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cisgender female who'd be happier without boobs


editingatwork

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editingatwork

Hopefully this is the proper place to put this, as (I think) it has to do with how I relate to my gender identity of "female."

I'm a cisgendered female who has never really liked the idea of having breasts. Everything else about my body is fantastic. When I look in the mirror, I'm entirely happy with my shape... except for those unnecessary lumps of flesh on my chest. I think it has to do with breasts being a secondary sex characteristic; for me, a woman who doesn't want kids anyway, they serve zero purpose. The only time I like my breasts is when they're squished down under a sports bra--aka, might as well not be there. My whole life, whenever I've looked in the mirror, my first instinct is to cover them or squish them down, because I've always liked my image better when my chest is flat.

Despite this, I still firmly identify as female. I'd like my body to be more gender-neutral, but I don't consider myself non-binary. I feel like a "female," just with some lumpy appendages I don't like.

I'm considering buying a binder and seeing how I feel being flat for a day. I think I'd like it. I probably won't ever pursue any surgical options, mainly because I cannot physically stand the idea of being unconscious while someone cuts into me--the vulnerability of that idea terrifies me more than I can say. (I nearly had a panic attack when I was told I'd have to be put under to have my wisdom tooth removed, but thankfully it was just the one so they just numbed the area.) Still, I'm 28 and I still hate my boobs, not because of body image, but because their very presence makes me feel like I'm presenting the image of someone who is sexual; someone who has a USE for breasts, which I most definitely do not. If there was a non-invasive way to remove them (or if I wasn't so scared of the idea of surgery) I'd likely get rid of them ASAP.

Am I the only one who's experienced this, being cisgender but not necessarily happy with the presence of various physical sex characteristics?

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You're definitely not alone on this. I don't know about getting rid of my breasts altogether but I definitely wish they were a lot smaller - I've had to put up with years of sexual/inappropriate comments from people. I've even been groped a few times, because people wanted to 'check if they were real'.

If you're interested in getting a binder, Underworks sell some really good ones. They're also really comfy, it just feels like wearing a vest ^_^

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Actually now I think about it there should be a market for breast implants from actual breasts...

For me, I would happily snip mine off with a pair of scissors and stick them in the bin, however that's not how surgery works. I used to be very unhappy with them. I didn't invest in a good bra and they were big. They would sag. People used to talk about them and it made me upset because it was usually sexual. I haven't owned a pair of swimmers in about 5 years and refuse to go to the beach after my friends comment to me one day 'Oi, email, ya tits are hangin' out'

Breast sizes increase and deflate sometimes. I went from a size G cup (UK) and suddenly shrank to a DD in a space of two weeks last September and got myself a proper £45 bra. Yeah, they are still there, but I've decided to tolerate them. Nobody pays attention to them. I haven't caught people staring since they went down.

My advice is to look into breast reduction surgery as you might not be able to get them completely removed unless you have a growth of some kind in your breasts. If they make you upset and depressed, you might be able to get them removed under the reason of psychological distress. Check with your country laws about it though. I know you have written you don't like the idea of surgery, but if you are dedicated to wearing a binder for the rest of your life, research and research about what binders to wear and replace them when needed. You don't want damage in the long term.

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I don't consider myself entirely cis but I do say that I don't mind so much being treated as a female socially, I just keep feeling like I should be inhabiting a neutrois body. I've been using some variety of demigender terminology for months. (currently I am labeling my gender as "neutrois demicrone")

But I wouldn't tell someone else that simply because they are experiencing physical dysphoria they must indicate that in their gender identity.

The only thing I would say is that since cis identity -is- privileged in our society it might be worth it now and then to just try and be open to the idea you might not be cis just because there might be social pressure on you to hold onto something that doesn't actually work for you.... but ultimately you are the only person who can say what your gender is.

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Stormharrier

Yeah, I'm pretty much the same. They're just useless lumps of wobbly flesh and I'd happily get rid of them if it was as easy as wishing them away, but I'm also scared of being put under for surgery so that's a step further than I'm willing to consider. Plus they don't actually bother me that much because I can usually hide them fairly effectively under my clothing and I just ignore them the rest of the time. I'd still rather they weren't there at all, but at least I've never had to put up with people staring, commenting, or trying to touch them (I can't believe people actually do that).

