Maroshka H'ghar Posted January 26, 2015 Share Posted January 26, 2015 One night during one of my monthly asexual research I ran into this video and realized something.In this video Dr. Doe explains how when she first met David Jay and how she didn't even know he was in the room because he would not appear on her sexual radar (?). Regardless of the fact that I am very confused about people's sexual radar, I've realized that I am rarely noticed. One time an energy reader was talking to my group of friends and when she handed out cards she didn't give me one, after I asked her she looked like she had never seen me even though there were only 5 of us, I sneak up on people and scare them a lot and I'm not even trying to sneak up on them, I've never been picked out from a crowd, and when meeting new people I'm usually the last person they notice. Now this is not forever, once I'm noticed people don't keep forgetting that I exist, it's just that strangers don't seem to notice me in a crowd. Not including the occasional straight guy who hits on me. I was wondering if anyone else has noticed that this happens to them? We have little to no sexual energy and that makes us invisible? or am I just super sneaky? I want to know because maybe I can pursue a career as a ninja or something. Link to post Share on other sites
Starry Night Posted January 27, 2015 Share Posted January 27, 2015 Well... I couldn't really comprehend what she was talking about with the whole "energy" sonar thing... I mean, I understood what she meant, but I couldn't relate to it in the least. Maybe it's a thing for her. I don't know. I suppose I just don't get it because I'm not a sexual person. Whatever. However, people don't always notice me. either. But I'm going to agree with CBC.Radio.Girl here. I'm a very quiet person and sometimes people look passed me. I never once thought that it had anything to do with my sexuality. At the same time... I suppose the thought never crossed my mind. Link to post Share on other sites
Kappamaki Posted January 27, 2015 Share Posted January 27, 2015 That's just ridiculous. Yes, I sometimes surprise people by silently sneaking up behind them. Yes, I've been in a room and people have come and gone without noticing me lurking in the shadows. Yes, I'm good at manhunt and zombie tag and the like, because I'm quite good at not being seen. Yes, I lurk all over the Internet and only post on a few forums. But that all has nothing to do with my sexual orientation! I'm not naturally stealthy because I'm asexual... I'm stealthy because I'm a ninja. Link to post Share on other sites
daveb Posted January 27, 2015 Share Posted January 27, 2015 Related thread at http://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/113217-anyone-else-ever-feel-invisible/?hl=invisible :) Some of us do get overlooked, but it seems to be more of a quiet person/introvert kind of thing rather than an asexual thing. (not sure where David Jay fits into that) Link to post Share on other sites
Member54880 Posted January 27, 2015 Share Posted January 27, 2015 I've had my coworkers say that I snuck up on them when I talk to them, because they didn't notice me, and I'm often so quiet. That doesn't have to do with my sexuality though. I'm often just quiet and awkward. :P Link to post Share on other sites
Prisma Posted January 27, 2015 Share Posted January 27, 2015 I often get around unnoticed, but that has much more to do with me being small and quite than with my asexuality. I would be unbelievably happy if people would not notice me in a sexual way. I'm sick and tired of people hitting on me- it happens so often I can't tell what an honest conversation and what isn't anymore Link to post Share on other sites
dash Posted January 27, 2015 Share Posted January 27, 2015 I'm asexual, and have never been "invisible" in the least. I'm always noticed, no matter what. I think energy-wise, I'm a big flashing beacon of PAY ATTENTION TO ME! (And oh was I bullied in school.) People like me are good on stage, though. We're good in front of classrooms. We're good at cosplay. And if one is so inclined, this trait can even be good for leadership (because trust me, people don't forget me, for good or ill). Like it or not, blending in or not, I'm all HERE I AM, WORLD! Some people are naturally able to hide themselves, even in crowds. It may be conscious, it may be unconscious. I don't think any of this has to do with asexuality, though, to be honest. Link to post Share on other sites
Fire & Rain Posted January 27, 2015 Share Posted January 27, 2015 I wish!! People like to stare at me. It makes me feel like there's something on my face or my buttons are all wrong. Link to post Share on other sites
Steph Ace Posted January 27, 2015 Share Posted January 27, 2015 I'm extroverted (Breaking the AVEN flow ha!) and still find this invisibility detail to be true. It's surprisingly too easy for me to go unnoticed in a crowd and I'm excellent at going unnoticed when I want to. For a person that is 6'' and a house with feet that is rather surprising.I have had people tell me that they don't get a 'sexual vibe' off me at times, especially when I purposely try to repress it (There was one situation at a party a few months ago specifically). Maybe it has to do with the dis-interest/ lack of attention we give to people. Kinda' like the feeling you get when someone is looking at you even though you can't visibility see them. People become more aware/ interest when there is mutual notice of each other. Then again we could all just be psychic and we have immunity to the mental perception! Link to post Share on other sites
