Conscientious Ghost Posted March 28, 2015 Share Posted March 28, 2015 God, I hate being called a lady ... but what if I'm not a boy either? Why do people always need to refer to someone's (supposed) gender, as if that was their defining trait? Anyway, it's great that your colleague got your back. :) Ma'm, lady, and missy are my least favorite words to be referred as. It would have been lovely if people used gender neutral pronouns instead of the masculine ones, but explaining to parents and guardians why I use they/them instead of he/him is an extreme hassle. Yes, I agree! I almost cried tears of joy when she got my back. Link to post Share on other sites
nerdperson777 Posted March 28, 2015 Author Share Posted March 28, 2015 When I was still questioning, I realized I really liked it when my friend called me Mister Cat. :) Link to post Share on other sites
Valiant Posted March 28, 2015 Share Posted March 28, 2015 Was called buddy yesterday whilst grabbing a coffee (I don't drink coffee, was for someone else), instead of the dreaded miss or ma'am. Then I was stared at whilst walking into the ladies bathroom because the only non-gendered toilet in the entire shopping complex was occupied and I needed to go. Sigh. Starting to wonder if I should switch. :x Link to post Share on other sites
(A)rrogant Avian Posted March 29, 2015 Share Posted March 29, 2015 I remember one big moment for me realising that I was a transman was how I interact on the internet. On forums, during video games and in other places on the internet, I have always been called male pronouns and thought of as a male, and this was probably because my usernames weren't particularly feminine, but were quite masculine, and maybe the way I typed or something. I was always secretly happy that they were calling me male pronouns and I hated it when a friend told them otherwise. Link to post Share on other sites
littlepersonparadox Posted March 29, 2015 Share Posted March 29, 2015 Then I was stared at whilst walking into the ladies bathroom because the only non-gendered toilet in the entire shopping complex was occupied and I needed to go. Sigh. Starting to wonder if I should switch. :x Totally get that. The other day i'm in my binder and dressed male like but I had no confidence in how well I can pass. The closest neutral washroom is all the way down 3 flights of stairs over a bridge up a ramp and across a hall from the class i'm in. So i go to the female washroom. When I'm in there washing my hands and a women comes out of a stall and sees me.I notice she's looking at me though the bathroom mirror and i start to turn around and nod hello or something just to be friendly. She was on her way out sees me and runs into a stall next to the one she was in and closes the stall door. I finish washing my hands and leave thinking "Well that was weird". Then a few days later i'm sitting in the restaurant, similarly dressed the only difference is the colours of the cloths, with Steph and they tell me that they can't even tell what my sex is visually. That made me obviously ecstatic. Then I remembered a few days later that i was dressed the exact same way in the bathroom and wonder if that women's reaction was to me specifically. Also being jealous at GSA of a girl who's MTF and had complete transition done in 3 years. Link to post Share on other sites
butterflydreams Posted March 29, 2015 Share Posted March 29, 2015 Was called buddy yesterday whilst grabbing a coffee (I don't drink coffee, was for someone else), instead of the dreaded miss or ma'am. Hahaha, every time I hear someone called buddy I think of the South Park episode Canada on Strike: "I'm not your friend, buddy. I'm not your buddy, guy! He's not your guy, friend. I'm not your friend, buddy!" :lol: I know I don't look super girly when out and about, but I must be the weirdest looking 'sir' at this point. Got called to the register at the store as 'sir' today, and it just seemed weird. I have a feeling that actually being present in the world instead of off in la-la land like I used to be makes me more aware of the incongruities. Somewhat related...I'm working on getting a Toyota MR2 (sports car). I recently found out that many people refer to it as the "mister two." Now I'm constantly trying to think of cheeky vanity plates if I get one. I'm thinking like "misstoo" or something :P Link to post Share on other sites
Wild Seven Posted March 29, 2015 Share Posted March 29, 2015 My whole life is one big trans moment :P :::snippage::::: Hate can hurt me, but that pain passes. It cannot destroy me. Only I can destroy me, people don't have that power over me, not any more. Yeah, isn't THAT the truth! The proverbial gift that keeps on giving? But don't you get tired almost to the limits of your endurance at times of being continually stung by those Scorpions? Totally, but the last thing I'm giving them is my death. I'm not going to do something hurting me for someone else's mess, and losers like that? They don't deserve me. They're so insecure in their own genders the only thing they're able to do is pick on people who are so strong to not live according to lying, set for default, standards made for unthinking morons. There's always that to calm myself with; they prove they're losing just by coming at me. Coming at anyone. The only other question is if there's anything to be gained in the fight, and if that something is worth it / something I'm interested in, at the moment. Link to post Share on other sites
