(A) puerto Rican Posted January 13, 2015 Share Posted January 13, 2015 I would like to know if there are people who have trouble coming out as Asexual. The reason i ask this is because i'm having trouble coming out and i'm hopping to get some advice from you guys because i afraid of how my family would react. So anyone with any advice or info would be gladly appreciated. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
PinkRose Posted January 13, 2015 Share Posted January 13, 2015 For me it was hard to come out to my parents because they don't really accept my sister sexuality, at least my dad doesn't. He thinks she's two young(she's 15) to decided such a thing and I, being only a year older, expected the same answer. I did eventually tell both my dad and my mom. My dad reacted how I expected and my mom tried to have a conversation with me but my sister kept interrupting. My sister is a whole other story. She is didn't believe that such a thing could exist. Even after all that I still tried again by trying to come out to my friends. Although one of my friends just bew it off like it was nothing they were still much more accepting. So I guess what I'm trying to get at is that everyone is going to react differently and you will never know how someone is going to react to it until you tell them. Good luck! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Winton Posted January 13, 2015 Share Posted January 13, 2015 Personally, I haven't told my family. Who I want (or don't want) to have sex with is none of their business, so I don't see why my sexuality should be. Although, being asexual isn't a burning issue for me, so that probably explains that. You should tell people, but remember that your sexuality is yours, and nobody elses. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
aisu_hawk Posted January 13, 2015 Share Posted January 13, 2015 I agree with Winton - there is no reason to come out if it makes you uncomfortable. The simple fact is that it is not their business one way or the other. I wish you luck with whatever you choose, and keep us posted! We're here for you! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
bramzambies Posted January 13, 2015 Share Posted January 13, 2015 For me personally, it was no big deal. I came out to my mum when I was still a teenager, and my dad just a few months ago. Oddly enough, both times it was while waiting in the car, and it came up in passing conversation. They'd both done the whole "I love you no matter who you like" spiel, and when I'd confessed that I was Asexual (and explained the meaning of the word) they both accepted it immediately. It was a reaction I'd expected from my mother, but I'd assumed my dad would deny it and say I just hadn't met the right guy yet. He was one of those parents who'd always be casually throwing out lines about "when you get older/find the right bloke/get married/have babies", despite me stressing from a very young age that I wanted exactly none of these things. I was honestly surprised that he accepted it wholeheartedly, but he's definitely gotten softer in his old age. Sometimes the people you expect to reject it embrace it instead, and vice versa. There's no real way to tell how someone is going to take it... unless they're a horrible, loud bigot or some such nonsense. To that end, you shouldn't feel pressured to come out unless you want to, it's totally your decision. I never bothered to tell anyone (other than my parents) because it's [A] none of their business and most people don't know we exist and I don't have the energy to explain the concept to everyone I meet. TL;DR: My coming out experiences have thus far been perfectly underwhelming, and that's the way I like it. I know it's not the same for everyone, this is just how it went for me. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Jess_221B Posted January 13, 2015 Share Posted January 13, 2015 I found that coming out got easier as I practiced. I told my mom first, and was super anxious about it. I worked myself up in my brain and felt so nervous. Her reaction was the "trying-to-be-supportive-but-overall-worried-about-my-future" variety. (What about babies????) I then told my sisters one by one, and it got easier as I went(3 sisters). They all had not-totally-negative-but-not-entirely-positive-either reactions, but I learned to take their reactions with a grain of salt. If you want to come out and talk to someone about it, that's great! But if you don't feel comfortable, that's totally fine! Come out when it feels right to you...it is no one's business but your own. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
(A) puerto Rican Posted January 13, 2015 Author Share Posted January 13, 2015 For me it was hard to come out to my parents because they don't really accept my sister sexuality, at least my dad doesn't. He thinks she's two young(she's 15) to decided such a thing and I, being only a year older, expected the same answer. I did eventually tell both my dad and my mom. My dad reacted how I expected and my mom tried to have a conversation with me but my sister kept interrupting. My sister is a whole other story. She is didn't believe that such a thing could exist. Even after all that I still tried again by trying to come out to my friends. Although one of my friends just bew it off like it was nothing they were still much more accepting. So I guess what I'm trying to get at is that everyone is going to react differently and you will never know how someone is going to react to it until you tell them. Good luck! Well your situation look less worse then mines, my parents are strictly religious and they don't agree with anything that is not heterosexual, but my grandmother was the only person i have told because she's understanding but i had to explain the entire subject for her to understand so yeah. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
