Ace Fets... Shall we talk about fetishes?

[Sebastian Grace]

This is a very interesting thread. I'm not quite sure I understand; could one of you please explain the concept of the asexual fetish? Thank you :)

[Spectre/Ex/Machina]

An Asexual Fetishist , is an Asexual who has fetishes. These fetishes are a pivotal thing in our sexuality.

[Eva]

An Asexual Fetishist , is an Asexual who has fetishes. These fetishes are a pivotal thing in our sexuality.

I'm an asexual who has fetishes. These fetishes are a pivotal thing in my sensory awareness of my body, and my activities with some people. Any connection with my sexuality is very indirect, if there's a connection at all. (My sexuality is fulfilled separately from my fetish activities through autoeroticism that's actually pretty vanilla.)

[Xrenity]

Death/suicide fetish. Things evocative of death and corpses. It's more a romantic thing that became sexualized...such as fantasizing about a nonspecific best friend and me dying in a hail of gunfire while storming a fortress together, or hijacking vehicles and crashing them into a building in a place we hated, or wasting away of a Victorian Novel Ailment, that kind of "blaze of glory" and death-in-life imagery that spilled over into being arousing.

Injury/blood fetish. It's what sexual stimulation feels like, except it looks like what it is. Sensory issues. I don't like being touched.

Sex feels like violence and love feels like death...which is why the fetishes.

Also feet, but feet aren't technically a fetish any more than butts are.

[Frac]

fantasizing about a nonspecific best friend and me dying in a hail of gunfire while storming a fortress together, or hijacking vehicles and crashing them into a building in a place we hated, or wasting away of a Victorian Novel Ailment, that kind of "blaze of glory" and death-in-life imagery that spilled over into being arousing.

This is the coolest, most cinematic fetish I've ever heard of.

[basilisk]

I have a question for the other ace fets here. What are your thoughts about relationships as relating to your fetish? Would you ideally like or even seek out a (nonsexual, but potentially sensual/romantic/platonic) relationship with someone who shared your fetish? Or is the idea of sharing your fetish with anyone in your life too embarrassing or even abhorrent to you?

[Mx.Jekyll]

I have a question for the other ace fets here. What are your thoughts about relationships as relating to your fetish? Would you ideally like or even seek out a (nonsexual, but potentially sensual/romantic/platonic) relationship with someone who shared your fetish? Or is the idea of sharing your fetish with anyone in your life too embarrassing or even abhorrent to you?

I'm not opposed to sharing my fetishes with a significant other, but I tend to prefer to keep mine private. My issue isn't that I'm embarrassed by it or anything, but they're something so intimate to me...I don't really like sharing it. The biggest issue, however, is that my fetishes are dangerous (blood and pain (from cutting)) and I don't really trust anyone but myself to take part in the fetishes.

[Eva]

I have a question for the other ace fets here. What are your thoughts about relationships as relating to your fetish? Would you ideally like or even seek out a (nonsexual, but potentially sensual/romantic/platonic) relationship with someone who shared your fetish? Or is the idea of sharing your fetish with anyone in your life too embarrassing or even abhorrent to you?

Other people are essential for the kind of power play I crave. I think of them as "working" relationships. Not because it's a job that involves money, but because it takes a lot of careful work. Respect is really important, but friendship not so much.

[binary suns]

[dabishop]

My fetish is unusual and, from what I can tell, exceptionally uncommon. I haven't even found a proper term for it in the 4~ years I've been prowling Google for related content. I have a wind fetish. Specifically I love powerful winds--the stronger, the better--and watching people and objects get blown around. My favorite things to watch are people with long hair and loose clothing, as well as trees. Trees are great. The sound is also a massive component, and is often enough to get me aroused on its own.

Y'know, that may not be so unusual...hair and clothing being blown around by strong winds seems awfully close to how these things look underwater, which is what's always done it for me. For some people I suppose it's the danger of drowning/asphyxia (i.e. just another form of breath play), but that's never been my thing; for me it's all about the aesthetic qualities, the way everything looks and acts differently in an all-enclosed, weightless environment. Can't remember when I was not aroused by it some way, so I guess that makes it more innate than learned, as well as explains why my porn collection looks the way it does. I also believe paraphilias can have sexual qualities about them and still have as much inherently to do with sex itself as yesterday's oatmeal.

