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Am I in denial of being asexual?


Devil Kisses

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I sometimes think I'm in denial of being asexual. Mainly because I don't feel attracted to that many people. When I am attracted to someone I'm never really sure if it's sexual attraction or not. I also have a hard time fantasizing or finding material that turns me on. Lately it seems like only fetish stuff turns me on, even though I would never do that stuff in real life. I used to get turned on by normal stuff that I actually wanted to do. Now all of that stuff seems boring. I also used to get way better orgasms.

I believe I lack attraction because of OCD, social isolation and sexual repression. I'm not sure if those are valid reasons or just denial. The weird thing is, I do want to have sex. I just don't sexually fantasize about people I find attractive, that just seems weird to me. I think I remember being twelve and having some vague sexual thoughts about girls. I blocked them out because I didn't want to be gay. Did I just make a habit of not having sexual thoughts? Or am I an asexual in denial?

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It's really up to you to decide whether to identify as asexual (or whatever identity) or not, there is no rush and no time limit, the free membership offer into asexuality doesn't expire :) So take you time, figure out what works for you, figure out if identifying as asexual or whatever is useful to you. Remember, if you choose to identify a certain way today,many then you figure out later on that it is no longer useful to you to identify that way, you can always change, again with no fee for changing membership :)

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Does it matter, though? It's just a label, and it seems irrelevant to you at this point.

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