Embarrassing/Masturbation

[purplemutant]

Masturbation is awesome! I do it every day. I can understand being reluctant to tell people that you masturbate. Our society (US) sees masturbation as a poor substitute for sex. The only reason anyone would masturbate is because they can't get any. Look at the way people use virgin as an insult. "I bet you're a virgin who lives in his mom's basement."

People place sex on such a high pedestal that they fail to acknowledge all the benefits masturbation has over sex. 1: no worries about pregnancy. 2: no worries about STD's. 3: You only have to worry about your self. It's nice to not have to worry about pleasuring someone else. 4: Room for experimentation. This goes along with number 3. When masturbating you can do whatever you want. You don't have to worry about whether or not a partner is into that. 5: Much cheaper. If I want to masturbate I don't have to worry about buying my self a drink or taking my self out to dinner. 6: Convenience! All other things aside, I can masturbate whenever I want. I don't have to worry about someone else being in the mood.

I do have an interest in sex with other people. Unfortunately sex comes with a lot of bullshit attached. This is especially true for me since I am Autistic. Since I am not in the mood to deal with the BS, I just masturbate. If an opportunity for sex presents its self; I may very well take it. But I am not likely to go out of my way to find sex.

There is nothing wrong whatsoever with masturbating. If a partner has a problem with you masturbating; perhaps you need a new partner.

[Sage Raven Domino]

Maybe sexuals use this downward look on masturbation because they're jealous of us not having the need for partnered sex that eats a lot of their time, money and energy. Acting strong is usually a sign of weakness :p

[pinkroses]

I mean, it's just a thing you can do. If it feels good, and you're not upset by it, there's no harm done. If you're uncomfortable, or you don't like it, abstaining is fine too.

I have kind of the unique perspective of both sides. Sometimes I'm ok with it, and really enjoy myself. Other times, I feel absolutely awful (being brought to tears in a few cases). So yeah, I don't have to do it if I don't want to. For better or for worse, antidepressants have messed with my libido pretty substantially, so most of the time now if I'm doing it, it's because I want to, not because I'm relieving some discomfort.

All that said, I really wish I could be more positive about it, but who can you possibly talk to about such things? And even if I had someone who I could talk to and would listen and help me work through the bad feelings, I think I would have a hard time discussing this stuff in person.

yeah that sucks. i have the same problem . I have trouble too because im on anti depressants.

masturbation just doesn't do it for me and i'm actually kind of sad bc i feel like it must be really nice to be able to physically give yourself that kind of pleasure, haha. kinda gross, sorry, but i am a bit jealous of people who do like it. i'm a bit genophobic/repulsed sometimes so obviously wouldn't want to do it then but that fluctuates quite a lot for me and when i'm feeling more indifferent i think it would be nice!!

what is genophobic ?

I masturbate, and I don't feel guilty about it. I used to because my religion was pushing so much on it being a negative and sinful thing. I've since done my own studies on the matter and come to a different understanding of where masturbation stands in my religion. I've never orgasmed, and I'm fine with that. I feel like that would take too much effort and thus make so that it is not relaxing as I currently view it. Very rarely I will masturbate because of arousal, but 95% of the time that is not the case. I masturbate because I'm bored, or because it will help me sleep usually. There was a lot of shame about masturbation my entire childhood and teen years. Sex was talked about in my group of friends, but masturbation was not. After I moved for college I found one woman I could discuss masturbation with, and she was 24. Some of the guys were willing to casually joke about it but nothing more. In this community, though, masturbation was a generally accepted thing. We just didn't fill our conversation with it. I had one roommate who I know did not masturbate, but she was the only one that I ever really felt with any certainty wasn't doing it.

As for partners and masturbation I'm not sure how much I have to offer on this subject. I've only had two serious enough partners, and one of those we never officially acknowledged a relationship. We were each other's first homosexual experiment/experience. That was during high school, and I masturbated at the time, but never with any fantasies about them. There was pretty much no fantasizing to the experiences. I never told them that I masturbated--our relationship was not very physical. I have no idea if they masturbated, though it wouldn't be a surprise to hear that they had. They were always the aggressor in the relationship, and they were fairly comfortable with their body. My second partner is my current relationship, and we both masturbate. We informed each other of this early on in the relationship before we were even official. My partner never indicated to me that they were either happy or unhappy with the fact that I masturbate. I would think that they are either neutral or positive on the matter, though. The topic of my masturbation first came up when I was explaining my asexuality to my partner. I myself am fairly neutral to somewhat positive on the matter of my partner's masturbation. They have sexual needs, they masturbate. Masturbating helps them clear their mind, so they masturbate--and I do that exact same thing myself. My partner masturbates with me in mind, and I feel positively about that. My partner is sexual, and they are sexually attracted to me. That is a compliment and makes me happy. I like the fact that I am who they think of when they take care of their sexual needs. I have thought about my partner a bit while masturbating, at first because I forced myself in experimenting to see if I could form sexual attraction to them. Now that the emotional bond is deeper, things my partner does or says have the ability to create physical arousal for me, and I can think of my partner in general and those things while masturbating to help things along. I don't ever think of my partner physically, though, during masturbation. That's actually a turn-off. I just think of their name, voice, and words, or the emotional connection.

that sounds adorable. she respects you , or whatever they associate with . and you have a bond with them. i suspect you are a quite adorable couple in life. i dont know why i get that vibe since its this topic. >.> but aww ,<3

[The Wreyck]

I mean, it's just a thing you can do. If it feels good, and you're not upset by it, there's no harm done. If you're uncomfortable, or you don't like it, abstaining is fine too.

