FiddleKid Posted January 14, 2015 Share Posted January 14, 2015 Not at all, I don't think sex is something to miss out on (in my opinion) i'm perfectly happy without it or any form of dating or physical contact. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
cheapcoffee Posted January 15, 2015 Share Posted January 15, 2015 It's def largely the way our society portrays sex and places it up on this pedestal as one of the Ultimate Goals. As someone who used to be sexual I can assure you that while it's fun(if you do enjoy sex obvs), it's not the only thing to aspire to. There's so much pressure to have sex and find a life partner and all that, like that's the only way to have a full, rounded life. And that's bullshit! There's so many other things that can enrich your life and make you feel complete and successful. Amazing friendships, traveling to great places, having a hobby you love! A loving family(however that family may take form), making steps towards better mental health, coming to terms with who you are! Any and all of and so many more of these things to any degree can make your life wonderful. There's this standard method of becoming successful and happy in life that our society has laid out for us, and it's really hard to remember that these are NOT the only ways to be happy and have a full life. But they're totally totally not, you can be so unconventional and still be happy. And specifically referring to sex, to me it's just another thing that some people do and some people don't. No big, right? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
bluechord Posted January 15, 2015 Share Posted January 15, 2015 I do feel that. Less now, that I know about that asexuality exists, but still feel a little uncomfortable about it. Maybe it's a transitioning phase, or maybe it will never be different. But I am certain of one thing: The way media portrays the 'normal' relationships, that all contain sex as an important step in consolidating a bond, does have a certain appeal to me. Of course, whether I will get to that special bond myself, I've no idea, but the emotional will hold an important place in it. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Galaxia Posted January 15, 2015 Share Posted January 15, 2015 I am missing out on being in a good relationship full of trust, care and love. This is my weak spot. But sex itself has never seemed to be something really important to me. I am pretty fine by not having it. I am a sensitive person, so I miss on this feeling when you snuggle to someone you love really tight because while you're doing it you're safe and protected from all bad things that have ever existed. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
crazypimpernelfan Posted January 15, 2015 Share Posted January 15, 2015 We always hear about sex and sexual attraction, whether it be through friends, books, media etc. like it's the most amazing thing ever, but I just don't feel it. I sometimes feel like I'm missing out on this magical, life-changing thing called "sex with someone you're sexually attracted to," but I can't experience it since I'm not sexually attracted to anyone! I almost feel as if I'm not having a full, complete human experience without wanting sex with anyone in particular, but maybe we're just socialized to feel this way by a culture that puts so much value in sexual relationships. Does anyone else feel this way? How can I cope with these emotions? I can really understand where you're coming from. When I felt no sexual attraction at all, I often heard comments from people I know who would say, "Don't show me a naked person!" and "Don't tempt me!" But I never found the need to say that. Ever. Because I wasn't tempted. I was about 16 when I realized that my sexual attraction is... abnormal. Because I would fall in love with guys, but I never felt any sexual attraction so I realized, "Whoa! Something's wrong with me!" Anyway, long story short. I feel some sexual attraction to girls. But I can really understand, because oftentimes I feel like I'm really missing out on enjoyment of sex or enjoyment of the thought of sex. It's not that you're missing out, don't worry! Everybody misses out on enjoying something. (I also miss out on enjoying food, which I see most people enjoy. I just don't find it enjoyable to eat.) Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Tarfeather Posted January 15, 2015 Share Posted January 15, 2015 To quote one of my sexual friends a few days after he had sex for the first time: "Shitting is better than sex. I suspected as much before, but now I know it." I think if I turned asexual today, I'd miss the feeling of liveliness I get from finding someone attractive. But I doubt the act of sex itself is something so important. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
