Partly pleasant, partly terrific...

[nekineki]

Hello everyone. I am posting to tell you my story. I am (or was until a few hours ago) a virgin. I am a man of 24 years and just finished my postgrad studies so I have lot of free time. I am attracted to women, but don't really find many interesting enough to date. And the few times I tried to date, they usually turned me down due to my platonic attitude. Now that I have more free time than ever I decided to lose my virginity due to a higher than usual sexual drive. I used tinder, contacted a girl and decided to apply some sexual elements to my usual approach leading to an incomplete intercourse. She was an interesting girl and we decided to go to my home. I might be getting to too much detail but I failed to have an erection so we just cuddled for the whole night which was very pleasant.I didn't find french-kissing very pleasant Early in the morning she showed me how to stimulate her with my hand. Despite her being really satisfied, it was really unpleasant for me (rubbing a vagina was really disgusting) After she left, a small germ phobia(STD fear :P ) appeared leading me to take off all the pillows and sheets and sleep in new ones and have a bath with antibacterial soap. The strange is that I am generally not even close to such hygiene obsessions, rather the opposite . :P So can I ask the most cliche question ,how asexual do you thing I am? I am really open to discussion with anyone that raises any other point.

Thanks!

[Guest]

Absolutely, you must be an ace. Your reaction on sex just shows that you must be heteroromantic ace. You enjoyed cuddles but not full intercourse.

[CrowWakes]

well this may be a little cliche as well but my opinion doesnt matter. If I were to think you were the most Asexual man in the world that wouldnt make it so. So let me ask the true question here. research asexual, afterwards tell me how asexual you think you are, that is what will give a real answer. opinions are less than facts in the eyes of truth (me sort of trying to be slightly poetic I guess? lol)

[nekineki]

I have already started research on the topic but I am sure ,people will have very interesting opinions. If you could suggest something more than what I can find in the website like a scientific paper please do so. Thanks for your replies.

[Satin]

Absolutely, you must be an ace. Your reaction on sex just shows that you must be heteroromantic ace. You enjoyed cuddles but not full intercourse.

Please don't go around posting things that involve phrases such as "you must be >insert whatever<".

Nekineki, there isn't a terrible amount of scientific research on aseuxality (and I can't point you to one either). I think what will likely help you most is to read about others' experiences with asexuality to find some kind of understanding of where you stand and how comfortable you feel with all these things. Just don't overthink it.

[Sutoriku]

You could be asexual. Or you could be sexual, but sex-repulsed. Or you could be anywhere on the asexuality spectrum (gray-ace or demisexual). It kinda depends on what you mean by "attracted to girls".

This is because the most widely accepted definition of asexuality is "someone who does not experience SEXUAL ATTRACTON".

If your answer to your attraction to women is "she's pretty to look at like a picture," or "I get butterflies when I think about her and I really want to share my life with her" then these are aesthetic and romantic attractions, respectively.

If what you immediately thought of her when you saw her is "she's hot I want to tap that," then you may be sexual, even if the sex part grossed you out and turned you off (sex-repulsed). Or you could be demisexual - where you only feel that way once you form a deep emotional bond with someone. Or if you find someone sexually attractive only under specific conditions or once in a blue moon, you may be gray-ace.

Or you might be a confused asexual trying to think sexual thoughts to trick yourself into thinking you are sexual.

Ultimately you are the only one to know your sexual orientation. If you feel asexuality or any variation thereof is what suits you best, then use it. But don't feel that identifying as asexual will define you for the rest of your life - sexuality can be fluid or just plain confusing. If later you find that you identify better with allosexual or as a gray-ace, that's okay too. We aren't going to come running at you with pitchforks :P

In conclusion - your 'meh' reaction to sex sounds pretty asexual to me - however there is the (less likely, from what you've said) possibility that you are "allosexual" but that you are sex repulsed.