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Not sure if I am asexual?


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Hi, I am a 21 year old male, I exercise a good amount and like to go out drinking too. However, unlike when most people go out I don't really look to sleep with girls/ women (hope I'm not coming off as disrespectful.)

When I go to a club I almost always attempt to kiss or 'pull' a girl at some point during the night, but have pretty much no intentions of anything more. I guess I have kissed around 40 girls on nights out or meeting up or whatever, however I have only really done more with pretty much my only gf.

That was like 3 1/2 years ago, she was my first sexual experience. At first we kissed after a couple days of meeting up, then we tried to masturbate with each other. Funnily enough I actually think she tried it on me first, I was okay at first then went floppy (oops) and then I'd mostly always just do stuff to her cos I wasn't really bothered about myself.

I wanted to try sex though as I did really like her so it made sence. My area just wasn't co operating though. Like the thing I liked about my ex was that she was understanding and not one of those annoyingly sexual girls. So I felt comfortable fairly. In the past I had met another girl I had liked a couple times and she was one of those girls. The kind to touch your genital area when kissing, and I hated that and it actually done the opposite, I think it made my penis go smaller when being touched hahaaa.

But anyway, I ended up buying Viagra, so I took some of that and I think it kinda worked, I got rock hard for maybe 5 mins and we tried sex, I was inside her she was on top but I felt literally nothing. Then when we switched positions I went floppy and that is pretty much my sex life haha.

Fwiw I masturbate maybe 1 every 2 nights. I go through spells though like sometimes I do it twice or 3 times a day then others I don't for a week and I don't notice it.

Also recently, kinda configuring with the not liking girls touch my private area, I have been unable to pee in front of people. I was totally fine my whole life and now if I'm at the urinals with someone beside me I just can't pee.

This kinda makes me think it could be a good thing that's it's all just in my head, and if I can change from one way to the other peeing, I could do the opposite with sex. I dk. Like also if someone walked in on me masturbating I would insta lose my erection.

Anyway, sorry about the long post, just curious for opinions. I feel like I am missing out not having or even attempting to have sex, also I kinda have to take this in to account if I fancy a girl or whatever. That I may not be able to have sex with them so would they be bothered by this? Would it not work?

My brother and my mates just seem to think I am a bit of a pussy, or maybe just that I am unable to get a girl to have sex with. Thing is I just don't really want to tbh. Like I'm pretty sure I could be on a decent number, but if there's no real drive to then why should I try?

I feel like I am missing out though I'm at a young age I should be going out having sex or whatever.

Am I asexual? Should I go to the doctors about this?

Thanks.

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You may be asexual, you may not, it depends on if you are sexually attracted to others. kissing isn't sexual attraction (it's sensual) the best way to describe you is hetero-sensual asexual. But you may just have anxiety about sex.

It's difficult to say what you are, as asexuals have different characteristics. One end of the scale are non-libidoest and the kinky one's on the other side. It's up to you to figure it out if you are asexual.

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Keep in mind that asexuality has nothing to do with libido. Asexuals can have various levels of libido. My libido is plenty high and I masturbate daily. Sometimes multiple times a day. We are still debating the definition of asexuality. So that complicates things. Not everyone agrees with the definition at the top of every page. Here is the definition I use that some other people on here agree with.

An asexual is someone who does not experience an innate desire for sex with other people.

Desire. Noun: "a strong feeling of wanting to have something or wishing for something to happen." Synonyms: Urge, Craving, Yearning, Need.
A simple way to put it. Can you happily go for the rest of your life without sex with people? If the answer is yes, then you asexual by my standards. If you "need" to have sex then you aren't asexual. How much you masturbate doesn't determine if you are asexual or not. How much interest you have in sex doesn't determine if you are asexual or not. How "sexy" you find people doesn't determine if you are asexual or not. I see it as simply, do you have a need for sex with people or not.
I recommend spending some time poking around this forum. I can take some time to figure things out. I didn't figure things out over night. It involved plenty of serious through and plenty of discussion/debate on this forum.
Welcome to AVEN. I hope you enjoy your stay. Keep in mind that things can get pretty heated around here. There were posts that left in tears. But over all I think AVEN is great. It has helped me quite a bit in sorting out my sexuality. If not for AVEN and some of the people on here, I am not sure I would have things figured out as well as I do.
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Francoise Wang

From your description, It sounds like you are indeed asexual.

And your experiences are similar to mine, although I'm female. I can remain physically aroused (being wet) when my genital being touched by others, but I just feel literally nothing, no matter in foreplay or actual sex. I even can't notice it when I'm physically aroused (I knew I was physically aroused just because my partners told me). So any sexual act are just boring to me. And I've never get mentally aroused (have an urge to do something) in foreplay or sex. Also I do masturbate, and I can get physical pleasure and orgasm through masturbating, so I'm pretty sure my body function is normal. I think this is a sign of being asexual.

Also I think even for sexual people, when they are masturbating and others come into the room, they would also lose their erection (it is embarrassing, no one would like to be disturbed when masturbating). But they are still sexual.

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