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Maybe aromantic?


st3p

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Hey guys, this is my first forum post so let me know if I'm in the wrong spot, should add something, etc etc

So lately I've been thinking about my romantic orientation, and trying to figure it out. I know labels are optional but I personally like being able to identify myself. The thing is, the whole concept of being in a relationship completely deters me. When people talk about their relationships/ideal relationships, I often find myself wondering how they can desire and actively pursue that. I'm just not interested - in being in a relationship or any aspects of it. This makes me think I'm aromantic, but the fact is I have been in relationships before. I think I may have experienced romantic attraction at points, which is what confuses me.

I suppose what I'm asking for is any advice or alternate perspectives on this situation. Or even just hearing about experiences of romantic attraction/lack thereof.

Thank you in advance :)

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Romantic attraction has two parts; romantic emotions and the desire to be with them. You can identify as Aromantic and still feel one of those. (Though only having the second is called cupioromantic.) Are you just indifferent to romance or find it repulsive?

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Romantic attraction has two parts; romantic emotions and the desire to be with them. You can identify as Aromantic and still feel one of those. (Though only having the second is called cupioromantic.) Are you just indifferent to romance or find it repulsive?

That's interesting, I hadn't heard that before! I would think I'm more indifferent.

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Hello! Although I haven't experienced this myself, it's widely-accepted that orientations (romantic and sexual) can be fluid. So you could have been romantic before, but now are aromantic.

Also aromantic is simply the lack of romantic attraction. Some people argue this definition but for the purpose of this post I will be using it.

To me you sound like you may still be romantic, but romance repulsed. This means that physically you can feel romantic attraction to others but you reject the ideals of 'romance' as it is presented in heteronormative society.

Your ideal partner, if you still wish to pursue a non-traditional relationship of emotional intimacy, is someone who you feel romantically attracted to but who will agree either to a queer platonic relationship, or a romantic relationship where the boundaries are defined by the two of you rather than the traditional ideals pressed on us by societal norms.

Again, this is just how I as an outsider sees your situation. I can't see inside your head so whether this is how you feel or not is up to you :)

Best of luck x

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Some people identify as "romance indifferent;" recently labeled Apathromantic out of apathy. It includes both being indifferent to emotional reciprication and sensual reciprication. They may even have an indifferent romantic drive; to persue the partner. But if you don't want a relationship, aromantic sounds convenient. If you want a relationship not of the norm, then i suppse you could identify as Gray-romantic.

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It looks like you got some good answers! Yup, it's totally up to you on how you identify, but aromantic could fit if it feels rightt. : ) Or gray-romantic if you feel that you may occasionally feel romantic attraction. Star Bit also gave a good suggestion about looking into romantic indfference in being "apathromantic." So yeah, there's lots of various identities to look into. Best wishes!

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WoodwindWhistler

^ Sensuality is not necessarily connected to romance, though. That's more or less a societal imposition, that it's only acceptable to want to touch someone you're romantically attracted to, and/or if you want to touch someone, that means you're romantically attracted.

OP, you sound maybe like the opposite of someone who has a desire for a romantic relationship, but does not fall in love easily.

This might give you some insight on what, specifically, you are feeling, i.e., if it's romantic attraction: http://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/110600-symptoms-of-a-crush-the-point-where-a-squish-becomes-romantic/

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Romantic attraction is essentially just a "soft spot" that is commonly linked with sensual, aesthetic, emotional (emotion admirance), and platonic attraction (desire to know someone). However, none of the others have to be felt to be called romantic attraction. The desire to be with someone is called a romantic-drive. Apathromantics may or may not feel the recipricable attractions but they're indifferent of the actions. There are also ppl who have a reciprication tolerence and can only be around their partner like once a week or month; otherwise they feel drained/stressed/repulsed, called Reqiromantic/sexual

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Sorry it's been a few days since I could get online - but thank you all, so much! You've given me a lot of much needed insight and things to look into :) I appreciate it immensely. Apathromantic seems to fit best, though I may indeed go with aromantic sometimes for convenience.

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  • 2 weeks later...

"Cupioromantic is a subset of aromantic. It is used to describe aromantics (people who never experience romantic attraction) who still desire a romantic relationship."
Wow, glad I looked here, this might be the word I've been looking for to describe myself.

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  • 1 month later...

Just an update: I'm thinking I identify more with being gray-romantic or demi-romantic, if that's a thing.

But at this point life is what it is, we'll see!

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Someone Else

It seems that some asexuals can feel arousal, and like myself can feel a strong physical attraction that could easily be mistaken for sexual -- except that I don't want to have sex as a result of that physical attraction.
So likewise with romance, it might be then possible to feel something that very closely resembles romantic attraction, and yet still not want to do all the typical romantic things as a result of those feelings. Well, at least, it makes sense to me. ;)

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