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Demi and grey at the same time?


Slayerin96

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While I've had absolutely no difficulty figuring out my romantic orientation (or lack thereof, to be exact, as I'm "purely" aromantic), the sexual orientation seems to be confusing me a tad. As soon as I discovered all these terms, I started identifying as asexual, but deeper introspection as well as more research on demi/grey-sexuality I've done lately made me question. I've never had sex in my whole life, nor have I felt attraction towards anyone so far. However, I've been sex-positive all my life and I'm absolutely sure I could become attracted to a guy that way, but only if I got to know him very well and the other way round (which can take years). But even then, I can't really imagine myself experiencing attraction with so high a frequency and to so intense a degree. So would that mean I fall into some category of grey demisexuality? Does this actually exist? Is there anyone else experiencing something similar? What am I exactly? :d

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If you feel your experiences are best described as "grey-demisexual", there isn't a particular reason why you shouldn't identify that way. Labels are meant to be helpful: to make you feel comfortable, to help you feel like a part of a wider community, to be a way of explaining your life experiences to others, etc.

That said, demisexuals are often considered a subset of grey-asexual because the requirement of a deep emotional bond before the development of sexual attraction necessarily limits the frequency with which such sexual attraction can manifest, so it would not be unreasonable to just go with "demisexual".

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All right then, thank you!

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If its support you want, I am both Gray-romantic (because its rare) and demiromantic.

Its possible to be more than one type of Gray.

Though, if I may mention, theory and fact are two different things. Also, sexual concent and sexual attraction are different as well.

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If its support you want, I am both Gray-romantic (because its rare) and demiromantic.

Its possible to be more than one type of Gray.

Though i may mention theory and fact are two different things. Also, sexual concent and sexual attraction are different as well.

Just out of curiosity: apathromantic = ...? xD

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Heh, i just thought of adding that; it probably qualifies as gray-romantic too.

It refers to apathetic; it's another word for "romance indifferent" (some ppl just use that). Though it doesn't specify if you have attraction or not; feeling it but indifferent of reciprocation or not feeling it but indifferent if someone acts so with them. To be more detailed, it means i am indifferent of romantic reciprocation; a type of lithromantic, and asensual; no sensual attraction (but that doesn't mean i can't enjoy it; just like an asexual can feel with sex). So then what is romantic attraction for me? Just an emotion.

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Oh, got it, thanks for the explanation ;d.

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  • 2 weeks later...

I consider myself hetero-demi because I need an emotional attraction and connection to a man before I'm sexually attracted. I consider myself hetero-grey because even when the sexual attraction is present, I can be really fickle with it. Like, I'll really want him sometimes, other times I have to get myself in the mood, or out of indifference.

I didn't realize that demisexuality is a subcategory of grey good to know!

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i always understood it that grey-asexual was asexual except in some convergence of circumstance, and demi was a subset of that insomuch that the circumstance was specific; the emotional bond or attachment. so i think identifying as demi implies grey-asexuality of a sort.

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Kitty Spoon Train

I used to identify as just demisexual, but now identify more as grey-ace, even though there's still a huge demisexual element to how attractions work with me. But there can definitely be a lot of overlap and combination I think.

For me, the problem with identifying purely with demisexuality was that even when my feelings for someone do get sexualised, it's still not necessarily a big deal, and I still tend to feel that the relationship is largely fulfilled and "complete" purely based on the emotional connection, and usually some nonsexual affectionate touch. And when connecting with people on the ace spectrum, it's completely intuitive to me to have entirely nonsexual intimate connections with them indefinitely, so it's not like interest in sex is some inevitable thing, which will trigger at some point based on a given length of time and level of closeness. So I can basically be kinda grey-ace or outright ace, and/or more demisexual-like, depending on the person I'm connecting with....

So yes, I think the utility and usefulness of these labels can vary, depending on exactly how your attractions work. People are complex creatures, and I think it's inevitable that these labels and categories will get fuzzy, especially for those of us who sit in fluid areas in-between well-defined patterns.

All of this is what leads me to generally not play the label game much any more, and just identify as in the general grey-ace area, unless people want to know more comprehensive details. It's quite inevitable for deeper discussions about my sexuality (and outlook on love and life in general) to get a bit semantic and technical anyway. :D

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