I'm not sure what to think of my best friend's reaction

[TheRainmakers]

I have known that I am asexual for a few years now and up until recently I thought I was an aromantic asexual. Then I met my boyfriend and that changed. I am very much romantically attracted to him. To me this is a wonderful discovery and even if it doesn't work out and I am not often romantically attracted to many people it feels like new possibilities have been opened.

As much as I like this new discovery it triggered a renewed interest in the asexual community and into exactly what makes up my 'orientation'. It is going to take a bit of time but in the meantime I thought I would talk to my best friend about it. I decided to come out to her.

For the most part it went well. I am not the first close asexual friend that she has had. Her knowledge surprised me and she was super supportive. (She is a very sexual person and I anticipated giving a long explanation.) This support and encouragement was great but right before she left she said one thing that really struck me as odd. "By the way, I don't think you're totally asexual."

I have decided not to be upset as everything else she said was great but admittedly I am still slightly confused. Does she simply not understand as well as she seems to? What are your thoughts?

[element83]

I think it would be worth asking her what she meant by that. She might have meant that she feels from your description of yourself that a different label (grey-ace, demisexual) would be a better fit (I don't feel like it's her place to make that call, but she might). Or she might think that because you identified as aromantic and then developed romantic attraction later, that you are also wrong about the asexual identity (which is also kind of an icky thing to have meant). Or any number of other things... Only she really knows.

[Ficulnean]

Or, she could just mean that that is how she see's you. From the sounds of it, I don't think that she's actually telling you that you're wrong or anything.

[TheRainmakers]

I agree with you guys. That's probably what she means (demi/gray/something). I will definitely ask her. It was just a strange comment for her to leave on and it threw me off a little.

[D00D]

I'm new to all these terms but maybe she thinks you're not a celibate asexual and would have sex to please a partner?

[RobPal]

Maybe she feel that "totally asexual" means being aromantic too, so as you now have romantic feelings that means to her that you're not "totally asexual".

There are so many different ways to interpret this that the best thing to do is not over think it and then ask her what she meant the next time you see her.

Let us know how it goes.