Any asexuals who found an "exception?"

[butterscotchwm]

Was not sure where to put this, but I'm guessing this falls under the "gray" topic, because as the description says, "Asexuality and sexuality are not black and white concepts." I've heard the idea that asexuals do not feel sexually attracted to people at all - but some might miraculously encounter ONE exception... The reason why I bring this up is because I may or may not have found that exception. This is a little silly and embarrassing (and it's not a big deal) but I just wanted to talk about it for the heck of it! :P

I guess technically it's not a real person that I'm attracted to - it's a fictional character. (I've heard the term fictosexual??) So it exists within the "fantasy" realm, which to many people does not count as being real attraction. This character, however, is played by a real actor who I also think is aesthetically attractive. The thing is, I'm not sexually attracted to the actor himself. I'm more attracted to the character he portrays. Of course, this is pretty common - even my heterosexual friend said she was attracted to Peeta, but not Josh Hutcherson!

Seriously though, I've gotten those "symptoms" of sexual attraction with this particular character: heart starts beating faster, mouth starts salivating, I feel warm and relaxed, I get the urge to sensually stroke my computer screen since I can't actually touch him, ect. (Lol!) It's definitely more than I've felt for any other person before - real or not real.

So yeah! I'm just wondering if anyone else has experienced this before - or if anyone has any comments on the matter! :D

[Amoeba-Proteus]

I don't know if this counts, but I had it happen with romantic and physical (non sexual) attraction.

I've never felt any kind of sexual attraction to anyone in my life. I never felt romantic or physical (non sexual) attraction to anyone either except for ONE person. Before them, nothing. After being good friends with them for a while, I felt romantic attraction for them and actually liked hugs and cuddles from them. And kisses once in a while... Other times, not so much. I'm iffy on that one. We were together for years.

After we broke up a few years ago, haven't felt anything for anyone since. I have trouble imagining feeling romantic attraction towards another person. Same with wanting hugs and cuddles and kisses. The idea is disturbing to me. I've always hated being touched. But for some reason, that one person was fine. I still wouldn't have done anything sexual with them though. I loved them a lot, but still didn't feel sexual attraction for them.

So not really relate able, but similar idea I guess...

[Wandering Ace]

Well, she's not an exception in the sense that I'm attracted to her(though she is very beautiful), but she's the only person who I would be willing to sleep with. But even then, it's not based on desire. More... curiosity about the experience, the sensations, what it would be like with her.

God, I sound creepy.

[Guest]

I've felt what you described for many fictional characters, but there was never any desire to actually have sex with them.. like, sometimes I would imagine them having sex with someone else out of interest or whatever, but never actually had any desire for sex with them myself (even if I was involuntarily aroused for whatever reason) .. I just see that as sensual attraction if there is no desire to actually have sex with the person (fictional or not) ..Sensual attraction can be all the feelings involved with sexual attraction (racing heart etc) minus any desire to actually have sex with the person making you feel that way.

I have felt strong sensual attraction for characters from movies (say um, Ellen Ripley from Alien) but never even had aesthetic attraction to Sigourney Weaver (the actress who plays Ripley) .. I don't think the actress herself is remotely attractive (I really hope Sigourney doesn't read this because I feel really mean saying that) but Ellen Ripley, OMG she's soooooo amazingly gorgeous lol.. especially with acid blood (*-*) haha

[Guest]

I think I've felt that way about celebrities before but then whatever you want to call it kind of disappears. Anyway fictional crushes are neat, I mean if the fictional crush makes you happy it makes you happy why not enjoy it, who cares if its real or not.

[crazypimpernelfan]

That sounds like more of a sensual attraction. I remember feeling in love with a guy, and I loved him so much in every sort f way, even to the point that I even was okay with the idea of him hugging and kissing me (very rare for me to feel towards any guy at all). And I felt pretty much all the same symptoms you mentioned, yet I was never sexually attracted to him! So I think you can feel ALL the symptoms of sexual attraction and not actually BE sexually attracted.

