Trans Moments?

[nerdperson777]

@Liebelit Totally get it.  Once my mom was crying profusely talking about how happy she was when she was in the hospital with a daughter.  No amount of crying will make me stop being trans.  She's the only one who has attempted to respect my name and pronouns but I think she's totally forgotten it all now.  She even refers to me as a girl and a daughter when conversing with people who know my identity.  Can't even try anything with dad.  I have done the card thing before anything trans related so I stopped doing cards for other reasons.  Mostly because not going to be appreciated anyway, regardless of what name is on the card.  Mom wants a lesbian because that's less trouble than explaining trans.  Plus she tries to save every cent she can so lesbian would be the no cost option.  There's no winning.

[Dodecahedron314]

*hugs @Liebelit* That sucks, and I wish there was some guaranteed way to get everyone to see and accept you how you are. Just know we're all here for you in whatever capacity you need, and I hope things get better soon.

[Light02]

I remembered a few things from my childhood that I guess could be called trans* moments.

 

There's this Bulgarian celebrity who's genderqueer. Sometimes they present as a man and other times they present as a woman and want people to use a feminine version of their birth name and she/her pronouns. I remember that as a child I saw a poster with them on it and their look confused me, so I asked my mom whether they were a man or a woman and she said: "He doesn't know either." I completely got that and related to it.

 

Also, as I've said before, in Bulgarian we only have one word, and not two different ones for sex and gender. Despite that, because I'm not cis, I still created the concept of "inner" and "outer" gender because it made sense to me. So I wondered whether Bugs Bunny, whom I had a huge crush on at the time, was "really a boy". I knew he was a male rabbit and that was his "outer gender", as I called it back then, but I had a hard time believing that animals question whether they feel like a boy or like a girl  on the inside (which was a question I frequently pondered at that age).

 

[nerdperson777]

The past few Saturdays I've been watching my martial arts studio's Black Belt Test.  These are pretests and then the final one when they have to do everything they've done in the last couple weeks in one night.  For their conditioning portion of the test, they need to do jump rope, push ups, and leg lifts.  The requirement for the push ups is that the student's chest must touch the pad that goes under there.  I thought, "I have no problem doing forms decently but the conditioning portion is what kills me.  The only reason I would want boobs is so that I don't have to go so far down for push ups."  But I wear my binder when I exercise so I don't get that advantage of having boobs.

[Ashes Floating]

I was:

 

- misgendered

- deadnamed

- insulted

- belittled

- told I wasn't real

 

all in the space of one conversation, by one person. I've requested disciplianry action, but I don't know if I'll get it or not.

[The-world-is-quiet-here]

When your sibling misgenders the person you're dating because "they misgendered me first!" 

 

Also, Sasha and i keep having a conversation like this:

S: I need a new name.

me: okay, for what?

S: my new personality!

me: ummm... you know you still have the same personality, right?

S: I know, I was kidding.

(I thought it was a coincidence at first, but it's happened at least two times.)

[nerdperson777]

Silly thing that happens in a trans chatroom.

 

[conversation going on]

[Person #1 says hi to everyone]
Me: a wild [person #1] appeared.

Me: well not wild anymore.

Person #2: Yeah she got spayed.

Person #1: x.x

She had just got SRS/GRS the past week.

 

The chatroom server gets services from some provider called girldick.  From what I hear, they provide servers to (trans) groups that experience misogyny.  So there are very many jokes pertaining to it.  Person #1 once inadvertently said that she was playing with her girldick, when she meant the server.  There are multiple server names to get in the room so sometimes I hear "girldick is down" when can't connect through that.  (I connect through not girldick so I didn't have that.  It would be weird trying to connect to girldick.)  Person #2 joked that Person #1 was getting Viagra for it, I think when she was flying to her surgery location soon.  Another time "girldick went offline" so I asked if offline was equivalent to SRS.

 

The girldick jokes will never end with them.

[The-world-is-quiet-here]

An email from Etsy:

"Drab to FAB home decor!"

me: "did you mean... AFAB?"

[Mezzo Forte]

When you're 5'3", stuck in T-Rex mode (can't raise my upper arms) from top surgery, and you notice that you can't really reach most the stuff you need to prepare food.  

[Just Me!]

