Trans Moments?

[Mezzo Forte]

I'm doing an online consult in addition to a live one for top surgery so the surgeon can confirm that I'm eligible for periareolar, and let me say, after years and years of looking at top surgery pre/post op photos, it's really bizarre to see your own chest photographed the same way. It's surreal thinking that these are my very own pre-op photos and that post-op is just right around the corner.  

 

That said, I've seen pre-op photos of guys with chests quite a bit bigger than mine get great results with periareolar, so there's no reason why a doctor wouldn't recommend that method for me.

 

(oh, and I have a photo of my back amongst my pre-op photos, and wow, I have more of a mesomorphic V than I thought. My best friend predicted that I would get a really great mesomorphic shape right around when I started HRT, and I guess he was right.  I always prided myself in my shoulders, and they look pretty legit right now. I can't wait to be able to comfortably show off all of this once my chest is taken care of!)

[The-world-is-quiet-here]

When you're reading an article about trans people and they actually use the phrase "assigned ______ at birth"  

[ChillaKilla]

@Mezzo Forte So... You mean to say that you can't wait to get this weight off your chest?

[Mezzo Forte]

13 minutes ago, ChillaKilla said:

@Mezzo Forte So... You mean to say that you can't wait to get this weight off your chest?

Oh, I'm flat-out weighting with bated breath!  

[ChillaKilla]

6 minutes ago, Mezzo Forte said:

Oh, I'm flat-out weighting with bated breath!  

BATED BREASTS

[Mezzo Forte]

1 minute ago, ChillaKilla said:

BATED BREASTS

A like isn't enough to convey how much I enjoyed this  

[<No longer active>]

I remembered something I believed when I was tiny, maybe five or six.

 

Context; I was raised a 'casual' christian and attended a C of E (Church of England) Primary school.

 

I had a dream about a girl who 'was a sinner and could never be cured'. I don't know how she sinned, but I believe it was by kissing another girl on the cheek.

 

in this dream, the 'hand of God' reached down from 'heaven' and squashed her bedroom flat, killing her. She was found the next morning and her parents threw her body into a rubbish bin.

 

Not exactly a trans moment but that dream made me terrified of God and sinning for years.

 

The clincher though was that I honestly believed that I was already doomed and that one night I would be squashed flat by God's finger. 

 

The more I look back, the more I see anomalies, things that could be cause by trans-ness.

 

Who here recalls 'age eight and wanting a sex change?' I saw the advert on TV when I was maybe seven, and I kept seeing it. It fascinated me slightly more than it should have, but I've always been good at keeping things like that to myself and I doubt I ever asked about it.

 

Little things... Mean a lot. 

 

XD

~r

[nerdperson777]

So I came out to my friends from high school today. It was actually quite funny at first. We were outside in one friend's yard and then the mom said go inside before we got to get anywhere with it. So we went into the garage. I was about to start, and then the mom happens to be coming back in. Ruined the chance a second time. So we went to the friend's room. I started out by asking that friend if she understood the hint I gave her in the last message. We went to the same university but I graduated a few months ago. I said that I frequented a building near this other building. She asked if it was the LGBT Resource Center. "Yes, which letter do you think I am?" In my head I was thinking don't say lesbian like most older people think. She guessed the right one. She said she figured by the way I was acting in college. I was also expecting that I would be asked about my sexuality right after like what other people do. Instead I was asked about my pronouns. Since there were three of us, the last one was not very academically inclined and probably cishet so she had many questions on how to think about all this. The first question I was asked was about hormones, which was an odd first question but okay. The first friend was questioning herself, thinking that she could be biromantic demisexual. She probably made the other friend feel bad because "when you go to a big university, you meet a lot of people." She also guessed correctly that I was aro ace even though we didn't talk about romantic orientation at that point. The probably cishet friend also brought forth that she was a bit suicidal in high school and I may not have been close enough to them at the time to know. She was gone for a week once because of intervention. She said she had anxiety and depression and I was me too. I also said that I was emotionally 12 but didn't say anything about ASD being the possible reason. 

 

I like that with more visibility nowadays, it's easier to come out without having to answer too many questions. I haven't had to explain asexuality to the last couple people that I told. Trans is still not too far yet since everyone's transition goals are different. Some want [insert body part here] and some don't. Some want hormones, some don't and some combination of all of that. There's still many kinds of aces but I think it's safe to say that sex isn't really on the radar so not too many questions to ask on what we don't do. 