To the OP: Saint Augustine once said that the only action of the body which brings a feeling of relief, but still does not involve even the near-occasion of sin, is sneezing. :D

[SquirrelCat]

I have a spanking and flagellation fetish (There. I said it)

I don’t want to be subjected to it and I don’t want to be the one handing it out either but I love watching/reading about it, so maybe it’s a voyeurism type of fetish. I’ve tried for years to figure out where this comes from. I’ve lived my entire life in a country where hitting your child is illigal and my parents never touched me, so it didn’t come from them, yet I have this fetish and I have no idea where it comes from or where I might have encountered it.

I can’t begin to describe how embarrassed I was during my teens; I get off on reading and watching people get the shit beaten out of them, on the condition that it’s voluntary or fake. I find no enjoyment in the real deal in real life.

I also have an oral fixation so anything to do with mouths; biting, sucking, licking etc…
When I was into sef-harm a few years back I used to bite myself... and as a child when I ate bananas I sucked and licked them :redface: (It takes forever to eat a banana when you eat like that! (I don't think I have to tell you what eating ice-cream is like for me...))

[binary suns]

[SnowBunny]

My fetish list changes with the more I experience and I'm always up to trying new things. The one that makes be the happiest is biting! I actually think I like this so much cause I have a claiming kink...which for me means I love seeing all the marks left on my body....now that I think about it that may be why I like impact play as well. I love when my skin is red after a session. Other thn that I enjoy feedism and men in lingerie. Not entirely sure where/when the latter came about but I just know that I think guys look very nice in dressed up..or down...don't exactly know how to phrase that

[Schrecken]

I have a question for the other ace fets here. What are your thoughts about relationships as relating to your fetish? Would you ideally like or even seek out a (nonsexual, but potentially sensual/romantic/platonic) relationship with someone who shared your fetish? Or is the idea of sharing your fetish with anyone in your life too embarrassing or even abhorrent to you?

Ironically in my case the relationship I am currently in actually began as me seeking someone out to share a few of my fetishes with (dominance/submission and certain kinds of impact play). I was looking for a play partner in the BDSM scene and I ended up with a romantic and sexual relationship AND a play partner all in one. It was easy to share that stuff since I knew ahead of time that he was interested in most of the same things that I was. However, it did take me a while to share another, much darker fetish I had with him (even though I had an inkling that he might be interested in it too) simply because I wasn't sure how he would react to it. That, and knowing that it came from me being abused as a child made it especially hard to talk about. I also have to be very, very careful exploring that one with anyone else simply because the chance of me being triggered (which happened not long ago when he invited someone else to participate in a scene).

[RoninA]

I guess I recognise much of what has been written. My main fetishes, I've been aware of for a long time - probably pre-puberty. Of course, the affect became more intense once I physically matured. Interestingly, when I started to investigate them, even though they can be considered tnagential to BDSM play, I kept my D/s activities separate, at the time I think because I thought that playing with a Domme based on them was topping from the bottom. Now, I wonder whether that wasn't being a bit too purist, and as a bucket list item, I'd like to merge the whole lot and see how I feel. I'll try and work that out.

Generally, while some paraphiliae are unusual, I think the interwebs have made it easier to explore them in communities of like people. My main ones are by no means uncommon, but having access to online groups made them feel less unusual. I dunno - maybe I'm an ace grayro pervert. And proud... :)

[bookgirlincorner]

I have been fascinated by headphones since I was a tiny child. I've felt so broken for feeling a weird attraction to an object that is deeper (attractionwise) that what I feel for my boyfriend of four years. I love the boyfriend, I have sex with him more than any others I have been around. This obsession with annoying objects remains. Sex with a partner can be okay, but I get off to a deeper degree solo. For the longest time I thought it was due to experiencing a, uh, premature introduction to sexuality, but I think it goes further than that. I identify as a mostly heteroromantic tomboy. I never quite understood crushes. I have never really felt sexually attracted to any partner but am capable of sex.

Oh yes, keeping with the thread, bondage is pretty awesome, mostly in the sense of incapacitation. Blindfolds exist so that I can imagine that it is my own mind/robots/whatever providing whatever sensations I may experience.

[Janus the Fox]

I have a question for the other ace fets here. What are your thoughts about relationships as relating to your fetish? Would you ideally like or even seek out a (nonsexual, but potentially sensual/romantic/platonic) relationship with someone who shared your fetish? Or is the idea of sharing your fetish with anyone in your life too embarrassing or even abhorrent to you?