kiaroskuro Posted March 29, 2015 Share Posted March 29, 2015 Ma'm, lady, and missy are my least favorite words to be referred as. It would have been lovely if people used gender neutral pronouns instead of the masculine ones, but explaining to parents and guardians why I use they/them instead of he/him is an extreme hassle. Yes, I agree! I almost cried tears of joy when she got my back. There are no gender neutral pronouns in my language*, otherwise I'd happily resort to they/them. I can very well imagine how difficult it must be to explain those kind of things to people who probably have a hard time thinking beyond the binary, in general. *none that can be used for people, at least Link to post Share on other sites
Conscientious Ghost Posted March 29, 2015 Share Posted March 29, 2015 There are no gender neutral pronouns in my language*, otherwise I'd happily resort to they/them. I can very well imagine how difficult it must be to explain those kind of things to people who probably have a hard time thinking beyond the binary, in general. *none that can be used for people, at least I think that's pretty difficult identifying on the nonbinary spectrum when your language doesn't have gender neutral pronouns for people. The closest people have to understanding why I use they/them pronouns was when they were genuinely confused if I was a boy or girl. Link to post Share on other sites
kiaroskuro Posted March 29, 2015 Share Posted March 29, 2015 I think that's pretty difficult identifying on the nonbinary spectrum when your language doesn't have gender neutral pronouns for people. True! There are languages that don't have gender-specific pronouns; I wish I'd grown up speaking one of these. I think language really influences the way you think about yourself and others. Link to post Share on other sites
Heart Posted March 29, 2015 Share Posted March 29, 2015 Genderqueer moment: waking up from a dream and genuinely not remembering which sex I was in it. Link to post Share on other sites
Jockey Posted March 29, 2015 Share Posted March 29, 2015 Here's one from about ten years ago, when I was a teenager. I was shelving books at the library, and I hear an older lady and a little boy, and the older lady says "Go ahead, ask!" So the little boy asks me, "Are you a boy?" while the lady looks on smiling. And I'm thinking- she's encouraging him to ask about my gender? Really? And then she clarifies: "Are you a boy, or are you a man?" ;) Link to post Share on other sites
C.nick Posted March 30, 2015 Share Posted March 30, 2015 I got asked “they/them/their?” by a cashier at a store a few weeks back. It took me by surprise and I stared at her just long enough for her to say “And you have no idea what I'm talking about.” My only reaction then was to nod enthusiastically. I've never heard gender-neutral/agender anything discussed outside of the internet, let alone anyone ask me my preferred pronouns, especially where I live. Link to post Share on other sites
Another One Posted March 30, 2015 Share Posted March 30, 2015 I think that's pretty difficult identifying on the nonbinary spectrum when your language doesn't have gender neutral pronouns for people. True! There are languages that don't have gender-specific pronouns; I wish I'd grown up speaking one of these. I think language really influences the way you think about yourself and others. I wish I'd speak less gendered language too... In the language people speak in my country, even singular form of "you" is gendered, and I feel misgendered each time someone talks to me. Link to post Share on other sites
kiaroskuro Posted March 30, 2015 Share Posted March 30, 2015 I think that's pretty difficult identifying on the nonbinary spectrum when your language doesn't have gender neutral pronouns for people. True! There are languages that don't have gender-specific pronouns; I wish I'd grown up speaking one of these. I think language really influences the way you think about yourself and others. I wish I'd speak less gendered language too... In the language people speak in my country, even singular form of "you" is gendered, and I feel misgendered each time someone talks to me. זה מציק גם לי, כל פעם שאני מדברת (מנסה לדבר) עברית! Sorry for my bad Hebrew ... :/ Yep, that happens to me all the time! Link to post Share on other sites
nerdperson777 Posted March 30, 2015 Author Share Posted March 30, 2015 I used to meet people at some sort of gathering and usually I think, "Cool! This/These girl(s) like/s the same thing as I do!" Then there's talks about guys and makeup so I get disappointed. One specific event is when everyone in a certain martial arts club from the SoCal schools gather at UC Irvine and we do stuff together. Alright, friendly people. After practice, we go change and eat dinner. I know I have to enter the female locker rooms. By the time everyone finishes changing, they are almost all dressed more femininely for dinner and all I do is change my t-shirt to a non sweaty one, and exercise pants into another pair. But now I know I was trying to find a trans* DFAB in a group of cis females. Over Spring Break, I had to go to practice for my martial arts group at home multiple days that week while I was around because we're