[nerdperson777]

Today (or yesterday by this point), I got a text saying "that's great, man" from one of the two friends I was with. I had to remind myself that I was out. But later I thought, she probably says that to everyone regardless of gender. I didn't discuss my actual gender, just pronouns so my friends may not know about my non-binary-ness. They were really trying to call me the right name and pronouns despite messing up many times. 

[nerdperson777]

I'm on fire this week with these.  I went to the dentist earlier and had to be cis.

Hygienist: So Catherine, do you go by any other names?

Me (thinking): Do I look trans?  My name is Calvin but do I say that?

Hygienist: My cousin usually goes by Katie.

Me: Oh, my friends call me Cat.

 

Dodged a bullet there..

[nerdperson777]

I heard my dad on the phone a moment ago and the first thing that popped into my head was how what he said would offend @Hadley167.

His friend who has nothing to do always calls my dad despite living 11 doors down. The friend was talking about someone, I assume his wife, or some female person, who had a problem with (her?) Mercedes-Benz. My dad was saying why is he trying to get it fixed? If (she?) wants to drive the car, get it fixed herself! Then he said girls don't know anything about fixing cars, they just want to drive them. 

My dad believes stereotypes so bad that I facepalm. There are car enthusiasts out there that are female. And they can know how to fix cars.

[<No longer active>]

i watched the movie 'shes the man' with a friend who knows but has probably mostly forgotten that i told her im nonbinary. 

 

(if you don't know, the film centres around a girl, viola, who pretends to be her twin brother, sebastian, in order to get onto his high school football team and get back at her own school for cancelling the girl's football team. She binds her chest literally every day for a few weeks. With ace bandages. While doing a lot of exercise.)

 

when the movie was done i just kinda sat there and then i turned to my friend and was like, 'you know she wouldn't have actually been able to exercise that much in those bandages, because it hurts your ribs, and it's definitely not safe to be playing football while binding enough to be considered flat'

 

and my friend just looks at me like, 'i didn't know that!' and i realise. oh. Normal people don't know that. 

 

cue dysphoria...

[Ennis]

Travelling through Germany on the Autobahn. Having the word "trans" shoved into your face by every third or fourth lorry.

Meier Trans, Trans Express, trans blablala ..... (It's short for transport)

[Finn.]

33 minutes ago, Charlie Q. said:

Travelling through Germany on the Autobahn. Having the word "trans" shoved into your face by every third or fourth lorry.

Meier Trans, Trans Express, trans blablala ..... (It's short for transport)

yess I internally chuckle every time. so much trans representation!!

[Ennis]

16 hours ago, Finn. said:

yess I internally chuckle every time. so much trans representation!!

I dunno, it makes me a little uncomfortable because I'm staring and/or smiling and others might notice.

[Finn.]

oh I never really saw it like that, (cis) people are too oblivious and probably don't even see a correlation between trans and TRANS you know? But I get your point.

[ChillaKilla]

"You can't call yourself transmasculine AND keep doing makeup!"

me:

[Mezzo Forte]

-apartment hunting-

 

Office Lady: have you toured this complex before?

 

Me: yes, a few years ago.

 

OL: oh, let me check the system for your name then.

 

Me (internally): uh, shit. I don't want to explain that I'm trans over something like this.

Me (externally): I toured with my sister, so it might be under her name.

 

OL: was it [birthname]?

 

Me: yeah, that's my sister's name alright. (Definitely.)

[butterflydreams]

hahaha, @Mezzo Forte, the same thing happened to me when I was buying my car! I went to the same subaru dealership I where I had bought my original subaru in 2010. They asked if I'd bought my car with them, and I said I had, thinking (naively) that there was no way they'd know who I was. But the guy asked me if I had worked with salesman so-and-so, and I said that I had. Fortunately, that guy didn't work there anymore. Whew!

 

Oh, and I think I got "she's looking for the 24-pill pack" when I was picking up meth supplies sudafed at the pharmacy today for my stuffy, stuffy head. They card you for it and everything.

 

I wish I could time travel back to last summer and tell myself, "hun...change your ID. Just do it, please. It's going to make so many things so much easier."

[Dodecahedron314]

On April 3, 2017 at 6:53 PM, Charlie Q. said:

Travelling through Germany on the Autobahn. Having the word "trans" shoved into your face by every third or fourth lorry.

