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Do you have a social capacity?


xSkylar

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It's hard to explain, but I feel as if I have a finite source of social 'energy' and it gets depleted after huge social events or a day full of social interaction in which I would need ALOT of alone time to fully recover and feel at ease again. Otherwise, I end up feeling really anxious and stressed out. For example, if I were to attend a party or huge social gathering, I am usually the one that gets pretty crazy and interactive with everyone, but afterwards I'm just completely exhausted and I would not want to see or talk (on the phone/Skype) with anyone for a few days after. I now work almost everyday at a retail store where I'm selling things to customers everyday so I really need to put on my social facade in order to make a good sale, and because im using so much of this social 'meter', I have avoided every outing or invitation that my friends have organized and even my parents think that I have been alienated when really, I'm alienating myself haha.

Anyone else feel this way or am I just freaking weird?

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Yeah I do recognize the introversion in me, but then I think my situation is a weird blend of the two because when I'm actually AT the social event or gathering, I'm not one to sit by the side and watch but I'd go in and talk to everybody and make conversation all night long. It seems like I wear an outer coat of extraversion when I'm outside, but really I know the inner me is introverted and I don't know why, but that's always been the case. I have to take that coat out with me whenever I'm around people (besides my parents). Even when I discussed it with my ex boyfriend, he disagreed that I was an introvert because he said me and 'introvert' sounds more like an oxymoron.

I just wish that I wouldn't tire so easily of people ~_~

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I'm this same way, and having developed my tolerance for these interactions from the starting point of intoversion, understand that they are not the same thing. It is not an odd state to be in, from discussions I've had with the few people I've talked to about these things.

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lol i `m the same way... i dont think its introversion, i wasnt introverted before.... i was always the one who`d love to go out, who `d enjoy whatever is social.

it started as me sitting on a social place with friends etc and thinking to myself "ok we came....lets go now....lets go home" .

After that i was thinking to myself..."social gathering tonight? meeeeh who has the mood to get dressed up etc etc... maybe some other time"

And finally after so long, i almost never go out, and when we have relatives in our house "like a party thingy" if there are no kids, i`ll gladly stay into my room , afraid to even go to pee, for they `ll see me.

If they got kids, i tend to entertain them but before and after i feel awful and usually meanwhile i drink . For yes my energy is fully drained after this.

Cause lets face it i am not as social as i was, not even close , and people judge easily and i dont think i am in a point where i can stand their judgement on me.

My personal humble opinion? its a sign of depression.

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lol i `m the same way... i dont think its introversion, i wasnt introverted before.... i was always the one who`d love to go out, who `d enjoy whatever is social.

it started as me sitting on a social place with friends etc and thinking to myself "ok we came....lets go now....lets go home" .

After that i was thinking to myself..."social gathering tonight? meeeeh who has the mood to get dressed up etc etc... maybe some other time"

And finally after so long, i almost never go out, and when we have relatives in our house "like a party thingy" if there are no kids, i`ll gladly stay into my room , afraid to even go to pee, for they `ll see me.

If they got kids, i tend to entertain them but before and after i feel awful and usually meanwhile i drink . For yes my energy is fully drained after this.

Cause lets face it i am not as social as i was, not even close , and people judge easily and i dont think i am in a point where i can stand their judgement on me.

My personal humble opinion? its a sign of depression.

Oh my god this is me exactly... I used to be able to go out a few nights in a row but now I don't even want to go for a night out in the city with my friends. If I do go out, I'd prefer it to be with one or two other people and I wouldn't want to stay out long. In fact, I always look forward to going back home. And I absolutely hate it when my parents invite people over without telling me. Once, a bunch of old family friends came over unexpectedly and I had a bit of a panic attack. It's so weird though, because after I managed to calm down and go outside, I just socialized normally with the daughter (around my age) and again I put on that outer layer of laughs and loudness but really all I could think about was when they were going to leave.

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I've always been that way too. If I was at any social event, I could only spend a couple hours there before I was exhausted. It wouldn't matter if I was in a group of people I knew for years or complete strangers. Then, my mom would question me and ask me what's wrong even though every time I would say it was just my inner introvert coming out.

