Embarrassing/Masturbation

[interpol]

I really and truly cannot believe I'm talking about this. I usually avoid or deflect this topic in person, just because I don't want anyone finding out. And ordinarily people know what's going on in my life. But I made a promise to myself that no matter what happened in my life, I would never, ever disclose this one in person.

Anyway: have any of you that do actually not feel guilty about doing it, and how did any partners you had react to it if they found out you did, in fact, self stimulate? Did they like it too much? Did they hate you when they found out?

It seems like nobody does it and nobody admits it, at least none of the girls. (I've never seen a boy admit it either.) And it does worry me that I do it.

[TealXLIV]

You shouldn't be embarrassed at all for masturbating. A vast majority of humans do it. If I knew the statistics of how many times I have; it would be......high. No need to feel embarrassed at all.

[Himegami]

I ATTEMPT MASTURBATION SOMETIMES-- A LOT OF MY FRIENDS HAVE ADMITTED TO MASTURBATION. LOTS OF PEOPLE DO IT.

It's normal. No embarrassment here. It is a function that sometimes happens, or sometimes doesn't. Don't feel guilty!

It's nobodies business but your own. Unless you need advice/sympathy on the matter and need some explaining that it's normal for a lot of people.

I believe there was this one article titled something along the lines of "Guide to Masturbation for Asexuals", and it gets detailed, explaining how things work, how to try it, do it safely, ect. (which is a good read whether you want to try it out or not)

One shouldn't feel ashamed of exploring themselves and what they like. Safer than randomly having sex with people than not feeling ready, and getting an S.T.D. lol

That's my cake on the matter. Don't feel embarrassed :)

[mori child]

Actually, is there a large post on masturbation somewhere? I would be interested in reading it.

I don't/can't masturbate. I've talked to friends of several sexualities about masturbation, and I actually don't know anyone who definitely doesn't masturbate other than myself! I don't understand why self stimulation carries such stigma. Does it feel dirty?

[Star Bit]

Masturbation is very highly common among any gender.

I don't think a guy would admit to a girl/potential partner that they masturbate, so its understandable why you haven't verbally herd it from guys, but i think its a common subject or admittance among their "bros." I think the reason female masturbation isn't talked about is because its subconscious that male parts are external; so its an external subject, and female parts are internal; so it's an unspoken subject. As well as the stereotype that males have uncontrollable urges so its acceptable and women are more docile so it can easily be satisfied by a partner. But two female youtubers i watch have gladly admitted to it; xiaorishu and annchirisu. That, and the subconscious knowing masturbation doesn't result in offspring/furthering the species, so its "bad." As well as females carrying only so many eggs; unlike males, so its more dire for women to mate than men, which enforces the previous sentence. Do you think it would be just as "bad" to find out a gay person masturbates? No? Why? Because of the previous reason; they cannot reproduce, thus another action of not resulting in children is not bad. That's why some ppl subconsciously hate gays, as well as two men dominating each other; which in nature would show who has and does not have the right to mate; one of them is weak, but they can't tell which one so they're both deducted as weak. It's bad for a species to be furthered by the weak/easier kill, so their subconscious tells them to weed this out of the gene pool. The same goes for bullying.

[argar]

For a long time in my adolescence I used to feel really really guilty about.

I used to hit my self lightly on the head for I forget the count to deal with the guilt.

Now that I am older I can see that a lot of the guilt came from the fact i learned to masturbate from my abuser, so even though I found it relaxing, I also felt shame.

Anyway, one day in high school in one of my classes they played a video on sex education. I don't exactly remember what it was about, but the one thing that stuck with me was that it was entirely normal. I'm not sure if it was gradual or starting that day, but I lost the shame.

I still have never had an orgasm, but I don't feel awful about it like I did back in those days.

I know I went without for at least 9 months once in college and didn't really suffer at all for its absence.

I hope some of this makes sense and helps.

[Schrecken]

I used to feel guilty about it, but not anymore, and for me I think pretty much all the guilt in my case was because I was sexually abused as a child. As for a partner knowing about it and how they feel, my boyfriend knows I do it, and I think he finds the idea a bit of a turn on (especially when I tell him I sometimes think of him). Actually, some people even like to watch their partner masturbate (he wanted me to do it in front of him but there's no way I could properly focus when someone is around) so for most it would probably be accepted if not turn-on.

