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Anyone else feel like they're missing out?


TheAsexyPrincessa

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TheAsexyPrincessa

We always hear about sex and sexual attraction, whether it be through friends, books, media etc. like it's the most amazing thing ever, but I just don't feel it. I sometimes feel like I'm missing out on this magical, life-changing thing called "sex with someone you're sexually attracted to," but I can't experience it since I'm not sexually attracted to anyone!

I almost feel as if I'm not having a full, complete human experience without wanting sex with anyone in particular, but maybe we're just socialized to feel this way by a culture that puts so much value in sexual relationships.

Does anyone else feel this way? How can I cope with these emotions?

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My personal view is that our culture, especially the media, puts so much emphasis on how great sex is, and makes its awesomeness look very exaggerated. I'm sure there are some sexual people for whom sex is the be-all and end-all of life, but there are others who have a more balanced view. It's just that in the media sex is absolutely everywhere, so it can make us feel like something is missing. I highly doubt most people are as besotted by sex as the media would have us believe.

Personally I don't feel I'm missing out because I don't have a desire for sex. I have a lot of things that nmake me happy, and if I try to force sex on myself it would be the equivalent of going to a doctor's office and sitting in a waiting room for a long time, which is definitely not something I want to do *cue the winces from any sexual people who read this*. There are other things in my life that are mind-blowingly awesome for me as they portray sex to be, and I would rather focus my time on those things. If there are things in your life that allow you to experience bliss, then you get the same happiness and pleasure from whatever that is for you as people get from sex. Now if you didn't have anything that made you truly happy, then you would be missing out. As asexuals, we are not missing out on a crucial human experience, we just achieve our awesome experiences in different ways from sexual people.

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I sometimes feel this way. Sex can be portrayed as though it's the best thing you can do with someone you care about. And it is, for people who would like to have sex (or could depending on how they feel about it.)

While most people do decide to have sex/want to have sex at some point in their life, it's okay to not do so; I think being sexually attracted to who you're having sex with is important in making it great for both of you (that and arousal on both ends) and making it (potentially) magical. And while it may often be considered a part of a full, complete human experience, I think it's important to remember that we are all different in our own ways and we all probably have different ideas and dreams for what our full, complete human experience should be like.

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You know, I had sex, it was okeh, not that big deal, if I liked it I would be doing it and saying "Wow it's awesome".

I'm not saying that I'm not open to the possibility of having sex again in an extremely-remote-and-improbable-beyond-measure case. Althought I can't say that, I can tell you that I am 99,999999% not open to it. I don't like it, why should I do it?

BUT

I am a bit bugged about my lack of romantic attraction, and while identify a lot with aromanticism, I have somewhat of a "hope" of being demi/greyromantic or some sort, BUT I again can tell you that in 99,999998% of the time that hope or yearning is nonexistent.

So all in all,

I would be slightly more "bummed" (neither "worried" nor "sad", just bummed, like if you missed a TV show you wanted to check out because your friend told is OK) by missing out on experiencing this thing called "romantic relationship" (althought the experience I have from my previous relationships shows me that I truly do not have the slightest patience for that kind of stuff) rather than by missing out the sex thing.

The only time I think about this kind of stuff is either when I'm drunk (which rarely occurs) or when my bottled up libido thingy (which I love to hate) is about to "pop", if you catch my drift.

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truthisbest7

Trust me........I'm almost 6........almost gave away my age there, WHEW! No, really trust me on this one....You're not missing anything that big at all. It's messy, uncomfortable, seems to go on forever at times.....always seems to come up at the most inconvenient times...AND you don't get anything out of it. Other than scrambling to try to find your underwear, then realizing you just put your shirt on backwards... your stiff and sore and messy and don't really know what you just did, or WHY?????????? And this is supposed to be fun??? Really??? wow. I think next time I would rather just order a pizza and watch a really good action/adventure movie :D...And drink root beer and sit around and see who can burb the loudest!


Sorry I meant burp........

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SorryNotSorry

Missing out on loving and being loved, yes.

Missing out on sex, no.

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Hmmmmm I wonder about it sometimes, but I don't feel like I'm missing out... I have too many other things I don't know like bands I've never heard/paid attention to, or stories about different supernatural/folklore things I haven't read about... I feel like I'd be missing out if I missed that WAY more than if I didn't have sex. XDa

I want to travel places and things like that... sex is just.... practically non-existent on my list of things I wanna do before I die.... if anything it might be a maybe, but the more of I think about it, the less appealing it becomes XDa

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I also feel slightly left out of these emotions yes, i feel that having a sexuality (asexual being the lack of one) is what it means to be human

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Amoeba-Proteus

Sometimes I miss the one relationship I had. It was a completely non-sexual relationship for the whole 3 years we were together.

