willnightshade Posted December 21, 2014 Share Posted December 21, 2014 So I was talking to someone about asexuality when a curious question came up. We are all to some extent adverse to sex. Some of us have romantic relationships. Some of these relationships are with people who have a "normal" sexual desire that we are incapable or unwilling to fulfill. So, would you be opposed to your significant other meeting their sexual desires externally (ie: a friend with benefits or prostitute, assuming legality in your country)? This is also assuming that there was no emotional attachment toward the sexual surrogate. Link to post Share on other sites
knout Posted December 21, 2014 Share Posted December 21, 2014 I think it's been discussed before and I don't know really what was said or the common consensus, but people who are monogamous will usually have a hard time with that. It's hard for someone, just because they're asexual, to go around that question with the same mentality as someone who is polyamorous or in an open relationship. Ideally, it would be awesome. But in my own experience, it did hurt me a lot, even though I was incapable of filling said role, that they found someone else to do it with. (My noble ideals of being open took a certain hit on behalf of jealousy, ugh what an horrible feeling :)) Link to post Share on other sites
The Great WTF Posted December 21, 2014 Share Posted December 21, 2014 This gets discussed a lot. Some asexuals have open relationships. Some do not. Some prefer polyamory. There is no common consensus because we're all different. Link to post Share on other sites
Angelica Soprano Posted December 21, 2014 Share Posted December 21, 2014 Might be easier for many to avoid relationships completely than have to go through imagining all that seminal slimy stuff happening with the one you cherish, even if one is incapable or unwilling to participate in it? Link to post Share on other sites
butterflydreams Posted December 21, 2014 Share Posted December 21, 2014 I'd be pretty hesitate to paint all asexuals, or even most, as "adverse" or averse to sex. (Personally, I like to imagine that a good chunk, myself included, are "meh..." about sex, but that's my own little feeling). Sex itself is just an act. Something you can do if you want, or not do if you want. Some asexuals will put up with this amount of it, others will only put up with that amount. Some may like it. Some may not. Just because someone is asexual doesn't mean that there's going to be a sexual incompatibility with their sexual partner. That said, some people are ok with open relationships and some people aren't. That goes for asexuals and non-asexuals alike. That's not unique to asexuals. For me personally, if the sex issue were enough that my partner would need to get it somewhere else, I'd have serious doubts about whether or not that relationship was something either of us should be involved in. There's nothing wrong with that. Link to post Share on other sites
Mx.Jekyll Posted December 21, 2014 Share Posted December 21, 2014 I'm polyamorous, so...I have no problem with a sexual partner finding other means to satisfy their desires. Link to post Share on other sites
willnightshade Posted December 21, 2014 Author Share Posted December 21, 2014 I'd be pretty hesitate to paint all asexuals, or even most, as "adverse" or averse to sex. Link to post Share on other sites
drjohnhwatson Posted December 21, 2014 Share Posted December 21, 2014 I've responded to this before. I'd like to think that if I ever found myself in such a relationship, I would be willing to let them have their needs be met even if it was without me, but I honestly don't think I could. I mean, that's your Significant Other, going off with someone else. Often times sex can build up an emotional connection as well, and what would stop them from running off with the second person because they give them the emotional bond that they need as well as the sexual bond, which I wouldn't do (or not do probably anywhere near enough for their liking). Jealousy is a fell beast indeed, but I think there are valid concerns when one is worried or disinclined to let one's partner meet their needs outside of the relationship. . Link to post Share on other sites
Ficulnean Posted December 22, 2014 Share Posted December 22, 2014 I have no clue how I'd react. I've never liked anyone enough to be jealous, but i assume I'd like my significant other more than most people (I really really hopem that that's the case), but even then, jealousy is not a large part of my make up. I've decided to take it as I go. Link to post Share on other sites
Hikishi Posted December 22, 2014 Share Posted December 22, 2014 Nope, I'd have no problem with that. I get what I need, and I don't feel like I'm depriving my partner of an important element. I would rather they go out and find someone to have sex with (safely, of course), than not have sex and be unhappy and hide it, or become resentful of me because of it. I've been in an open relationship before, and it has some of the same elements. Link to post Share on other sites
Ricecream-man Posted December 22, 2014 Share Posted December 22, 2014 I've got to add on to The Great WTF and Hadley167. As I'm sure you've seen everyone's different. There's no general consensus when it comes to either sex aversion or open relationships/polyamory. Personally, I don't have anything particular for or against sex. My previous experience before realizing I was asexual caused me some issues but that was more from a guilt setting rather than anything else. As of now, I probably wouldn't be too bothered by it. Open relationship/poly wise I don't think I'd be able to do it. Both from the point that sex is often tied to love and physical intimacy can give birth to emotional connections as well, especially if they're repeated, and from the point of pregnancy as well. I really don't know how I'd react to if my significant other came home and told me she was pregnant and wanted to keep the child. I'd like to say I'd react well, but I can't say that in confidence. Link to post Share on other sites
MacAran Posted December 22, 2014 Share Posted December 22, 2014 I think if there was no emotional attachment then I'd personally be ok with it, but alas, that is not quite the situation I'm struggling though with my sexual partner Link to post Share on other sites
TeddyMiller Posted December 22, 2014 Share Posted December 22, 2014 I don't have the stereotypical reaction to infidelity; hypothetically, if I had a significant other and caught her having sex with someone else, my reaction would not be rage, it would be that we need to talk about the situation. So I'd at least consider having a relationship where my significant other can have outside sexual activities. Link to post Share on other sites
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