I naturally seek friendships with persons of the same fetishes and have various friends spanning the whole length of fetishes I do pocesses. I would seek out any level of friendship, romance or relationship if feelings of such untoward a person ever does develop. Virtural, In person or otherwise in regards of anyone that interested in for what I am.

[blackcoffee]

Thank you so much everyone for posting your stories and encouragement! Really glad for this threat and for reading all your experiences.

Especially Everbreath and Gryphonchick, I recognize a lot of myself in your stories.

So here goes, writing this down for the first time in my life:

Ever from a young age I've been attracted to the idea of people being encased, immobilized and thereby transformed in something less than human, or an object. Masks and stripping of identity have a lot to do with it too. E.g: people appearing to be robots, dolls, restrictive clothing like latex or rubber. It often overlaps with D/s scenarios and power dynamics. I'm also interested in fantasies about consent play, roleplay, petplay, and bondage, but in those fetishes the de-humanisation and transformation aspect is always the core to me. It's less about actual 'magic' transformation, and more about the being locked inside of another identity for a certain period of time. It's extra nice to have a dom or partner being present who adjusts their behaviour to the new identity (praising, humiliating, punishing, anything really), while still being aware of the true identity underneath the mask, and having that trust bond.

Thinking about this fetish in a sexual way, reading erotic stories or looking at art online, gets me highly aroused and I enjoy masturbating to these. In contrast, I have never experienced arousal with another person in my life (granted, all vanilla and non-romantic experiences) or regular porn.

Only recently have I been reading into asexuality and figuring out things about myself and what next steps could be.

I'm curious to find out what my response would be to a real fetish scene with some of the elements of my fetish. Basically: would the presence of real people in the same room kill any arousal for me?

Supertiny baby steps though.... I've NEVER expressed or admitted this fetish before now! Telling this fetish to ANYONE face to face scares me a lot. Sharing with friends and family seems like an impossibility for now, but I'm toying with the idea of maybe finding like-minded people online and using strangers as practise.

I have a question for the rest of you. Do you think that non-sexual "fetishes" could be a thing? I don't know what to call it, but it's when you've got all the obsession and fascination that goes into a fetish on the emotion and mental levels, but it doesn't cause arousal. I have this about a specific type of dominant/submissive relationship that I don't know a term for. I fantasize about it all the time, even more than I think about wind, to the point where I'll spend a whole hour laying in bed just thinking about it. It gives me a feeling that not many other things can emulate--mainly involving tightness in my chest, feeling like I'm about to cry, and a lot of sadistic pleasure--but no arousal whatsoever. Does anyone else have something like this?

I have a EXACT same physical response with a certain hurt/comfort trope in fiction, and though I spend huge amounts of happy obsessive hours searching for it, writing it or thinking about it, there is no arousal involved.

Here goes my attempt at describing the trope (apologies if his goes kinda off topic) :

It's usually a romance or friendship story, whereby one character experiences angst and insecurities because of their nature or looks. Their outside appearance doesn't match their true personality or how they would like to identify themselves. E.g.: good-hearted vampires, monsters, aliens, Beauty and the Beast- trope, scars and burns, the punk badboy, unwilling supervillains, unwilling idols, etc. The sadistic kick comes from the emotional and mental agony the character goes through because of projected shame and guilt, plus loneliness, hopelessness, pining, self consciousness, jealousy etc. I'm more interested in undeserved guilt than deserved (no actual evil deeds or morally questionable acts). The comfort kick comes from the partner being a saint and seeing the 'true self', and consequently erasing all worries and fears with the power of love. It's cheesy as hell, and doesn't always makes the best plot for sure. :) But boy, that emotional and physical effect it has on me can get kinda addictive for sure, and I can easily lose hours if I don't pay attention.

I would also like to emphasise that in real life I would get no pleasure at all out of someone's emotional suffering like this, and be very sad and concerned! Unlike the fetish, this is all very firmly in the realm of fiction, and always in the context of a story and pre-established characters.

[Prairie]

My sexual fantasy life has lead me to lots of self-discovery and I've valued it as a guide to things I wasn't otherwise aware of in myself. The book Arousal by Michael Bader (read introduction here) was what really solidified my belief in it as something valuable and not to be judged (if it's harmless to others of course).

[Eva]

It appears I have found my people :D

I apologize in advance if my blathering starts to get off-topic, or if I go into too much detail about certain things. I've just never had an outlet where I can speak openly about this aspect of my sexuality before. Sorry if I get to excited.