deltaX Posted January 27, 2015 Share Posted January 27, 2015 While I do tend to believe ace vibes might be a thing, I highly doubt that they make us invisible. I think not being noticed has a to a lot more with personality and the individual person than sexual orientation. Link to post Share on other sites
Maroshka H'ghar Posted January 31, 2015 Author Share Posted January 31, 2015 Well it seems there is only one way to find out, a massive hide and seek game of Aces vs Allosexuals. But honestly I think my stealthiness comes because of myself and not because of my sexuality too. At least I hope so, cause being stealthy is the best. I walk really quietly on hallways and scare the living crap out of people, it's hilarious. Link to post Share on other sites
EricK Posted January 31, 2015 Share Posted January 31, 2015 I don't really think such a sonar exists and 'sonar' probably isn't even a good analogy for anything which does exist. But what might be happening is that sexual people in a group situation, especially among new people, are constantly giving out signals, via body language, and probably unconsciously, which signal their interest, availability etc. And other sexual people pick up on these things and hence, unconsciously again, notice these people. They could be picking up signals both from members of the gender they are interested in, and also from members of the gender they consider potential rivals. I say 'might', because this isn't something which I particularly believe to be true, and I don't have any evidence for it, but it is at least something which seems plausible enough that I wouldn't dismiss it out of hand. If it is true, then someone not giving out any of these signals might go unnoticed. Link to post Share on other sites
EricK Posted February 1, 2015 Share Posted February 1, 2015 Some further musings on my above speculation: Supposing such signals exist, then it is plausible that people will only start emitting them once they reach puberty. On the other hand, it is also plausible that children might have evolved to be aware of the signals - and to be wary of people who are displaying them, and to be drawn towards people who aren't. And certainly children do seem to be drawn to me in a way which adults aren't, and in a way they don't seem to be towards other adults. It might also explain why heterosexual people like hanging around in single-sex groups - it is less distracting and more relaxing if they are not being bombarded by these signals. And one other incident from my life comes to mind. A very good female friend of mine once told me that her early impression of me was that I was "harmless". Which is and odd word to use about someone, and does make me wonder what potentially harmful vibes she was getting from other men. Link to post Share on other sites
daveb Posted February 1, 2015 Share Posted February 1, 2015 There used to be a term "nice safe man" - women I knew applied it to me. The kind of guy they could do things with (like helping move some furniture or go to a movie) without worrying about complications. Also, they thought I was the kind of guy (in my 20s at the time) who would be more likely to be befriended by their mothers. Just another way of being seen as "harmless", I guess. Link to post Share on other sites
Maroshka H'ghar Posted February 1, 2015 Author Share Posted February 1, 2015 Now this is an interesting thought, because I've realized that children are drawn to me as well. and this thing about the signals might be true because my mom has said to me that I do not make myself "approachable" or "available" (she said it as criticism). Maybe there is like a mating call that we're not aware of, which is hilarious if you ask me. I'm not a man, so I've never been called a "safe" person to be around, however I can say that there are some men I am comfortable being alone with and some men with whom I'm not. The men I feel comfortable around are usually guys that know I'm ace and respect that and gay men. However; I can say that some men just have a weird vibe to them, maybe they're sending me these weird signals and I'm interpreting them as "creepy dude, get away from him". Link to post Share on other sites
cali87 Posted February 2, 2015 Share Posted February 2, 2015 I was regularly marked absent in classes when i was in high school..I was usually sitting in front of the teacher. I have also often been completely by-passed in crowds and had servers skip past me. Majority of people in the local dogsports community still have no idea who I am, they all know exactly who my mom is(my mom has not been involved in dogsports for 10 years now) I OTH am a new person entirely at every event..I've been competing heavily since I was 14..I'm 27. So yes, I feel rather invisible lol ETA-to clarify the dog sport community knows my DOGS just fine, they just can't seem to connect the dogs to the handler, I can spend an hour talking to someone with one of my dogs, walk out with a different dog and they have never seen me before. Its a rather surreal experience lol Link to post Share on other sites
daveb Posted February 2, 2015 Share Posted February 2, 2015 The "nice safe man" was partially to differentiate from sexy men, too. Men who the women were attracted to and would love to be with. Not just creepy guys or guys they didn't feel safe around. Part of it was NSMs were also safe in the sense that the women didn't feel like they were in danger of being attracted to them or want to have sex with them or anything. No complications or entanglements. Link to post Share on other sites
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