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TheAspieBaker

I am in the same "I hate these fat lumps on my chest" boat. My binder is coming in the mail tomorrow, so i can't wait to try it :) Advice I keep hearing about binders (if you decide to get one), first off, no binding for more than an hour on your first couple days. Binding can be pretty dangerous if you aren't pay attention to how long you're binding (you don't want anything like bruising, breathing difficulty, or fluid buildup in your lungs D: ). After a few days you can gradually increase wearing time, but I heard that for first timers, no longer than an hour (and the full limit is around 8-12 hours). Second, look into Binderworks for a good one. It's where I got mine, and they're reasonably priced.

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It actually sounds lucky to me if it's just one part of your body you dislike. I pretty much dislike my entire body, and would rather swap it out entirely for something completely different if I had the chance. But if your point is "Having large breasts is not necessarily something good", yeah, fully agreed.

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I've never met anyone else who feels the same way about this as I do! I'm so glad to have found that I'm not the only one. I completely identify with what you're saying! Ever since my breasts first started to grow, I wanted them gone. They were a physical marker that I didn't want. I always say that if I ever get breast cancer, I'll tell the doctors to remove my breasts right away. I never understood women who actively wished or aspired to having large busts, not that I have anything against them, I just don't understand the desire, similar to how I don't understand the desire to bear children.

I've had some trouble in the past accepting my female body, in which I felt extremely uncomfortable (in retrospect I believe part of this is due to the fact that I'm asexual, and the female body tends to receive so much sexual attention and is often objectified.). It's not that I want to be male, though. I want to be gender neutral really, a blank slate, which reflects my gender identity.

I'm more accepting of my body now, and I'm less body-identified. We just get whatever physical form we happen to get, but our bodies don't predetermine our potential, who we are, or what we believe, or preclude us from being or doing anything--society and conditioning are the culprits there. Once we realize this we can break free of these limiting concepts.

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Yeah , I just feel strange with small ones ! , but mine seem quite easy to hide , but what I get annoyed over is my hips and bum , just so strange to me , like enlarged body parts , it's almost like a tumor or something , it's like pre puberty I had a body , and now I have lumps and bumps everywhere and it's just so strange to look at yourself and see randomly placed lumps , like not even all over fat , just random balls , Random balls that have grown on your body , it just so wierd if you think deeply into it . But then again isn't everything ? When I think about this kind of stuff I get all trippy , like when you say a word a lot of times , and it's just wierd . Yeah I definitely think too much into this stuff .

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Stained Glass

I don't mind my chest except sometime if I appear flat-chested and boyish I feel more confidant, then again other days I wish my breasts were larger.... strange, but I change between the two even though I'm just female

as of recent I prefer looking more like a male, and when my friends say I look ike a little boy, I take it as a compliment xD

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Oh my gosh yes I totally agree! So many girls are always saying "I wish my boobs were bigger" or whatever, but I don't know why. Probably something to do with pleasing society - or more like... what men want.

But tbh having big breasts is REALLY inconvenient. I hate it. I used to be able to play sports with no baggage (literally) when I was younger, but now, they just get in the way.

The worst part about it though - fashion. It is SO hard to find clothes that suit your body if you have a big chest because the top of a loose casual shirt will stick out and you will look like you have air blowing up your shirt all the time. Also, you can't wear ruffly things because they would just make your boobs look more ridiculous. OH and when you wear button down shirts, you'll always get that problem where the gaps in between the buttons become peepholes to your bra. Not something you'd want attracting attention to as an asexual...

#rantover

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editingatwork

Wow, I did not remotely expect so many responses so fast, so this is awesome. :) I'm really happy to see that I'm not the only one who's felt this way.

I don't consider myself entirely cis but I do say that I don't mind so much being treated as a female socially, I just keep feeling like I should be inhabiting a neutrois body. I've been using some variety of demigender terminology for months. (currently I am labeling my gender as "neutrois demicrone")

But I wouldn't tell someone else that simply because they are experiencing physical dysphoria they must indicate that in their gender identity.

The only thing I would say is that since cis identity -is- privileged in our society it might be worth it now and then to just try and be open to the idea you might not be cis just because there might be social pressure on you to hold onto something that doesn't actually work for you.... but ultimately you are the only person who can say what your gender is.