My fetish is unusual and, from what I can tell, exceptionally uncommon. I haven't even found a proper term for it in the 4~ years I've been prowling Google for related content. I have a wind fetish. Specifically I love powerful winds--the stronger, the better--and watching people and objects get blown around. My favorite things to watch are people with long hair and loose clothing, as well as trees. Trees are great. The sound is also a massive component, and is often enough to get me aroused on its own. I do love the idea of being out in strong winds, but the only time it's windy where I live is when it's cold or raining. That ruins the fun. -___-

I've had this fetish for as long as I can remember, and I can't think of what triggered it. When I was very young, I remember having a dream that involved a tornado; that was the earliest thing. My favorite game growing up was always bringing out our big fan and playing with my Barbie dolls in front of it, and I brought wind into a lot of other imaginative games I played. In elementary school I found one book on meteorology in the school library, and whenever we had library time I would hide in one of the lesser-visited aisles and read over the Beaufort Scale over and over. I remember feeling deeply ashamed about it, but I didn't know why. I would always have trouble sleeping when it was windy outside. I used to think that my feelings about wind stemmed from a phobia, but I don't think that was it. Never went through the same pattern with spiders. Anyway, I don't remember the point when I figured out it was arousal, but the next thing I knew I was getting off to storm chaser videos.

Sex has never done the same things for me. I've tried watching regular porn, but it just made me feel numb. I haven't had too much experience with real sexual acts, but the amount that I've done hasn't gotten me turned on. In that way, I suppose I'm thankful for my fetish; it gives me an avenue into sexual pleasure that my sex-aversion would have denied me otherwise. At the same time though it makes me feel incredibly alienated, especially given its rarity. I managed to find one online community for it, and although it's tiny (an experience project page that gets maybe 1 post per month), at least I know I'm not completely alone. But it's hard to talk about sex with other people when your entire sexual identity is wrapped up in something that's socially unacceptable to discuss openly.

spoidersquiggle, what you said about fetishes encompassing more than just arousal is absolutely true for me. Mine comes bundled with a host of other emotions--fear, awe, anticipation, excitement, hunger, so on. There's nothing else in my life quite like it. I am fixated on the wind on multiple levels, to the point where I have trouble separating it from my core identity. I wish I was brave enough to create content like you do, but I'm still to embarrassed and afraid of people finding out. I can't even bring myself to store related files on my computer in fear of people discovering them.

On the topic of forcing yourself to develop fetishes, I'm not sure if it's possible, at least not when you're an adult. Kinks definitely, but fetishes feel too extreme to be manufactured willfully. I've actually been trying to get myself into macrophilia (I've always had an emotional fascination, and having a fetish that people actually produce content of would be nice), and so far results have been only mildly successful. I don't think it's ever going to stack up to my love of wind.

I have a question for the rest of you. Do you think that non-sexual "fetishes" could be a thing? I don't know what to call it, but it's when you've got all the obsession and fascination that goes into a fetish on the emotion and mental levels, but it doesn't cause arousal. I have this about a specific type of dominant/submissive relationship that I don't know a term for. I fantasize about it all the time, even more than I think about wind, to the point where I'll spend a whole hour laying in bed just thinking about it. It gives me a feeling that not many other things can emulate--mainly involving tightness in my chest, feeling like I'm about to cry, and a lot of sadistic pleasure--but no arousal whatsoever. Does anyone else have something like this?

I have very similar feelings about wind.

[Frac]

blackcoffee: hurt/comfort is incredibly popular, and has spawned its own genre in the realm of fan fiction. I love it too, myself, but I wouldn't call it a fetish, more like a romantic thing, because, at least personally, it just makes me wanna give the character a hug or something. I've even felt it IRL when my SO got mildly injured.

I naturally seek friendships with persons of the same fetishes and have various friends spanning the whole length of fetishes I do pocesses. I would seek out any level of friendship, romance or relationship if feelings of such untoward a person ever does develop. Virtural, In person or otherwise in regards of anyone that interested in for what I am.