doing a big demo. Normally I'm having a nice conversation with my coach (the one in the first post of this thread) after everyone's gone. Dad was wondering how long I'd be staying because I usually end up talking too long and making our family eat dinner late. I said it probably won't be long because the coach's girlfriend is visiting. To get out of the house a different time, I had to tell them that she was an MtF. So Dad gave me this odd look. I said, "Why? Is there something wrong with it?" "Nothing, just that I've never heard of it before" (a trans lesbian). He thinks he's really experienced being older and it's strange when he doesn't know certain things. I think of course he hasn't heard of it before. I just say he doesn't understand anything about being queer. Sometimes it's a hit and miss when my parents gender me correctly. Once my mom called me he, but sometimes they already use incorrect pronouns talking about cis people so I'm not sure. Another day, Dad called me a boy. But usually they call me she and they don't know what male name I've chosen. Link to post Share on other sites
Certified Cake Decorator Posted March 31, 2015 Share Posted March 31, 2015 When applying to a university and the question is Gender: M or F? Like, ummm you mean sex right? And if so, that's still sad, because what about intersex people?! And then i found a way to work that into my prompt so at least someone knows what i have to say. Link to post Share on other sites
nerdperson777 Posted March 31, 2015 Author Share Posted March 31, 2015 Trans and ace moment. Got blood drawn earlier for a study, was really tired throughout the day. Friend says I need more iron, especially after certain girl processes. Now I know how she feels when I talk about her mustache. I said that the people who were studying my blood gave me a list of iron-rich nutrients and I wasn't sure why women needed more than children. She mentions the girl processes again and biological stuff isn't usually what comes to mind when iron is low, especially when I hate it that much. More dysphoric when someone talks about it during my turn for torture, but didn't feel that dysphoric today. The San Diego Airport had an all genders bathroom so I was content. Also I didn't have to wait in the long female line. :) Link to post Share on other sites
iff Posted March 31, 2015 Share Posted March 31, 2015 When applying to a university and the question is Gender: M or F? Like, ummm you mean sex right? And if so, that's still sad, because what about intersex people?! And then i found a way to work that into my prompt so at least someone knows what i have to say. this was a form for me i just marked it as incorrect although another poster when i posted it first, pointed out the correct answer would be iron Link to post Share on other sites
DiEvAl Posted March 31, 2015 Share Posted March 31, 2015 this was a form for me i just marked it as incorrect although another poster when i posted it first, pointed out the correct answer would be iron What if the applicant has more than one cohabitant? Link to post Share on other sites
iff Posted March 31, 2015 Share Posted March 31, 2015 this was a form for me i just marked it as incorrect although another poster when i posted it first, pointed out the correct answer would be iron What if the applicant has more than one cohabitant? that is an excellent question Link to post Share on other sites
Heart Posted March 31, 2015 Share Posted March 31, 2015 this was a form for me i just marked it as incorrect although another poster when i posted it first, pointed out the correct answer would be iron What if the applicant has more than one cohabitant? that is an excellent question #polyamorous moments Maybe we need to wander over to rels and start one on that too :P Link to post Share on other sites
nerdperson777 Posted March 31, 2015 Author Share Posted March 31, 2015 this was a form for me i just marked it as incorrect although another poster when i posted it first, pointed out the correct answer would be iron What if the applicant has more than one cohabitant? that is an excellent question #polyamorous moments Maybe we need to wander over to rels and start one on that too :P Reminds me of those high school friends I had. They established a family tree with all our friends. And I just decided to be the pet so I wouldn't be anyone's spouse. I think families on Facebook like that just make no sense. Don't know which updates people mean and don't. I'm pretty sure that friend isn't married. And you don't have multiple fathers and mothers. Female fathers and male mothers. I don't get what's going on. Link to post Share on other sites
DiEvAl Posted March 31, 2015 Share Posted March 31, 2015 Reminds me of those high school friends I had. They established a family tree with all our friends. And I just decided to be the pet so I wouldn't be anyone's spouse. I think families on Facebook like that just make no sense. Don't know which updates people mean and don't. I'm pretty sure that friend isn't married. And you don't have multiple fathers and mothers. Female fathers and male mothers. I don't get what's going on.Those "families" can sometimes be helpful. I think being someone's "daughter" actually helped me realize that I'm genderless. Link to post Share on other sites