[Eva]

To me, it doesn't feel dirty, but it does feel private. Even when I was little, I understood somehow that it was something I should do in private. First of all, it made me scrunch up my face and make funny noises. And it made my attention turn inward, so I would have ignored anyone around me, and I didn't want to be impolite. I've never felt guilty about it. I've never been in a relationship, so I've never worried about whether it was draining my desire that I could devote to my partner, or something like that. As for guilt for religious reasons, I grew up in a devout home and went to a parochial school, but right from the start I felt that it was a sign that God must really love us and the human body.

[Himegami]

Masturbation is very highly common among any gender.

I don't think a guy would admit to a girl/potential partner that they masturbate, so its understandable why you haven't verbily hurd it from guys, but i think its a common subject or admittence among their "bros." I think the reason female masturbation isn't talked about is because its subconscious; male parts are external so its an external subject, and female parts are internal so it's an unspoken subject. That and the subconcious of masturbation not resulting in offspring/furthering the species, so its "bad." As well as females carrying only so many eggs; unlike males, so subconciously its like throwing away diamonds that could (once again) further the species. Do you think it would be just as "bad" to find out a gay person masturbates? No? Why? Because of the previously repeated reason; that's why some ppl subconciously hate gays, as well as two women throwing away diamonds and two men dominating each other; which in nature would show who has and does not have the right to mate; one of them is weak, but they can't tell which so they're both weak. It's bad for a species to be furthered on weak/easier kill genetics, so their subconcious tell them to weed this out of the gene pool; the same for bullying.

It doesn't have to be internal for women. Matter of fact, most orgasms comes from the clitoris, which happens to be outside of the vagina, if you know your anatomy. Also, the Gspot and the clitoris are the same thing; it's two sides of the same coin. The backside of the clitoris is the Gspot, just thought I would add that in here. Female masturbation is actually very talked about. I didn't want to hear about it, and I ended up hearing about it anyway (after hearing about it I did *lots* of research on anatomy and what that is/the "guilt factor" associated with religion/embarrassment ect.). Women like giving women advice. That's my understanding on that. And unlike sperm, eggs aren't released during an orgasm. Eggs are only released during menstruation when the ovulation period is over.

Since doing my research I am very pro masturbation. I very much advocate for other teenagers my age to masturbate instead of going out and unsafely experimenting when not ready/ect.

It's no big deal to me.

Of course, if masturbation doesn't physically feel good, then don't force yourself. Don't masturbate if you don't want to.

As for the "dirty" factor. For me, no. When in the rare rare mood I use gloves and I dislike penetration anyway.

As for the partner bit, most (sexual) partners do find it sexually exciting to watch (that's why it is in the porn videos, I suppose). With *any* sexual activity, with or without a partner NEVER DO IT UNLESS YOU'RE COMFORTABLE :) And always be safe, kids ;)

[TealXLIV]

"And always be safe, kids"

Nice one.

[interpol]

Well, my biggest worry is that the person would get grossed out by finding out, even if there's no putting anything in you. The other danger is that they may like it a little too much........

[butterflydreams]

I mean, it's just a thing you can do. If it feels good, and you're not upset by it, there's no harm done. If you're uncomfortable, or you don't like it, abstaining is fine too.

I have kind of the unique perspective of both sides. Sometimes I'm ok with it, and really enjoy myself. Other times, I feel absolutely awful (being brought to tears in a few cases). So yeah, I don't have to do it if I don't want to. For better or for worse, antidepressants have messed with my libido pretty substantially, so most of the time now if I'm doing it, it's because I want to, not because I'm relieving some discomfort.

All that said, I really wish I could be more positive about it, but who can you possibly talk to about such things? And even if I had someone who I could talk to and would listen and help me work through the bad feelings, I think I would have a hard time discussing this stuff in person.

[Himegami]

http://www.asexualityarchive.com/an-asexuals-guide-to-masturbation/

Found the post! You're welcome :D

[Sage Raven Domino]

I wish I could have read that post when I was 14, I discovered the art myself then :(, won't be surprised if I discover while reading that I've been doing smth fundamentally wrong (>15K times, I believe) :D

TMI:

This article is the first time I've read about the need to lube :D Also, I don't really understand the need for a towel - the liquid is well-known to be absorbed well by the skin, I just wait for it to dry up and then go to the bathroom... or even nowhere :D

Both times when my parents caught me masturbating, they weren't very furious; rather, indifferent. They didn't pay much attention to my physical development in general, though; it's likely causing problems now.