lowlighted Posted January 16, 2015 Share Posted January 16, 2015 I totally feel like I'm missing out sometimes. It wasn't until I came to college that I noticed how wildly common it is for people to talk about things like sex. Just today I was on campus working, sitting in a circle with 4 coworkers who were going into intimate detail about their sex lives. I had no contribution to the conversation (and frankly felt pretty obtrusive because of it haha). I think I feel like I'm missing out because it's only now that it feels like everyone around me is either in a relationship or casually hooking up with people. I totally want a relationship, so I guess some of my left-out feelings stem from jealousy that others have that (even if it includes sex). I definitely agree that a lot of this is socialized – again, I never felt so weirdly "excluded" in middle and high school. I'm not out yet either, so I think it's all enhanced by the fact that I'm expected to participate in conversations about sex with the same enthusiasm as everyone else, which is sort of draining. People tend to assume I'm just a nerd/bookworm who's too distracted by her studies to think about sex. I guess it could be worse! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Francoise Wang Posted January 16, 2015 Share Posted January 16, 2015 I definitely don't feel that I'm missing out anything. I've seen so many sexual people complaining about their unsatisfactory sex life, even sexuals who are in a sexual relationship complain a lot about they can't satisfy each other. I guess it's extremely hard for sexual people to find a partner that can satisfy each other's sexual needs in the relationship, because different people have very different sexual needs. So it seems that life would be a lot more difficult having a need that must be satisfied by other people. I'm really happy that I don't have that kind of sexual needs, so I won't get those kind of distress when "not having my sexual need satisfied". Quote Link to post Share on other sites
SMW22792 Posted January 16, 2015 Share Posted January 16, 2015 I feel like I dodged a bullet with my asexuality. I feel like I can like someone for who they are, not because their body somehow turns me on. I wouldn't change a thing. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
RoninA Posted January 17, 2015 Share Posted January 17, 2015 For me, being ace means I understand my boundaries better, but more than that, I think my age helps with perspective in this area. When there's peer pressure on to want and participate in sexual relationships, and you can't work our your lack of interest, it can be quite isolating and bewildering. As I've moved on, I can't say I've been curious about sex, but I do wonder whether the lack of emotional intimacy and a connection with another person which I've never felt I need or want, is worth pursuing. I've wondered whether I could kick myself up the backside to form a relationship, but deep down I think I know that I wouldn't really be invested or fully committed in it. Meantime, I know that I don't have any of my old embarrassment if discussion turns to sexual banter - I'm able to participate in that kind of thing now, where once I'd have been completely nonplussed. I don't think that's camouflage, though - just that I know my limits. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
best_plant_mom Posted March 22, 2015 Share Posted March 22, 2015 As a young person I am often bombarded with feelings of missing out from my peers and close friends, enough to make me feel alienated. Tons of kids my age are starting their sexual experiences and some have even become teenage parents. I feel that I'm missing out emotionally and romantically. I have issues getting close to ppeople, but most don't know that I'm a very romantic person even if i don't show it. I would think that a any shy person would go through the craving of romantic desire no matter their sexuality. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Theoryal Posted March 23, 2015 Share Posted March 23, 2015 I've never felt like I was missing out, but then I'm always skeptical of anything that's popular ;) I definitely agree with Trochera. There are a lot of other things that bring me a feeling of bliss elation, ecstasy, fulfillment, satisfaction, empowerment, being beautiful, etc. Where you get those feelings from doesn't really make a difference I don't think - at least I don't honestly believe that sex has some special over-and-beyond quality for everyone, it may just happen to be certain people's favorite thing, but as with anything else people enjoy I think it's more a matter of individual taste, and I definitely think that media exaggerates it. ( I certainly found it very underwhelming and despite loving my husband and thinking he's 'hot', I wouldn't feel like we were missing anything if we didn't have sex again - it's the kissing and cuddling that is amazing for me ) Quote Link to post Share on other sites
funnyhousemate Posted March 23, 2015 Share Posted March 23, 2015 No, I cannot be missing out something which I don't desire. Say you don't like fish, you can't miss out eating it. I've tried it, I know I don't like it. I do however feel like I'm missing out on relationships, because being an ace makes it a challenge to have any. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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