Member54880 Posted January 31, 2015 Share Posted January 31, 2015 I see where you are coming from yes. Trust me I do. But the fact is that you don't get to be the one who defines asexuality. No one person does. My OPINION on sex is very negative but my reactions to these people having sex have nothing to do with my opinion. Sex-repulsion is not an opinion. And once again, I really don't appreciate that I come to this website dedicated to people who are judged and shunned by society for being asexual just to have a bunch of people here tell me I'm not asexual and judge and shun me. It drives me nuts! I understand how you feel, because I didn't feel welcome on AVEN at first. I still hardly feel like I'm part of the asexual community though. There was a recent thread showing that there are sex-repulsed people who don't feel welcome here, just for being sex-repulsed. I don't think you were shaming your friend for having sex, but do you feel like you understand her a lot less because of it? If mutual understanding is lost, friendships can grow apart, but in your case, it was sudden, not gradual. Nobody has to accept anyone or their behavior (aka "rejection"). I certainly don't accept everyone! I also don't support certain views or attitudes. Also, AVEN doesn't accept or support "elitist" or "anti-sexual" attitudes. And on that note, yes, AVEN's stance on certain parts of the asexual spectrum tend to be very exclusive. I remember reading something about the origins of AVEN and how when it first started there was another Russian group of asexuals and anti-sexuals. There was some kind of falling out I guess where AVEN basically didn't allow them to be part of the asexual community. So there's been a history from the very beginning. (I apologize in advance if I end up derailing this thread!) That didn't actually happen, but it may seem that way because of glaring differences in terminology. A large percentage of self-identified antisexuals aren't asexual (this is especially true among the Russian-speakers, who are the majority of them), so of course those who aren't asexual, aren't part of the asexual community. That'd be like saying asexuality is celibacy. Speaking of which, they don't identify as celibate, because they see that as being for religious reasons, nor do they mean sex-repulsed, because there isn't a term for that concept to them, and the sex-repulsed label wouldn't fit what they and I describe as antisexuality anyways; sex-repulsion is being grossed out by sex, and doesn't encompass the deliberate or ideological rejection of it. Are you sure what you read was referring to them? Because there was another, but unrelated group of people who are referred to as being "antisexual" (but did not identify as antisexual themselves), but they were a very elitist faction of the asexual community that caused trouble on AVEN for a few years. They believed that they were "pure" asexuals for not having sex drives, and not having sex. This elitist faction went against AVEN's values. They were notoriously hostile to libidoist and/or sexually active asexuals. Unfortunately, it's because of those elitists that a lot of non-libidoist, sex-repulsed/averse, or any kind of sexually inactive asexual may doubt that they're welcome here, and feel like they have to justify themselves. :( (disclaimer: I'm a native English speaker, who happened to find out about the self-identified antisexuals first, and that affected how I understand and use certain terms to this day. I only know of sex-repulsion because of AVEN, which I found much later.) Link to post Share on other sites
blue2 sky Posted January 31, 2015 Share Posted January 31, 2015 Here is the way I see it. 1. I am glad you broke up with your gf because in a relationship people wish to be accepted for who we are not our past however many scars it may have caused. I hope your girlfriend finds someone who loves her for who she is,negative past and all.This clearly isn't you. 2. We all hope that our friendships are deeper than someone not talking to us because we have had sex.It unfortunate that you place whether your friend had sex or not above her many fine qualities as a person.For me there are many deal breakers to friendship and if the person has had sex is not one of them. You were right to dump your gf and friend so they have people who accept them for who they are. I will refrain from judging you and hope you find the perfect friend and gf who match up to your impossible standard. good luck because nobody is perfect including you. Link to post Share on other sites
Karret Posted January 31, 2015 Share Posted January 31, 2015 "Sex repulsion" and "anti-sexuality" aren't the same. Mmmm yeah, I suppose that's true. xDa ... Link to post Share on other sites