Being detected is surely a far less dangerous event than our minds picture it.

[Sage Raven Domino]

I won't be surprised if I discover while reading that I've been doing smth fundamentally wrong :D

A-a-and I have :( TMI:

If I don’t masturbate, will I explode from an unreleased buildup of semen?

No, not at all. Semen doesn’t endlessly build up in some internal balloon until you eventually ejaculate. If you fail to ejaculate regularly, exactly nothing happens. Most of the time, the sperm produced will simply be reabsorbed into the body. Occasionally, you may have a wet dream and ejaculate while you sleep. But you’re not going to explode because there’s too much sperm in you.

Do-o-oh, I thought that I'd have a wet dream every fortnight, which was terrifying me. So I shouldn't have developed the habit of masturbation in the first place.

But I'd probably still have a wet dream at least every month, as per the Wiki.

Also,

Thirteen percent of males experience their first ejaculation as a result of a nocturnal emission. Kinsey found that males experiencing their first ejaculation through a nocturnal emission were older than those experiencing their first ejaculation by means of masturbation. The study indicates that such a first ejaculation resulting from a nocturnal emission was delayed a year or more from what would have been developmentally possible for such males through physical stimulation.

I'm in the unlucky 13%, my parents didn't teach me, as said above :( I didn't desire my childhood female friend sexually, but I should have had sex with her to save the relationship because she was crushing on guys two years older who could do it.

Oh wait. I wouldn't have known anyway at 13 that 99% of people need such a messy thing as sex to sustain a beautiful romantic relationship

[pipsuxx]

masturbation just doesn't do it for me and i'm actually kind of sad bc i feel like it must be really nice to be able to physically give yourself that kind of pleasure, haha. kinda gross, sorry, but i am a bit jealous of people who do like it. i'm a bit genophobic/repulsed sometimes so obviously wouldn't want to do it then but that fluctuates quite a lot for me and when i'm feeling more indifferent i think it would be nice!!

[Ricecream-man]

These days even women talk about it fairly openly.

Possible TMI so spoiler

I've put myself in what I'm going to call the "ninja-ace" zone with a lot of female friends (it makes things easier), and I've overheard/walked in on plenty, perhaps too many, conversation in which they've been talking about guys/girls they've been with or "pink parties" (toys). Once I walk in they start using euphemism or, with close friends, tease me and continue on. Granted it's not as big of a source of public conversation as it is with men, but it's still a fairly accepted topic of conversation. So there's no reason to be embarrassed about it all. Hormones will rage as hormones and you can get urges. Nothing to be worried about.

Sorry if this is a little awkward coming from a male.

[Star Bit]

Masturbation is very highly common among any gender.

I don't think a guy would admit to a girl/potential partner that they masturbate, so its understandable why you haven't verbily hurd it from guys, but i think its a common subject or admittence among their "bros." I think the reason female masturbation isn't talked about is because its subconscious; male parts are external so its an external subject, and female parts are internal so it's an unspoken subject. That and the subconcious of masturbation not resulting in offspring/furthering the species, so its "bad." As well as females carrying only so many eggs; unlike males, so subconciously its like throwing away diamonds that could (once again) further the species. Do you think it would be just as "bad" to find out a gay person masturbates? No? Why? Because of the previously repeated reason; that's why some ppl subconciously hate gays, as well as two women throwing away diamonds and two men dominating each other; which in nature would show who has and does not have the right to mate; one of them is weak, but they can't tell which so they're both weak. It's bad for a species to be furthered on weak/easier kill genetics, so their subconcious tell them to weed this out of the gene pool; the same for bullying.

It doesn't have to be internal for women. Matter of fact, most orgasms comes from the clitoris, which happens to be outside of the vagina, if you know your anatomy. Also, the Gspot and the clitoris are the same thing; it's two sides of the same coin. The backside of the clitoris is the Gspot, just thought I would add that in here. Female masturbation is actually very talked about. I didn't want to hear about it, and I ended up hearing about it anyway (after hearing about it I did *lots* of research on anatomy and what that is/the "guilt factor" associated with religion/embarrassment ect.). Women like giving women advice. That's my understanding on that. And unlike sperm, eggs aren't released during an orgasm. Eggs are only released during menstruation when the ovulation period is over.