I have kind of the unique perspective of both sides. Sometimes I'm ok with it, and really enjoy myself. Other times, I feel absolutely awful (being brought to tears in a few cases). So yeah, I don't have to do it if I don't want to. For better or for worse, antidepressants have messed with my libido pretty substantially, so most of the time now if I'm doing it, it's because I want to, not because I'm relieving some discomfort.

All that said, I really wish I could be more positive about it, but who can you possibly talk to about such things? And even if I had someone who I could talk to and would listen and help me work through the bad feelings, I think I would have a hard time discussing this stuff in person.

yeah that sucks. i have the same problem . I have trouble too because im on anti depressants.

masturbation just doesn't do it for me and i'm actually kind of sad bc i feel like it must be really nice to be able to physically give yourself that kind of pleasure, haha. kinda gross, sorry, but i am a bit jealous of people who do like it. i'm a bit genophobic/repulsed sometimes so obviously wouldn't want to do it then but that fluctuates quite a lot for me and when i'm feeling more indifferent i think it would be nice!!

what is genophobic ?

I masturbate, and I don't feel guilty about it. I used to because my religion was pushing so much on it being a negative and sinful thing. I've since done my own studies on the matter and come to a different understanding of where masturbation stands in my religion. I've never orgasmed, and I'm fine with that. I feel like that would take too much effort and thus make so that it is not relaxing as I currently view it. Very rarely I will masturbate because of arousal, but 95% of the time that is not the case. I masturbate because I'm bored, or because it will help me sleep usually. There was a lot of shame about masturbation my entire childhood and teen years. Sex was talked about in my group of friends, but masturbation was not. After I moved for college I found one woman I could discuss masturbation with, and she was 24. Some of the guys were willing to casually joke about it but nothing more. In this community, though, masturbation was a generally accepted thing. We just didn't fill our conversation with it. I had one roommate who I know did not masturbate, but she was the only one that I ever really felt with any certainty wasn't doing it.

As for partners and masturbation I'm not sure how much I have to offer on this subject. I've only had two serious enough partners, and one of those we never officially acknowledged a relationship. We were each other's first homosexual experiment/experience. That was during high school, and I masturbated at the time, but never with any fantasies about them. There was pretty much no fantasizing to the experiences. I never told them that I masturbated--our relationship was not very physical. I have no idea if they masturbated, though it wouldn't be a surprise to hear that they had. They were always the aggressor in the relationship, and they were fairly comfortable with their body. My second partner is my current relationship, and we both masturbate. We informed each other of this early on in the relationship before we were even official. My partner never indicated to me that they were either happy or unhappy with the fact that I masturbate. I would think that they are either neutral or positive on the matter, though. The topic of my masturbation first came up when I was explaining my asexuality to my partner. I myself am fairly neutral to somewhat positive on the matter of my partner's masturbation. They have sexual needs, they masturbate. Masturbating helps them clear their mind, so they masturbate--and I do that exact same thing myself. My partner masturbates with me in mind, and I feel positively about that. My partner is sexual, and they are sexually attracted to me. That is a compliment and makes me happy. I like the fact that I am who they think of when they take care of their sexual needs. I have thought about my partner a bit while masturbating, at first because I forced myself in experimenting to see if I could form sexual attraction to them. Now that the emotional bond is deeper, things my partner does or says have the ability to create physical arousal for me, and I can think of my partner in general and those things while masturbating to help things along. I don't ever think of my partner physically, though, during masturbation. That's actually a turn-off. I just think of their name, voice, and words, or the emotional connection.

that sounds adorable. she respects you , or whatever they associate with . and you have a bond with them. i suspect you are a quite adorable couple in life. i dont know why i get that vibe since its this topic. >.> but aww ,<3

Thank you. Actually, a random update. I'm polyamorous, and I officially have the go to pursue a second partner. I'm going to approach my almost partner from high school on the matter. We are still friends in a more intimate than normal friends sort of way. I'm hoping that this means there is still a spark on her end that I can nurture and see grow. I would love to finish what we began all those years ago.

[bare_trees]

Masturbater here. I have talked to my boyfriend about it, curious about what he does and how often. We've shared with each other what we do and what works. I think it helps us understand each other a bit better, and know what the other would want. I think the only other person I've ever talked to about it was my best friend, who, at the time, couldn't believe her ears and swore she'd never done it. (We were young teenagers at the time). I didn't really believe her; I just assumed she was uncomfortable talking about it.

I've certainly joked about it with people I didn't know as well, and have heard many jokes about it, giving me the impression that the people around me are masturbating, and that they just see it as part of life.

[interpol]

The only time it's ever come up, I've lied and said never. That's because everyone else said they never did. I didn't want to be the odd one out. Not that time.

It's just ugh. Like, yeah, some of this is a trauma reaction--- a way of reminding that I am the owner of my body and mind, not the guy who made me watch videos. But something a famous artist said struck me: to survive an oppressive culture, who no longer has to fence off parts of herself to get ahead. My environment was a curious mix of socially conservative people of various belief systems. Am I revealing a sexuality in the act of unfencing myself, and isn't that a power I'd need to learn to harness? :/

[Member7783]

Masturbation was never really a thing for me growing up. I just kind of didn't see the point. There was a period of time where I masturbated every day (sometimes twice in a day) to make sure I would be unable to physically respond to stimulus from a partner I was on the outs with. Aside from that though, it's really a non-issue in my life. Hooray for a non-existant libido I suppose.

[Star Bit]

Yah, females sometimes lie about not masturbating. I think ppl in general can lie about it because masturbation can mean you don't have a partner to do that for you, which in turn could mean your not good enough to get a partner (for whatever reason). So masturbating could mean no one wants to fuck you/saying you do so would kick you out of the "gene pool." Also, the reverse would mean they have the best genetics; they can get anyone to have sex with them because of their looks (which all have reasons on why they're percieved as good and not just superficial reasons).