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Ace, BiRom, and Something Else? Or Not?


Everybody's Watson

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Everybody's Watson

Okay, this is an odd question, but please bear with me. Is it possible to be asexual, biromantic, but predominantly find the same gender aesthetically attractive? Is this normal? I've never really felt physically attracted to anyone, even the people I have dated (save for maybe one exception, but that is very odd circumstances), so I am fairly certain of my asexuality. However, I have recently discovered that through my life, I have had more crushes on those of the same gender, even though I have exclusively dated the opposite gender thus far. And, upon further introspection, I have discovered that I have almost never found anyone of the opposite gender aesthetically attractive, while those of the same gender I find to be rather pleasing to the eye (fully clothed, of course; anything less makes me severely uncomfortable). This new revelation is kind of freaking me out, as I have never realized these things before. So I repeat: is this normal? And is there really a name for it?

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I'm not entirely sure what terminology would apply, but there is no standard gender requirement for aesthetic attraction when speaking of asexuality in general. There are terms such as homo-romantic, bi-/pan-romantic if it desls with a romantic drive. The list of labels is growing and can be quite confusing to navigate, so I'll let someone with more relatable experience answer that). However, it sounds very normal to me. Aesthic attraction is not mutually exclusive with either romantic or sexual attraction, so there are no gender presets, that I can think of, unless the preference is what you want to clearly state in the label you identify with.

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I’m a biromantic asexual myself. I think this being normal or not is your decision, however, you shouldn’t judge yourself or freak out about this because if you feel this way, maybe you are this way. Plus, being a biromantic asexual is not a thing that should freak you out. I experience romantic attraction to both male and female. Since now, I’ve only dated with male, but I experienced very intense emotions towards females also. There is one point that I’m struggling about this is that for me, it’s very hard to have a girlfriend because I can’t just go and say “oh hi I really like you romantically, but I don’t feel any sexual attraction to you, let’s be my girlfriend.” Anyway, I hope you can find an answer. :)

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Everybody's Watson

Thank you to both kontrakohen and bipolar bear. Thank you for your input; it really helps put my fears to rest. :)

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An aesthete is someone with aesthetic appreciation, so you could be an asexual biromantic homoaesthete (if you don't mind the long title) - there are people whose aesthetic, sensual, romantic, etc attractions don't align, so I wouldn't worry.

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Janus the Fox
Completly normal, though I could describe myself in a similar fashion with the aesthetic preference being more predominately for guys, I'm often open to any genuine romantic interest if that ever struck my or the others fancy.
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Hey, I have a follow-up question: is there such a thing as not having any sort of aesthetic attraction? I never seem to notice whether or not someone is attractive until I force myself to observe them (or someone else does), and even then it's sort of a "yeah, I guess their face is pretty symmetrical" type of revelation rather than a "wow, that person's really hot" type of revelation. I mean, I experience romantic attraction, but it's based solely off of personality. Is that... A thing? Maybe? What would I be, a-aesthetic?

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The opposite of aesthetic is non-aesthetic - not sure if there's a term for specifically lacking aesthetic recognition, but non-aesthete should work.

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I'm a bit of a special snowflake in this regard.

I'm asexual and I've never experienced romantic attraction (so I guess that makes me aromantic too.)

However I know instinctively that I'm more open to the idea of a relationship with a man than I am with a woman, though I wouldn't be against it. So call me asexual, aromantic, cupio-biromantic (cupio- being when you desire a romantic relationship with someone despite not feeling romantic attraction to them, and like you despite this being true for both sexes I am more likely to seek a relationship with a man).

Aesthetically though, things get a little crazy. I consider myself an artist, or at the very least someone with an innate appreciation for art. And what's more artful than the human body - in all its many variations?

Aesthetically I'm attracted to everyone (especially to people's body language - sometimes it's a magnetic force and I can't look away. As the polar opposite I have immense difficulty making eye-contact with someone that has 'malicious' body language).

I do however find the female form aesthetically pleasing more often than I find the male and trans/non-binary forms. So panaesthetic, with a predilection towards women (homoaesthetic).

Go figure. I just prefer soft curves to harsh lines, aesthetically - even in paintings and buildings and apparently in people.

In all honesty it's possible to have any combination of oriented attractions as there are under the sun. It's not unheard of for people to be sexually attracted to the opposite gender, but romantically attracted to their own. Everyone's different - just run with it and embrace your diversity :) :)

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