Since doing my research I am very pro masturbation. I very much advocate for other teenagers my age to masturbate instead of going out and unsafely experimenting when not ready/ect.

It's no big deal to me.

Of course, if masturbation doesn't physically feel good, then don't force yourself. Don't masturbate if you don't want to.

As for the "dirty" factor. For me, no. When in the rare rare mood I use gloves and I dislike penetration anyway.

As for the partner bit, most (sexual) partners do find it sexually exciting to watch (that's why it is in the porn videos, I suppose). With *any* sexual activity, with or without a partner NEVER DO IT UNLESS YOU'RE COMFORTABLE :) And always be safe, kids ;)

Oh? Well they never taught that in my sex ed. I mean, i knew that an egg came out on your period, but i could've sworn they said it also come out from an orgasem. There was no clarification that your period was the only time it's actually released or talk of where it goes after released; other than after fertilization. Then again it's been a long time since i took sex ed.

[Himegami]

Masturbation is very highly common among any gender.

I don't think a guy would admit to a girl/potential partner that they masturbate, so its understandable why you haven't verbily hurd it from guys, but i think its a common subject or admittence among their "bros." I think the reason female masturbation isn't talked about is because its subconscious; male parts are external so its an external subject, and female parts are internal so it's an unspoken subject. That and the subconcious of masturbation not resulting in offspring/furthering the species, so its "bad." As well as females carrying only so many eggs; unlike males, so subconciously its like throwing away diamonds that could (once again) further the species. Do you think it would be just as "bad" to find out a gay person masturbates? No? Why? Because of the previously repeated reason; that's why some ppl subconciously hate gays, as well as two women throwing away diamonds and two men dominating each other; which in nature would show who has and does not have the right to mate; one of them is weak, but they can't tell which so they're both weak. It's bad for a species to be furthered on weak/easier kill genetics, so their subconcious tell them to weed this out of the gene pool; the same for bullying.

It doesn't have to be internal for women. Matter of fact, most orgasms comes from the clitoris, which happens to be outside of the vagina, if you know your anatomy. Also, the Gspot and the clitoris are the same thing; it's two sides of the same coin. The backside of the clitoris is the Gspot, just thought I would add that in here. Female masturbation is actually very talked about. I didn't want to hear about it, and I ended up hearing about it anyway (after hearing about it I did *lots* of research on anatomy and what that is/the "guilt factor" associated with religion/embarrassment ect.). Women like giving women advice. That's my understanding on that. And unlike sperm, eggs aren't released during an orgasm. Eggs are only released during menstruation when the ovulation period is over.

Since doing my research I am very pro masturbation. I very much advocate for other teenagers my age to masturbate instead of going out and unsafely experimenting when not ready/ect.

It's no big deal to me.

Of course, if masturbation doesn't physically feel good, then don't force yourself. Don't masturbate if you don't want to.

As for the "dirty" factor. For me, no. When in the rare rare mood I use gloves and I dislike penetration anyway.

As for the partner bit, most (sexual) partners do find it sexually exciting to watch (that's why it is in the porn videos, I suppose). With *any* sexual activity, with or without a partner NEVER DO IT UNLESS YOU'RE COMFORTABLE :) And always be safe, kids ;)

Oh? Well they never taught that in sex ed. I mean, i knew that an egg came out on your period but i could've sworn they said it also come out from an orgasem. There was no clarification that your period was the only time it's actually released or talk of where it goes after released; other than pregnancy. Then again it's been a long time since i took sex ed.

I think you need to brush up on your sex ed ;)

EDIT: Winky face was not meant to be creepy...

[interpol]

Not sure about that pink party. Ew.

I mean, I know where the fear is coming from. As a child I was forced to watch stuff that I really didn't want to. The following year I felt like nothing was in control in my life and that's when I started. I've always thought that a boy finding out any of that would be a huge risk factor for him making me do it for him, or worse, to him, when I didn't want to.

And you guys' sex Ed was weird. I got abstinence Ed and found a book in the library about anatomy and birth control and drugs and everything else. I read that one several times because I didn't get everything in my head the first time. I didn't want to miss the questions on a life science test about the human body. I was never tested on it until college....

