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Attraction help.


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Hello dear community!

I have a few problems and I have nobody to go to,and I hope you can help me out.I apologise if I posted in the wrong thread.

I'm a 20 year old female.Since I was young,I knew that I was a little different from others.I remember that people called me a freak,because I wasn't interested in sex.I mean,I like guys and I find some of them attractive,but I wouldn't "bang" them.I was so happy to find people like me,and I finally understood who I was.I was asexual.

That's all good and dandy,but here's the reason I'm writing this.

I find guys attractive,I would like to have a relationship with them,but I would have sex with them only it was really necessary, to make my partner happy...but since I was 17,I thought that girls were also really attractive,and I would love to at least try to have sex with them,but I wouldn't engage in a relationship with them.I'm still neutral to sex,and I'm not sexually attracted to girls,but I would much rather have sex with a female,than a male,but it's vise-versa when it comes to a relationship.

I hope that atleast somebody could explain to me why and how.I really just need to talk to someone.My friends and family are quite homophobic,acephobic and so on,so I can't tell them.

I'm sorry for any mistakes(English is not my first language) and if this is quite ridiculous :/

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(A)rrogant Avian

It sounds as though you experience romantic attraction to men. It also may be possible that you are homosexual and heteroromantic, if you are sexually attracted to women (if you are) and romantically attracted to men. Or you could be greyasexual (sometimes sexually attracted to people) and leaning more to women. But it sounds like you are heteroromantic.

Hope this helped.

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Thank you very much,(A)rrogant Avian.It made things a little bit clearer for me,bit I'm still a little confused.

But thank you anyway!^^

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Hey, it's a pleasure to meet you!


So the first thing to point out is that you and only you can decide how you identify.


But seeing as you asked, I'll offer my opinions based on what you've said.


The preface to all of this is that 'orientation' is actually split up into several different identities. Most commonly, people identify as a romantic orientation and a sexual orientation.


The romantic orientation identifies who you feel romantically attracted to. Sexual orientation, likewise, identifies who you feel sexual attraction towards.


Defining what 'romantic' and 'sexual' attraction is has and continues to be a bit hazy. The AVEN wiki page tries its best to explain: http://www.asexuality.org/wiki/index.php?title=Sexual_attraction




You said that you can find guys attractive but you wouldn't want to have sex with them. That being said, you wouldn't mind being in a relationship with the opposite sex. And sexual interactions would be okay if it made your partner happy.


You also find girls attractive and are interested in trying to have sexual interactions with them but you wouldn't want a relationship.


Indeed, that's quite a curiously interesting state of being.


Side question: you say you would much rather have sexual interactions with a female than a male, but you also said you don't experience sexual attraction towards girls. If I may ask, what do you feel that makes you want to have sex with a female but is not sexual attraction?


Anyway, it seems that you might identify as heteroromantic (romantically attracted to the other sex).


Sexual orientation is more confusing for me there. If you decide you experience sexual attraction then identifying as homosexual is valid. If you don't feel that you identify as a homosexual then perhaps you'll feel more comfortable with grey-asexual, http://www.asexuality.org/wiki/index.php?title=Gray-A_/_Grey-A

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Lycanrising,thank you very much for the reply and for the helpful links!

Answer to your question:It's really difficult to explain what I feel towards females and it really depends on said female.I guess I find them more interesting and I understand how and what works with them.I really don't have any other explanation,

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You sound exactly like me! I like guys romantically but I would never have sex with them. That just sounds like... something that I really do not want to do. Girls on the other hand, I'm not romantically attracted to and would not want to be a relationship with a woman but having sex with a girl sounds... fine. I still don't want to do it but it doesn't sound as bad and I'm kind of curious, it might be a nice experience. I'm not going to try and find a girl to have sex with but I feel like if I had the opportunity I would really consider it. I realize this means I fall somewhere on the Gray-A spectrum but I identify as simply asexual because it's easier to explain. I told one of my friends about this and she said that she read that even straight girls like the idea of having sex with a woman because that's like having sex with yourself. I'm not sure if that's true, though. And about the fact that you find girls attractive, that could be aesthetic attraction which is a separate thing, you could be bi or homoaesthetic (like me).

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I never knew that there was also an aesthetic attraction!Looks like people really do learn something new everyday.:-)

It actually makes sence,thank you very much for your help!*hugs*

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I never knew that there was also an aesthetic attraction!Looks like people really do learn something new everyday.:-)

It actually makes sence,thank you very much for your help!*hugs*

You also have sensual attraction (enjoying being physically close with another person).

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I never knew that there was also an aesthetic attraction!Looks like people really do learn something new everyday.:-)

It actually makes sence,thank you very much for your help!*hugs*

You also have sensual attraction (enjoying being physically close with another person).

Yeah,I always knew that.Can't say no to a hug!:-)

Since there is sensual attraction,there are probably people who would rather not be physically closes to other people/their partner,right?

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You also have sensual attraction (enjoying being physically close with another person).

Yeah,I always knew that.Can't say no to a hug!:-)

Since there is sensual attraction,there are probably people who would rather not be physically closes to other people/their partner,right?

Yup. Everyone is different in their interest of physical closeness. Some adore hugs and cuddles, others like it, some prefer not to and on the other end of the spectrum there are those that are "no way, personal space only."

Even further beyond that you find people identifying as 'sex-repulsed' where, and obviously this is a generalisation as it varies between people, people find anything to do with physical closeness actually makes them feel uneasy. I've read of how people see others holding hands and it makes them feel sick, let alone thinking about sexual acts has quite a negative reaction for them.

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You also have sensual attraction (enjoying being physically close with another person).

Yeah,I always knew that.Can't say no to a hug!:-)

Since there is sensual attraction,there are probably people who would rather not be physically closes to other people/their partner,right?

Yup. Everyone is different in their interest of physical closeness. Some adore hugs and cuddles, others like it, some prefer not to and on the other end of the spectrum there are those that are "no way, personal space only."

Even further beyond that you find people identifying as 'sex-repulsed' where, and obviously this is a generalisation as it varies between people, people find anything to do with physical closeness actually makes them feel uneasy. I've read of how people see others holding hands and it makes them feel sick, let alone thinking about sexual acts has quite a negative reaction for them.

That's amazing.I really like the complexity of human orientations and their preference.It makes us really unique.

It's quite amazing to find out that people that actually feel sick from seeing people holding hands/holding other people hands,and it isn't in some childish way.It's "personal space" on another level.

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Moving this to asexual Q&A

AshenPhoenix, A/romantic orientations moderator

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You also have sensual attraction (enjoying being physically close with another person).

Yeah,I always knew that.Can't say no to a hug!:-)

Since there is sensual attraction,there are probably people who would rather not be physically closes to other people/their partner,right?

Yup. Everyone is different in their interest of physical closeness. Some adore hugs and cuddles, others like it, some prefer not to and on the other end of the spectrum there are those that are "no way, personal space only."

Even further beyond that you find people identifying as 'sex-repulsed' where, and obviously this is a generalisation as it varies between people, people find anything to do with physical closeness actually makes them feel uneasy. I've read of how people see others holding hands and it makes them feel sick, let alone thinking about sexual acts has quite a negative reaction for them.

That's amazing.I really like the complexity of human orientations and their preference.It makes us really unique.

It's quite amazing to find out that people that actually feel sick from seeing people holding hands/holding other people hands,and it isn't in some childish way.It's "personal space" on another level.

Indeed, we come in all shapes and flavours. :D

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