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Trans Moments?


nerdperson777

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On 2016-11-23 at 1:55 PM, Hadley167 said:

So I barely remember even saying this here, but I did. January 7th 2015...wow. At the time, I thought something like would probably not happen. I wasn't on HRT. I hadn't even researched the doctor at that point. It was all just a vague pipe dream. I hadn't told anyone IRL. Not even my brother at that point.

Last week I went on a trip about 100 miles away. I stayed at an inn, and my first morning there, getting breakfast, I ran into the innkeeper. I chatted with him a bit. He asked me where I was from, and if I'd ever been to the town before. But I was 100% passing as female to him. Even with my voice. Later in the day, I went to a bookstore. I was waiting in line to checkout, and someone at the store waved me over, "I can help you here, miss".

And yesterday at the grocery store, while checking out, the cashier said my beret was "so cute".

I can't believe it, but my quintessential trans moment has finally happened. The only thing I was wrong about was that I wasn't mistaken for a girl, I am a girl.

:wub:

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nerdperson777

Emotions: It's cold!  I don't have to bind in layers of clothing!

Brain: But binders are so warm..

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cosmosredshift7

When you're so used to wearing your binder that, when you're not, you think that you can fit sideways in a certain width of space,  but your boobs get in the way. :/

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When you have an online friend who's also trans and you both reveal your birthnames to each other, comment about how talking about it makes you want to puke seeing it on screen, and vow to never speak of it again :laugh:

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nerdperson777

I actually talked about that yesterday.  I'm graduating so it was the last ace meeting I was going to be apart of.  The person who started the group officially with me had the same birth name so I had to ask if they minded that I tell people that.  They said it was okay to say we had the same name but don't go around saying that [birth name] is their name before.  I joked about a time before when we were still going by the same name, same exact spelling too.  Before we started identifying the way we did, I came late to a trans meeting once so it was at the very end.  We confused a trans girl because she said "you're...", pointing at me, so I said my name, "but you're..." [other person said the same name].  She just put on a confused face.  There was a time where three of us aces had the same name, including a trans woman so I said, "wait, I didn't know we were cloning yet."

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Birthnames.Bleh. My aunt has this annoying habit to say it in a childish squeaky voice when she calls me.. I'm like: I know my name, now can you please shut up and just talk to me in a normal way? Ugh. I hate it when people think they always have to remind you of what you got in your pants.

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The-world-is-quiet-here

When your dad says, "let's talk about packing", and it takes you a minute to remember, you're going on a trip and packing clothes, not like *packing* packing. :blink:

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It's funny, I originally hesitated at the thought of changing my name, but now, I can't wait to get it changed. I get an almost absurd amount of compliments on my chosen name, with plenty of people going so far as to tell me that it really suits me.

 

The one thing that makes me laugh is that while many of my conservative Bible Belt relatives will always call me by my birth name, their accent actually makes it sound like they're saying a different distinctly male name. It's a name I'd never go by, but I'll take it if it means that my conservative relatives accidentally gender me correctly to some extent. :lol:

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butterflydreams
10 hours ago, Mezzo Forte said:

It's funny, I originally hesitated at the thought of changing my name, but now, I can't wait to get it changed. I get an almost absurd amount of compliments on my chosen name, with plenty of people going so far as to tell me that it really suits me.

Ha! This is exactly what happened to me. I arbitrarily promised myself I'd do it after one year (last August) but that didn't happen. The gremlin kept saying things about how I didn't pass, and how I was just going to undo all of this. Then in the middle of November, I started actually being able to see concrete things about my future. Moving, buying a new car, visiting places I wanted to move to...and I thought, "Are you really gonna do this as <birth name>?" The answer was 'no'. That's been my primary motivation so far.

 

And yeah, the people at the doctor's office all really liked it when I had them add it to my file in August.

 

10 hours ago, Mezzo Forte said:

The one thing that makes me laugh is that while many of my conservative Bible Belt relatives will always call me by my birth name, their accent actually makes it sound like they're saying a different distinctly male name. It's a name I'd never go by, but I'll take it if it means that my conservative relatives accidentally gender me correctly to some extent. :lol:

I'm glad you can put a positive spin on this lame situation. I suspect at some point, they'll just look incredibly stupid calling your your birth name. Hell, I'd feel stupid calling you your birth name now. But after getting called my birth name all weekend by my parents last week...I can safely say it hurts like hell to be seen that way by anyone.

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nerdperson777
4 hours ago, Hadley167 said:

I'm glad you can put a positive spin on this lame situation. I suspect at some point, they'll just look incredibly stupid calling your your birth name. Hell, I'd feel stupid calling you your birth name now. But after getting called my birth name all weekend by my parents last week...I can safely say it hurts like hell to be seen that way by anyone.

 

Yeah that was me last week, it sucked.  In exchange for body and social dysphoria I got birthday money.  I rather not have the dysphoria.

