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I think I've never been aroused by anything in my life?


Francoise Wang

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Francoise Wang

This may be TMI

I mean, I think physical arousal and mental arousal are different. Also I've never been able to link physical arousal to mental arousal. I can be physically aroused when my genital being touched, my body's reaction are exactly the same as sexual people. But it's pure mechanical. I don't feel anything when I'm physically aroused. Actually, I always couldn't notice it when I'm physically aroused. If my partner didn't tell me, I wouldn't know whether I'm physically aroused or not.

And I guess mental arousal is an urge to do something, such as to have sex or to masturbate. But I've never experienced this. Nothing can make me feel the urge, including naked body, porns, sex fantasies, physical intamacy, foreplay, etc. I may feel a tingling downstairs when I watch porn or fantasize about sex, but it's still a mechanical reaction, I still wouldn't have the urge to do anything (for example, to touch my genital or to masturbate). So I guess that if it is arousal, it's still physical arousal, not mental arousal.

But I do masturbate. I masturbate simply because I like the physical sensation, it's just the same as doing a massage. But I've never "feel an urge" to masturbate, just like I don't "feel an urge" to watch a movie, it's just a recreational activity to me.

And also I've never "get excited" by those things that are supposed to turn people on. I have no idea what the "excited" feeling when other people are turned on feels like. So I think this is probably the reason that I'm asexual. Because if I can't be mentally aroused by anything in the world, it's normal that I can't be mentally aroused by any people.

Anyone can relate?

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I've, uhh, only relatively recently experienced what arousal is like :redface:

I can say that with confidence because there was nothing like it ever before. As annoying as it might be to get it, there really is some truth to the whole "you'll know it when it happens" response >_> At least, there was for me.

I also get your point about the distinction between physical and mental arousal. While I do have the ability to tell them apart now, for me they still tend to go hand in hand >_>

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Francoise Wang

I've, uhh, only relatively recently experienced what arousal is like :redface:

I can say that with confidence because there was nothing like it ever before. As annoying as it might be to get it, there really is some truth to the whole "you'll know it when it happens" response >_> At least, there was for me.

I also get your point about the distinction between physical and mental arousal. While I do have the ability to tell them apart now, for me they still tend to go hand in hand >_>

So you've only recently experience physical arousal for the first time? Or mental arousal? Or both?

What triggers your arousal, which had never happened before?

I also doubt that whether a person who could never experience mental arousal can possibly be sexual. Because if you're never mentally aroused, how can you have the urge to have sex? Doesn't "having the urge to have sex" means mental arousal?

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Sage Raven Domino

For simplicity, I don't distinguish 'mental arousal' but classify it as some type of attraction or appreciation instead. I.e. I believe that there's no separate 'physical attraction'. If you don't have any signs of 'mechanical' arousal (I'm not an expert on the bio-female body, but surely there are objective signs), it means that you're appreciating someone or something that you've encountered (the stimulus).

I've, uhh, only relatively recently experienced what arousal is like :redface:


Ah, so that's what your 'gamechanger' has been! Congrats on getting a new experience! :cake:

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So you've only recently experience physical arousal for the first time? Or mental arousal? Or both?

Both. Up until then the closest thing I'd (knowingly) experienced to it was the result of wet dreams, and I can tell now as a result of my recent experiences that that's not really the same thing, either physically or mentally. Back before this though, it had me confused, wondering if it was libido and/or orgasms that I was experiencing (I now believe it was not either of those things)

What triggers your arousal, which had never happened before?

Various interactions with my partner, to put it simply. :D

She's libidoist, unlike me. But I wanted to get a better understanding of her experiences, and over time she was able to share them with me, and I found myself actually able to react and respond to it. Now it's something that we share together, not unlike how someone might learn to partake and appreciate the hobby of a friend. ^^;

I also doubt that whether a person who could never experience mental arousal can possibly be sexual. Because if you're never mentally aroused, how can you have the urge to have sex? Doesn't "having the urge to have sex" means mental arousal?

My partner could probably talk about this better than I could, but there is such a thing as the body and the mind not being in agreement with each other on these sorts of matters. It's actually something that's served as a form of personal conflict for her before. :(

I agree with you in the sense that physical arousal is a lot more "universal" in the sense that it can probably happen to anybody if they're stimulated in the right way. Like you, I wouldn't really understand how someone incapable of the mental arousal could really be sexual, but I suppose their bodies can still trick them (and others) into seeming like they are.

Ah, so that's what your 'gamechanger' has been! Congrats on getting a new experience! :cake:

Oh boy, the jig is up :lol:

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Hi, I'm Phil's partner *shy wave*

Yes, I did experience a personal conflict with my libido. Libido is like when your body makes you aroused. And you don't want to be aroused (at least I didn't) because it didn't feel like *me*. It felt wrong. But at the same time, it feels physically nice to be aroused so you kind of want it at the same time. It felt like wanting something you know is wrong. So yeah. I'd call that physical arousal without the mental arousal. And to me it wasn't nice. But it was. But it wasn't. So yeah. Conflict. XD

Now though, I've come to terms with the fact that this is part of me and is okay and I can enjoy it. Also now with my partner I can enjoy physical and mental arousal and share it with him :wub: it's wonderful.

Oh! I should mention that this physical arousal did make me want to masturbate. Which made it even more confusing. Because it felt like an addiction in a way. Something I hated to like.