I don't think it's a sign of depression. It's really common among people.

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I certainly do have a social capacity and not a particularly high one.

*is a definite introvert*

It's interesting how most (not all) asexual people I know seem introverted. It'd be hard to determine at present state of knowledge if there is a real correlation between the two over the entire population, or if our current samples are obscured e.g. because most asexual people meet each other online, and online tends to be more comfortable for introverts.

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lol i `m the same way... i dont think its introversion, i wasnt introverted before.... i was always the one who`d love to go out, who `d enjoy whatever is social.

it started as me sitting on a social place with friends etc and thinking to myself "ok we came....lets go now....lets go home" .

After that i was thinking to myself..."social gathering tonight? meeeeh who has the mood to get dressed up etc etc... maybe some other time"

And finally after so long, i almost never go out, and when we have relatives in our house "like a party thingy" if there are no kids, i`ll gladly stay into my room , afraid to even go to pee, for they `ll see me.

If they got kids, i tend to entertain them but before and after i feel awful and usually meanwhile i drink . For yes my energy is fully drained after this.

Cause lets face it i am not as social as i was, not even close , and people judge easily and i dont think i am in a point where i can stand their judgement on me.

My personal humble opinion? its a sign of depression.

Oh my god this is me exactly... I used to be able to go out a few nights in a row but now I don't even want to go for a night out in the city with my friends. If I do go out, I'd prefer it to be with one or two other people and I wouldn't want to stay out long. In fact, I always look forward to going back home. And I absolutely hate it when my parents invite people over without telling me. Once, a bunch of old family friends came over unexpectedly and I had a bit of a panic attack. It's so weird though, because after I managed to calm down and go outside, I just socialized normally with the daughter (around my age) and again I put on that outer layer of laughs and loudness but really all I could think about was when they were going to leave.

Yep "when are they going to leave!!?" is always in the back of my head while i pretend to laugh and desperatelly getting anxious for the next "interesting" thing i have to find to entertain them.

One time i was in the kitchen and i heard my mother coming home and with her, i heard a man ( it would be the electrician, i had no idea) and i was shocked to see my self run like a thief , and hide in my room.

And parents always inform me of guests coming , last minute and i feel like crawling on the floor like an earth worm crying "noooooooooooos"

i stopped going to weddings etc, or when relatives invite us to their home. Lost many many friends :P

It takes a lot of energy for you (and me) to go out, put on a smile and behave like we enjoy this while inside we are almost screaming "get the f*ck out of my house pls" :D

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Well, someone's tolerance can change over time, in response to various things going on in life, or just because they're getting older. Plus many introverts can be social. It has nothing to do with, say, shyness. Or hating people. I'm probably one of the most introverted individuals you'll come across (plus I can be shy and am not much of a people person at all), and I can have fun with someone I like and still feel exhausted and drained and a bit irritable afterwards.

Have you been under any additional stress lately or anything like that?

(You still don't sound weird to me, though.)

Haha thanks, even though I don't mind being weird xD

Hmm, I've only started to notice my enjoyment and desire to be alone when I started university. I used to be in a really close group of friends in high school but after that, we all went our separate ways because of different colleges etc. In the first year of uni, I still met up with them quite regularly and nowadays it is really rare for me to go to one of their events. I would usually meet up with them individually, but not all of them at once. I even deactivated my facebook because I felt bad for declining so many events :/

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I'm an introvert and loner at heart. I definitely have a tolerance for social situations. I get very irritated in crowds. It does depend on the situation, however.

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Well, someone's tolerance can change over time, in response to various things going on in life, or just because they're getting older. Plus many introverts can be social. It has nothing to do with, say, shyness. Or hating people. I'm probably one of the most introverted individuals you'll come across (plus I can be shy and am not much of a people person at all), and I can have fun with someone I like and still feel exhausted and drained and a bit irritable afterwards.

Have you been under any additional stress lately or anything like that?

(You still don't sound weird to me, though.)