[Star Bit]

I think you need to brush up on your sex ed ;)

EDIT: Winky face was not meant to be creepy...

XD Yah, apparently, but maybe it was because my teacher was male or because he was also a coach and sloppy/ didn't cover everything. I seriously think the guy did minimal coverage. The class felt very basic and i dont recall extensive talk other than vocabulary. On second thought, maybe it was because the period release subject was right next to the fertilization talk so i put the two together/ as i said, it was never clarified. But i also feel like other teachers at my school did that. My math teacher even mentioned that the school was cutting curriculum so we could have better averages/make the school look better (she was upset about it/ that we were a bunch of dunces or that the school was promoting stupidity).

[Naosuu]

In regards to ovulation: it usually happens halfway through your cycle. If you have a smart phone and downloaded a period tracker, they tend to estimate your window of ovulation in the middle. This, of course, doesn't mean you actually do; it's an estimate, after all.

I've read that if a menstrual cycle is short enough (I dunno, 20 days?), it's possible to ovulate shortly after your period (e.x. 24 day cycle; bleed 7 days; have intercourse on the final day; ovulate 3 days later). Wiggy.

[The Wreyck]

I masturbate, and I don't feel guilty about it. I used to because my religion was pushing so much on it being a negative and sinful thing. I've since done my own studies on the matter and come to a different understanding of where masturbation stands in my religion. I've never orgasmed, and I'm fine with that. I feel like that would take too much effort and thus make so that it is not relaxing as I currently view it. Very rarely I will masturbate because of arousal, but 95% of the time that is not the case. I masturbate because I'm bored, or because it will help me sleep usually. There was a lot of shame about masturbation my entire childhood and teen years. Sex was talked about in my group of friends, but masturbation was not. After I moved for college I found one woman I could discuss masturbation with, and she was 24. Some of the guys were willing to casually joke about it but nothing more. In this community, though, masturbation was a generally accepted thing. We just didn't fill our conversation with it. I had one roommate who I know did not masturbate, but she was the only one that I ever really felt with any certainty wasn't doing it.

As for partners and masturbation I'm not sure how much I have to offer on this subject. I've only had two serious enough partners, and one of those we never officially acknowledged a relationship. We were each other's first homosexual experiment/experience. That was during high school, and I masturbated at the time, but never with any fantasies about them. There was pretty much no fantasizing to the experiences. I never told them that I masturbated--our relationship was not very physical. I have no idea if they masturbated, though it wouldn't be a surprise to hear that they had. They were always the aggressor in the relationship, and they were fairly comfortable with their body. My second partner is my current relationship, and we both masturbate. We informed each other of this early on in the relationship before we were even official. My partner never indicated to me that they were either happy or unhappy with the fact that I masturbate. I would think that they are either neutral or positive on the matter, though. The topic of my masturbation first came up when I was explaining my asexuality to my partner. I myself am fairly neutral to somewhat positive on the matter of my partner's masturbation. They have sexual needs, they masturbate. Masturbating helps them clear their mind, so they masturbate--and I do that exact same thing myself. My partner masturbates with me in mind, and I feel positively about that. My partner is sexual, and they are sexually attracted to me. That is a compliment and makes me happy. I like the fact that I am who they think of when they take care of their sexual needs. I have thought about my partner a bit while masturbating, at first because I forced myself in experimenting to see if I could form sexual attraction to them. Now that the emotional bond is deeper, things my partner does or says have the ability to create physical arousal for me, and I can think of my partner in general and those things while masturbating to help things along. I don't ever think of my partner physically, though, during masturbation. That's actually a turn-off. I just think of their name, voice, and words, or the emotional connection.

[Lenika]

That's nothing to be worried about. Its totally normal. The minority doesn't, most people do. I don't but I certainly don't judge anyone who does. I would encourage them to if it feels good to them. I don't have any sensation so I just don't bother, sometimes I wish I could the way people talk about it feeling good lol

[Beyourownspotlight]

You shouldn't be embarrassed asking/talking/actually doing it.

Every partner I've ever had in the past masturbated, and they weren't shy about it at all. They wouldn't run around shouting at the top of their lungs that they did or anything, but they didn't hide/weren't shameful about it. (I've dated males, females, and non-binary people).