g_squidman Posted February 1, 2015 Author Share Posted February 1, 2015 God, this topic is so stupid now. I just wanted to talk about how I feel, but everyone always has to fly off the wall defining what asexuality is. I hope you're happy, I don't know what I am, I'm not welcome here, I'm not welcome anywhere, maybe I am just messed up. And now I'm back with her cause I thought I was just being fucked up in the head and making a mistake. And it doesn't matter because I feel terrible either way. Link to post Share on other sites
blue2 sky Posted February 1, 2015 Share Posted February 1, 2015 God, this topic is so stupid now. I just wanted to talk about how I feel, but everyone always has to fly off the wall defining what asexuality is. I hope you're happy, I don't know what I am, I'm not welcome here, I'm not welcome anywhere, maybe I am just messed up. And now I'm back with her cause I thought I was just being fucked up in the head and making a mistake. And it doesn't matter because I feel terrible either way. In an ideal world everyone would be sorted before they get into a relationship.Do find someone to talk to maybe a therapist.Everyone is welcome here we just gave you honest feed back. It doesn't mean you should be down on yourself about it.Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
General Patton Posted February 1, 2015 Share Posted February 1, 2015 Good decision. Sometimes you can't fix tarnished relationships. Sometimes you need a clean slate, whether you get it from salvation by Christ, reaching out to the spirits of nature, or a steadfast break-up. Link to post Share on other sites
g_squidman Posted February 1, 2015 Author Share Posted February 1, 2015 All I wanted was to be asexual but everyone screams at me that I'm not, it's horrible. I don't honestly know if I'm fixable, I'd need an expert and I don't have money or even my parent's support. I don't really know where to start looking for help. This is all really, really just disgraceful.... Link to post Share on other sites
Rising Sun Posted February 1, 2015 Share Posted February 1, 2015 No one is telling you that you aren't asexual. I think others repeated it enough. Stop confusing asexuality (a sexual orientation) with antisexuality (a destructive ideology that you can think about and change in your mind), please. Being judgmental towards people who have sex has nothing to do with being asexual or not, it's being judgmental and disrespectful of others, period. Link to post Share on other sites
g_squidman Posted February 1, 2015 Author Share Posted February 1, 2015 No one is telling you that you aren't asexual. I think others repeated it enough. Stop confusing asexuality (a sexual orientation) with antisexuality (a destructive ideology that you can think about and change in your mind), please. Being judgmental towards people who have sex has nothing to do with being asexual or not, it's being judgmental and disrespectful of others, period. I'm not getting anything confused. Enough people have yelled at me the differences, not just on this topic, that I've done extensive research. I know the difference. I think you're being rather judgmental of anti-sexuality though, for if that's indeed what I am all along then that was not a very nice thing to say. Link to post Share on other sites
GwendolynAngel83 Posted February 1, 2015 Share Posted February 1, 2015 Guys, please calm down. I don't think she's saying that she seperated from them because she's asexual. The fact that she's asexual and sex-repulsed are two seperate things of her identity. Yes, she's asexual, but there's also a part of her that is creeped out (maybe not the best word) about others having sex as well. I can imagine that, if I hadn't spoken to a friend in a while and, when I did, they had been, say, doing drugs a lot, I'd feel differently about them. It changes your prospective on the person. She has the right to seperate from people who she can't get along with, for whatever reason that is. Link to post Share on other sites
marchpie Posted February 1, 2015 Share Posted February 1, 2015 i have the same opinion as you, i don't know why but when my previous sexual friends described to me how they did sex i was like "omg", it seems that for me everyone around me is a possible asexual person and i feel sad when i see that they are not. Plus that i don't like sex at all so i can't imagine my friend or best friend doing sexual activities. Similar experience! For the longest time, I never thought about sex or whether the people around me were having sex, so whenever someone mentioned that they'd had sex it shocked me. I guess I must have assumed that no one was having sex? Or rather, I just never considered the possibility that they were having sex. But after a while, I started realizing that most people have sex, and now I'm at the other extreme: I'll be talking to someone and, out of nowhere, it occurs to me that the person I'm talking to probably has sex. I'll think, "This person seems so normal, yet they probably have sex. How is it that they can seem so normal?" It's incredibly bizarre - both the idea that the person I'm talking to is sexual and the fact that I find it