Meier Trans, Trans Express, trans blablala ..... (It's short for transport)

One of my best friends is a trans girl who loves trains and public transportation networks, and she uses the "trans/transit" pun at every opportunity  

[The-world-is-quiet-here]

When you call yourself a girl in your head and then spend the next 5-10 minutes debating whether you actually are a girl or not.  it goes like: "...but am I a girl? I don't know. What does that even mean? If I felt like a girl, I would know, right? Ugh..."

 

I haven't been thinking about my gender too much lately, but somehow I'm still able to have a crisis about it.  

[binary suns]

On 3/8/2017 at 2:06 PM, Hadley167 said:

So I noticed that my old name is still on my paypal account. Figured it would be easy to change, because it's not like it's something official. It's an online service. Wrong. So I follow their instructions, which as far as I can tell say they'll accept a copy of a new ID with the name. So I scanned my ID and uploaded it to them. Wait a day, hear back, "Yeah, we're going to need you to specify your first name, middle name, last name and reason for the change...and we're going to need a copy of the court order."

 

At this point, I'm frustrated. I was so close to writing back, "First name, Hadley, Middle name, _____ last name, _____ reason for change: cutting my dick off...none of your goddamn business"

 

So...in case it isn't obvious, my paypal is still uncorrected.  Assholes.

I believe in the other hand it's easy to cancel the account and open a new one

[butterflydreams]

I've found the best way to prove to myself how much longer my hair is now is all the different situations where it gets caught or pulled.

[Mezzo Forte]

1 hour ago, Hadley167 said:

I've found the best way to prove to myself how much longer my hair is now is all the different situations where it gets caught or pulled.

I'll never forget what that was like.  I was just telling someone about how strangers would accidentally sit on my hair on public transit and how I'd sometimes step on my own hair when I had to lean over to adjust the marimba's height. I have many a story of my hair getting caught on the lugs of the concert bass drum too.

 

Apparently, my twin detests long hair on men (I think because she associates it with an unpleasant bass player from our high school days), so she basically had a "you better not" reaction when I half commented about maybe growing my hair out again in the future. "You want people to ask if you're in a metal band? Fine, I'll ask you without you having to grow your hair back out."    I still dig long hair on just about anyone in the same way I dig short hair on just about anyone. 

[butterflydreams]

7 hours ago, Mezzo Forte said:

I'll never forget what that was like.  I was just telling someone about how strangers would accidentally sit on my hair on public transit and how I'd sometimes step on my own hair when I had to lean over to adjust the marimba's height. I have many a story of my hair getting caught on the lugs of the concert bass drum too.

 

Apparently, my twin detests long hair on men (I think because she associates it with an unpleasant bass player from our high school days), so she basically had a "you better not" reaction when I half commented about maybe growing my hair out again in the future. "You want people to ask if you're in a metal band? Fine, I'll ask you without you having to grow your hair back out."    I still dig long hair on just about anyone in the same way I dig short hair on just about anyone. 

Your twin sounds like my kind of person

 

My brother likes to say that he thinks my mom giving me a hard time about my hair is the same reason she gave him a hard time about his hair when he grew it out when we were kids. It really isn't the same though. I hate to stereotype, but a lot of guys with long hair don't take care of it properly, and it just looks...I'm sorry...it looks gross. That was the problem with my brother's hair. But on average, there's no reason why long hair on a guy couldn't look good.

 

I actually thought I was going to let my hair max out at its current length, but I gotta say, I'm curious. I think the length right now is really good, but I've come this far, and I want to let it get to at least boob length. Turns out my sister cut her hair pretty short, so I officially have the longest hair in my immediate family. My mom keeps her hair pretty short these days. Personally, it means a lot to me, and I do work hard to take care of it. I can't even imagine myself with short hair anymore. Obviously I could have hair any length I want, but I think it'll always be shoulder length.

