wthiejkl Posted January 17, 2015 Share Posted January 17, 2015 Hello guys I'm writing this topic to try to clear my head a little bit, so thanks in advanced for reading this. I've never felt any kind attraction towards men, never had any crushes or any need to be with them. Two years ago I came to the realization that I might be a lesbian, so I accepted it and didn't struggle with it, because either way I knew I could have a normal relationship with a women. I had had some crushes on girls ( although most of them were unattainable) and I felt emotionally close to them. Two months ago I googled "why I don't have any crushes" and it seemed as Yahoo had a possible answer. Yahoo immediately directed me to AVEN where I understood what asexuality meant. When I realized that I could be asexual I completely broke down, and started crying. The next day I had to tell my mother how I felt because I just couldn't keep it inside. I don't know if you are familiarized with MBTI, basically it's a test that describes your personality type. I am an INFP, and the INFP's are the most idealistic and dreamy of all types. So I've always dreamed of having the perfect relationship with the perfect person. So when I gathered that I could be asexual, all those dreams and fantasies just fade away. If someone asked me "If you had the chance of never having sex, would you?", the answer would be no, at least I would like to try it. I honestly want to feel that crazy attraction towards someone and I want to passionately fall in love ( I know that asexuals also fall in love). I don't think that the whole relationship thing with no sex I okay for me, I think that sex is a way to express affection. From what I have seen around, most asexuals are happy to have found that asexuality existed, because they say that the term describes them perfectly. I am not so happy... And that is not because of what society will say...(because if it was, I wouldn't have been okay about being gay), it's because I truly want to experience attraction and have a sexual partnership. I wouldn't say that I have never felt sexual attraction, because I have. But I've felt it a very few times. So I think why would an asexual want to feel sexual attraction? And that confuses me. What do you guys think? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Gizamaluke Posted January 17, 2015 Share Posted January 17, 2015 First of all, no idea how old you are, second of all not feeling sexual attraction towards a fantastical image of ideal perfection is completely normal. I mean, you've built up the image of the ideal relationship and the perfect guy/gal and because of that how can any 'normal' person be sexually attractive for you? Sounds like your standards are way too high and that you can't feel physical attraction towards anyone because you don't want to. I wouldn't say that you're biologically, or naturally, inclined to be asexual, and that you're probably super-stressed about life, relationships and so on. The fact that you don't want to be asexual is a pretty strong indication that you're not asexual. In the future, try lowering your standards, find a nice guy/gal, date them for a bit and see how you feel living with the reality that is another person. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Gizamaluke Posted January 17, 2015 Share Posted January 17, 2015 Oh, and the internet is not a valid psychologist. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Oddball-Meo Posted January 17, 2015 Share Posted January 17, 2015 You say that you have felt sexual attraction so maybe you aren't asexual or you might be demi or gray? I don't know but it could be something else too. Remember lack of crushes doesn't necesairly mean you are asexual or that something is wrong with you. There are plenty of normal sexuals who don't get crushes or fall in love easily too. And even if you are asexual, it doesn't mean you can't have a normal sexual relantionship. Once you're in a relantionship you could still have sex and enjoy it...there's no reason why your asexuality should automatically mean you will never have that. As for why asexuals might want to feel sexual attraction can be for a number of reasons. Like they might want to know how it feels or because they want to be "normal", instead of having to deal with the difficulties that come with being asexual. Anyway, you shouldn't sweep your dream of finding a wonderful partner and having a great relantionship under the rug because of this. You can still have that. :) Quote Link to post Share on other sites
wrendering Posted January 17, 2015 Share Posted January 17, 2015 Like Oddball said, if you find someone that you are really passionate about, you can still have sex with them all you want, even if you are asexual. Whether or not you feel sexual attraction, you can still have sex. There are many asexuals that have sex with their partners because they want to show how much that partner means to them, and even though they wouldn't intrinsically enjoy sex, they do enjoy because of who they're having sex with and how happy it makes their partner. But, of course, if you aren't asexual, that's fine too. I'd say, take some time to be frank with yourself. Really think honestly about what you feel about others. That's how I came to my reality now. Good luck! Much cake! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
TBone13 Posted January 17, 2015 Share Posted January 17, 2015 The fact that you don't want to be asexual is a pretty strong indication that you're not asexual. I can say that right now I absolutely hate being asexual but that's not going to magically make me sexual. It's not really a choice. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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