(A) puerto Rican Posted January 13, 2015 Author Share Posted January 13, 2015 I agree with Winton - there is no reason to come out if it makes you uncomfortable. The simple fact is that it is not their business one way or the other. I wish you luck with whatever you choose, and keep us posted! We're here for you! Yeah well my family is very religious and there expecting me to one day marry a girl and have kids and stuff but i don't want kids nor am i interested in sex so i'm worried there going to cut me off the family if i do tell. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Rising Sun Posted January 13, 2015 Share Posted January 13, 2015 I see that you're 18. I suppose that you still depend on your parents ? I think that if you really want to come out, it may be wiser to do it after you're financially independent and ideally have your apartment, so you don't risk to undergo the consequences of your parents throwing you out. Just considering the pragmatic aspect of things. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Iyck Posted January 13, 2015 Share Posted January 13, 2015 Well I've come out as ace to a few people and it's different every time, almost everyone I chose to tell was pretty great about it though. It's still pretty nerve-wracking to come out to someone. I was incredibly lucky, because the first person I came out to actually turned out to know about asexuality due to personal experience and was really happy for me. This first positive reaction gave me a lot of comfort and also confidence. After that I came out to a couple more family members and friends, none of them had really bad reactions, one was pretty indifferent which was okay too. I've really only told people that I was more or less certain to be supportive. I see no reason to tell anyone I already know to be prejudiced regarding things that are not the norm, so I know who not to tell. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
PyroNeko Posted January 13, 2015 Share Posted January 13, 2015 I haven't come out to the parental units as ace and honestly don't know if I'm going to. A few years ago, I came out to them as a lesbian only because I was moving in with my then partner into a one bedroom apartment...but they don't accept that either. I have come out as ace to some friends, those who mean the most to me, and they're accepting, which is nice. Who I am or am not attracted to, in my opinion, is no one's business except my own. It's difficult coming out to anyone, but it's always...nice and heartwarming when someone responds positively and is accepting. It can take a lot of time for some people to come around, which can be super frustrating, but it can take time for parents to accept that their "plan" for you is different than reality, if that makes any sense. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
crazypimpernelfan Posted January 13, 2015 Share Posted January 13, 2015 I would like to know if there are people who have trouble coming out as Asexual. The reason i ask this is because i'm having trouble coming out and i'm hopping to get some advice from you guys because i afraid of how my family would react. So anyone with any advice or info would be gladly appreciated. I only came out to a few of my siblings, some of my best friends, and one priest. They didn't react too badly (in my opinion, the priest reacted in the best way, lol), although one person told me that my having a crush on a girl is weird. I mean, it was hard to come out to her, tell her about my crush, AND receive that answer. But I thought it was better than receiving something actually hateful from her. She doesn't treat me any different anyway. I think if you feel okay with telling a specific person, tell that person. If you don't feel okay telling the person yet, ask the person questions like "How do you feel about asexuality?" "What are your beliefs on gay rights?" etc. It might help! =) Quote Link to post Share on other sites
PippinTook Posted February 9, 2015 Share Posted February 9, 2015 Since understanding my orientation last year, I've decided not to hide/ lie about it. I've told a few people if it sort of comes up in conversations (like talking about other people having come out as gay, or whatever), and generally I've be met with confused look and have explained vaguely, and they sort of say "oh", and that's it. Had the worst/ best reaction last week, when the guy I told said "isn't that like snails". I had to laugh. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Roy M. Posted February 9, 2015 Share Posted February 9, 2015 Coming out isn't hard in itself. Getting people to agree with it is a whole 'nother matter, and it doesn't last for an instant. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
JohnDoe1995 Posted February 9, 2015 Share Posted February 9, 2015 I told a couple of friends sometime after I found out myself & I didn't get really clear reactions. It seemed like they weren't convinced or didn't understand it very well. I really wanted to tell my parents, but knowing them, I figured I should talk with my mom & later my dad. Coming out to my mom was scary at first, but after I started explaining everything, she said she knows how I feel. At the end of the conversation I was 90% sure my mom is demi & doesn't know it. I'm still trying to find the right time & way to explain it to my dad... Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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