Haha thanks, even though I don't mind being weird xD

Hmm, I've only started to notice my enjoyment and desire to be alone when I started university. I used to be in a really close group of friends in high school but after that, we all went our separate ways because of different colleges etc. In the first year of uni, I still met up with them quite regularly and nowadays it is really rare for me to go to one of their events. I would usually meet up with them individually, but not all of them at once. I even deactivated my facebook because I felt bad for declining so many events :/

Starting uni could definitely have something to do with it. A lot of people feel a little out of their depth there, or just not connected to the life they were familiar with. (Don't know if that's the case with you, of course; just a thought.) The work required in being a university student can be different from high school, for sure... people can end up a lot busier and more tired out. Has anything else changed much at all? Sleep or eating habits, enjoyment of other activities (including stuff you do by yourself), energy levels, the marks you're getting or your attitude towards school? (Don't have to answer those here, of course; just things to think about.)

Yeah, it could be uni. I mean, in high school you have the same breaks as everyone (like recess and lunch) so you're always seeing your group of friends everyday. But in uni, everyone has different timetables and it's hard to catch up unless you're in all the same classes as your friends. But that's the thing, I didn't even try to make friends in uni. It's pretty far for me, so I just see it as a thing to go to, learn, and then go back. I used to think, "I already have a group of friends from high school, I don't need to make new friends", but who knows, that mentality could've stemmed from when I was already beginning to clam up.

I'm definitely sleeping a lot more now. If I allowed myself to, I could sleep all day. That's why I wanted to get a job over the holidays and also attend summer school, so that I don't end up sleeping at home all day. Nothing really changed with eating habits... I used to have an eating disorder so my eating habits are all mucked up anyways. Gaming, I definitely used to enjoy a lot more. I think it's also because I used to game and skype with my friends but now I don't even want to do that anymore.

I thought I'd just write it out because that helps me think things clearer xD

I certainly do have a social capacity and not a particularly high one.

*is a definite introvert*

It's interesting how most (not all) asexual people I know seem introverted. It'd be hard to determine at present state of knowledge if there is a real correlation between the two over the entire population, or if our current samples are obscured e.g. because most asexual people meet each other online, and online tends to be more comfortable for introverts.

I realise that too! There may be a correlation, but I think that could be attributed to the fact that as asexuals, we don't feel the need to go out there and impress others to attract them. I'm pretty sure there's an underlying evolutionary factor as to why we are social, and that is so that we can meet potential mates, attract them, and reproduce. I'm thinking Darwinian/slightly Freudian here but who knows :P

EDIT: i have no idea why there's an empty quote box below here, but I can't seem to delete it ._.

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Hm, I've kind of suspected that I have mild depression for a while now because of how much I had wanted to sleep (especially during Uni semester) and how hard it was for me to leave the house. But unfortunately I don't really have anyone to turn to as i've tried telling my parents that I wasn't happy but their response is the usual, "what is there to be sad about, you have everything!" As if material items are justifiable enough to someone's mental wellbeing.

Now that I think about it, I think I know a major 'event' or more like realization that has happened recently which might have led me to feeling this way...

Anyway I'm sorry to hear you're still in the grasp of the ED :( 15 years is a long time, I can't imagine how much you've been through. I definitely wouldn't wish it on anyone either, I know the horrible inner conflicts that come along with that. Feel free to message me if you need to vent or ask about anything related :) I used to be in a small group where I shared my testimony of recovery to help others recover so I hope I can provide some relief for you too!

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lol i `m the same way... i dont think its introversion, i wasnt introverted before.... i was always the one who`d love to go out, who `d enjoy whatever is social.

it started as me sitting on a social place with friends etc and thinking to myself "ok we came....lets go now....lets go home" .

After that i was thinking to myself..."social gathering tonight? meeeeh who has the mood to get dressed up etc etc... maybe some other time"

And finally after so long, i almost never go out, and when we have relatives in our house "like a party thingy" if there are no kids, i`ll gladly stay into my room , afraid to even go to pee, for they `ll see me.

