Devil Kisses Posted January 20, 2015 Share Posted January 20, 2015 It seems to run on my mom's side of the family. My mom says she doesn't experience sexual attraction until she gets to know someone. My sister didn't show interest in guys until she was fourteen. She still doesn't talk much about guys. Apparently my maternal aunt had no interest in guys until she was 18. Apparently she still has trouble finding men she's interested in. I'm not sure if I'd be classified as asexual. I know I experience attraction, but I'm not sure if it's actually sexual. I'm also socially isolated, but I'm not sure if that makes me feel attracted to less people. I kind of want to be attracted to more people because I enjoy it. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
RoninA Posted January 20, 2015 Share Posted January 20, 2015 While I had too much time on my hands over the festive season, I was wondering what the ace community thinks about 'nature vs. nurture'. It occurred to me that Asexuality probably wouldn't be genetic - the lack of desire to engage in sexual relationships and procreate would be removing the trait from family lineage - so how do we become ace? I don't have any evidence to base that thinking on, but perhaps there's something like your experience which suggests nature? I wonder whether there's any research on this? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
FiSci Posted January 20, 2015 Share Posted January 20, 2015 I don't think it runs in my family. My brother certainly isn't ace, and I really don't think my parents are - I don't know about the rest of my family but I'm pretty sure it's just me. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Beyourownspotlight Posted January 20, 2015 Share Posted January 20, 2015 I don't think it's something that runs in families, at all. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
dissolved Posted January 20, 2015 Share Posted January 20, 2015 I think my dad is demi, but my mum's side is all hypersexual. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
R_1 Posted January 20, 2015 Share Posted January 20, 2015 My father is probably asexual or at least semi-sexual. My brother considers himself an asexual. My mother thinks I can't be asexual because she knows I masturbate. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Tarfeather Posted January 20, 2015 Share Posted January 20, 2015 It occurred to me that Asexuality probably wouldn't be genetic - the lack of desire to engage in sexual relationships and procreate would be removing the trait from family lineage - so how do we become ace? No, it can be genetic. There is probably a lot of literature on this with regards to homosexuality(which has the same implications). But any basic biology class at school will already give examples of things like this. For instance, there are genetic "defects" that are recessive. But they have a purpose, for instance that defect might prevent your blood from clotting up, but it also makes you immune to some sort of disease. So when that disease breaks out, it kills off most of the population without that "defect". But the majority of people with defect survive. The disease goes away, then in the following generations, the defect becomes less common due to its recessive nature. And there's also a pretty unpleasant possibility, but it probably deserves mentioning (trigger warning): In terms of evolution, our genetics had no time whatsoever to adapt to our modern civilized and respectful way of living. "unvoluntary sex" was probably a lot more common in our species 20,000 or 100,000 years ago. In such an environment, asexuality would only matter a lot to males, not females, and genetic properties that are "OK" or "beneficial" in one sex, but not the other are not that uncommon. "gene mule" I think it's called. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
R_1 Posted January 20, 2015 Share Posted January 20, 2015 Genetic =/= Born this way. I'm just gonna have to point this out as genes are arguably more or less a predisposition to one's sexual orientation much in the similar way that someone who grows up into a neighborhood full of poverty is predispositioned to engage into criminal activities. Just that one has a stronger influence over the other. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Tarfeather Posted January 20, 2015 Share Posted January 20, 2015 Genetic =/= Born this way. I'm just gonna have to point this out as genes are arguably more or less a predisposition to one's sexual orientation much in the similar way that someone who grows up into a neighborhood full of poverty is predispositioned to engage into criminal activities. Just that one has a stronger influence over the other. Yes, that's a very good point as well. Although we don't know: It could also be "born this way". Or well, I don't know. Surely there are studies on this for homosexuality? I don't know how I'd ever change my sexual orientation, regardless of the techniques applied. So to me it makes sense to assume it's as hard-wired into me as is the desire to eat food when I'm hungry. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
