Tricksyhobbitiz Posted January 26, 2015 Share Posted January 26, 2015 My boyfriend, code named Frank, came home and I've had all of these feelings tangled up inside me for weeks now. It all just kind of fell out of my mouth tonight. I went in thinking at best he would't understand and in the very worst (and likely would) get mad. It would be the end of us immediately. Boy was I wrong. He just smiled this tiny little smile, I burst into tears and spilled my guts on how much guilt and shame I've been living with. I explained how I love him and although I don't give a damn about sex I still thought he was hot stuff, attractive and I loved every intimate moment, except the sex. He looked confused for a bit and then just kinda said it was alright and made sense. I guess it would after 2 years of very very few encounters with sex it kind of clicked. Another unexpected result of me telling him was the disappearance of apprehension I normally get. Usually when he goes to kiss me or anything other than a hug I kind of freeze up inside already thinking about how I can get out of having sex or try to mentally prepare myself for having to fake my way through it. This time I felt... nothing. My thoughts usually race with thoughts of dread and apprehension of the inevitable feel up and him then wanting to go further. I have never been able to really be touched and relax. I have to stay on high alert in case he might misconstrue what I want. Now that he knows though, he knows I'm not looking for sex and I may finally be able to relax enjoy myself. I am excited to see what not worrying will feel like. I don't know if we will work out but we have decided to try because we love each other and have 2.5 years together already. I so hope we can find our compromise. After some thought on it, I think I could possibly entertain the idea of now giving him sex as something for him to enjoy, just as a way to show I love him and acknowledge his needs from time to time. Looking at it as an activity whose sole purpose is to be able to just be close to him and please him feels much different in my heart than having to fake enjoying myself and being into it for myself and for him. Its not a lie then. On a completely different note I thought it was interesting how important it was to him to know if I had ever had an orgasm with him. I had to explain I have, the mechanics all work, I just don't care for it or seek it out. It seemed to reassure him. I guess that it wasn't just him. Link to post Share on other sites
Dawnpaw Posted January 26, 2015 Share Posted January 26, 2015 Awww ^_^I am so glad he took it well. The fact that your relationship has lasted as long as it has and him being fine with this news, it should continue to be a good strong one.And yeah some guys really like to know that they can bring their partner to orgasm. I guess it is a sexual guy thing. Link to post Share on other sites
Tricksyhobbitiz Posted January 26, 2015 Author Share Posted January 26, 2015 Thanks! I'm an anxious person. I get nervous easy. All week I've known I was going to tell him. I had a headache all week and felt like I was coming down with the flu. Now I feel fit as a fiddle. and happy. Oh so happy. Link to post Share on other sites
rocket1111child Posted January 26, 2015 Share Posted January 26, 2015 it's nice to hear that kind of reaction :) thanks for sharing Link to post Share on other sites
LeaveOnYourColours Posted January 26, 2015 Share Posted January 26, 2015 I'm crying, I love this so much :'D Good job and good luck. This all sounds very much like me actually Link to post Share on other sites
Tricksyhobbitiz Posted January 26, 2015 Author Share Posted January 26, 2015 Don't cry! God, I cried enough for everyone. This morning he came to me and said "I can still grab your tits, right?" I nearly fell over laughing. Link to post Share on other sites
franticfuzzbutt Posted January 27, 2015 Share Posted January 27, 2015 I'm so glad it went well for you! I am trying to figure out how to have the same talk with my husband of 4 years. Like you described, I have felt anxious any time my husband would kiss or touch me and pulled away to keep things from escalating. I want that anxiety-free feeling! Link to post Share on other sites
Tricksyhobbitiz Posted January 27, 2015 Author Share Posted January 27, 2015 It has helped my sanity to tell him Mithryanna! I feel better but I wont lie things feel a bit weird now. Maybe its just me. Our relationship feels the same as it did before but its almost as if a part of him didn't hear me. I still feel the need to smack his hand away sometimes. He doesn't seem to know my boundaries even after all this time. Its slightly frustrating. This may be TMI so don't read on if you want more details but I think an example will help make my point. I'm a naked kind of gal. I hate clothes. So when I get out of the shower and I have no where to be I generally lounge around in a towel or nothing for awhile reading or watching tv or putting lotion on and giving it time to dry. (Nothing worse than the feeling of wet or lotion-y skin under clothes) Anyway, he walks up and starts huggin me which is fine. I'm a hugger, love hugs but then his hands start migrating south! I didn't even know what to say. I pushed his hand away. What else can I say other than I'm not into it? which Ive already said? I know it probably hurts him when I push his hand away or say no but come on. I said I wasn't interested. Im feeling confused and frustrated and confused over whether I should be frustrated. I'm trying to be understanding and give him time to digest it. I know he is giving something up to be with me but I kind of feel like if he told me it was fine for me to be this way and us still be in a relationship then please don't push the sexual stuff. It makes me feel uncomfortable and frustrated and brings back all my feelings of guilt. damnit Link to post Share on other sites
GwendolynAngel83 Posted January 28, 2015 Share Posted January 28, 2015 He's probably still getting used to it. I imagine it's hard for a sexual person to understand that you don't like it. Give him time to get used to it. It's possible that he forgot for a moment or kind of...forgot himself for a moment when he saw you. Since, for him, that would be highly arousing. Link to post Share on other sites
Tricksyhobbitiz Posted January 28, 2015 Author Share Posted January 28, 2015 true. I'm an impatient person. I need to be more patient. Link to post Share on other sites
PatheticGirl Posted February 1, 2015 Share Posted February 1, 2015 Happy for you Link to post Share on other sites
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