bizarre. After all, if anything, I'm the odd person out. :P Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted February 1, 2015 Share Posted February 1, 2015 All I wanted was to be asexual but everyone screams at me that I'm not, it's horrible. I don't honestly know if I'm fixable, I'd need an expert and I don't have money or even my parent's support. I don't really know where to start looking for help. This is all really, really just disgraceful.... If you feel you are asexual, then that is all that matters. As for the negative impact sex has on your relationships and opinions of others, if you want to change that so you can maintain relationships, there are ways to do it, even without a professional. First would be examine your feelings. What about others having sex causes such a negative reaction? The person doesn't change, it's an action that has nothing to do with you, so what is it that bugs you so much? Once you can answer that, you can start to perhaps research and reflect between how you feel and how you would like to feel. Do you have anyone close to you that you could discuss this with? Perhaps that could support and guide you through figuring out the whys? But, regardless, if you are NOT comfortable with someone you have a right to take a step back away from them, no matter why you aren't comfortable. Forcing yourself to be in a relationship out of guilt for how you feel will just breed resentment and probably make your negative reaction to it that much worse. Just, try to not shame or put down these people for doing what comes naturally to them... they aren't doing anything wrong, but you still have a right to not be in a relationship with them, even if they haven't. Just, try to not make them feel bad about their own sexuality, best to be tactful. :) Link to post Share on other sites
Karret Posted February 1, 2015 Share Posted February 1, 2015 God, this topic is so stupid now. I just wanted to talk about how I feel, but everyone always has to fly off the wall defining what asexuality is. I hope you're happy, I don't know what I am, I'm not welcome here, I'm not welcome anywhere, maybe I am just messed up. And now I'm back with her cause I thought I was just being fucked up in the head and making a mistake. And it doesn't matter because I feel terrible either way. I'm sorry. I didn't want to make you more confused and I certainly didn't intend to make you feel terrible, just for you to separate asexuality from antisexuality. I initially said it was a wrong thing to be antisexual, but I took that back, because that was me imposing my opinions on you. I do apologize. I don't agree with being against sex in general, but you are free to have your own opinions on the matter, and I shouldn't have tried to harp on you about that. That was my bad. I hope you don't think that I ever tried to say you weren't asexual, because antisexuality is not a sexuality, but a viewpoint. Your orientation can be asexual and you can have an antisexual mindset. Serran's post seems to be a lot better than my efforts, so I'll just be quiet and leave you alone now. :C Link to post Share on other sites
dash Posted February 1, 2015 Share Posted February 1, 2015 How can you claim that everyone is different, and that I should accept other people for who they are, and that not accepting the things that make them what they are is bigoted, ignorant, and intolerant, when saying that is not being very accepting of who I am. This isn't a choice for me. I hate that I come here to be accepted for my sexuality and people like you always act like I'm a horrible person... in a place dedicated to accepting people that are normally treated horribly. I am frustrated with how I feel naturally. I definitely did not want to break up with anyone. I still want to be friends with both of them if I can. They were really important to me at one time. Just dropping to say that I, too, am disgusted with how some people are reacting to your feelings. If you feel betrayed by your friend's behavior, I get it, and that's totally valid. Link to post Share on other sites
dash Posted February 1, 2015 Share Posted February 1, 2015 Oh, one more quick thing, to certain folks on this thread: Some people are anti-sexual. You don't have to be anti-sexual yourself, but you don't have to make life suck for people who are, and shame them for their feelings. It's not like it's "easy" to be anti-sexual in the world. It's not like people don't try to shame you all the time if you feel that way about sex or anything. /sarcasm/ Just because someone is ace doesn't mean they're "obligated" to have positive feelings about sex, or else they're "a bigot." Nor are they obligated to change their feelings, or go to therapy to find out "why" they're anti-sexual. (Wow, that's sure implying their feelings are "wrong" and "broken," no?) I would hope that AVEN would be accepting both of asexuals who are sex positive AND those who are anti-sexual. Link to post Share on other sites