Huh, I would be pretty happy to make friends with people who have same fetishes as me as well, even though I've no desire to act them out with anyone. It'd just make me feel less weird to be able to have casual conversation about them, sort of like a genuine version of the way I pretended to care about and talked about sex and related stuff when that happened to be the topic of conversation in high school. I'd prefer these kinds of relationships to remain platonic, however, partly because I'm already in a romantic relationship, partly because I make no connection between sexual and romantic feelings, and would be uncomfortable with the fact that most people do, so it'd quite possibly put me in a position of feeling obliged to act them out with that person, although I've no desire to.

[thisismyname]

I like role playing with no sex involved just the thought of someone chained up is okay, i think it links in with the fact I have cuddle lust, I love giving hugs so if I can tie them up they can't run, so thats always fun, no sex involved just more of tie someone up, it sounds weird but people tend to run when i hug them, i also like to give massages ( wanted to be a massage therapist ), i am 100 percent a ace, just realized I also like wax play ( pouring hot wax on people ) and covering people in food and such don't know why, but hey up for most things

[Perseus]

I have a exhibitionism and voyeurism fetish that involves men. I have a soft BDSM fetish that involves women only.

[Fangirl]

My fetish is fairly uncommon, though it looks like at least one person on this thread shares it. (I won't say what it is because I'm crazy scared of being found out by people in real life.)

I've had it for as long as I can remember -- when I was a kid I would pay a lot of attention to the thing that I like, though sometimes it made me downright uncomfortable. As I entered puberty got obsessed with it, searching for YouTube videos for hours on end, until a few years back when I finally realized my fetish was sexual in nature. I think of the fetish as substituting for a "normal" sexuality -- other people are into sex while I enjoy watching people in a certain innocent, everyday situation. And to be honest I still don't quite understand what the difference between sexuality and a sexual fetish is, because both trigger the same feelings of arousal, right?

[basilisk]

And to be honest I still don't quite understand what the difference between sexuality and a sexual fetish is, because both trigger the same feelings of arousal, right?

I don't really understand the difference either. It's an interesting question. Though I suppose the common answer would be that it is because "normal" sexuality is focused on, well, sex, whereas with a fetish the sexual feelings and arousal response are displaced onto something not inherently sexual.

[RoninA]

My fetish is fairly uncommon, though it looks like at least one person on this thread shares it. (I won't say what it is because I'm crazy scared of being found out by people in real life.)

I've had it for as long as I can remember -- when I was a kid I would pay a lot of attention to the thing that I like, though sometimes it made me downright uncomfortable. As I entered puberty got obsessed with it, searching for YouTube videos for hours on end, until a few years back when I finally realized my fetish was sexual in nature. I think of the fetish as substituting for a "normal" sexuality -- other people are into sex while I enjoy watching people in a certain innocent, everyday situation. And to be honest I still don't quite understand what the difference between sexuality and a sexual fetish is, because both trigger the same feelings of arousal, right?

I tend to regard my own fetishes the same way - that somehow my sexual wiring means I prefer to use them in fantasies for arousal, rather than physical sexual activity. I'm not sure I could shed any light on the differences you mention, except that a fetish will usually focus on an object or thing that prompts feelings of desire or arousal.

[everbreath]

I have a couple of questions, since I'm still trying to see where I fit.

1. The closest thing to attraction I feel is when certain characters with specific personalities and appearances (with the former being slightly more important than the latter) are in submissive/vulnerable positions, I get aroused. I don't really know what terminology to use besides saying I'm attracted to them? Am I? Obviously it's sexual to me, since it gets me pretty hot, but the desire to do or watch anything sexual (e.g with genitals) with them is completely absent, and the thought of it is a turn-off. If this isn't attraction, what is it?

2. I also have no particular drive to masturbate, and have been largely unsuccessful in trying (partially due to lack of motivation, I suppose). I don't even have a 'drive' to seek out fiction and media that fits my kinks. I mean, I'll read/watch it if I find it and even seek it out sometimes, because it feels great and I'm about that, but if someone told me I could never do it again, my response would probably be "damn, that sucks" and nothing more. Is this a libido thing?

3. I suppose the other thing that might count as sexual attraction is that if someone started acting really dominant to me in the way I like, I'd get aroused. But on one hand, since domination is similar to sex for me I guess, isn't it like just getting aroused at someone, idk, taking off their shirt? Plus, it wouldn't really matter who it was, as long as they were able to be dominate-y without being ridiculous?

[Naosuu]

And to be honest I still don't quite understand what the difference between sexuality and a sexual fetish is, because both trigger the same feelings of arousal, right?