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At thanksgiving, I was pleasantly surprised that no politics came up with my relatives. However, all I could think the whole time is "Next time I see you guys you're not gonna like me any more, since I'm going to actually be myself and not some idealized version I present to you for the sake of safety" :sleep: 

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I'm not out to my Mother so...

 

I was at the grocery store and ran into a rather talkative, Vietnam Veteran. He referred to me as male throughout the entire exchange which thrilled me because I'm pre-everything however my Mom seemed rather flustered and annoyed, she almost acted as if she thought being seen as male upset me, surprising given my cheer afterwards.

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butterflydreams
1 hour ago, ChillaKilla said:

At thanksgiving, I was pleasantly surprised that no politics came up with my relatives. However, all I could think the whole time is "Next time I see you guys you're not gonna like me any more, since I'm going to actually be myself and not some idealized version I present to you for the sake of safety" :sleep: 

Glad to hear things went relatively well this time. I truly wish you the best of luck when you see them all next. I hope your worst worries are not realized. 

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nerdperson777

I was typing up some notes to study for my final.  I accidentally typed agender instead of agenda.

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butterflydreams

When I play dodgeball, there are 1 or 2 veteran players who knew me before that I haven't had a chance to chat with. Tonight, one of them was calling out, "<birth name>, you're in!" And he said it like 3 times. I totally heard him, but it genuinely doesn't click in my head anymore. It honest to god didn't register in my head he was talking about me.

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So, there was this girl in the Brazilian ensemble with me, and I first introduced myself to her with my chosen name. I really liked the notion that she had only known me as a man, so I was a little heartbroken when she mentioned a few months later that she remembered my long hair, because that's tantamount to "I knew you before you transitioned."

 

Tonight, the ensemble had a pizza night to celebrate the end of the semester, and I was mostly chatting with that girl and a really close friend of mine. I'm especially casual about transition stuff with that good friend, and that girl is pretty cool, so I had no reason to dance around the topic.

 

Maybe 45~60 minutes into the conversation: "Woah wait, are you trans?!?!?!?!" 

 

This girl spent the last 1.5 years assuming I was a cis guy. That's longer than I've known I was trans. That's before transition was even on my radar. That's back when I got ma'am'd daily. I even showed her photos of me from when I was 17 (Showing off a pikachu costume I made) and it didn't click until I showed her the pictures again. I swear, I thought I even heard her call me "she" by accident once. She said that where she grew up, most guys wore their hair to their waist while the women wore it super short, so my hair didn't affect how she gendered me.

 

My good friend and I were absolutely floored. She downright made my night :D

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nerdperson777

Haha, yeah.  I showed a trans friend a video of me in a performance like two days before I cut my hair.  She just assumed that I had short boy hair for most of my life.  No, it's only been a year and a half.  She thought I was wearing a wig in that video.  No, it was real.  Plus we were in my house where most of the existing pictures were me with longer hair.  But my hair was never that long.  It was just enough for people to undoubtedly gender me as female.  I should've known I was trans when I was around 8 riding a shopping cart in Target, wearing cargo shorts my dad bought me.  Behind me I heard, "Sir, don't do that."  After a few seconds, I turned around and I found out that the employee was talking to me.  I told mom that I got called sir and she said I liked it.  I denied it.  But I think I might've liked it a little bit.

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Not me, but what happened at school:

When mentioning binders, you have to specify whether it's

a)the item you put 3-hole-punched sheets of paper in so they flip like a book

b)an article of clothing to squish breasts

c)what you use to hold your breadcrumbs together when frying food

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butterflydreams

I just want to vent how, once again, it seems marriage bestows all kinds of simple privileges to people not afforded to the rest of us.

 

Making a list of everywhere I need to change my name and researching what is required. Student loan issuer? You can change your last name by just logging in and doing it. You have to fax them a court order to change your first name. AAA, same deal. ISP, same deal. God only knows how many other services will be like that. Grrr...frustrating :(

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On 12/6/2016 at 0:59 PM, Lanti SF said:

Not me, but what happened at school:

When mentioning binders, you have to specify whether it's

a)the item you put 3-hole-punched sheets of paper in so they flip like a book

b)an article of clothing to squish breasts

c)what you use to hold your breadcrumbs together when frying food

Before I was out to my family, and towards the beginning of any given school semester, they'd say we needed to go shopping for binders and I'd mutter to myself "you're damn right I do". But now I have one so all is good ^_^ 

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So I don't wear binders anymore because I carry my stress in my shoulders and the binder makes the pain a lot worse. As long as I make sure im wearing at least two shirts im usually okay, I had to shower in one yesterday, but its not usually that bad. Because of this I have had to find other ways to get people to read me as male. I have been studying and implementing male posture, mannerisms, and clothing. 5 times in the past week i've been standing in front of people with visible boobs and they still call me male, which is nice. 