Yeah, that's where my confusion comes from. I only just figured out I was asexual last March, not even a year ago, so I'm still figuring out myself and my feelings through an honest, asexual lens. (Before then I just figured I was dysfunctional and broken, and it's taking time to work out how I ACTUALLY feel.) Thus far, I wouldn't say that it's necessarily gender dysphoria, but then again, it might be; at this point, I can't be sure. I think that's a good idea of trying on the non-binary identity for a bit and seeing how it feels. I definitely have some days when I feel more gender-neutral. Thank you. :)

I've never met anyone else who feels the same way about this as I do! I'm so glad to have found that I'm not the only one. I completely identify with what you're saying! Ever since my breasts first started to grow, I wanted them gone. They were a physical marker that I didn't want. I always say that if I ever get breast cancer, I'll tell the doctors to remove my breasts right away. I never understood women who actively wished or aspired to having large busts, not that I have anything against them, I just don't understand the desire, similar to how I don't understand the desire to bear children.

I've had some trouble in the past accepting my female body, in which I felt extremely uncomfortable (in retrospect I believe part of this is due to the fact that I'm asexual, and the female body tends to receive so much sexual attention and is often objectified.). It's not that I want to be male, though. I want to be gender neutral really, a blank slate, which reflects my gender identity.

I'm more accepting of my body now, and I'm less body-identified. We just get whatever physical form we happen to get, but our bodies don't predetermine our potential, who we are, or what we believe, or preclude us from being or doing anything--society and conditioning are the culprits there. Once we realize this we can break free of these limiting concepts.

I am 100% right there with you, pretty much word-for-word. :) I hate how much attention my female body gets simply because it's female and female bodies are hyper sexualized.

To everyone who recommended places to purchase binders (and gave tips on how long to wear them and dangers to watch out for), thank you so much. :) I'm in Japan right now so my main concern is shipping, but I'll look into it and see what I can find that'll fit my needs and my budget.

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lionlionlion

I think wanting to get rid of breasts doesn't have to be connected to gender at all. They get in the way! They are annoying!
You go from a free little kid to having to wear bras all the time.

I know most people enjoy their breasts, but I think it's entirely rational for some people to wish they weren't there.

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I almost never wear a bra, the only time being if I'm doing high-impact activities. Freedom! My chest isn't that large so it make is doable. I sometimes even run free-chested and it's fine. When I was younger and my breasts were starting to grow, my parents tried to force me to wear a bra, but I wouldn't have it. I cut up the bras they bought me. It was tramatic. They tried to force me to conform to the expectations of the gender binary in this and other ways. I eventually gave in, until now, when I've learned to be my own person.

Even though perhaps I'd rather not have breasts at all, since I do have them I want them to be free :)

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If you live in Japan, you might be in luck. I can't remember which one, but there is definitely a binder company in Japan itself. Someone with better memory will have to help me remember which one it is though...

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Lizzytreble13

I'm not a huge fan of my (large) boobs, but mostly because they're inconvenient. I don't mind them looking good (perky and whatnot) as long as they are covered up, but it can be difficult to find that perfect neckline that isn't revealing but is still pretty and feminine. But to be honest, I've never understood the boob hype. They're just lumps of fat, and I really don't see the appeal. Guys seem completely obsessed, and I just don't get it. Anyone with me??

And as someone who has had surgery a few times (including foot surgery a couple weeks ago), it really isn't that big of a deal :) I do understand your fear though. But if you really want them gone, I have confidence in you that you can rise to the occasion and tough it out! It might be sooo worth it in the end! ^^

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I totally agree with you. I don't see much meaning in gender and therefore have no reason to not identify as female, so while I identify as female, I do not like the feminine body, with emphasis on boobs. I would have loved to stay in a child's body forever.

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hi, I'm a transguy who identify as non-binary :)

if you're deciding for a binder here is a asian company http://www.t-kingdom.com/index.htm should be easier and quicker. if you have big breast I would not encourage you to use a binder regularly. I do as I have disphorya for my chest but I'm stopping as if I do it I will have massive pains in my back, sternum and armpit area for a few days; it wasn't like this at the beginning but now is getting quite unbereable but I'm going for surgery anyway. so be careful with the binder :)

I go to a support group and just the other day someone said that a guy did the surgery with only local aenestetic, so it may be an option. as for getting consent from a doctor it may be easier than for a trans guy who doesn't want hormones. in fact if you don't want the reconstruction to make it "look" like a male one but want it only flat the surgery can be considered just reduction and you'll be keeping a "female appearance" so you'll have less trouble to be sent to a surgeon.

good luck!