The way I've understood the two words:

Sexuality is the big picture of your sexual preferences, tendencies, patterns, whatever. So someone's sexuality might be they're attracted to the opposite sex; they have an interest in bdsm; they don't like french kissing, etc.

Sexual fetish is something that is absolutely necessary for you to become aroused. Without the presence of that object/thing/what-have-you, sexual arousal or even orgasm is just not possible or very hard.

Hopefully this helps

[taopuppy]

It appears I have found my people :D

I apologize in advance if my blathering starts to get off-topic, or if I go into too much detail about certain things. I've just never had an outlet where I can speak openly about this aspect of my sexuality before. Sorry if I get to excited.

My fetish is unusual and, from what I can tell, exceptionally uncommon. I haven't even found a proper term for it in the 4~ years I've been prowling Google for related content. I have a wind fetish. Specifically I love powerful winds--the stronger, the better--and watching people and objects get blown around. My favorite things to watch are people with long hair and loose clothing, as well as trees. Trees are great. The sound is also a massive component, and is often enough to get me aroused on its own. I do love the idea of being out in strong winds, but the only time it's windy where I live is when it's cold or raining. That ruins the fun. -___-

I've had this fetish for as long as I can remember, and I can't think of what triggered it. When I was very young, I remember having a dream that involved a tornado; that was the earliest thing. My favorite game growing up was always bringing out our big fan and playing with my Barbie dolls in front of it, and I brought wind into a lot of other imaginative games I played. In elementary school I found one book on meteorology in the school library, and whenever we had library time I would hide in one of the lesser-visited aisles and read over the Beaufort Scale over and over. I remember feeling deeply ashamed about it, but I didn't know why. I would always have trouble sleeping when it was windy outside. I used to think that my feelings about wind stemmed from a phobia, but I don't think that was it. Never went through the same pattern with spiders. Anyway, I don't remember the point when I figured out it was arousal, but the next thing I knew I was getting off to storm chaser videos.

Sex has never done the same things for me. I've tried watching regular porn, but it just made me feel numb. I haven't had too much experience with real sexual acts, but the amount that I've done hasn't gotten me turned on. In that way, I suppose I'm thankful for my fetish; it gives me an avenue into sexual pleasure that my sex-aversion would have denied me otherwise. At the same time though it makes me feel incredibly alienated, especially given its rarity. I managed to find one online community for it, and although it's tiny (an experience project page that gets maybe 1 post per month), at least I know I'm not completely alone. But it's hard to talk about sex with other people when your entire sexual identity is wrapped up in something that's socially unacceptable to discuss openly.

spoidersquiggle, what you said about fetishes encompassing more than just arousal is absolutely true for me. Mine comes bundled with a host of other emotions--fear, awe, anticipation, excitement, hunger, so on. There's nothing else in my life quite like it. I am fixated on the wind on multiple levels, to the point where I have trouble separating it from my core identity. I wish I was brave enough to create content like you do, but I'm still to embarrassed and afraid of people finding out. I can't even bring myself to store related files on my computer in fear of people discovering them.

On the topic of forcing yourself to develop fetishes, I'm not sure if it's possible, at least not when you're an adult. Kinks definitely, but fetishes feel too extreme to be manufactured willfully. I've actually been trying to get myself into macrophilia (I've always had an emotional fascination, and having a fetish that people actually produce content of would be nice), and so far results have been only mildly successful. I don't think it's ever going to stack up to my love of wind.

I have a question for the rest of you. Do you think that non-sexual "fetishes" could be a thing? I don't know what to call it, but it's when you've got all the obsession and fascination that goes into a fetish on the emotion and mental levels, but it doesn't cause arousal. I have this about a specific type of dominant/submissive relationship that I don't know a term for. I fantasize about it all the time, even more than I think about wind, to the point where I'll spend a whole hour laying in bed just thinking about it. It gives me a feeling that not many other things can emulate--mainly involving tightness in my chest, feeling like I'm about to cry, and a lot of sadistic pleasure--but no arousal whatsoever. Does anyone else have something like this?