[ChillaKilla]

Shoulder to collarbone length is a very good length @Hadley167! It was always my go-to, as any longer would've been a pain to keep up with, and bobs look like such middle-aged soccer mom hairstyles on me  

 

On a personal note, I got over a major hang-up in taekwondo. We often do partner drills sometime during the lesson, and if the drills are any more physical than holding a shield or pad for one another (like providing weight for stretches, anchoring for sit-ups, or doing takedowns) the instructors always pair girl-girl and guy-guy. I was concerned, as you can imagine, about how this would all play out. (Side note- at taekwondo, I'm simply treated as male, as we call each other sir/ma'am and there's really no neutral alternative, and it isn't really that bothersome since it's 2-3 hours a week at maximum). Turns out there's nothing to worry about (shocker, I know ) and I just got grouped with the guys. I'm not gonna lie though, sometimes if we're just rotating in 2 lines there will be some adjustment required (especially if there's like a girl around 5 feet and a guy over 6) and I was holding my breath, terrified that my instructor would pair me with a girl. Yet again, stop worrying, me! I was not moved and stayed with my partner, who at the time was a cis guy a year or two younger than me. As an added note, he did not care a bit. Everyone has been super good about name and pronouns there, whether it be from threat of instructor wrath or whatever. Now piano tomorrow, that might be a different story  I'm not exactly excited for that what with my very traditionalist Southern belle of a piano teacher who's been indirectly clear that she does not approve of the LGBT™... I'll keep you all posted...

[Mezzo Forte]

14 hours ago, Hadley167 said:

Your twin sounds like my kind of person

You'd probably enjoy my sis if you crossed paths.  When my sis saw this image going around, she noticed that she has a habit of adopting introverts, as evidenced by 99% of the friend circle she built.  

 

Spoiler

 

14 hours ago, Hadley167 said:

My brother likes to say that he thinks my mom giving me a hard time about my hair is the same reason she gave him a hard time about his hair when he grew it out when we were kids. It really isn't the same though. I hate to stereotype, but a lot of guys with long hair don't take care of it properly, and it just looks...I'm sorry...it looks gross. That was the problem with my brother's hair. But on average, there's no reason why long hair on a guy couldn't look good.

That does make sense; I guess there's a sort of grungy association with long hair on men. (Though I've certainly found that some of my short-haired male friends don't exactly wash their hair frequently.) 

 

That said, when I kept my hair long, as much as I liked how it looked freshly washed, I only washed it twice a week so that the natural oils could help with the growth. I don't know if it ever looked dirty, but oily hair always felt gross to me, so I wash my hair daily now.  I feel like blond hair is more associated with longer styles regardless of gender, so I think I could pull it off. Short hair's fun though.

 

15 hours ago, Hadley167 said:

I actually thought I was going to let my hair max out at its current length, but I gotta say, I'm curious. I think the length right now is really good, but I've come this far, and I want to let it get to at least boob length. Turns out my sister cut her hair pretty short, so I officially have the longest hair in my immediate family. My mom keeps her hair pretty short these days. Personally, it means a lot to me, and I do work hard to take care of it. I can't even imagine myself with short hair anymore. Obviously I could have hair any length I want, but I think it'll always be shoulder length.

I know that curiosity, and it's kinda cool to see just how long hair can get. (I really do wonder if I hit terminal length or not before my big chop.) Long hair suits you, and if it gets longer than you like, that's easy enough to fix  

 

[ChillaKilla]

@Mezzo Forte Did you also get that feeling for a day or two after the cut like "oh god what have I done this is the worst" and then later realized "who am I kidding this is great"?  Me after every haircut, no matter how drastic.

[Mezzo Forte]

26 minutes ago, ChillaKilla said:

@Mezzo Forte Did you also get that feeling for a day or two after the cut like "oh god what have I done this is the worst" and then later realized "who am I kidding this is great"?  Me after every haircut, no matter how drastic.

My experience was a little different, but the day of the haircut, I was kind of iffy about how my cut looked. I was afraid that I looked too feminine, but I went back and fixed some of the little things I didn't like about the cut, and after sleeping on it, found that I loved my cut. Plus, I finally started passing (conditionally at least) with that cut, so I was just fine.  

 

I think in my case, I had to wait until I was so far past the point of ready that I didn't have that reaction. Plus, my mom insisted on being there for the haircut and she probably went through all the emotional turmoil for me.  She was super nervous leading up to the cut, and she started crying when the cut was done. She immediately went and got a really similar haircut too. When all of her emotions start flying everywhere, my brain tends to go into stoic mode.

 

[ChillaKilla]

@Mezzo Forte Funny, I was super ready (like beyond ready, I had considered coming out earlier just to finally get it going) but I still had that feeling  It's like how some people feel bad after voluntary surgeries, about losing a body part or fixing their nose, but after a few days they realize how much they like it. I've heard even people who get top surgery need a bit to get over that "patient's remorse" but for the vast majority it will go away quickly.