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lots of cisgender women have chest dysphoria. you aren't alone and don't let anyone tell you that you should "become" transgender or nonbinary. a flat chest is not masculine.

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  • 3 months later...
AstralFist

Old thread is old but I know that feel.

I am super jelly of flat chested people lol

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TardisBlue

I hate my boobs too. They're so big and fat and... bouncy! So uncomfortable. And I hate wearing bras, but they're so big I have to. I miss my pre-puberty times so badly :( I wish I could just donate my boobs.

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dandelionfluff

It me!

I am completely cis but really don't like my boobs. They are just...there. I don't even like looking at them in the mirror. Luckily, I am quite flat chested. Bras have no purpose so I go without most of the time. In fact I didn't even start wearing them until I was 18. If I wear a larger shirt or sweater they basically vanish lol. Heck if I wear a shirt that isn't tight fitting they vanish. Oddly enough I do wish they were smaller. I am envious of women with super flat boyish chests, like a lot of supermodels. Then I would never need a bra! It's a stereotype that smaller chested women want larger breasts. I do not. I would never go through an invasive surgery to get silicone sacks implanted in my chest to fit a societal beauty standard. I just don't see the benefit in that. With all the complications that arise it's bizarre that women put themselves through that. Heck, in most cultures around the world breasts are not a sexual organ.

Unlike most smaller breasted women I am so glad mine are small. There is so much freedom in what I wear since they don't get in the way. A couple of years ago I went from 32 A to 34 A and was mortified. D:

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I am lucky in that I have small boobs, but I often think how dreadful it would be to have big boobs. Like you said, they don't serve any purpose and they bounce or dangle or give you back pains.... brrrr.

My boobs don't bother me that much. On the other hand, I do get slightly jealous of lads at the swimming pool because they have muscles on their chest and sometimes I do wonder what that would be like.

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  • 3 months later...

Yeah im a cis female as well

But I really like looking like a guy *hell I even like being called a guy* and I dislike having boobs. I wear binders alot because of this and hope to me able to get top surgery some time. But because I don't identify as transgender I hear surgeons wont do it :P

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  • 3 months later...

Oh my gosh yes I totally agree! So many girls are always saying "I wish my boobs were bigger" or whatever, but I don't know why. Probably something to do with pleasing society - or more like... what men want.

I can speak for myself that I would love to have bigger boobs simply because I like the way they look in some clothes and in overall, really. I actually had to have surgery when I was 18 (corrective surgery) and if I were to have them again, I'd probably want them to be a tiny big bigger. Also because of my size, I'm a big girl, tall at 5'9", so me having regular-sized breasts is kind of disproportionate.

It's nothing to please society or what men want, not in my case, at least.

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My mother had to force me to wear a bra. I went 3-4 years with boobs w/o a bra, hiding how big my chest was via baggy shirts with tank tops underneath.

One time when I wasn't wearing one my mom said i had to wear one or guys would do something to me? She never specified. Idk what guys would do to a 15 year old in public who happened to not be wearing a bra? stare? catcall me? i doubt they'd try anything in a public place. Starting to think my mom has some kind of agenda that involves making me fear straight men...

So now whenever I wear tight shirts i wear a bra (sadly) but I usually wear baggy ones with a jacket overtop. Sometimes a sports bra, because while a bra makes my boobs appear more prominent, a sports bra flattens them and i just feel so much better.

I actually did ask my mother for a binder, or brought the subject up a bit ago. She immediately shut me down. "You don't want a binder."

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I'm sorry for what your mom told you, Niliinvas :( Moms sometimes gat angry and say such nonsensical things that are neither realistic nor comforting.

What's up with the bras? Tbh, I wearing a bra is more comfortable than wearing nothing, at least for me. The bra makes them stay still (c'mon it's painful when they bump all around) and prevents them from rubbing against clothing (tssss... Ouch).

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I wish there was a way to just get someone elses breasts who don't want them, that way you'd solve my breast-problem. :)

I really want my breasts asap.

I HATE having this flat chest... it disgusts me, I feel like you guys except the opposite problem!

but I hope you find a way to solve this!

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I wish there was a way to just get someone elses breasts who don't want them, that way you'd solve my breast-problem. :)

I really want my breasts asap.

I HATE having this flat chest... it disgusts me, I feel like you guys except the opposite problem!

but I hope you find a way to solve this!

Wanna trade boobs?

(in all seriousness i wish people could trade boobs...)

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