This was completely disorienting for me. i go to great lengths to keep my anonymity with this subject and i kept looking back at the poster's name to make sure i didn't write this! First: anemophilia. Anemophile has some videos on Youtube, in fact. Second: only windy when it's cold/raining, which ruins it, also true for me! we almost never get strong wind where i live. third: i remember when mine started, with a thing on Sesame Street. Fourth: fan and Sindy dolls and Barbie dolls, also playing with dolls in car windows and in front of heat registers. Fifth: my family had a series of books about science subjects and i stared at the pictures in the wind section, in the one about weather. (someone else in my family took the whole series of books, and i'm too embarrassed to ask for the weather one back!) Sixth: i used to go outside and climb a tree when it was windy, and that was where i figured out what an orgasm was.

i'll stop counting now...i also haven't had a lot of sex experience, but i really don't find human bodies a turn-on. the idea of sex is pretty disgusting to me. i wish i was gay, but i'm not. i just really don't like male genitals. i don't like female ones much either. i have given guys orgasms, but none's ever managed to get me there. i'm on experience project too (with this name), and while there are a stack of groups about wind there, they do get very few posts. at least there are a few, though! and there are some videos on youtube, and some wind-fetish playlists.

i have tried to get rid of my fetish, and gotten rid of my paraphernalia more than once (torn up scarves and let them blow away, etc.), gone cold turkey, etc., but nothing else does it for me. i don't live alone so even going out when it's windy gets funny looks and "don't go out, it's dangerous" etc. stuff. for a while i tried going for walks, and almost built up a tolerance by wearing silk scarves and shirts on walks on windy days, but there are so many houses in suburbia and i can't find anywhere secluded enough. i HAVE started storing files on my computer, but there's never enough. i end up memorizing everything to the point where i go numb to it.

i couldn't rid myself of my fetish, but the only other one i've come anywhere close to developing was some bondage, ,but even that is related to wind - wanting to be out in wind so strong i'd have to be tied down, or even some kind of situation where someone is trying to use wind as a threat, making me stay out in a hurricane/windstorm, tied up.

i don't have anything to compare to your sub/dom non-sexual thing, though. i have lost hours and hours looking for pictures, vids, stories, anything, just to get me off.

i don't know where i am on the asexual spectrum, but i want to be in a relationship, and i'd like it to be romantic, but i don't want any kind of penetration. i resent the fact that i'm not aroused by something "normal," and having this fetish makes me feel like "asexual" is a lie, too. I have had plenty of crushes on guys, but if i had my way i'd never see the without underwear. :/

[RoninA]

It appears I have found my people :D

I apologize in advance if my blathering starts to get off-topic, or if I go into too much detail about certain things. I've just never had an outlet where I can speak openly about this aspect of my sexuality before. Sorry if I get to excited.

My fetish is unusual and, from what I can tell, exceptionally uncommon. I haven't even found a proper term for it in the 4~ years I've been prowling Google for related content. I have a wind fetish. Specifically I love powerful winds--the stronger, the better--and watching people and objects get blown around. My favorite things to watch are people with long hair and loose clothing, as well as trees. Trees are great. The sound is also a massive component, and is often enough to get me aroused on its own. I do love the idea of being out in strong winds, but the only time it's windy where I live is when it's cold or raining. That ruins the fun. -___-

I've had this fetish for as long as I can remember, and I can't think of what triggered it. When I was very young, I remember having a dream that involved a tornado; that was the earliest thing. My favorite game growing up was always bringing out our big fan and playing with my Barbie dolls in front of it, and I brought wind into a lot of other imaginative games I played. In elementary school I found one book on meteorology in the school library, and whenever we had library time I would hide in one of the lesser-visited aisles and read over the Beaufort Scale over and over. I remember feeling deeply ashamed about it, but I didn't know why. I would always have trouble sleeping when it was windy outside. I used to think that my feelings about wind stemmed from a phobia, but I don't think that was it. Never went through the same pattern with spiders. Anyway, I don't remember the point when I figured out it was arousal, but the next thing I knew I was getting off to storm chaser videos.

Sex has never done the same things for me. I've tried watching regular porn, but it just made me feel numb. I haven't had too much experience with real sexual acts, but the amount that I've done hasn't gotten me turned on. In that way, I suppose I'm thankful for my fetish; it gives me an avenue into sexual pleasure that my sex-aversion would have denied me otherwise. At the same time though it makes me feel incredibly alienated, especially given its rarity. I managed to find one online community for it, and although it's tiny (an experience project page that gets maybe 1 post per month), at least I know I'm not completely alone. But it's hard to talk about sex with other people when your entire sexual identity is wrapped up in something that's socially unacceptable to discuss openly.

spoidersquiggle, what you said about fetishes encompassing more than just arousal is absolutely true for me. Mine comes bundled with a host of other emotions--fear, awe, anticipation, excitement, hunger, so on. There's nothing else in my life quite like it. I am fixated on the wind on multiple levels, to the point where I have trouble separating it from my core identity. I wish I was brave enough to create content like you do, but I'm still to embarrassed and afraid of people finding out. I can't even bring myself to store related files on my computer in fear of people discovering them.