Unfortunately, when it comes to changing rooms, I'm resigned to the AFAB ones. I was about to pull off my T-shirt when I remembered that I was wearing a two sports bras, one backwards, for compression. I tried to do it as quickly as possible, but someone pointed out "Hey, you're wearing your bra back-to-front...wait, you're wearing two...?!" She concluded that I was insecure about my chest size (correct), but thought I was a cisgender female doing it to make it appear larger, which she then loudly publicised. No, no, no. Then someone else asked if I was a boy pretending to be a girl and "faking" my gender. (Secretly, that's pretty much what I was doing- faking my gender- and I was pretty pleased that I kind of passed for a "boy faking being a girl", but anyway). I laughed it off, but I don't think they forgot it. The world needs more gender-neutral facilities.

[The-world-is-quiet-here]

My mom used they pronouns for our dog this morning, and when i raised my eyebrows, she said, "Everybody is going to use gender neutral pronouns now!" Okay Mom....  

[nerdperson777]

On 5/30/2017 at 7:38 PM, Mezzo Forte said:

When you're 5'3", stuck in T-Rex mode (can't raise my upper arms) from top surgery, and you notice that you can't really reach most the stuff you need to prepare food.  

I am also 5' 3", maybe an extra like 0.4 inch or something because it doesn't seem like half?

 

I went to an informed consent clinic today.  The trans lady filling out my papers was a great person to talk to.  That was an enjoyable conversation compared to the dysphoria I'm having this week.  So I guess that was just the consultation and I'll see a doctor next week for hormones?  I have something about this to write about in an ace thread so I'm going to go over there now.

EDIT: I forgot what I originally meant to post and just remembered.  This lady said that I looked like a [chosen name].  That feels good that my name matches my person.

[Emery.]

18 hours ago, Just Me, Myself and I said:

Unfortunately, when it comes to changing rooms, I'm resigned to the AFAB ones. I was about to pull off my T-shirt when I remembered that I was wearing a two sports bras, one backwards, for compression. I tried to do it as quickly as possible, but someone pointed out "Hey, you're wearing your bra back-to-front...wait, you're wearing two...?!" She concluded that I was insecure about my chest size (correct), but thought I was a cisgender female doing it to make it appear larger, which she then loudly publicised. No, no, no. Then someone else asked if I was a boy pretending to be a girl and "faking" my gender. (Secretly, that's pretty much what I was doing- faking my gender- and I was pretty pleased that I kind of passed for a "boy faking being a girl", but anyway). I laughed it off, but I don't think they forgot it. The world needs more gender-neutral facilities.

Oh my...  Just wear an undershirt over it next time, lol. 

 

I passed for a transfeminine person a couple of times too. But not in a changing room. 

[Iyck]

I swear my mother forgets anything I've told her that's trans related the minute we end a conversation. She recently said the "if men had periods" thing that cis women tend to say. So I mentioned that plenty of men of course do and she acted so surprised that I have to assume she doesn't understand anything trans related we've talked about over the last year or so. Also I guess that I can talk about trans issues as long and as much as I want, but she won't assume I could ever be anything other than cis unless I tell her point blank. And even then she probably won't, considering she's convinced parents should be able to "know" the gender of their child without being told, because gender is apparently something very obvious, you know? ^^ I will try reminding her nonbinary genders are a thing...again I guess. 

[Finn.]

@Iyck that somehow reminds me of my own mother. she's just super oblivious and uses that as an excuse for every and anything. you have to be really blunt for her to actually react to it, but she will *forget* it about it again in no time.

I recently read a book about emotionally abusive parents and it made some sense of that, like, it's not necessarily like she voluntarily fake-forgets, but maybe she actually forgets about it because everything revolves around herself and not around others. Not to say your mom is emotionally abusive. But maybe it puts a new perspective on it?

[nerdperson777]

My friend told me there's an app with Magikarp in it. I started playing it. Guess what I found? 

 

"OMG is he clocking me? *sweats*"

[Iyck]

7 hours ago, Finn. said:

@Iyck that somehow reminds me of my own mother. she's just super oblivious and uses that as an excuse for every and anything. you have to be really blunt for her to actually react to it, but she will *forget* it about it again in no time.

I recently read a book about emotionally abusive parents and it made some sense of that, like, it's not necessarily like she voluntarily fake-forgets, but maybe she actually forgets about it because everything revolves around herself and not around others. Not to say your mom is emotionally abusive. But maybe it puts a new perspective on it?