butterflydreams Posted April 1, 2015 Share Posted April 1, 2015 The San Diego Airport had an all genders bathroom so I was content. Also I didn't have to wait in the long female line. :) Maybe this is a "we've moved passed trans moments" trans moment but, I was at the University of Vermont* a few months ago with my friend and I noticed they had a sign for "gender-neutral restroom." Which was interesting, because I'd literally never seen a sign like that before. But...being that I grew up and spent most of my young life in *ahem* "hick towns" as my former boss used to call them, I was totally used to small places/stores/whatever only having one bathroom period. It was just for everybody, and it was no big deal at all. My mom always called them "one hole-ers" :lol: I remarked to my friend how I thought it was weird to call it a gender neutral bathroom like that. It was just a "one hole-er" and that's nothing special hahaha! I guess it goes to show the different experiences and expectations you can have growing up in different places :P * Incidentally, if anyone out there is approaching college, last I heard UVM is about as trans-friendly as you can get. I think they even just recently added non-binary gender options on their official transcripts and records. Link to post Share on other sites
nerdperson777 Posted April 1, 2015 Author Share Posted April 1, 2015 My school has a few gender neutral bathrooms across campus, but I don't think they're that visible. Link to post Share on other sites
Kappamaki Posted April 1, 2015 Share Posted April 1, 2015 It was at the last rest stop on the highway going south of Vermont, if I recall correctly, that I discovered the secret Gender-Neutral public restroom. It was a nice, new rest stop, and there were two doors (and also some water fountains) between the Men's room and the Women's room. One was a janitor's closet, and was marked as such. The other was totally unmarked. I hesitantly opened the door to find an entire great big multiple-stall restroom that nobody knew about! I couldn't find the light switch, but the toilets worked perfectly, and I didn't have to worry about any men or women barging in. It was a great discovery! Link to post Share on other sites
Certified Cake Decorator Posted April 2, 2015 Share Posted April 2, 2015 When your therapist doesnt understand what nonbinary is and thinks its a good thing when people call you a guy because you are afab. Oh sadness. I guess i have a lot of work to do before therapy will actually start happening. :/ Link to post Share on other sites
nerdperson777 Posted April 4, 2015 Author Share Posted April 4, 2015 Skype call this morning with parents. I told them that I'm going to a competition next week and we would go there Friday night so we'd be refreshed for the big day. I said we were going to be in hotels. The only thing I knew was that there would be 4 to a room. My mom was wondering if they would be separated by gender and if they aren't, "things" could happen. I refuted that our group doesn't do that. Plus what would I be doing? I literally facepalmed at the screen. After my call ended, I asked my friend, who is an officer for the club that has us do these competitions and practice. She said in the meeting last night, a question was brought up of whether anyone has a problem with co-ed. Her answer was, "I have a brother." So she's definitely okay with it. There are 8 guys and 3 girls (if I count as one). I asked, "why not two groups of 4 guys and one group of 3 girls?" Then she reminded me that the other girl was not someone she'd room with, I wouldn't either. It's mostly because she's the popular kind and we're kinda antisocial. Then I asked, "I wonder where I fit in all of this.." hinting that my gender was kind of neither binary. She kind of wondered why I would just suddenly bring this up. Well it is true, I'm not 100% of either side. Link to post Share on other sites
butterflydreams Posted April 5, 2015 Share Posted April 5, 2015 Do contrived trans moments count in this thread? I'd actually been planning this "silly little act" for 2 whole days. For some reason, on Thursday, I was really craving some pizza from a place I haven't ordered from in a while. The light in my head went off that, "hey, you order from there so rarely, and they're so busy, they'll never remember you. You should place the order under the name 'Hadley' and pick it up with all femme guns blazing (hat, nails, shirt, bag, etc)." (Still lightyears from passing, but it's a pretty neutral name so...) Well...tonight I did it. I can't even believe I did it. I gave them my name on the phone, and again when I got there to pick it up. The person at the counter didn't care at all. My order wasn't quite ready yet, so they even called my name again! Of course, being me, I'm imagining everyone else there just staring at me with their laser eyes, so I was a bit blinded to things around me, but I did do it. How did it feel? Heh, it's hard to say, I was so nervous about it! Certainly like it better than my given name, which I've never been too fond of. I guess I was too focused on what they were thinking about me and that name. I felt like just telling them that, and having them call me that was like letting them know some deep dark secret about me. Oh well, for a first try, I think I did good. Gotta crawl before you walk ^_^ Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.