-you-still-want-a-relationship-and-be-aromantic/

And the biggest thread of aromantic spectrum people sharing their experiences, including their feelings about relationships and kissing, and cuddling: http://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/97666-the-new-aromantic-thread-v15/

[GwendolynAngel83]

Thanks guys :)

[Oddball-Meo]

Yeah, you don't have to worry. There are plenty of people on this site that feels this way.

The only thing that might be difficult is finding someone in your area because we are all so scattered across the globe...

[Tarfeather]

I think it makes finding a life partner no harder or easier than for other people, but for obvious reasons you won't be a target for someone who wants you just for the benefits of sexuality, which is how a lot of relationships come to be.

[Valja]

I was wondering about this too and you described the way I feel exactly.

[Lyariage]

I can happily report that you can indeed find a partner if you're aro/ace :) I wasn't looking for a relationship at all, but recently met someone off AVEN whom I connected with straight away, and we're now in a QPR (queer platonic relationship). I'm still getting used to the fact that someone else can have the same boundaries I do, after having had relationships where that *really* didn't happen. But it can happen, and it's awesome ^_^

So don't give up hope!

[deltaX]

Although I personally am not seeking out a life partner type relationship, there are plenty aromantics who do, so you are not alone. I would look into queerplatonic relationships, because if I'm understanding correctly, that seems to be what you're describing. Many people are able to have successful non-sexual queerplatonic relationships, so it is just a matter of finding someone in your area that you're compatible with and wants the same things.

[GwendolynAngel83]

I think it makes finding a life partner no harder or easier than for other people, but for obvious reasons you won't be a target for someone who wants you just for the benefits of sexuality, which is how a lot of relationships come to be.

Hm, that's a good point I never thought that before

I can happily report that you can indeed find a partner if you're aro/ace :) I wasn't looking for a relationship at all, but recently met someone off AVEN whom I connected with straight away, and we're now in a QPR (queer platonic relationship). I'm still getting used to the fact that someone else can have the same boundaries I do, after having had relationships where that *really* didn't happen. But it can happen, and it's awesome ^_^

So don't give up hope!

That's really good to hear. I love hearing stories like that, it helps me think I'll find someone

[Francoise Wang]

I'm romantic asexual, but I can accept being in a life long relationship with an aromantic asexual, as long as he still love me in a non-romantic way and want me to keep him ccompany for life long. As long as being loved and cared about, I don't care much about whether I'm being loved in a romantic or non-romantic way. Also I would rather be in a relationship with an aromantic asexual than with a romantic sexual, because it's way easier for me to compromise to not asking for romantic act than for sexual people to compromise to not asking for sex. So I don't think aromantic asexuals shouldn't enter a long term relationship. But most of the aromantic asexuals have no interest in entering a monogamous long term relationship (I think it's just like most of the asexuals have no interest in having sex), so I guess it's difficult to find an aromantic asexual to be in a relationship with.

[GwendolynAngel83]

Yeah, I've seen several aromantics who don't want a relationship at all, so it might be a bit harder to find another aromantic, but I really don't care about a potential partner's sexuality, as long as they respect mine, so hopefully that will help my chances some

[Tarfeather]

I'm romantic asexual, but I can accept being in a life long relationship with an aromantic asexual, as long as he still love me in a non-romantic way and want me to keep him ccompany for life long. As long as being loved and cared about, I don't care much about whether I'm being loved in a romantic or non-romantic way.

Fully agreed. In fact, I /prefer/ being loved in a non-romantic way, because it means they want me for who I am, and will continue to want me even if their life situation/mood changes.

because it's way easier for me to compromise to not asking for romantic act than for sexual people to compromise to not asking for sex

I think you can be aromantic and sensual at the same time. As in, you might not get "attracted" to people, but you might still very much enjoy physical contact with someone you feel close to.

[GwendolynAngel83]

I think you can be aromantic and sensual at the same time. As in, you might not get "attracted" to people, but you might still very much enjoy physical contact with someone you feel close to.

This, this exactly. I'm not romantci, but I love physical contact (though not of the sexual kind)

[Guest Sheka4]

There are no limitations for you in regards of finding a partner, I know there are people who identify as either ace or aro or even both that still find partners who are accepting of their romantic orientation and sexual identity as well.

[Perseus]

I am asexual and aromantic, but I still feel that I can find someone to spend the rest of my life with.

[passionatefriend61]

I sort of mentioned this in my joining thread, but I was hoping for more responses here maybe. Basically, I don't have sexual or romantic feelings for, well, anyone. I can physically get aroused, but not over people. I've done research and I've never had any of the emotions related with romantic feelings, despite liking the idea of it. Is it really possible for me to find someone who would be ok to have someone like me as a life partner?