In this case I feel like it's mostly that her world-view is very narrow and she doesn't care enough to extend it. She does have some tendencies towards saying stuff that's along the lines of emotional abuse though too, but maybe not that bad.

 

Any indication I could be considering changing soemthing like my name or even worse my body would freak my mum out and make her be unbearable about it. I don't think I could deal with that and don't think I should have to. Makes the whole idea of coming out more difficult tough.

[butterflydreams]

I think I may have gotten my first chaser.

 

You know, I don't care how many people out there try to be like, "no, trans-attracted men are totally fine! Trans women should love them. These guys are accepting them."

 

Nope. I refuse to accept that premise because it's 100% flawed.

 

Wait, no, scratch the chaser part. Actually, because I still have "male parts" it's "hot" because he's bi. Nothing against bisexual guys at all, and I'd have no problem dating one, but I wouldn't ever do it sight-unseen from a dating app. I'm not some "best of both worlds". I'm a fucking woman. I should've said, "no, I don't have male parts, I have boobs." Christ. Live and learn I guess.

 

You know what, new rule, right now. To make this super easy going forward. If you ask me anything that you wouldn't ask a cis woman, you're out. I refuse to be treated differently in this context. I won't stand for it. I am a woman, I am female. I am female!!!!

[Ashes Floating]

@Hadley167 good policy, and I hope it works out!

[nerdperson777]

I probably heard wrong earlier when I was working but I heard my supervisor talking to the guy in the other room.

Supervisor: Sorry I was talking to [NP].

Guy: The new temp?  Is he like 15-16?

 

I think I heard wrong and they were probably talking about the 15th and 16th orders they were filling, but I'm not sure.  People do think I look like a 15-16 year old boy.

[Mezzo Forte]

17 hours ago, nerdperson777 said:

I probably heard wrong earlier when I was working but I heard my supervisor talking to the guy in the other room.

Supervisor: Sorry I was talking to [NP].

Guy: The new temp?  Is he like 15-16?

 

I think I heard wrong and they were probably talking about the 15th and 16th orders they were filling, but I'm not sure.  People do think I look like a 15-16 year old boy.

I know the feeling.  I was recently mistaken for 11 years old, but I think being around my parents predisposes people to assume me younger than when I'm by myself. (I also get perceived more feminine when I'm with my mother.) I conducted a percussion ensemble piece as a grad assistant a couple months ago, and half the people who walked up to me afterwards asked me "now, are you really young for a grad student, or do you just look young?" 

 

I can count the amount of times I was mistaken for older than I actually was on one hand, and every time, it had more to do with my demeanor than my appearance.  

[AwkwardAxolotl]

12 minutes ago, Mezzo Forte said:

I know the feeling.  I was recently mistaken for 11 years old, but I think being around my parents predisposes people to assume me younger than when I'm by myself. (I also get perceived more feminine when I'm with my mother.) I conducted a percussion ensemble piece as a grad assistant a couple months ago, and half the people who walked up to me afterwards asked me "now, are you really young for a grad student, or do you just look young?" 

 

I can count the amount of times I was mistaken for older than I actually was on one hand, and every time, it had more to do with my demeanor than my appearance.  

When I was 19 and had just started to transition, my roommate/best friend and I went to a folk festival. The woman selling tickets asked my companion if I needed a child's ticket (the cut-off for "child" was 12). I'm not sure whether my roommate or I was more taken aback, that the woman thought I could be less than twelve, or that my best friend (who is only a year older than me) could be old enough to be the mother of a 12 year old child.

 

Also, last year (when I was 22), I moved and had to register my car in my new place. The lady at the town hall initially refused to let me pay the excise tax on my car so I could register it, because she couldn't believe that I could be old enough to own a car. I don't think I look so young that 16 would be completely out of the realm of possibility, and secondly, why would I be trying to pay taxes on a car if I didn't have to?

 

I don't even want to know what it would be like if I tried to go to a bar. Luckily I'm not inclined to go to them, because if I was, I'm pretty sure all the bartenders would think my ID was fake.