I miss the first 2.5 years of it. We seemed totally happy and all was well. Like really close friends who could go do any stupid thing together and have fun doing it. But then things changed. He hit a point where he wasn't okay with living without sex anymore. And apparently what we did have, wasn't worth it to him. Which hurts. But I can't do anything about that now. He cheated, and to hell with that relationship.

I miss the close friend I had in it. I'll probably never have that friend again. That's the only part I feel like I'm missing out on sometimes. But I try not to think about it.

I've never been romantically attracted to anyone before them or after them. So... oh well. I don't think anyone in real life would care for me anyways for the simple fact that I'm asexual and prefer minimal contact.

As for sex, I don't feel like I'm missing out. Everything about it sounds gross, flat out revolting, uncomfortable, boring, etc.

I don't plan on trying it. It doesn't sound exciting at all to me. And I definitely wouldn't do it with someone I didn't love. But even the one person I ever met that I did love, I still had no interest in trying it with them. I had thought "maybe I should just try it. For them." but the idea was disturbing to me, no matter how much I loved them emotionally. And I don't regret that I never tried it. I'm glad I didn't. I don't feel it would have been worth forcing myself into. Society makes it look like the best part of life. I'm sorry, but if that, is considered the best part of life, then life is sounding pretty damn boring and disappointing right about now.

I have much better things to fight for and look forward to. ^_^

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I have always felt like I was missing something - not really the physical aspect of romantic relationships but rather the whole experience. I had always wondered what it would be like to have a significant other and to be able to experience all that usually goes with that. In that regard I felt rather like someone who was colorblind, never able to comprehend what it means to experience the color red, for instance. To hear people describe things as being certain shades of red, but being totally unable to relate to that in any way.

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Heck no! I would rather work on my book, take care of my sibling, and heck, be at work than be with another person naked and sleeping with any kind of dude.

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You can't miss what you've never had. I've had many other great experiences besides sex.

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I used to feel the same way.

I even forced myself to try to feel it.

Eventually I started to view it the same way as I view other things.

"Never had it so how can I miss it?"

I do think about it sometimes in a "what if" situation but it doesn't bother me any more.

Knowing that I am not alone also makes a difference for me.

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We always hear about sex and sexual attraction, whether it be through friends, books, media etc. like it's the most amazing thing ever, but I just don't feel it. I sometimes feel like I'm missing out on this magical, life-changing thing called "sex with someone you're sexually attracted to," but I can't experience it since I'm not sexually attracted to anyone!

I almost feel as if I'm not having a full, complete human experience without wanting sex with anyone in particular, but maybe we're just socialized to feel this way by a culture that puts so much value in sexual relationships.

Does anyone else feel this way? How can I cope with these emotions?

By realising that no single human being ever will live up to the complete full range of human experiences. Not you, not sexuals, nobody. There is just too much out there to do and experience. Personally, I'm cool being the way I am because I enjoy the selection of experiences I deal with.

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I sometimes do, but I have no idea what sexual attraction even feels like, so I couldn't say. I mean, when I hear other people talk about it, I kinda think, what would it be like to feel that way? Sometimes I wish I did, other times I'm very glad I don't. But on the whole, I'm actually ok with it. I have other things that I really love about someone, that it doesn't really matter. After all, everyone is unique, has unique perspectives on things ^-^

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I just don't have any craving or desire to engage in anything sexual, so why would I be missing out? I can't miss something I don't really desire as far as I'm concerned. I'm not sure how I feel about relationships. I'd love to have someone in my life who I'm really close to, but a best friend might be just as good as a partner, I just don't know. :huh: I know that I don't want to do anything that doesn't feel right, I'm not up to forcing myself to do something I'm not comfortable with.

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Asexual Penguin

My view is, and always has been, if sex is all somebody's life revolves around, then they probably aren't the right person for me. It's just part of life's experiences for some people: some people love sex and want to have lots of it, and to them I say 'good luck' and leave them to it; others seek pleasure, fun, comfort etc. through other means, such as (for me at least) music, sport, food, or whatever interests you.

Just as for some people reading and bringing a story to life with their imagination is one of the greatest thrills available, for others it isn't; it doesn't mean that they are an 'incomplete' human-being, just that their brain doesn't operate quite the same way, and they should be respected for that.

As for the socialisation aspect, I very much sympathise and empathise with you on this one. Being in a hyper-sexualised society, where media, friends, even family can be obsessed with sex, it certainly makes sex seem like one of life's greatest exploits.

But I deal with this by remembering, society and the media don't own me, know me, nor control me. I get told by the media every day how I should think as a person, but it is not for them to say.

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Elegant Elephant

I felt so sure I was missing out on something that I tried (and failed, spectacularly) to have sex.

I don't really care about society as whole, but I do worry about trying to have a romantic relationship without sex. Like, our relationship won't be as complete because I'm not interested in sex. But then maybe I might have a different experience once I am in that situation.