I like cuddling, hugging, and laying next to someone, but I don't like holding hands and kissing+ terrifies me. I'm just having trouble believing that someone would want to be a life partner/married to someone who isn't physically attracted to them or romantically feel for them.

Plenty of aros want some type of partner or partners, whether they are sexual or asexual. I myself want two passionate friendships that include certain markers of partnerships like committed cohabitation and intentional togetherness. I love to cuddle, hug, and even like kissing a bit (close-mouthed only!) if I'm really close to a friend and love them a lot.

Is it possible for an aro or aroace to find a queerplatonic partner? Of course! Some already have. I'm keeping the faith in my own life that the right people for me exist and that we can meet and have the kind of friendship I desire. I think if you want some kind of partner, you should definitely believe that you can have that relationship on your own terms. It's a highly populated world, there are several people who would be a good match for you.

[GwendolynAngel83]

Plenty of aros want some type of partner or partners, whether they are sexual or asexual. I myself want two passionate friendships that include certain markers of partnerships like committed cohabitation and intentional togetherness. I love to cuddle, hug, and even like kissing a bit (close-mouthed only!) if I'm really close to a friend and love them a lot.

I can't even express how much I would love a relationship like this. That would be my perfect life (without the kissing, kissing kind of freaks me out). I just need to find someone who's ok with something like that. I'm sure they exist, but I'm uncertain if they're anywhere near where I am XD

[Asex]

You are not alone.

Because you are new I am sending you links to this and that subforums of AVEN.

[Cassara]

I believe you definitely have a chance at finding a life partner :) I mean, sure, your pool of available partners might be narrowed down in different ways, and it's a bit harder to ask someone about romantic and sexual boundaries when you're aro/ace, but there are so many people out there that finding someone suitable is highly likely.

On that note, I'm someone who relates very much to your position - being aro/ace myself, I do sometimes wonder how I'll find someone suited to my boundaries. I love physical contact like hugs and cuddling, and I'm not so sure of my feelings on kissing (never tried it but maybe), but even though I'm not attracted to anyone in romantic or sexual ways I still love spending intimate time with other people and I want a really close friend who likes that, too.

As some others mentioned, a queerplatonic relationship might be something to look into. It's basically a "relationship" as seen by alloromantic and allosexual people, but there are usually different rules and boundaries between the people in the relationship.

Best of luck!

[AlexPeyton]

You're in the same boat as a lot of people here probably! :)

I'm aromantic asexual myself and my ideal relationship is just having a best friend you love and care for deeply (a queerplatonic relationship)

I personally think it'll be hard for me (personally) to physically go out and look for, in particular, but it'll come naturally in time.

[PatheticGirl]

I share same fears as you. Though I'm romantic but being romantic without wanting sex isn't welcomed. Considered as hypocrite :)

[Truth and Lies]

I will join in the others that say you certainly aren't the only one who desires such a relationship here on AVEN (myself included). It's simply a matter of finding them. Of course, our community is rather spread out, so finding someone close by may be another matter in and of itself. Unless, of course, you are all right with long-distance.

Cake and luck to you~.

But it's not March, one may say!

I say: Who cares? :D

[Sutoriku]

Short answer? Yes, you can still find a partner to share emotional intimacy with, despite being aromantic. As some other people have already commented, this is where a queerplatonic relationship comes into play. As long as there is open honest communication and clear boundaries (romantic, sensual, sexual or otherwise) between all members of the relationship you will be fine :)

As Castiel would call it, "sharing a profound bond" ^^

[Rochnariel]

So just because more encouragement can only be good. My platonic life partner is aro-ace, so yes you can find someone who will happily spend their life with an aro-ace. We're buying a house together this year and are looking into fostering/adopting once we are actually settled, so totally possible to have all the "normal" things with a partner.

Don't give up hope.

[Teavana]

I sometimes feel the same way. It is possible to find someone but it sounds hard.

[ShawneeAlice]

I really enjoyed reading all of your responses to this thread. I've been pondering the idea of a queer-platonic relationship for a while. I think I've always wanted this, now that I think about it. I've never want sex or any kind of physical/romantic relationship at all, but I have always wanted to have a companion where we are both dedicated to each other and have a really deep bond. It just seems perfect to me. But as others have said, it probably won't be easy to find someone close to you (unless you are ok with an online or LD relationship). I really hope one day you can find the perfect person for you :) But Aro/Ace people that want this are definitely out there!

[WünderBâhr]

Moved to the Asexual Relationships forum.

Bipolar Bear

Asexual Q&A Mod