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in-the-neighbourhood

ace-phobic sayings?

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in-the-neighbourhood

I have a mother who thinks that one day I'll find the one and change my mind. She doesn't believe what she's saying is of any level of offensiveness. I was planning to start with a list of what not to say to an asexual, anything I should include?

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Hooded_Crow

Well I recently watched an episode of New Girl where one of the characters said the following: "If you're not having sex, it's not a relationship. It's just a girl you buy stuff for."

So there you go. *growls*

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I am the Doctor

My least favourite has got to be....

"Oh I wish I was like you and I could just switch wanting it off"

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Karret

idk about acephobic, but I got "that's sad" once. I think he was just trying to relate to it and since he was really sexual, the idea of not having sex seemed depressing to him. xDa

My sis used to say that one day I'll change my mind when I was younger, but she gets that it's just not for me now. xD Since I've had time to change my mind, but still haven't.

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Hayley_me

Eh, there are so many acephobic phrases and words. There is a good article on asexuality and examples of acephobic speech:
http://rationalwiki.org/wiki/Asexuality

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Asexy Aspie

"You're just saying that because you can't get laid!"

"You won't be asexual once I'm done with you. ;)"

"It's not a relationship if there's no sex. You two are just really weird friends."

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monstergirl

I know how it feels for a mom to say "just wait until you meet the one!" I actually sometimes wish it were that easy!

But an ex broke up with me by saying "a relationship without sex is just a friendship, you're weird."

I get so annoyed when people say if no sex is involved the relationship isn't real, there are more important things in the world... I actual think it's sad if a person thinks sex is more important than say an emotional/intellectual bond. I kind of think to myself - how 'basic' is that person!?

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monstergirl

Sorry for the double post, this is not really ace-phobic, but I was just watching a music video that brought up a memory of the ex I mentioned in my post above.

Once (before I figured out I was asexual..) we were at a convenient store and I bought a lollipop, a little later that day he was trying to get me to give in and I kept telling him I wasn't in the mood for anything and then he got angry with me saying he couldn't believe I had bought a lollipop and did not think it wouldn't get him excited, I was so shocked!! It also took me ages to realize what the lollipop was a symbol for!

Do all sexuals think this way?

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Prisma

"but you're so attractive, there's no way you're asexual!"

"have you tried treating it? Did you go to a doctor, asked if there's any treatment?"

"You're just in denial, everyone wants sex"

"I don't believe you. That's impossible."

"you're just a late bloomer/it's just a phase"

and I'm sure I wrote quit a few more in some other posts around here...

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Philip027
Well I recently watched an episode of New Girl where one of the characters said the following: "If you're not having sex, it's not a relationship. It's just a girl you buy stuff for."

So there you go. *growls*

Wow, that's so off-base. o_o

I've had a few relationships before, and I never had to buy things for any of those girls!

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Hooded_Crow

The worst is the patronising: "you're just not very interested in sex right now. But just because you haven't met anyone you're attracted to doesn't mean you can't be attracted. You haven't met everyone."

Or alternatively, when explaining demisexuality: "but everyone is like that. Just say you're normal."

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Tarfeather

Well I recently watched an episode of New Girl where one of the characters said the following: "If you're not having sex, it's not a relationship. It's just a girl you buy stuff for."

So there you go. *growls*

... And now I think back to all the threads on other love-related forums where a guy tries to use this to get his girlfriend to have sex with him. Some people really need a decent slap on the wrist. :D

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Prisma
Well I recently watched an episode of New Girl where one of the characters said the following: "If you're not having sex, it's not a relationship. It's just a girl you buy stuff for."

So there you go. *growls*

Wow, that's so off-base. o_o

I've had a few relationships before, and I never had to buy things for any of those girls!

My boyfriend keeps buying me stuff, and it's kinda annoying actually. Seriously, I love fantasy books, but what the hell can you do with a tiny Rob Stark doll? And how the hell am I supposed to maintain my diet if he keeps giving me chocolate every time we meet? I try telling him that but he just doesn't get it, and other people are making fun of me for complaining because it just seems sweet to them, while to me it just looks weird.

I guess some people don't see it as a relationship if the guy doesn't buy stuff for the girl. Yet another crappy relationship "rule"...

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Rising Sun

"You're trying to deny pretty perverted desires to yourself, aren't you ?"

"Don't deny your desires, you're gay, accept it."

"So that's why you have dogs ! You're into animals !"

"Oh, a virgin, it's exciting. Come to the restroom with me, I'll show you something."

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Tarfeather

And how the hell am I supposed to maintain my diet if he keeps giving me chocolate every time we meet? I try telling him that but he just doesn't get it, and other people are making fun of me for complaining because it just seems sweet to them, while to me it just looks weird.

I guess some people don't see it as a relationship if the guy doesn't buy stuff for the girl. Yet another crappy relationship "rule"...

Heh, I understand you. :) At one point I was also buying stuff for my girlfriend way too often, and one day she flat out told me she didn't want me to. So I stopped, and ever since, buying her something feels much more special, and also she will buy me something every now and then, so it feels overall more balanced and loving.

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Prisma

"You're trying to deny pretty perverted desires to yourself, aren't you ?"

"Don't deny your desires, you're gay, accept it."

"So that's why you have dogs ! You're into animals !"