My friends are hard to handle sometimes though because they LOVE to have sex and they think I am missing out on a life-changing miraculous event. But part of that is what led me to thinking I am some sort of asexual.

So yes and no.

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Missing out on loving and being loved, yes.

Missing out on sex, no.

This ^

Personally, I'm not missing out on the sex itself, but on the things closely linked to sex. Like being in a relationship, getting engaged and married. Or simply going on vacation with a partner. I've come to realise that these things would never happen to a person who refuses to have sex. :unsure:

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It is a yes for me. I was always too curious for my own good. I probably have other things that most people miss out on. I guess it all evens out somehow

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Breathing....

I don't want sex so I don't feel like I'm missing out, though sometimes I'd like to know what all the fuss is about but not in a 'I want to go out and try it' kind of way, I'm just curious. Sometimes I feel like I've missed a massive mile stone, I've never been romantically or sexually attracted to anyone and I'm Struggling with convincing myself that it's 'ok' to be this way.

I suppose I'm missing out on 'relating' to my friends and family, understanding their wants and needs, empathising with situations, being part of the conversations going on around me, and not looking like the villiage idiot (or extremely naïve) at least half the time. People, out of genuine respect, love and curtesy, have taken to believing that my discomfort in some conversations means I don't want to be involved at all. Which only makes matters worse as I'll be openly left out of conversations. I do get that it's hard for them to know my boundaries and I love that they are trying, especially given I'm not out and haven't explained myself very well.

In answer to how to cope, as suggested in the above paragraphs I'm not doing so well with that myself. I think (am hoping) that once I work up the courage to chat to someone IRL I'll feel less like I'm missing out. But I think that it's because I only discuss things online and it's easy to lie to myself when no one who knows me knows about my asexuality.

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Yes, sometimes I do feel like that. I only discovered the concept of asexuality very recently, before that I saw myself as someone who just hadn't met the right person yet.

As thrilled as I feel about being part of a whole new community, I did sometimes feel, and sometimes still feel like I'm missing something. Sometimes I get mopey and want to be "normal", conveniently forgetting that everybody of whatever orientation has problems to deal with.

However, I can say that I feel glad I don't have a very strong sex-drive. It seems to create unique problems and would probably embarrass me a lot.

Still - many people appear to enjoy sex a lot, and I'm pretty sure I never will.

I'm trying not to feel resentful about it, though. After all, a lot of people enjoy eating oysters while I think they are disgusting, and that has never bothered me before.

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not "missing out," but i do feel like i can't really diss sex stuff if i haven't done it and i feel almost pressured to try sex. i try to ignore those thoughts though.

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I personally don't think you're missing much. It's overrated, complicated, messy, someone often ends up being hurt in some fashion and quite frankly my life is so much easier when it's not there.

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Most of the time, yes. I'm pretty sure big part of it is media conditioning - shows / movies / literature all make it seem like it could be something amazing with the right person. I want to feel that, I really want to be able to share such an emotion / experience with someone. Problem is - I can't. It never seems to work. So yeah, I do feel like I'm missing out.

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I feel like I am supposed to feel excluded but I dont

this is one thing I am actually excited to be left out of

missing out on having sex? not at all

sex means something to them not me

if sex meant something to me I suppose so

but it doesn't so no I am not missing out anything nor do I feel that way - feel like I am supposed to feel that way but if I am supposed to then I don't feel that way

this is one thing I do want to miss out but again its not missing out on anything to me as sex isn't anything to me - mean nothing to me

I cant have kids

sex really has no meaning to me at all - and it feels good and honest and well I will say it again - honest to say that

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Trust me........I'm almost 6........almost gave away my age there, WHEW! No, really trust me on this one....You're not missing anything that big at all. It's messy, uncomfortable, seems to go on forever at times.....always seems to come up at the most inconvenient times...AND you don't get anything out of it. Other than scrambling to try to find your underwear, then realizing you just put your shirt on backwards... your stiff and sore and messy and don't really know what you just did, or WHY?????????? And this is supposed to be fun??? Really??? wow. I think next time I would rather just order a pizza and watch a really good action/adventure movie :D...And drink root beer and sit around and see who can burb the loudest!

Sorry I meant burp........

umm is this why many call sex the end all be all of the human experience?because it is just a sloppy, boring thing to do?i dont think so, i personally feel that i missing out big time on sex and it has caused me to lose several relationships due to it..i dont enjoy sex but the act of sex between 2 loving partners must be a fantastic experience i must admit..im just being realistic here, being asexual may have saved me a few headaches along the way but it has also caused me several problems while growing up and still to this day..so yep, i feel im missing out..

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House of Chimeras

Honestly not really. Life doesn't really feel like something is being "missed out on" due to not finding anyone sexually attractive really. Maybe its just hard because its hard to personally miss something you've never had. Social pressure and expectation is annoying, but still its not really actually missed.

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