Anyway, that said, I've read that even just asexuals can have an exception or two where they feel sexual attraction. More than that, they're probably gray-ace or demisexual. But if you ever, EVER experience sexual attraction, you can feel free to know it's okay. That doesn't mean you're gray-ace. It can mean you're still asexual. Never fear! :)

With me, what made me decide after a while that I really wasn't just asexual wasn't the deep sexual attraction I felt years ago, but rather the fact that I still feel some sexual attraction to girls today. So my decision to re-name myself is based on more than one or two occurrences. Otherwise, I'd have still called myself simply "asexual".

[SarahRenee13]

In my experience I definitely had an exception and that actually is what led me to figuring out I was definitely on the ace spectrum. I was around him for 2 months and I noticed him the first day I met him and thought, "oh he's cute. Weird not usually the kind of guy I find 'attractive'". At the time I was still mixing sexual and aesthetic attraction but I had a demi experience with him that led me to figuring out the difference.
So I thought he was very charming and cute but at first that was it. It wasn't until like 2 weeks before our work was done and he had to leave, that I realized it wasn't just that I thought he was handsome and charming but I REALLY had a thing for him. Huge crush which has happened before, but for the first time in my life I was strongly sexually attracted to someone too and I was like, wow what is this! Like in that last week, I just could not stop looking at his face on the monitor I had at my station. (I was working back stage on a show and he was a performer and part of my job was staring at the actors faces to make sure their mics were okay. Gave me pretty good excuses to stare lol). I remember thinking to myself even before I found out it was mutual that there was something different about this. We didn't have sex but had a fun couple of nights before he left and that was that. Because he is the only person I have ever wanted to have sex with I almost did but it would have been my first time and I am not going to have the first person I sleep with leave 2 days later, after what would probably have ended up being disappointing sex. I need some time to figure out how to make it pleasant for both of us. I don't know what the hell Im doing. lol

Anyways, afterwards I realized I had never felt like THAT about someone. Aesthetically attracted to people sure but just as I would be towards a sunset or a painting. For the first time in my life I was SEXUALLY attracted to someone and that was a wake up call. "Oh this is what it means to be attracted to someone? This is what people go through all the time? Yeah that is definitely the first time I've felt THAT and I don't think it's gonna happen too much.... Yup I'm ace." Because of that kinda thing I still never felt like I could totally say I was but then when I read about Gray and Demi I was like, oh that is so me! So yeah. Exceptions totally happen! It can be really fun and exciting when it does happen but if it doesn't no big deal. Look at whatever comes your way as something fun!

[- Ętc -]

I identify as demi instead of aro/ace for this reason. I've had three relationships (all with people I'd been close with for years), but only any significant degree of attachment and attraction in one - with someone I've been close with most of my life, and though close with I didn't always feel that attraction to (and the emotional attachment/attraction came long before anything else). Actually I deflected their attraction for years, not wanting to risk losing their friendship - and trying to figure out why I didn't feel the things that everyone else seemed to (which led to my other two relationships and some subsequent sensual experimentation - I always lost interest when things went from sensual to sexual, even in my other relationships. These issues eventually led me to AVEN). If it doesn't work out I doubt anyone else would ever be as emotionally significant/bonded/intimate, and I not only wouldn't bother attempting it again but would avoid it - based on my history of disinterest/indifference this situation/relationship is unique, and its loss will be quite significant.

[Guest]

For me when people say "wait till you meet the right guy " , well then the right guy must be a prostitute , cause I realy can't connect sex with love , if I loved someone yes I may touch them or have sex but not with the thought of sèx in my head , and if I wanted to have horny sex , then it couldn't be with "the right guy" if you get me, it would have to be with a prostitute or something , but still I wouldn't have sex cause I don't even think I can get horny ,sex and love ... it's like two different things , it's just annoying , I truly wish that I could connect the two , it would make life more easy .