"Oh, a virgin, it's exciting. Come to the restroom with me, I'll show you something."

Oh, wow. I think you win the "most disturbing comments" competition OO whoever said that is seriously creepy

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Zsareph

"Don't, worry. You have it all to come later." along with similar stuff that has already been mentioned, are pet hates of mine. Every time I try to talk about a sexuality to my mother, she always says something along those lines. I guess really it's the whole 'if you're not interested it's just because you're not mature enough yet or just haven't met the right person' line of reasoning I find particularly annoying. Does that count?

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Xavy

Well I recently watched an episode of New Girl where one of the characters said the following: "If you're not having sex, it's not a relationship. It's just a girl you buy stuff for."

So there you go. *growls*

That's terrible .....I hope people don't really think like this in real life

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Prisma

Well I recently watched an episode of New Girl where one of the characters said the following: "If you're not having sex, it's not a relationship. It's just a girl you buy stuff for."

So there you go. *growls*

That's terrible .....I hope people don't really think like this in real life

I'm sad to say that indeed they do. That's almost exactly what my boyfriend's friends keep telling him.

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Francoise Wang

The most irritating ace-phobic sayings I have seen is on a Chinese website (I'm Taiwanese, and I speak Chinese). There was an article written in Chinese that introduces asexuality, and the writer interviewed many asexuals and reported their feelings and thoughts about sex.

And a lot of people commented that article. Most are very ace-phobic. Comments like "They are just very selfish, not willing to give other people sex", "What a pity a pussy/penis is wasted", "What is the meaning of their life living like this?", "They're just mentally ill, people with mental illness wouldn't admit they are sick, and making excuses like this", "Their faces in the pictures looks so withered, apparently life without sex have made them aging fast and looks lifeless" are repeatedly written by a whole lot of people. And there are very few positive comments.

I was shocked by the fact most people in my culture are so hateful and scornful towards asexuals when they read about what asexuality is. It's just incomprehensible to me. I thought that I live in a tolerating culture, but apparently this is not true. It's very disappointing.

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Stained Glass

"biology says reproduction is the meaning of life"

"you can't be in a truly close relationship if you haven't had sex"

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Rising Sun

"Their faces in the pictures looks so withered, apparently life without sex have made them aging fast and looks lifeless"

:lol: I must say this one is hilarious. Asexual zombies !

I could show them my picture. I'm 30 but from what people say, on average, I look 18 and I got answers ranging from 15 to 21 :D

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in-the-neighbourhood

"Their faces in the pictures looks so withered, apparently life without sex have made them aging fast and looks lifeless"

:lol: I must say this one is hilarious. Asexual zombies !

I could show them my picture. I'm 30 but from what people say, on average, I look 18 and I got answers ranging from 15 to 21 :D

I've been told i look between 15-17, act like someone in there 40's. Not gonna lie, I kinda do. In reality, i'm 14, 15 in a matter of 2 weeks. Some say I'm a party pooper or what have you, if that equates to zombie like.

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The Maple Leaf Forever

Being told as a virgin that "you should try it." 'Nuff said.

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Iago

Sorry for the double post, this is not really ace-phobic, but I was just watching a music video that brought up a memory of the ex I mentioned in my post above.

Once (before I figured out I was asexual..) we were at a convenient store and I bought a lollipop, a little later that day he was trying to get me to give in and I kept telling him I wasn't in the mood for anything and then he got angry with me saying he couldn't believe I had bought a lollipop and did not think it wouldn't get him excited, I was so shocked!! It also took me ages to realize what the lollipop was a symbol for!

Do all sexuals think this way?

I did know two sisters once who referred to women they fancied as 'lollipops'. Took me ages to get the reference...

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Prisma

"biology says reproduction is the meaning of life"

"you can't be in a truly close relationship if you haven't had sex"

Biology also "says" that once you have kids you have done your job and can now die, and that the only meaning of sex is to reproduce.

I imagine sexual people would also have a slight problem with such interpretation of "biology" ">>

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Prisma

Being told as a virgin that "you should try it." 'Nuff said.

I don't think people realize how dangerous and hurtful it is to say that.

Any further explanation would be rape trigger...

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SirenDragon

Stupid girl: "What? You're asexual? You just need to get raped. I'm going to rape you. Actually, (friend that everyone thinks I'm in love with) should do it."

Stupid boy: "But then it wouldn't be rape because she'd* enjoy it." *Female pronoun for me because pre-trans-coming-out.

Me: (But, it would still be rape, even if I enjoyed it. But, rape is traumatizing. But, I don't have sexual desires for said friend. But, but, but... Agh!)

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Hooded_Crow

How about the not-mean-but-didn't-think-it-through response: "Oh, that must make your life so much easier!"

Yeeeeah not really.

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dash

Sorry for the double post, this is not really ace-phobic, but I was just watching a music video that brought up a memory of the ex I mentioned in my post above.

Once (before I figured out I was asexual..) we were at a convenient store and I bought a lollipop, a little later that day he was trying to get me to give in and I kept telling him I wasn't in the mood for anything and then he got angry with me saying he couldn't believe I had bought a lollipop and did not think it wouldn't get him excited, I was so shocked!! It also took me ages to realize what the lollipop was a symbol for!

Do all sexuals think this way?

No, they don't.

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