If they got kids, i tend to entertain them but before and after i feel awful and usually meanwhile i drink . For yes my energy is fully drained after this.

Cause lets face it i am not as social as i was, not even close , and people judge easily and i dont think i am in a point where i can stand their judgement on me.

My personal humble opinion? its a sign of depression.

Oh my god this is me exactly... I used to be able to go out a few nights in a row but now I don't even want to go for a night out in the city with my friends. If I do go out, I'd prefer it to be with one or two other people and I wouldn't want to stay out long. In fact, I always look forward to going back home. And I absolutely hate it when my parents invite people over without telling me. Once, a bunch of old family friends came over unexpectedly and I had a bit of a panic attack. It's so weird though, because after I managed to calm down and go outside, I just socialized normally with the daughter (around my age) and again I put on that outer layer of laughs and loudness but really all I could think about was when they were going to leave.

Yep "when are they going to leave!!?" is always in the back of my head while i pretend to laugh and desperatelly getting anxious for the next "interesting" thing i have to find to entertain them.

One time i was in the kitchen and i heard my mother coming home and with her, i heard a man ( it would be the electrician, i had no idea) and i was shocked to see my self run like a thief , and hide in my room.

And parents always inform me of guests coming , last minute and i feel like crawling on the floor like an earth worm crying "noooooooooooos"

i stopped going to weddings etc, or when relatives invite us to their home. Lost many many friends :P

It takes a lot of energy for you (and me) to go out, put on a smile and behave like we enjoy this while inside we are almost screaming "get the f*ck out of my house pls" :D

Well, in this case for you two, who used to be more social, I'd agree, it's a sign of depression. I wouldn't be too concerned over that as long as you still have interest in other things, and a job of some sort (these are both good indicators as to whether or not depression will turn into suicide). For someone like me,who started off introverted, and has now participated in social interactions, and who has experienced depression, I can say that without a doubt my interaction has been a sign of recovery, and that there's nothing wrong with being drained afterwards. I've had the good forutune to met a friend who doesn't drain me, so I know that a part of it is the personaility types of the people I interact with. So, it's not all on you. Don't let people tell you that it is.

Also, the best way to deal with depression--find someone to talk to. It doesn't need to be a psychiatrist. It just needs to be someone who acknowledges your feelings.

In that vein, I'm sorry to hear what you're going through, and wish you the best of luck, and the ability to take advantage of whatever motivates you whenever it does.

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EDIT: i have no idea why there's an empty quote box below here, but I can't seem to delete it ._.

Press the light switch (just above the message box on the left) to see the codes. That makes it easier to see surplus tags...
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As another AVENiste who is naturally introverted I would like to offer my thoughts. Whilst an introvert I often act very extrovert to HIDE my natural state. it is a form of subconscious defence mechanism. I want to appear to be one of the crowd, whereas in reality I prefer to be outside looking at the crowd.

This may seem a bit weird, but have you had your blood hormone levels checked. Low mood, anxiety, sleepiness could be due to an underactive endocrine gland. In my case the blame was placed on low testosterone levels, but low GH, TSH or other hormones can produce similar symptoms

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whoa well this all sounds super duper familiar to me! my first response was, like so many other people said, that you're an introvert. the fact is, introversion isn't what you are generally lead to believe it is. it doesn't necessarily mean you're shy or quiet or anything like that, it just means, like you say, that you have quite a finite reserve of emotional capacity. when you feel like you're putting on that face of extroversion it can be incredibly draining, especially in a space (like starting uni) where you don't know so many people. for me last year i found it almost totally overwhelming, to the point where i was sleeping 14-16 hours a day in order just to be able to get up and face everyone. i recognise it's highly likely that there was a depression/seasonal affected disorder overlap there. the basic premise remains the same, however. you're just a well adapted introvert who is used to acting more open and extroverted because in a lot of social situations it makes things plenty easier and less awkward. not weird at all, and like i said in the beginning, i totally relate.