R_1 Posted January 20, 2015 Share Posted January 20, 2015 Genetic =/= Born this way. I'm just gonna have to point this out as genes are arguably more or less a predisposition to one's sexual orientation much in the similar way that someone who grows up into a neighborhood full of poverty is predispositioned to engage into criminal activities. Just that one has a stronger influence over the other. Yes, that's a very good point as well. Although we don't know: It could also be "born this way". Or well, I don't know. Surely there are studies on this for homosexuality? I don't know how I'd ever change my sexual orientation, regardless of the techniques applied. So to me it makes sense to assume it's as hard-wired into me as is the desire to eat food when I'm hungry. Just because I'm implying that not everyone is born that way, it doesn't mean I'm implying one can change their orientation. It can also be someone whose sexual orientation changed on it own. Kind of how my primary sexual orientation has died on it own. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
TheLeafBunny Posted January 20, 2015 Share Posted January 20, 2015 It could very well be genetic, though I suppose there's no way of knowing for sure. The way my mom defines sexual attraction almost implies she might be demisexual and just thought everyone was that way (when I was first exploring asexuality I looked to demisexuality first, and when I described it to her she's like "... that's how sexual attraction works in the first place, there needs to be a chemistry there of some kind and you don't often get that until you get to know someone.") And it seems like my grandma miiiight be ace (or just has a low sex drive). My grandpa and brother are clearly sexual, from what I've observed, as is my biological dad. I have no data on the rest of my dad's side of the family to make any judgments on that front, but if it can run in a family, there seems to be a trend in the women on my mom's side. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Devil Kisses Posted January 20, 2015 Author Share Posted January 20, 2015 I think demisexuality is genetic because it keeps people monogamous and still reproducing. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Elegant Elephant Posted January 21, 2015 Share Posted January 21, 2015 I've actually been thinking a lot about this recently. Based on my observations, I am the only asexual in my family. I am pretty sure my brother is just a regular boring heterosexual (he is, annoyingly, incredibly private about his personal life though), and at least my dad is for sure sexual as well. On my mom's side, my mom is probably sexual (though I would say less so than my dad), and my aunt has never married nor has kids, but some comments she has made make it clear that she has at least been interested and participated in sexual relations before in the past. I can't really say anything about my grandparents, but even if I could, I think that it wouldn't matter, just based on the culture of the time they were raised (both sets were married in the 1940s). Quote Link to post Share on other sites
SithLord Posted January 21, 2015 Share Posted January 21, 2015 In my family we don't talk about it much, but my parents don't seem to be on the ace spectrum though my siblings so. My sis is considering the label demisexual but doesn't like labels, and idk about my brother. But I'm not out to any of them accept my sister, so I don't have all the info. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
CamRaz Posted January 21, 2015 Share Posted January 21, 2015 I don't think it's a genetic thing. I mean, my mom and dad are both hetero (because you know, logic), and I'm pretty sure my sister is, too. I have a cousin who's lesbian but other than that I'm pretty sure everyone I know in my family is heterosexual except me. And maybe one of my cousins on my mom's side is ace too, but I don't know. I mean, every family's different, so I guess it could be a genetic trait? But I doubt it. I'm the only ace in my family, and other aces I know come from mainly hetero families. Then again, I'm not a scientist, so I can't be 100% certain. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Sally Posted January 21, 2015 Share Posted January 21, 2015 You're not going to know whether someone's asexual unless 1) they know it exists and 2) they self-identify. I mean, my mom and dad are both hetero (because you know, logic I'm definitely asexual and I had two kids. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Eva Posted January 21, 2015 Share Posted January 21, 2015 Asexuality doesn't run in my family. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
girabbit Posted January 21, 2015 Share Posted January 21, 2015 I actually think it does run in my family, or at least on my mother's side we seem to have a lot of women in my family who were never married and never expressed interest in dating (I can think of six or seven offhandedly). My mother, I am fairly certain, could be placed in an asexual category (she and I have never had a discussion about asexuality expressly, but despite her having five children, we are often able to bond about how she is so happy after she divorced my father and never had to have sex again and how much we both have no interest in it. She's been divorced for more than ten years now, and never went on even a single date.) However, I am pretty sure I am the only asexual out of my siblings. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