[Mezzo Forte]

4 minutes ago, AwkwardAxolotl said:

When I was 19 and had just started to transition, my roommate/best friend and I went to a folk festival. The woman selling tickets asked my companion if I needed a child's ticket (the cut-off for "child" was 12). I'm not sure whether my roommate or I was more taken aback, that the woman thought I could be less than twelve, or that my best friend (who is only a year older than me) could be old enough to be the mother of a 12 year old child.

 

Also, last year (when I was 22), I moved and had to register my car in my new place. The lady at the town hall initially refused to let me pay the excise tax on my car so I could register it, because she couldn't believe that I could be old enough to own a car. I don't think I look so young that 16 would be completely out of the realm of possibility, and secondly, why would I be trying to pay taxes on a car if I didn't have to?

 

I don't even want to know what it would be like if I tried to go to a bar. Luckily I'm not inclined to go to them, because if I was, I'm pretty sure all the bartenders would think my ID was fake.

I don't drink, but I have gone to bars to listen to music, and I get carded in countries where the legal drinking age is 16 just walking into venues.  I also got carded once when a friend was buying alcohol before I updated my name/gender marker on my license (some places card everyone you're with to make sure you're not buying drinks for underage people) and you should have seen the disbelief on the person's face. Nobody's accused me of having a fake ID at least.

 

I know cis guys with the same curse too, and one happens to be a percussion professor friend of mine. It's so funny seeing how people react to his advice when they're assuming he's some 16-year-old punk who thinks he knows percussion better than them and the looks on their faces afterwards when I would reveal his age/profession are priceless.  

[AwkwardAxolotl]

12 minutes ago, Mezzo Forte said:

I know cis guys with the same curse too, and one happens to be a percussion professor friend of mine. It's so funny seeing how people react to his advice when they're assuming he's some 16-year-old punk who thinks he knows percussion better than them and the looks on their faces afterwards when I would reveal his age/profession are priceless.  

It can be fun with people who think you're way younger than you are. I like messing with the visiting scientists who usually think I'm one of the high school summer interns. For some reason they do a 180 on how reliable they think my information about fish is when they find out that I'm actually the marine biologist who runs the fish facility.

[Mezzo Forte]

5 minutes ago, AwkwardAxolotl said:

It can be fun with people who think you're way younger than you are. I like messing with the visiting scientists who usually think I'm one of the high school summer interns. For some reason they do a 180 on how reliable they think my information about fish is when they find out that I'm actually the marine biologist who runs the fish facility.

It's actually a pretty interesting way to test the character of some people. My sis deals with a lot of people who will act really rude to her because they think she's some punk teenager, but the moment they realize that she's a stable, salaried adult, they completely change their tune.

 

My dream job is to be a tenured percussion professor, so I've already had a glimpse of what to expect. I'm willing to bet that I'll be mistaken for a student my first day on the job.  (I'm also kind of tempted to just shred at some venue where nobody knows me and let them think I'm some child prodigy.)

[butterflydreams]

I wish I could've filmed the reaction of the liquor store clerk after he checked my ID and learned I was 28. Quoting it after the fact will never do his glorious southern drawl justice. Thank god my friend was with me so she can vouch for it.

 

"What? You're only 28?! Hun, you look so youuunnnnggg. And you know what they say, if you look young past 25, you're gonna look young forevah."

 

Best. Passing. Moment. Ever.

[Emery.]

No it can't be... *facepalm* The moment you see this title and this picture...

 

[Enne Kristin]

My favorite trans*moment  ever was when my daughter called me mom 2 weeks ago I was sooo happy !

[otachi]

(TMI)

 

Being AFAB and

 

Spoiler

- Thinking it's weird that you have to pee sitting down;

- Dreaming that you are a cis man whenever you have an erotic dream (which doesn't happen often)

 

[deltaX]

On 6/3/2017 at 8:04 PM, Mezzo Forte said:

My dream job is to be a tenured percussion professor, so I've already had a glimpse of what to expect. I'm willing to bet that I'll be mistaken for a student my first day on the job.  

Not quite the same situation, but I'm a graduate TA who teaches recitations, and the first day of the spring semester a whole group of my students mistook me as a student.  We were waiting in the hallway because the previous class hadn't finished yet and this one girl kept going on to me about how almost all the comp sci TAs suck and how she hopes the one for this class is tolerable.  Her face when we got in the classroom and I got behind the teacher's podium was priceless  Sometimes being mistaken for a student is a fun thing you can use to mess with people