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Can you still feel that some people are hot or sexy, maybe in a different way than sexuals do?


Francoise Wang

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Francoise Wang

(Sorry for accidentally sent it out before I finished it)

I've seen that many asexuals never feel that someone is "hot" or "sexy", and they can't relate when other people describe someone as hot or sexy.

But for me (I'm a heteromantic asexual female), I have no difficulty finding people hot or sexy. I mean, if the only definition of "hot" or "sexy" is that desiring to have sex with them, then I don't find people hot or sexy. But long before I realized that I'm asexual, when I heard people talking about which boy is hot or sexy, I can definitely relate with them, although I didn't know that they would actually desire sex with the person they described as hot or sexy.

I can still feel that some men are hot or sexy, although I think my feeling is not the same as sexual people. I won't desire to have sex with him, or fantasize doing sexual things with him, or get aroused by him etc. But I would feel like getting butterflies in my stomach while looking at him, desire to get close to him, and to get to know him more, and maybe develope an emotional and intellectual bond with him later. I guess this is romantic attraction, right? But this is always my definition of "feeling someone is hot or sexy". Because the passion of wanting to know this person more and to bond with this person do feels "hot" to me. (I usually only feel this to men, to women I only feel aesthetic attraction, but that's just like looking at a beautiful pet or landscape, wouldn't feel that they're "hot" or "sexy").

To me, feeling that someone is hot or sexy simply means that I'm attracted to him, and it's more than just aesthetic attraction. I consider myself hyperromantic, so I'm way too easy to be attracted to people. But do other romantic asexuals also experience these? Is it only aromantic asexuals would be unable to feel that someone is hot or sexy?

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Feral_Sophisticate

I've

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Francoise Wang

I've

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Sorry for accidentally sent out the post before I finished it >_<
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drjohnhwatson

I have a (former) professor that I'm like that with. He's sooo handsome and intelligent and kind and a million things besides, but in regards to your post the aesthetics are what counts and I get butterflies and weak-kneed around him.

I don't get the same feeling with other people apart from him (so far), really, but I can appreciate and find others to be visually appealing to me. (Christoph Waltz, Robert Downey Jr., Andrew Scott, Tom Hiddleston, and Richard Armitage are a few people that I find to be very handsome).

Haha.

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I totally find people hot and sexy (women more-so than men, though I am in a long-term romantic asexual relationship with a male whom I am very sensually attracted to) ...to me, finding someone hot and/or sexy is just very strong aesthetic and/or sensual appreciation of the persons appearance, voice, manner.. whatever it is you find hot or sexy about them. ''hot'' and ''sexy'' are just useful words to use, because they are much easier than saying ''I find him extremely aesthetically and sensually attractive'' ... it's much faster just to say ''wow, sexy!''

I just don't feel aroused by people I find hot or sexy, or have any desire to have sex with them (and if the offered, I'd turn it down).. I don't think even feeling aroused by how attractive they are would count towards much though, because arousal is just an involuntary physical response (I have a very high libido and will even get aroused when doing the dishes sometimes, or just any time randomly throughout the day lol) it's what you want to do with that arousal that counts, in my opinion. Do you ever feel as though you need another person there to satisfy you, do you feel you are not as emotionally and sexually satisfied by masturbation as you would be if you had sex with another person? Or are you happy just to masturbate to get rid of that arousal, or maybe not even need that? I think that's whats really important, is whether you require someone else to ''come to the party'' or are perfectly happy to deal with arousal on your own (and prefer it that way)..I might accidentally get aroused when doing my dishes, doesn't mean I want to have sex with/am sexually attracted to my dishes lol.

So yeah, you can totally find people hot or sexy and still be asexual, or Gray if you happened to feel that fitted you better (for example, if you find people attractive in a way that causes you to feel sexually aroused, yet have no actual desire for partnered sex and would turn it down if offered, then maybe you'd go with Gray-A because it's not completely asexual, but it's certainly not fully allosexual!) ...

To me, the key factor is whether or not you want to have sex with people you find hot or sexy (or whether or not you want to have partnered sex for your own emotional and sexual satisfaction, regardless of whether or not you find the people you have sex with aesthetically and/or sensually attractive.. to me, if the innate desire for partnered sex for ones own sexual and emotional sexual satisfaction is involved, then that's 'sexual' regardless of the persons orientation)

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romantic-woman

in my mind sexy and hot is someone who is extremely irresistable in my eyes, i experience aesthetic attraction and i can notice the physical beauty and appearance...