Rising Sun Posted February 1, 2015 Share Posted February 1, 2015 The western civilisation was antisexual a few decades ago. Do you know what happened to people who had sex outside of marriage then ? Antisexuality isn't OK, because it's based on shaming and hatred, classifying people who have had sex as impure, even as subhuman when it concerns women. It destroyed millions of people's lives and it still does in some countries and families. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted February 1, 2015 Share Posted February 1, 2015 The western civilisation was antisexual a few decades ago. Do you know what happened to people who had sex outside of marriage then ? Antisexuality isn't OK, because it's based on shaming and hatred, classifying people who have had sex as impure, even as subhuman when it concerns women. It destroyed millions of people's lives and it still does in some countries and families. Well, the OP hasn't said they shamed their friend or their ex. Just, that they couldn't be comfortable staying with them. If OP merely feels uncomfortable and hence chooses to not be close to people that make them feel uncomfortable, that's not imposing their anti-sexuality on anyone. Or acting disrespectful to them. We don't know what OP said to them and you're assuming they treat them poorly for it. There is a difference in *I* personally don't want to be around people who do X and I hate people who do X. Example: I personally cannot be around people who do drugs, so I choose to not be close to drug users. This is something people shame me for all the time, but it's not my job to be close friends with everyone that wants to be around me. It's their business what they do, I would never treat them poorly for it (they're doing nothing "wrong"), but being around people who are under the influence makes me so uncomfortable I want to crawl in a hole. Asking them to not be themselves however would be rude. So, why on earth would I purposefully put myself in the position of hate every second or try to be controlling in order to be friends/romantic partners just cause people say I should? The FEELING of not wanting to be close to a person that does X is fine. It's a feeling, it's valid and you can choose friends/romantic partners off shared values. Now, this particular one will make friendships/romantic relationships VERY difficult as the majority are having sex... so if OP would like to change that, it'll take a lot of internal soul searching and reflecting on themselves. However, if the OP was shaming their friend/romantic partner and treating them poorly for it, that is not OK. We have no evidence of this happening though. The OP says they hope they can get the friendships back, as these people are important. So, it doesn't sound like the OP thinks they are horrible people that should be treated as subhuman. Link to post Share on other sites
Rising Sun Posted February 1, 2015 Share Posted February 1, 2015 The OP abandoned his friend for that. His friend is probably hurt to feel abandoned for no real reason. If I hear that someone deeply hurt somebody who loves them for nothing, it's not OK for me. Link to post Share on other sites
blue2 sky Posted February 1, 2015 Share Posted February 1, 2015 er nobody is picking on him because he is antisexual.On the one hand he wants to feel less lonely,have relationships and then on the other hand he is rejecting people in his life based on their difficult upbringing/they had sex. All I did was give my honest feed back and said he did the right thing dumping his friend, his gf and should talk to someone like a therapist. I do disagree with him but he has a right to find a healthy (emotionally) girlfriend and a sex free friend since that's what he wants.I wish him luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Frigid Pink Posted February 1, 2015 Share Posted February 1, 2015 I don't think "anti-sexuality" and "sex negativity" are necessarily the same and, instead, I think that "anti-sexuality" is more likely an extreme version of "sex negativity." Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted February 1, 2015 Share Posted February 1, 2015 The OP abandoned his friend for that. His friend is probably hurt to feel abandoned for no real reason. If I hear that someone deeply hurt somebody who loves them for nothing, it's not OK for me. Uhm, people abandon friendships for a lot of reasons. OP should be hurt and uncomfortable to maintain a relationship in order to not hurt someone, because you dislike the reason OP is uncomfortable with their friend? So, OPs feelings mean nothing, his friends are the only ones that are important, because you dislike them? I've seen people stop being friends for the friend getting interested in a different hobby, for growing out of liking a certain band, etc. There are a lot of "silly" reasons people grow away from friendships. If, in the end, you are not enjoying spending time with someone for ANY