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EggplantWitch

I get what you mean about the difference between 'mental' and 'physical' arousal - I've never had mental and I doubt I ever will, though I think I sometimes experience very weak physical arousal. I mean, so weak that it's gone in less than a minute and I don't have any desire to masturbate or, well, anything else at all. I still wish I didn't get it, though :\

...What are the symptoms of being physically aroused anyway?

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...What are the symptoms of being physically aroused anyway?

Oh god, asexual people can be so cute. This reminds me of when my girlfriend asked me what a "dildo" is..

I'm not an expert with regards to females, but AFAIK both sexes have certain body parts that swell when physically aroused. Much easier to notice in males, though. :9

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Francoise Wang

I get what you mean about the difference between 'mental' and 'physical' arousal - I've never had mental and I doubt I ever will, though I think I sometimes experience very weak physical arousal. I mean, so weak that it's gone in less than a minute and I don't have any desire to masturbate or, well, anything else at all. I still wish I didn't get it, though :\

...What are the symptoms of being physically aroused anyway?

This would be TMI.

For female bodied people, being physically aroused means our vagina will be "wet" (this is the most obvious sign), our vagina will produce body fluids when our genitals being touched.

But everytime I was doing foreplay with a partner, when my partner repeatedly and continuously touches my genital, trying to make me aroused, I feel exactly the same as when my elbow being touched repeatedly and continuously. I just don't feel anything.

And my partner would be very confused, saying "But you are very wet!"

I would say "Really? I didn't notice it." (I really can't notice it when I'm physically aroused.)

And my partner would be more confused, saying "How can you be so aroused but still not feeling anything?"

But that's how my body and mind function, I don't know why either.

And I also don't know whether I would be physically aroused in other situations (such as watching porns), because I haven't touch and check whether my vagina is wet when I was watching porns or naked bodys.

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...What are the symptoms of being physically aroused anyway?

Oh god, asexual people can be so cute. This reminds me of when my girlfriend asked me what a "dildo" is..

I'm not an expert with regards to females, but AFAIK both sexes have certain body parts that swell when physically aroused. Much easier to notice in males, though. :9

That comment is unacceptable in my book. It implies that asexuals are child like. I know what physical arousal feels like. But I can see how other asexuals might not; particularly female bodied asexuals.

Just because we don't have a desire for sex with people; doesn't mean we're like children.

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Well, I know what I'm about to post is TMI, so you've been warned...hehehehe

For me, there is a definite disconnect between physical and mental arousal. Physical arousal, defined by my ability to achieve an erection, is honestly not difficult. A drive over a bumpy road can cause one. Even most mornings I wake up with one, but that's always a result of just having a too full bladder and my body giving me an erection to pinch off the urethra so I don't wet the bed. But for me, an erection =/= being sexually aroused. Even the times when I could be physically aroused by a partner, I was almost never mentally aroused enough to have sex, and if the physical stimulus stopped for more than a minute or so, I was back to flaccid and completely uninterested. So for me, being "aroused" is as much a head game as it is a body game. Both need to be in place before I can consider myself "aroused", otherwise it's just bloodflow to an extremity.

Heck, I don't even masturbate. I haven't done that in many years, and the last time was just a stop-gap measure for me because I was sooooo uninterested in having sex with my partner that if I could masturbate until ejaculation, I would be completely unable to be even physically aroused for at least 24-48 hours. But after that, I haven't had any interest and it's been (counts fingers) something like 10 years? I haven't had a wet dream since I was a teenager (thankfully...what a mess to wake up to...ick). You know, I should have figured out I was asexual a long time ago...maybe I'm just dense LOL

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This may be TMI

I mean, I think physical arousal and mental arousal are different. Also I've never been able to link physical arousal to mental arousal. I can be physically aroused when my genital being touched, my body's reaction are exactly the same as sexual people. But it's pure mechanical. I don't feel anything when I'm physically aroused. Actually, I always couldn't notice it when I'm physically aroused. If my partner didn't tell me, I wouldn't know whether I'm physically aroused or not.

And I guess mental arousal is an urge to do something, such as to have sex or to masturbate. But I've never experienced this. Nothing can make me feel the urge, including naked body, porns, sex fantasies, physical intamacy, foreplay, etc. I may feel a tingling downstairs when I watch porn or fantasize about sex, but it's still a mechanical reaction, I still wouldn't have the urge to do anything (for example, to touch my genital or to masturbate). So I guess that if it is arousal, it's still physical arousal, not mental arousal.

But I do masturbate. I masturbate simply because I like the physical sensation, it's just the same as doing a massage. But I've never "feel an urge" to masturbate, just like I don't "feel an urge" to watch a movie, it's just a recreational activity to me.

And also I've never "get excited" by those things that are supposed to turn people on. I have no idea what the "excited" feeling when other people are turned on feels like. So I think this is probably the reason that I'm asexual. Because if I can't be mentally aroused by anything in the world, it's normal that I can't be mentally aroused by any people.

Anyone can relate?

I do "feel an urge" to masturbate, and I "feel an urge" to watch movies too. And they aren't even porn! And I feel an urge to read books. I remember a beautiful passage in a book and I feel an urge to read it again right now.

But anyway, I never get aroused by people, though I do get aroused by things. The details, including a list of those things, would be TMI.

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Oh, it is interesting.

I can't really imagine getting physically aroused without my mind affecting it. I mean it starts there and then goes down through my body. I am pretty sure that it would not work for me without my mind's participation. The root/the reason/the cause of me "getting excited" is always my mind.

But e.g. some people can be less tolerant towards pain (like me) and some can handle loads of pain. So your mind may just have a high sensitive threshold and usual "urges" may be just below this threshold.

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