I've talked about it with just friends as well. It's not something that people should feel embarrassed about, it's been said before, but it's normal to masturbate, and it's normal to not. If you enjoy something it, great, if you don't that's fine too. Don't feel guilty about it, you're literally making yourself feel good, why would you feel guilty about that?

[interpol]

I shouldn't feel bad I know. But like then there's the chance one day I could date someone and he finds out I do it and goes, "hey! Do it for me so I can see you doing you!" Um, no. Indecent and huge trigger both. Or he goes, "ew, girls don't do that" and then it's just "great, now he thinks I'm disgusting." Or if a girl finds out she goes, "hey, come to sex toy party!" (Ewwwwww.)

It was my way of kicking the world out and focusing on me, and feeling better, when all the changes were happening and I had been sexually harassed and I just could not deal.

In some ways it's still like that.

And I hate that this is all basically a trauma reaction.

[Star Bit]

Well, at least don't feel alone in that because every asexual who masturbates could face that with their sexual partner. Secondly, so what if there are things you're not willing to do. Thats how you are and your partners not going to change it. Be firm. Be proud. If he says that girls don't do that then he's either uninformed or in denial. But you're really just afraid of your partner disliking you or pressuring you over it. You just need to put your foot down and say things are this way and if he's not going to accept it then you don't need to be a couple. Accept that things are the way they are for you and that there's nothing wrong with that.

[interpol]

Well, at least don't feel alone in that because every asexual who masturbates could face that with their sexual partner. Secondly, so what if there are things you're not willing to do. Thats how you are and your partners not going to change it. Be firm. Be proud. If he says that girls don't do that then he's either uninformed or in denial. But you're really just afraid of your partner disliking you or pressuring you over it. You just need to put your foot down and say things are this way and if he's not going to accept it then you don't need to be a couple. Accept that things are the way they are for you and that there's nothing wrong with that.

This is true, and I'm not ace. I'm just trying to heal and having a hard time of it.

And yes, I'm scared, and I'll admit it.

Because he could still make me feel....*bashful.* /turns red and hides/

[Guest]

I have had people ask me to do it for them - but a simple no, not comfortable doing that works to get any decent person to leave you alone about it. And that's from someone who openly admits to them that I DO NOT do it at all, ever. So, not masturbating doesn't really stop them asking you to, if that is something they enjoy sexually. It's one of those boundary things that needs to be discussed during a relationship, if it comes up, or before if you feel saying "Do not ask me this" would be better than risking them asking it at all. You can also say you consider masturbation a private bodily function, like going to the bathroom, so would prefer to not discuss it / share it. No one, not even a partner, needs to know what you do with your own body.

As for thinking "girls don't do that"... I know literally no one that thinks girls don't masturbate. I am much more likely to hear people make jokes about why a girl would buy an electric razor, or electric tooth brush, etc (as in, wanting it as a vibrator that would be easy to hide). At college, the girls, sitting in a mixed gender group, would trade erotica and talk about how they would "save it for later" so they could enjoy masturbating to it. Pretty much from 15 on NOT doing it has been seen as "weird" to anyone I have ever told, of any gender.

[interpol]

I have had people ask me to do it for them - but a simple no, not comfortable doing that works to get any decent person to leave you alone about it. And that's from someone who openly admits to them that I DO NOT do it at all, ever. So, not masturbating doesn't really stop them asking you to, if that is something they enjoy sexually. It's one of those boundary things that needs to be discussed during a relationship, if it comes up, or before if you feel saying "Do not ask me this" would be better than risking them asking it at all. You can also say you consider masturbation a private bodily function, like going to the bathroom, so would prefer to not discuss it / share it. No one, not even a partner, needs to know what you do with your own body.

As for thinking "girls don't do that"... I know literally no one that thinks girls don't masturbate. I am much more likely to hear people make jokes about why a girl would buy an electric razor, or electric tooth brush, etc (as in, wanting it as a vibrator that would be easy to hide). At college, the girls, sitting in a mixed gender group, would trade erotica and talk about how they would "save it for later" so they could enjoy masturbating to it. Pretty much from 15 on NOT doing it has been seen as "weird" to anyone I have ever told, of any gender.

Wow. Where I am from, nobody talks about it and everyone thinks girls don't do it and boys all do.