I don't want to do any sexual thing with him but i feel like an anxiety and heartbeating or something like "wow he is so nice and smart"

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I don't find anyone hot or sexy, nor even cute. I don't find anyone physically attractive, actually. The two exceptions I had in my life were friends for one year or two and I started to find their personality attractive first.

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In my opinion there is a difference between being "beautiful" and being "hot", and yet, while sexual people usually want to have sex with the last one, I have the same reaction for both, as in I'd like to know them, or I am fascinated by them, or I just admire them from a distance... and that's it.

When I was younger I tried to imagine myself having sex with some of those hot people, but it was just a UGH NO

I think I would have enjoyed a lot more them teaching me how to be so sexy, how to be so self confident, how to make that particular look and so on, because for me "being hot" is very fascinating and Idk I'd like to absorbe their power because it seems so captivating. But never because of the sex.

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crazypimpernelfan

Before I discovered I was gray-asexual, I really felt like some guys really WERE hot. But in an aesthetic way. And I could immediately point out a guy and say "He's sexy" just for some of my straight friends' amusement. But in reality, I didn't know WHY they would consider a muscular guy "sexy". And I still question why they consider a muscular guy "sexy".

To put it simple, I know to a certain degree what they mean. I just don't understand WHY that muscular guy is particularly "sexy". Because although I've been slightly sexually attracted to girls at times, I still haven't found one actually "sexy". So... it's more like I can APPLY the word and know when to do so. I just don't understand WHY exactly.

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Francoise Wang

Before I discovered I was gray-asexual, I really felt like some guys really WERE hot. But in an aesthetic way. And I could immediately point out a guy and say "He's sexy" just for some of my straight friends' amusement. But in reality, I didn't know WHY they would consider a muscular guy "sexy". And I still question why they consider a muscular guy "sexy".

To put it simple, I know to a certain degree what they mean. I just don't understand WHY that muscular guy is particularly "sexy". Because although I've been slightly sexually attracted to girls at times, I still haven't found one actually "sexy". So... it's more like I can APPLY the word and know when to do so. I just don't understand WHY exactly.

I personally find muscular guy attractive (although men doesn't necessarily have to be muscular to be attractive to me, but at least they must have a fit body figure), so I can understand why they're considered sexy.

And if you're only sexually attracted to girls, I think it's normal that you don't understand why muscular guys are considered sexy. It's just like heterosexual (and also heteromantic) guy also wouldn't understand why muscular guys are considered sexy, no matter how highly-sexual he is, I guess.

I'm heteromantic, so I can't understand why girls with big boobs are considered sexy (although I know that they're considered sexy by people who are sexually attracted to girls). I can find some girls aesthetically pleasing (but still not attracted to girls the way as I'm attracted to boys), but big boobs are not even aesthetically pleasing to me.

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As a man, I love looking at voluptuous figures and I enjoy moving my eyes to those curves. It's like looking at a fancy car, but it doesn't mean I wanna bang a fancy car.

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I struggle to find anyone "hot" or "sexy" but I appreciate some peoples looks aesthetically.

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Oh definitely. I mean some of those people are the more conventionally attractive people and then there's others -usually famous people but sometimes people in real life- and my friends just look at me like 'What the hell are you thinking?'. But yeah I'm probably about as shallow as you can get as an asexual. I don't tend to say sexy so much but I definitely call a lot of people hot. Far too often. But really muscular guys aren't really my thing, I tend to prefer the skinny guys, as a general rule. And as far as girls go, it's like 'You're all cute. Stop that.' If I was sexually attracted to all the people I find aesthetically pleasing I would be highly concerned. For me it's mostly a case of 'You're gorgeous, congratulations on the arrangement of your facial features.'

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I have a (former) professor that I'm like that with. He's sooo handsome and intelligent and kind and a million things besides, but in regards to your post the aesthetics are what counts and I get butterflies and weak-kneed around him.

I don't get the same feeling with other people apart from him (so far), really, but I can appreciate and find others to be visually appealing to me. (Christoph Waltz, Robert Downey Jr., Andrew Scott, Tom Hiddleston, and Richard Armitage are a few people that I find to be very handsome).

Haha.

All of them. Except Christoph Waltz. But that might be because I watched Big Eyes recently and his character is absolutely vile. Not that that stops me finding Andrew Scott attractive as Moriarty but he's an endearing villain.

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Francoise, I totally get where you are coming from! I feel that way about the man on my avatar. He is bloody perfect and still hot at 62!