reason, it's your right to step away from that relationship. No one should ever sacrifice their own comfort / happiness in order to keep someone else happy. I mean, really, I have been dumped for not wanting to go out and get drunk every night until 2am, by someone I cared about quite a lot. And ya know what, they had every right to choose to surround themselves with similar people that they could be totally comfortable/happy around, who would share their interest and make their lives better. I stopped being one of those people, because they entered a different stage of life and we were no longer compatible as friends. Even if "you don't like being drunk out of your mind every night of the week" is a pretty silly reason to me, it was important to them. Loving someone, to me, doesn't mean selfishly insisting they give up what they want / their comfort / their happiness for me. Even if it causes me some emotional pain for them to be happy, everyone is responsible only for themselves. They aren't obligated to stay in my life just because it would be better for me. Would I give up a friend for sex? No. But, it doesn't cause me any emotional distress. You can't just turn off emotions at a whim. If OP would like to be able to maintain relationships, then yes, it is probably something to work on. But, shaming someone for choosing to do what is right for them because you dislike their emotions is... not cool. It would be one thing if OP started insulting, shaming or otherwise mistreating these people for being sexual (we have no evidence this happened). It's quite another to decide not to be in an uncomfortable situation just to keep someone else happy. I really don't like how people insist "Well, I think that is a terrible reason to break up a relationship with someone, so you shouldn't do it!" ... well, I think lack of sex is a terrible reason to break up with someone. I think unrequited love is a terrible reason to end a friendship. Should I insist everyone stay in friendships/romantic relationships that hurt them because I think the thing that is hurting them is unimportant to me? Of course not. OP should not make their friend or ex feel badly about their own sexuality, or shame, or insult them, or treat them poorly. OP should also not be shamed for deciding these relationships were not good for them, because they were causing emotional distress. Regardless of why it was causing emotional distress. For one, if OP would truly like to try to work through it, taking a step away from the thing causing the distress is the first step. You can't move past something if you are constantly bombarded by how terrible it makes you feel. You have to try to work through it THEN ease yourself into being around it. Link to post Share on other sites
Rising Sun Posted February 1, 2015 Share Posted February 1, 2015 Almost everybody has sex. If the OP doesn't change his mind about people who have sex, he's condemned to loneliness for the rest of his life. So not only his antisexuality hurts others, it also hurts himself. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted February 1, 2015 Share Posted February 1, 2015 Almost everybody has sex. If the OP doesn't change his mind about people who have sex, he's condemned to loneliness for the rest of his life. And, that is his choice to make, not anyone elses. And OP has said he hopes he can regain the friendships at some point, so obviously OP isn't feeling this way just because he wants to. It's an emotional response he has no control over and guilting/shaming him for it isn't going to help him at all. He says he has no money for a therapist and has no idea where to start in trying to sort through his feelings in this matter. And you guys are all just making him feel worse, which will end up making him more confused, not less so. Link to post Share on other sites
Frigid Pink Posted February 1, 2015 Share Posted February 1, 2015 And you guys are all just making him feel worse, which will end up making him more confused, not less so. Nobody makes anyone feel anything. Link to post Share on other sites
Rising Sun Posted February 1, 2015 Share Posted February 1, 2015 The OP needs help. And saying that rejecting others because of antisexuality is fine is just encouraging a bad attitude, so I'm not going to lie about what I think. I was antisexual when I was a teen, I overcame it even though it took time. It needs willpower and many years of hard work, but it's extremely important to work on it. I feel so much better now. I don't make myself suffer any longer, and I've ceased making others suffer too. I'm at peace with myself and with others now. Link to post Share on other sites
