xmegglez Posted December 23, 2014 Share Posted December 23, 2014 Hey guys, I've been in a little bit of a funk lately - feeling like I don't fit in anywhere. I live in a very cookie-cutter Pleasantville-type town where it's not okay to be anything other than heterosexual. I don't feel like I can be myself anywhere I go, and I don't know how to meet people similar to me that are in my area. I've just felt so lonely lately. (I know this sounds so teenage-angsty.) I identify as homoromantic (sometimes biromantic?) demisexual. I'm fairly sex-repulsed, but I crave romance in the same way that most people crave sex. In my everyday dealings, I never think, "I wanna have sex with him/her," but I often find myself thinking I'd like to date him/her or wishing he/she would have feelings for me. I'm even on an online dating site just for the companionship... I attribute part of this to my basic human need for connections (of which I currently have none), but I think maybe part of it is just my intrinsic feeling of not belonging and wanting someone to not belong with me. Can anyone relate? Where do I find these connections IRL? Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGuy42 Posted December 23, 2014 Share Posted December 23, 2014 I also have a longing for people. But I hide that. And I avoid people as much as I can. Link to post Share on other sites
Cimmerian Posted December 23, 2014 Share Posted December 23, 2014 I've just felt so lonely lately. (I know this sounds so teenage-angsty.) I identify as homoromantic (sometimes biromantic?) demisexual. I'm fairly sex-repulsed, but I crave romance in the same way that most people crave sex. In my everyday dealings, I never think, "I wanna have sex with him/her," but I often find myself thinking I'd like to date him/her or wishing he/she would have feelings for me. I'm even on an online dating site just for the companionship... I attribute part of this to my basic human need for connections (of which I currently have none), but I think maybe part of it is just my intrinsic feeling of not belonging and wanting someone to not belong with me. Can anyone relate? Where do I find these connections IRL? I can definitely relate, and have been in a similar mood lately. I'm biromantic with stronger leanings toward homoromantic, and absolutely crave romance or a relationship at times even though I'm usually happy not being around people much. One of my first thoughts after I've found someone appealing in some way is, "I wonder what it'd be like to go out with them or hold their hand." I want the close connection that comes from that kind of situation because it's so hard to find! I don't make many close connections that last long anymore and so the romantic in mean imagines that a relationship would be that. I have no idea where to find these connections in real life... it seems like the best ones are those you stumble upon, but if I find a place that seems promising I'll let you know. Link to post Share on other sites
dissolved Posted December 23, 2014 Share Posted December 23, 2014 I can relate, but I only get the craving or desire to be in a relationship once I'm interested in someone or have feelings for them. Like now, it's very annoying because it monopolises my thoughts. Like OP and to an extent the post before me, I'm biromantic leaning towards homoromantic - blokes just aren't as interesting as girls...In terms of connections in real life, I'm pretty crap at meeting people. My current fixation is a girl I used to work with, and it just never really ended.OP, are you particularly introverted? Link to post Share on other sites
Snusmumriken Posted December 23, 2014 Share Posted December 23, 2014 More or less same here. Sometimes is difficult to avoid that loneliness, but hey, we have a lot of good things around! Connections just appear, you can't 'force' them. The best way is trying to meet new people. Your possibilities will increase. If you stay at home or move around the same circles of people, your prince/princess will never appear. The main problem tends to be the fact of staying in silence. If you say how you feel people won't understand, and that's more harmful than the fact of being lonely. Link to post Share on other sites
xmegglez Posted December 23, 2014 Author Share Posted December 23, 2014 I can relate (and not just because I'm also demi), but I only get the craving or desire to be in a relationship once I'm interested in someone or have feelings for them. Like now, it's very annoying because it monopolises my thoughts. Like OP and to an extent the post before me, I'm biromantic leaning towards homoromantic - blokes just aren't as interesting as girls... In terms of connections in real life, I'm pretty crap at meeting people. My current fixation is a girl I used to work with, and it just never really ended. OP, are you particularly introverted? Yes, 100% introverted. Most of the time, I'm fine being by myself, because I get all anxious and exhausted when I'm around other people, but lately, I've just felt perpetually and existentially lonely. Link to post Share on other sites
xmegglez Posted December 23, 2014 Author Share Posted December 23, 2014 .Finn - thanks for your reply. You put my feelings into words a lot better than I did, haha. And snusmumriken - I agree that not talking about it is more harmful than the feelings themselves. That's why I'm getting it out here with people who get it like you guys. Thank you! Link to post Share on other sites
dissolved Posted December 23, 2014 Share Posted December 23, 2014 I can relate (and not just because I'm also demi), but I only get the craving or desire to be in a relationship once I'm interested in someone or have feelings for them. Like now, it's very annoying because it monopolises my thoughts. Like OP and to an extent the post before me, I'm biromantic leaning towards homoromantic - blokes just aren't as interesting as girls... In terms of connections in real life, I'm pretty crap at meeting people. My current fixation is a girl I used to work with, and it just never really ended. OP, are you particularly introverted? Yes, 100% introverted. Most of the time, I'm fine being by myself, because I get all anxious and exhausted when I'm around other people, but lately, I've just felt perpetually and existentially lonely. Yeah, people are exhausting. I'm fine with one person at a time, but can't cope with groups or being in public for any longer than necessary. Dunno what you do for a living, but I work at a university, so there are societies and groups/clubs etc that you can join - I've just become part of a cinema club. Just a way of hopefully meeting like minded people (and weird ones too) and of course you don't have to go to every meeting thing. Do you have anything like this in your life? Link to post Share on other sites
xmegglez Posted December 24, 2014 Author Share Posted December 24, 2014 I can relate (and not just because I'm also demi), but I only get the craving or desire to be in a relationship once I'm interested in someone or have feelings for them. Like now, it's very annoying because it monopolises my thoughts. Like OP and to an extent the post before me, I'm biromantic leaning towards homoromantic - blokes just aren't as interesting as girls... In terms of connections in real life, I'm pretty crap at meeting people. My current fixation is a girl I used to work with, and it just never really ended. OP, are you particularly introverted? Yes, 100% introverted. Most of the time, I'm fine being by myself, because I get all anxious and exhausted when I'm around other people, but lately, I've just felt perpetually and existentially lonely. Yeah, people are exhausting. I'm fine with one person at a time, but can't cope with groups or being in public for any longer than necessary. Dunno what you do for a living, but I work at a university, so there are societies and groups/clubs etc that you can join - I've just become part of a cinema club. Just a way of hopefully meeting like minded people (and weird ones too) and of course you don't have to go to every meeting thing. Do you have anything like this in your life? I did at one point. I was going to school & living on campus for a few years, but I sort of screwed up my life a lot in the last year, so I'm back in my hometown at my parents' house. This town itself has a lot of bad memories attached to it. I didn't have friends when I lived here as a teenager, and I definitely don't now! Hopefully, I'll get my life back on track soon and can move on from this place. Link to post Share on other sites
diggles031 Posted December 24, 2014 Share Posted December 24, 2014 Hello! I am new here, and I too identify as homoromantic (perhaps homodemiromantic? demihomoromantic? Not sure whether that is an orientation) demisexual. Sex averse and somewhat touch averse. Not entirely sure where I fall on the romantic spectrum other than that I am same-sex attracted. I completely understand the difficulty of meeting people. Doesn't help that I am an introvert and incredibly shy around people I don't know well. Link to post Share on other sites
xmegglez Posted December 24, 2014 Author Share Posted December 24, 2014 Welcome, diggles! Sounds like you might be in the right place! Let me know if you ever wanna talk! :) Link to post Share on other sites
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