..M.. Posted January 21, 2015 Share Posted January 21, 2015 Genetic =/= Born this way. I'm just gonna have to point this out as genes are arguably more or less a predisposition to one's sexual orientation much in the similar way that someone who grows up into a neighborhood full of poverty is predispositioned to engage into criminal activities. Just that one has a stronger influence over the other. Yes, that's a very good point as well. Although we don't know: It could also be "born this way". Or well, I don't know. Surely there are studies on this for homosexuality? I don't know how I'd ever change my sexual orientation, regardless of the techniques applied. So to me it makes sense to assume it's as hard-wired into me as is the desire to eat food when I'm hungry. It could very well be genetic, though I suppose there's no way of knowing for sure. Yeah there is - twin studies wikipedia has an article on genetic basis for (homo-)sexual orientation here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Biology_and_sexual_orientation if research on homosexuality is anything to go by - sexual orientation is caused by a mix of genetic and 'environmental' factors. these including such things as: pre-birth environment/hormone differences, early life experiences/ getting an illness/not getting an illness, anything that can affect how genes are expressed. most of them unlikely to be under control of the individual (or any one else for that matter) Quote Link to post Share on other sites
..M.. Posted January 21, 2015 Share Posted January 21, 2015 //off -topic// the things you find by link clicking on wikipedia!!!! http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gay_bomb. :D Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Breathing.... Posted January 22, 2015 Share Posted January 22, 2015 I can't think of anyone in my family (only counting those over 10years old). My siblings are all sexual, not discussed this with them but from talking with them in more general contexts I'm certain. My definitely parents are (I remember overhearing a massive row about the amount of times they have sex...I don't know how they could think we couldn't hear what with them yelling). From what I can tell my cousins on my dads side of the family are all in committed relationships and/or have children. On my mums side only one is over 10 and she definitely has crushes, but is only about 12 and I don't know them very well. There is only one unmarried or childless extended family member, for many generations, and he has a heterosexual relationship history but is in his 70's so It's not likely to come up in conversation. I know relationships and children don't equal sexual but on the evidence around me my family is quite sexual to the point where I don't think they'd understand even the basic concept of asexuality so I will probably never 'come out' to them. No obvious genetics for me but as it's been pointed out before lack of family history doesn't mean it isn't genetic and vice versa. I'd go for a mix of genetics and environment but I'd probably say that for most things. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
deltaX Posted January 22, 2015 Share Posted January 22, 2015 I don't think asexuality runs in my family. I have a suspicion that my brother might be asexual, but I'm fairly certain that even if he's ace no on else in my family is. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Jace33 Posted January 22, 2015 Share Posted January 22, 2015 I think my sisters are. At any rate, none of us have any interest in getting married. Our vision for the future is to get a house together and live happily ever after. Three sisters+lots of dogs! :D Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Mona Lisa Posted January 22, 2015 Share Posted January 22, 2015 I'm copying my answer from another thread: I have suspected that my grandmother was asexual but I can't talk to her about it or confirm it because she passed away in 2006. :( She never remarried after her (now out) husband left her almost 40 years ago, and she went on a few dates but I got the impression she wasn't really interested. Even if she wasn't a relative I'd never be able to imagine her as a sexual being. She was saucy and cracked subtle sex jokes, though! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Tarfeather Posted January 22, 2015 Share Posted January 22, 2015 //off -topic// the things you find by link clicking on wikipedia!!!! http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gay_bomb. :D I didn't think it could get any more retarded than the bat bomb, but here I am proven wrong. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted January 22, 2015 Share Posted January 22, 2015 I've come to suspect that my paternal grandma may have been ace. If so, she pretty sure was the only one in my closer family. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
deem0 Posted January 23, 2015 Share Posted January 23, 2015 My great-aunt is definitely aro ace, she's in her 70's and has never even had her first kiss! She's only ever cared about travelling the world and teaching English C: Aside from her, I have no idea. My 8 year old cousin might be? I know he's really young, but I just have a gut feeling about it and my instincts are usually pretty good. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Satin Posted January 23, 2015 Share Posted January 23, 2015 Not in my family. I'm the only non-straight member. My godmother might be aromantic and/or asexual, considering she has never been in a relationship as long as I can remember. But that doesn't prove anything. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Teavana Posted January 23, 2015 Share Posted January 23, 2015 Yes. Some of my family members on my dad's side are. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
EricK Posted January 23, 2015 Share Posted January 23, 2015 My father only got married at age 39, and didn't have many girlfriends before that (as far as I know). His father got married at 43, while his mother got married quite young, but was widowed fairly early and never (as far as I know) had another relationship. So while there mightn't have been any asexuality, there was certainly a lot of not-seeming-to-care-that-much. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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