dash Posted February 1, 2015 Share Posted February 1, 2015 The western civilisation was antisexual a few decades ago. Do you know what happened to people who had sex outside of marriage then ? Antisexuality isn't OK, because it's based on shaming and hatred, classifying people who have had sex as impure, even as subhuman when it concerns women. It destroyed millions of people's lives and it still does in some countries and families. No. No, these are NOT the same thing and you do NOT get to shame and attack the OP like this when they came here for help and support. An individual (who thinks they're ace, even if they're still figuring things out), who thinks that their friend might be ace like them (and if I read this right, one of their only close friends, and someone they really trusted and thought was like them) who then feels hurt and betrayed when they find out this person not only isn't ace, but has had sex with nine people (showing that the friend's values around sexuality and the OP's are actually quite different), and who then feels hurt and betrayed by this revelation that their friend and them are apparently REALLY not the same in terms of sexuality -- and who also as I take it doesn't know a single ace in real life and so who feels really lost and confused and broken and alone -- is NOT "oppressing millions of women" or destroying families and contributing to some world-wide global movement to hurt people. They're not calling anyone "subhuman" or "impure" and this post is NOT based in "hatred," these words haven't appeared in this thread) -- you have projected that into this thread and those thoughts onto the OP. The systemic oppression of certain sexualities is done by people who are NOT asexual, people who are NOT sex-repulsed, and usually by people who are hypocrites ("MY sexuality (who, what, when, etc.) is good, is acceptable, is good and right and proper, while YOURS is not.") It is NOT done by the tiny, misunderstood, and marginalized (even here) group of asexuals who personally find sex gross. It has NEVER been acceptable, anywhere afaik, to find all kinds of sex gross. The oppression squeezes from both ends -- if you want to have anything other than straight vanilla sex in marriage, it's not OK, but if you never want to have sex with anyone and find it all disgusting, and say that, it's ALSO not OK. (It's only been acceptable not to have sex for religious reasons, otherwise you were mentally ill, broken, defective, something.) I have reported you to the mods for harassment. This is a really shitty way to treat someone who has come here for help, and who has already said that the responses in this thread have caused them emotional distress. Link to post Share on other sites
dash Posted February 1, 2015 Share Posted February 1, 2015 And you guys are all just making him feel worse, which will end up making him more confused, not less so. Nobody makes anyone feel anything. That's such utter bs, and blaming the victim. If someone bullies someone else, it's not the victim's fault they feel hurt. If parents abuse a child, it's not the child's fault they're traumatized. Seriously, what the crap. Link to post Share on other sites
dash Posted February 1, 2015 Share Posted February 1, 2015 The OP abandoned his friend for that. His friend is probably hurt to feel abandoned for no real reason. If I hear that someone deeply hurt somebody who loves them for nothing, it's not OK for me. Uhm, people abandon friendships for a lot of reasons. OP should be hurt and uncomfortable to maintain a relationship in order to not hurt someone, because you dislike the reason OP is uncomfortable with their friend? So, OPs feelings mean nothing, his friends are the only ones that are important, because you dislike them? I've seen people stop being friends for the friend getting interested in a different hobby, for growing out of liking a certain band, etc. There are a lot of "silly" reasons people grow away from friendships. If, in the end, you are not enjoying spending time with someone for ANY reason, it's your right to step away from that relationship. No one should ever sacrifice their own comfort / happiness in order to keep someone else happy. I mean, really, I have been dumped for not wanting to go out and get drunk every night until 2am, by someone I cared about quite a lot. And ya know what, they had every right to choose to surround themselves with similar people that they could be totally comfortable/happy around, who would share their interest and make their lives better. I stopped being one of those people, because they entered a different stage of life and we were no longer compatible as friends. Even if "you don't like being drunk out of your mind every night of the week" is a pretty silly reason to me, it was important to them. Loving someone, to me, doesn't mean selfishly insisting they give up what they want / their comfort / their happiness for me. Even if it causes me some emotional pain for them to be happy, everyone is responsible only for themselves. They aren't obligated to stay in my life just because it would be better for me. Would I give up a friend for sex? No. But, it doesn't cause me any emotional distress. You can't just turn off emotions at a whim. If OP would like to be