I was in the library behind my mom, and the librarian said, "Oh, wait a minute, let me help him first." I looked up, and then absolutly smirked as my mother goes, "Who?" The librarian says, "The man behind you," and my mother goes "Oh, that's my daughter, she doesn't care." At which point the librarian looks at me like, you do not look like a convincing woman and I wanted to die laughing, like " I know right."

Also my 2nd cousin was at Thanksgiving and I was trying to find the right word for our relationship and all my internal talk is male oriented now so I just blurted out "I'm an uncle," to my mother and then "oh, aunt aunt." Meanwhile going you do actually have to come out at some point, but lets not do it at thanksgiving.

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Tfw you realize Otis, the main character cow from the cartoon Back At The Barnyard, is a trans guy.

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butterflydreams

Cleaning out some seriously old clothes that are torn and just rag material at this point, also finding 1-2 pairs of decent men's pants. "I should hold on to these...in case I ever have to go back, like I did at that funeral."

 

But then realizing, "No. You never, ever, ever have to go back. You never have to apologize to anyone for this. You are the sole owner of your life now." <3

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9 hours ago, Hadley167 said:

I just want to vent how, once again, it seems marriage bestows all kinds of simple privileges to people not afforded to the rest of us.

 

Making a list of everywhere I need to change my name and researching what is required. Student loan issuer? You can change your last name by just logging in and doing it. You have to fax them a court order to change your first name. AAA, same deal. ISP, same deal. God only knows how many other services will be like that. Grrr...frustrating :(

Thanks for sharing this. I actually recently used AAA to help a friend out, and since I had to use my birth name and show my ID to the dispatch, I couldn't help but think about what I need to do to update that information. The big one I worry about is my current university, since I already have a track record of last-minute graduation issues with my last two degrees. The name change is such a pain, but it's worth the peace of mind of having an ID that actually represents you. Sorry about all the headaches, but I am happy that you're officially going through all the motions!

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nerdperson777
On 12/8/2016 at 3:28 PM, ChillaKilla said:

Tfw you realize Otis, the main character cow from the cartoon Back At The Barnyard, is a trans guy.

He is?  What's the proof?  I only watched a few episodes of it.

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2 minutes ago, nerdperson777 said:

He is?  What's the proof?  I only watched a few episodes of it.

He has udders

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butterflydreams
On 12/8/2016 at 10:06 PM, Mezzo Forte said:

Thanks for sharing this. I actually recently used AAA to help a friend out, and since I had to use my birth name and show my ID to the dispatch, I couldn't help but think about what I need to do to update that information. The big one I worry about is my current university, since I already have a track record of last-minute graduation issues with my last two degrees. The name change is such a pain, but it's worth the peace of mind of having an ID that actually represents you. Sorry about all the headaches, but I am happy that you're officially going through all the motions!

Yeah, I'm finding the list to be a good idea. It's fortunate that I lead a pretty simple life. I have a regular bank account, nothing fancy. Internet, phone, AAA, car insurance, student loans...I mean, that's basically it. I have a very simple legal/financial footprint. It makes filing my taxes really easy. For anyone working, you also have to adjust things with your employer. Even though I'm 100% myself at work, paychecks, W2s, 401k stuff, that all falls under birth name. Though, since my social security is updated, I have to have them change that as soon as I get the card.

 

No foreign travel for a while. I simply cannot afford to update my passport right now -_- Not that I can really afford to travel anywhere anyway.

 

I'm so pissed off at the state of Massachusetts. I already paid them $60 for a certified copy of my birth certificate that I needed to use for my name change, SSA, etc. It's unclear to me whether I'll have problems with other documents if my birth certificate does not match (never mind the sex listed). I wasn't going to update the sex on my birth certificate, but apparently the state of Massachusetts Taxachusetts charges $50 for a correction, and then $32 for a copy of it ($20 if you want to drive to Dorchester in person, it would cost me more in gas to get there). If I have to pay $80 for a correction you better believe I'm only doing it once. I'll change the sex out of pure spite. But doing that requires some serious forms including stuff that must be notarized. Ugh. What a nightmare. 

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Talking to someone online.

"This will be odd but you sound female"

:mellow:

"Or at least like a very nice guy"

...I'll take it.

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The-world-is-quiet-here

When people keep using she pronouns or [full first name] for you, and you're not out to them. 

 

Most times when they say that, I feel either like a jolting "Ahhhh! What do you want?!" or a sad little "wait.... that's not me... i'm not the one they're talking about..." And then there's that other voice, the "ah, but it is you." :mellow:

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nerdperson777
On 12/11/2016 at 2:07 PM, The-world-is-quiet-here said:

When people keep using she pronouns or [full first name] for you, and you're not out to them. 

 

Most times when they say that, I feel either like a jolting "Ahhhh! What do you want?!" or a sad little "wait.... that's not me... i'm not the one they're talking about..." And then there's that other voice, the "ah, but it is you." :mellow:

And then holidays are coming up.  I'm told that we're going over to a friend's place for Christmas Eve.  I haven't seen them in two years.  They don't know about my haircut, and I don't want to explain.

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