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I guess it depends on the person, but rarely do I find people 'sexy'. For example, I think Chris Hemsworth and Tom Hiddelson are visually appealing to look at, but I don't find them 'sexy'.

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I'm demiaesthetic, so I can only feel physically attracted to someone when I fall in love with them.

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LookingGlassAlice

I never really associated "sexy" with wanting to be intimate with a person I guess. I mean I have female friends who will tell each other they look hot/sexy even if they aren't attracted to females so I think it doesn't necessarily have to be actually connected to sexual attraction? I don't know if that makes sense.

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Princess of Ruin

I am sexually attracted to a lot of people. It's the actual act of sexual intercourse that I hate.

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Oh I for sure notice that stuff. I'm def aware if there's a person I find really cute or beautiful or hot or whatever. And sometimes I have "crushes" on people. But my personal definition of that isn't romantic or sexual. In the way that many people are attracted to someone they don't really know purely based on appearance at first(bc that's all that's clear about a stranger), I guess I do that with friends. If I have a crush on someone it's me finding them really attractive and wanting to get to know them and get close to them and become friends with them. (I've actually met great friends this way! Haha.)

That's prob a fairly common way that people acquire friends, it just makes sense to me. But I guess the diff is that I only ever have platonic crushes.

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I'm asexual and aromantic. When I want to get to know someone, I don't reach for the words hot and sexy. I usually say I admire them, or I say I think they'd be fun. I'll say they're exciting or interesting or awesome. When I talk about someone's looks, I'll say beautiful, cute, stylish, etc. The words hot and sexy don't occur to me. When someone calls another person hot and sexy, I can see what they mean, even though I don't feel it myself. I can see the looks and attitudes of that person that might get called hot and sexy, but it doesn't make me feel a sexual response or romantic attraction.

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I have the ability to find someone physically beautiful, and appreciate them for that, but as far as wanting to hop into bed with them for it, not so much.

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I can still feel that some men are hot or sexy, although I think my feeling is not the same as sexual people. I won't desire to have sex with him, or fantasize doing sexual things with him, or get aroused by him etc. But I would feel like getting butterflies in my stomach while looking at him, desire to get close to him, and to get to know him more, and maybe develope an emotional and intellectual bond with him later. I guess this is romantic attraction, right?

I can totally identify with this. Although I have no idea yet if I'm a romantic asexual, I do feel this many times when finding someone sexy/hot. Never had problems with getting if someone's sexy or not, just that it never translated in wanting to have sex with the said person.

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My analogy: I never liked driving, and haven't driven in decades. But I can still look at a car and think it's a really snazzy-looking car, without any desire to actually drive it. Similarly, I can look at a woman and think she's sexy-looking, without any desire to actually have sex with her.

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I've never found anyone sexy or used the term to describe anyone. I do find people physically attractive, but in a detached kind of way - I don't want to do anything with them. Whereas my friends who are sexual, before they were married, might have said, "That guy is really hot," and then tried to work out ways to approach the guy and talk to him/flirt with him, I might see someone, recognize the person looks nice, and that's it - no further feelings.

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I think I can, but it's hard to really put a word to my feelings. Last night while I was on my way to a friend's house to help him with a project, I stopped at the convenience store to get a coffee, and I noticed the clerk working there. Asian, petite, very pretty, and she and I kept making eye contact. I was pretty fascinated, but not enough to try introducing myself or to chat her up.

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I do not have any use for labels like "hot" or "sexy". What I would think about someone is that she is beautiful or graceful.

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I would never use the word sexy because it clearly seems to mean that you're sexually attracted to the person. But I can see certain people as being hot, like aesthetically attractive in a certain way (different from cute). I don't know, a lot of my friends use the word hot, probably to mean sexually attractive, and I guess I kind of just picked it up from them. But I only realised I was asexual really recently, so before that I thought they meant hot in the same way that I did. Now I'm a bit dubious about using the word in case they think I mean the person is sexually attractive.

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Janus the Fox
Ive never found anyone hot or sexy regardless as to what if any attraction I have for them.
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I use those specific words sparingly. I can find someone "hot" or "sexy" (I tend to say smexy)...or like a certain look or style. But it doesn't mean I'm sexually attracted to them or feel arousal or anything. I just use those adjectives as another bunch of words to describe some good-looking people. For the most part though, I use "cute"...basically...all the time lol. CUTE. Cute is the big word for me. But yeah, I have no qualms about using those terms to describe someone, but I just don't use them often.

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