able to maintain relationships, then yes, it is probably something to work on. But, shaming someone for choosing to do what is right for them because you dislike their emotions is... not cool. It would be one thing if OP started insulting, shaming or otherwise mistreating these people for being sexual (we have no evidence this happened). It's quite another to decide not to be in an uncomfortable situation just to keep someone else happy. I really don't like how people insist "Well, I think that is a terrible reason to break up a relationship with someone, so you shouldn't do it!" ... well, I think lack of sex is a terrible reason to break up with someone. I think unrequited love is a terrible reason to end a friendship. Should I insist everyone stay in friendships/romantic relationships that hurt them because I think the thing that is hurting them is unimportant to me? Of course not. OP should not make their friend or ex feel badly about their own sexuality, or shame, or insult them, or treat them poorly. OP should also not be shamed for deciding these relationships were not good for them, because they were causing emotional distress. Regardless of why it was causing emotional distress. For one, if OP would truly like to try to work through it, taking a step away from the thing causing the distress is the first step. You can't move past something if you are constantly bombarded by how terrible it makes you feel. You have to try to work through it THEN ease yourself into being around it. This. Also, it feels like AVEN has a bunch of people on it who will jump in and shame someone for being anti-sexual, as if asexual people have some special obligation to be positive about sex and if they don't, other asexual people have to shame them and enforce that norm. When I was a teen, I knew no other asexual people (that I know of). I felt really alone in my asexuality, and constantly under attack by a society that demanded I be sexual and that I feel a positive attitude about sex. If someone feels they're "forced" to feel positively about something, it's not too surprising that they may end up feeling pretty negatively about it. And if I had one special friend who I thought shared the same values as I did, who was my one go to person who I thought was also asexual and who I could trust would stand with me against the world's bombardment of sexuality, the constant pressures to have sex, have sex, have sex, and then I found out that person had just had sex with nine people... yeah, I'd be hurt. Now it's like, "so was our friendship a lie?" It's all about where someone is coming from. For some people, who have very little support in their asexuality, even having one close friend who they think is like them makes all the difference in the world. Let's be that kind of friend for those who need it rather than shaming people for feeling hurt. Link to post Share on other sites
Rising Sun Posted February 1, 2015 Share Posted February 1, 2015 I have the right to say what I think with honesty. And I'll continue to say my opinion on antisexuality whether you like it or not. Link to post Share on other sites
dash Posted February 1, 2015 Share Posted February 1, 2015 Almost everybody has sex. If the OP doesn't change his mind about people who have sex, he's condemned to loneliness for the rest of his life. And, that is his choice to make, not anyone elses. And OP has said he hopes he can regain the friendships at some point, so obviously OP isn't feeling this way just because he wants to. It's an emotional response he has no control over and guilting/shaming him for it isn't going to help him at all. He says he has no money for a therapist and has no idea where to start in trying to sort through his feelings in this matter. And you guys are all just making him feel worse, which will end up making him more confused, not less so. No one is "condemned to loneliness" for not liking something, or for not agreeing with most people about it. I live in New England. The Patriots are at the Superbowl right now. Do most people in my country (let alone in New England right now) care about the Superbowl, about football? Absolutely. Do I care? Not really. I'm not "condemned to loneliness" because I don't care for it. Now, I don't really care whether other people like it or not, but if I choose my social group around people whose interests align with mine, guess what? We're all happy. If my friends all wanted to talk football all the time and I found this boring and irritating, yeah, I could decide to make different friends. And if I thought I had found one true friend who also disliked football, and I thought this was the one person who shared this in common with me, and then I found out the person in my absence had become obsessed with football, that hurts. It's like "wow, I guess we're not the same after all. I guess I am alone and a freak." :( Link to post Share on other sites
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