The current definition issue on AVEN and cupiosexuality

[Sally]

In the US we have been influenced by the steep rise in social conservatism, and conservatives' use of the word "preference" to mean a perverse choice of action that is immoral. It's difficult not to see it that way now, and in fact gay people have had to specifically argue against that wording in their campaign for civil liberties.

[WhenSummersGone]

I think I focus a lot on the innate preference as well because being romantically interested in men is part of my orientation just like my desire for romance. So while someone may desire sex they also want to have that preference and if they don't they feel something is missing.

[Guest]

@Sally... I'd really love to reclaim it from them, but I guess that's just too much of an uphill battle then? :(

@WSG... *nods* Sounds perfectly logical to me. I clearly have a very strong (whilenot flat-out 100% exclusive, it's clearly somewhere in the high 90% range) preference for women, too, and no reason to suspect it's anything but innate.

[purplemutant]

In the US we have been influenced by the steep rise in social conservatism, and conservatives' use of the word "preference" to mean a perverse choice of action that is immoral. It's difficult not to see it that way now, and in fact gay people have had to specifically argue against that wording in their campaign for civil liberties.

Unfortunately for many people preference implies choice. So I can see why gay people have moved away from the term preference.

[WhenSummersGone]

So those who don't have an innate partner preference what label are they if not asexual? I think this is the problem with these topics. I thought Cupiosexual could be a good label because it doesn't include a preference.

[Guest]

So those who don't have an innate partner preference what label are they if not asexual? I think this is the problem with these topics. I thought Cupiosexual could be a good label because it doesn't include a preference.

I'd go with pansexual for them. It used to be clear for me that the thing pans and aces have in common is that there is no discernible preference in sex partners, and that the only practical difference between them is simply that pans do desire sex, whereas aces don't.

And either way, I'm off to bed now. Half past 5 AM already, yikes. 'night everyone. :p

[Sally]

@Sally... I'd really love to reclaim it from them, but I guess that's just too much of an uphill battle then? :(

I'm pretty certain it would be. They would simply see it as playing into their hands; they would say "Aha! So you admit it's only a choice and you could make another choice!"

[Guest]

@Sally... I'd really love to reclaim it from them, but I guess that's just too much of an uphill battle then? :(

I'm pretty certain it would be. They would simply see it as playing into their hands; they would say "Aha! So you admit it's only a choice and you could make another choice!"

I get your point. Bastards. <_<

(Them, not you.)

[purplemutant]

So those who don't have an innate partner preference what label are they if not asexual? I think this is the problem with these topics. I thought Cupiosexual could be a good label because it doesn't include a preference.

I'd go with pansexual for them. It used to be clear for me that the thing pans and aces have in common is that there is no discernible preference in sex partners, and that the only practical difference between them is simply that pans do desire sex, whereas aces don't.

And either way, I'm off to bed now. Half past 5 AM already, yikes. 'night everyone. :P

That helps explain why I was identifying as asexual and pansexual. I don't have any real preference in sex partners; provided they don't turn me off and have whatever equipment I want to play with. I figured I was pan because there are many things and kinds of people I am interested in sexually. But now I understand that I am not pan because pans have a desire for sex and I don't. So you can't really be ace and pan at the same time.

[Satin]

But can you imagine telling your mother you are cupiosexual? Or sapiosexual? Or lithoromantic?

Oh my god, yes! Just imagine how some cupiosexual's mum would react: "So... you're telling me you don't have a need for sex but you still want to be in a sexual relationship and that is why you call yourself cupiosexual? Where did you dig up that nonsense?" This made my day right now.

That being sad, cupiosexual (and by extension also cupioromantic) is one of those labels I feel are created only because some people have no other hobbies than to come up with new weird terminology they force onto other's rather than just saying what they think about something (relationships in that case). It's also misleading because there are already so many terms that end in "-sexual" and usually tell something about your orientation. This flood of often weird and imho pointless labels just plays into the hands of those who think asexuals are special snowflakes.

[purplemutant]

But can you imagine telling your mother you are cupiosexual? Or sapiosexual? Or lithoromantic?

Oh my god, yes! Just imagine how some cupiosexual's mum would react: "So... you're telling me you don't have a need for sex but you still want to be in a sexual relationship and that is why you call yourself cupiosexual? Where did you dig up that nonsense?" This made my day right now.

That being sad, cupiosexual (and by extension also cupioromantic) is one of those labels I feel are created only because some people have no other hobbies than to come up with new weird terminology they force onto other's rather than just saying what they think about something (relationships in that case). It's also misleading because there are already so many terms that end in "-sexual" and usually tell something about your orientation. This flood of often weird and imho pointless labels just plays into the hands of those who think asexuals are special snowflakes.

Depending on how you define asexuality terms like cupiosexual are not needed. I distinguish sexual desire and sexual interest. So you can have no desire for partnered sex while still having an interest in partnered sex. Same is true for masturbation.

I like sex, but I don't need it. I like masturbation but I also crave/need masturbation. I could go for the rest of my life without partnered sex. I couldn't go for the rest of my life without masturbating. It would drive me nuts.

[Satin]

I define asexuality as lack of an innate desire for partnered sex. Basically the people who have no need to have sex for the sake of sex itself. If I understand you right you're referring to something else with "interest in partnered sex". My problem with cupiosexuality is that it sounds like a person saying "hey I'm asexual but I have other reasons to desire a sexual relationship, like making a potential partner happy". And rather than using a weird new and misleading label those people could just say it that way... so the label cupiosexual just seems really random to me, you know? Besides, realistically speaking, I don't think this term will ever be used by people outside of very specific online communities like AVEN. So why even bother if it has no practical merit outside of this place?

[purplemutant]

I define asexuality as lack of an innate desire for partnered sex. Basically the people who have no need to have sex for the sake of sex itself. If I understand you right you're referring to something else with "interest in partnered sex". My problem with cupiosexuality is that it sounds like a person saying "hey I'm asexual but I have other reasons to desire a sexual relationship, like making a potential partner happy". And rather than using a weird new and misleading label those people could just say it that way... so the label cupiosexual just seems really random to me, you know? Besides, realistically speaking, I don't think this term will ever be used by people outside of very specific online communities like AVEN. So why even bother if it has no practical merit outside of this place?

Desire = crave/need. Interest = like/want

So an asexual is someone who does not crave/need sex with other people. They might enjoy sex with other people and even want it. But they could go for the rest of their life without it and be just fine.

This is how I currently define asexuality

An asexual is someone who does not experience an innate desire for sex with other people.

Desire. Noun: "a strong feeling of wanting to have something or wishing for something to happen." Synonyms: Urge, Craving, Yearning, Need.

So I see cupiosexual as an unnecessary term because asexual encompass that. If an ace has an interest in sex then "sex interested asexual" might be appropriate. Just like someone else might be a "sex repulsed asexual".