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an indignant hedgepig

This has always bothered me, actually, so I'm going to repeat what a lot of other people have said: introverts are not automatically shy, reserved, antisocial, a "loner", or quiet. All that "introvert" means is that you spend energy in social situations, rather than getting your energy from social situations. Some of the most outgoing, friendly, and social people I have been introverts, and I have met some very shy extraverts. Introversion/extraversion has to do with energy sources, not personality traits, although the two often do coincide. Being an introvert does not mean you are antisocial, awkward, or "hate people".

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Skipper Valvoline

I've kind of had the opposite reaction. Instead of withdrawing after socializing, I've been going social-crazy after being withdrawn for so long.

Happened midway through the semester. There were days where I would just glare at my laptop and absolutely hate it because nothing was happening, nothing was getting done- and I was just doing what I've been doing for years. I grew incredibly restless and I wanted to be productive, so I started venturing out more, joining church events, calling friends, and oh yeah, the biggest reaction? I decided to aim for my pilot's license. I seriously want to get out of the house and get jazz done.

So I guess it works both ways.

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blossombreeze

Yeah this makes sense to me. During the Holidays & Summer Vacations I don't ever see as many people in my social circle as I intend to, but I do see them significantly more than when I have school. I say its because I don't have time but its really because I can't find the energy to make time for everyone. It sounds rude but its true. Some people, usually people who are louder, more energetic, and want to go out more, just exhaust me more than others, even if I enjoy their company the same. I get exhausted mentally and physically from seeing people and after hanging out with someone for a long time I tend to have a lot of anxiety. I constantly over think actions from the night/s before and spend a lot of time processing I guess? But I also love people, seeing them, having conversations. I love unexpected meet ups (talking to strangers even which I was always too anxious for before) I love keeping in touch and sending random texts of appreciation to my loved ones. Total introvert lol

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As another AVENiste who is naturally introverted I would like to offer my thoughts. Whilst an introvert I often act very extrovert to HIDE my natural state. it is a form of subconscious defence mechanism. I want to appear to be one of the crowd, whereas in reality I prefer to be outside looking at the crowd.

This may seem a bit weird, but have you had your blood hormone levels checked. Low mood, anxiety, sleepiness could be due to an underactive endocrine gland. In my case the blame was placed on low testosterone levels, but low GH, TSH or other hormones can produce similar symptoms

This is interesting. I remember awhile ago when I had a blood test, I had very low testosterone levels, but my doctor didn't make anything out of it since the test was mainly for iron levels. I'm wondering what testosterone has to do with emotional capacity though?

And also, there's a pretty high chance that I have low GH levels since I had to take a steroid for my asthma when I was 2 or 3 which was known to suppress somatotrophs for some reason. (I'm pretty short, 5'2) And lastly, I thought TSH is more for metabolism?

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It's hard to explain, but I feel as if I have a finite source of social 'energy' and it gets depleted after huge social events or a day full of social interaction in which I would need ALOT of alone time to fully recover and feel at ease again. Otherwise, I end up feeling really anxious and stressed out. For example, if I were to attend a party or huge social gathering, I am usually the one that gets pretty crazy and interactive with everyone, but afterwards I'm just completely exhausted and I would not want to see or talk (on the phone/Skype) with anyone for a few days after.

Everything that you have said is BANG on for me too! I'm extroverted and I'm great with people when they are around! But after large interactions, I just want to go home and be alone. I can't handle large crowds either if I'm around them for too long, even though it may seem that I was enjoying myself beforehand.

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xSkylar, all endocrine deficiencies can produce similar symptoms, that is why they are so hard to isolate. They may not be the be all and end all of a problem either, but they can contribute. In my own personal case a low testosterone level meant that I did not have the wherewithal to fight the guilt over how much I had deceived everyone I know regarding my sexuality. Atypical hormone levels are often comorbid with another condition and can amplify the effects. It is more than possible that a low hormone level, whilst not being clinically significant, may render the individual concerned to be more susceptible to psychosocial disorders

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I am not particularly introverted, but after several hours teaching I just need some time alone to sort of get my bearings again. During lessons there is no time to think about anything but my students' questions and problems. Seems quite normal to me.

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