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I dont know.. I think I could be?


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Hey. So I was reading a fanfic (yep, that type of nerd) and it dealt with asexuality. So im reading and the more I read the more I start to relate to the asexual character. Im 30 (or close enough), married with a 2 year old. I love my husband. I have sex with my husband. I frustrate my husband with how little I care about having sex- for him its a huge deal, for me.. Id rather be reading, or watching telly, or sorting the washing out.. I look at guys and think 'yep, hes goodlooking'.. But I do the same for women. I dont think about sex, my husband doesnt believe me but it honestly doesnt cross my mind that we might have gone a long period without doing it.

Asexuality is a sexuality right? So can I be 30 and only just figuring this out? I love being close with my husband, sitting and watching movies snuggled under blankets.. I just feel he always wants more and im really happy without going any further. Can I believe im asexual but still be having sex?

I dont know why im posting this. I dont really know what im asking. Nothing in my life will change- I cant speak to my husband about this at all. I guess I just wanted to put my thoughts out there.

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Hi, and welcome to AVEN! :cake: Asexuality is a valid orientation. It doesn't matter when you found out. For some people, it takes even longer. And yes, you can have sex and still be asexual. Actions do not dictate one's sexual orientation, attraction does.

It may help to show your husband the FAQ for partners. In any case, good luck! And I'm glad you found asexuality.

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yes you can be an asexual who has sex. You do it because you love your husband and you do it for him. You dont have to like it, its just a symbol of love i guess from you to him since you dont care if you have sex or not . And most likely you wish you wouldnt have to have sex again. By talking to other asexuals, you`ll see thats it is ok, that there is nothing wrong with you, that people spent whole lives without knowing what is wrong with them....they had no idea they were asexuals. You will get comfortable and discover yourself again, as an asexual this time. And when you know , and when you feel its right, you can discuss it with your partner. If this is what you are, there is no shame and nothing to be embarassed about. This is you. Since he loves you, he must accept it. And as a couple, but talking about it, i hope you reach to a point where his sexuality with your asexuality have a common line . Meet each ohter half way.

I hope everything turns out fine for you..!

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Hullo and welcome to AVEN! ^_^ I'm glad you came across asexuality and it doesn't matter how old one is when they discover something about themselves. You learn something new everyday! :) It's funny how people stumble across asexuality, I have as well. Sometimes the word finds that person eventually to let them know that they are not alone and certainly not broken. Many asexuals are able to have sex with their partners and then there's some who are repulsed... asexuality covers a lot, but one thing for certain is the lack/absence of sexual attraction to someone. Though that doesn't mean that asexuals are incapable of love. There's sexual attraction, romantic attraction, sensual attraction, and aesthetic attraction. So if you look at guys and girls and think that they are handsome/pretty, but not necessarily romantically or sexually attracted to them is probably aesthetic attraction there. A lot of asexuals like to cuddle, but not necessarily all of us do. I hoped that helped, unless I made it even more confusing, I apologize. If you have anymore questions, you may find that others have the exact same questions and people have given their input. If you can't find their question/answer you're looking for, feel free to ask! ^_^

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hello! i think it's true that plenty of people realise their asexuality later on and as we can see from your example it's so important that we have representation in media of all kinds because when people see others/characters who are asexual they can relate to their experiences as realise things about themselves! there are plenty of people on this forum who are adults in long term relationships who didn't come to fully understand their sexuality until after they had been in the relationship. the different attitudes to sex vary so much among asexuals, from people who physically enjoy it despite not experiencing attraction, people who are indifferent and people who are downright repulsed. all of those are okay, hence why it's often viewed as an asexual spectrum rather than a singular identity. hope you find what you're looking for on AVEN :)

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Hello and welcome. You can figure this out at whatever age that you like. Actually, it's unlikely that you'd have figutred this out sooner; the resources didn't exist for this all that long ago. And, you can be asexual and still have sex--you can even like sex, in fact. So, welcome to AVEN. Browse around.

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