On the topic of forcing yourself to develop fetishes, I'm not sure if it's possible, at least not when you're an adult. Kinks definitely, but fetishes feel too extreme to be manufactured willfully. I've actually been trying to get myself into macrophilia (I've always had an emotional fascination, and having a fetish that people actually produce content of would be nice), and so far results have been only mildly successful. I don't think it's ever going to stack up to my love of wind.

I have a question for the rest of you. Do you think that non-sexual "fetishes" could be a thing? I don't know what to call it, but it's when you've got all the obsession and fascination that goes into a fetish on the emotion and mental levels, but it doesn't cause arousal. I have this about a specific type of dominant/submissive relationship that I don't know a term for. I fantasize about it all the time, even more than I think about wind, to the point where I'll spend a whole hour laying in bed just thinking about it. It gives me a feeling that not many other things can emulate--mainly involving tightness in my chest, feeling like I'm about to cry, and a lot of sadistic pleasure--but no arousal whatsoever. Does anyone else have something like this?

This was completely disorienting for me. i go to great lengths to keep my anonymity with this subject and i kept looking back at the poster's name to make sure i didn't write this! First: anemophilia. Anemophile has some videos on Youtube, in fact. Second: only windy when it's cold/raining, which ruins it, also true for me! we almost never get strong wind where i live. third: i remember when mine started, with a thing on Sesame Street. Fourth: fan and Sindy dolls and Barbie dolls, also playing with dolls in car windows and in front of heat registers. Fifth: my family had a series of books about science subjects and i stared at the pictures in the wind section, in the one about weather. (someone else in my family took the whole series of books, and i'm too embarrassed to ask for the weather one back!) Sixth: i used to go outside and climb a tree when it was windy, and that was where i figured out what an orgasm was.

i'll stop counting now...i also haven't had a lot of sex experience, but i really don't find human bodies a turn-on. the idea of sex is pretty disgusting to me. i wish i was gay, but i'm not. i just really don't like male genitals. i don't like female ones much either. i have given guys orgasms, but none's ever managed to get me there. i'm on experience project too (with this name), and while there are a stack of groups about wind there, they do get very few posts. at least there are a few, though! and there are some videos on youtube, and some wind-fetish playlists.

i have tried to get rid of my fetish, and gotten rid of my paraphernalia more than once (torn up scarves and let them blow away, etc.), gone cold turkey, etc., but nothing else does it for me. i don't live alone so even going out when it's windy gets funny looks and "don't go out, it's dangerous" etc. stuff. for a while i tried going for walks, and almost built up a tolerance by wearing silk scarves and shirts on walks on windy days, but there are so many houses in suburbia and i can't find anywhere secluded enough. i HAVE started storing files on my computer, but there's never enough. i end up memorizing everything to the point where i go numb to it.

i couldn't rid myself of my fetish, but the only other one i've come anywhere close to developing was some bondage, ,but even that is related to wind - wanting to be out in wind so strong i'd have to be tied down, or even some kind of situation where someone is trying to use wind as a threat, making me stay out in a hurricane/windstorm, tied up.

i don't have anything to compare to your sub/dom non-sexual thing, though. i have lost hours and hours looking for pictures, vids, stories, anything, just to get me off.

i don't know where i am on the asexual spectrum, but i want to be in a relationship, and i'd like it to be romantic, but i don't want any kind of penetration. i resent the fact that i'm not aroused by something "normal," and having this fetish makes me feel like "asexual" is a lie, too. I have had plenty of crushes on guys, but if i had my way i'd never see the without underwear. :/

I don't think you need to feel you're living a lie because your fetish turns you on. I use mine to become aroused. I don't believe we have a choice about our orientation, but fetishes are imprinted - usually some experience or encounter at an early age. I knew I was affected by some images in pre-puberty, but it wasn't until puberty that the affect was much more arousing. At the same time, I became embarrassed and awkward around girls. There weren't the resources available back in the 70's and 80's to help me understand why I wasn't interested in sex, or attracted to anybody.

It sounds like you're trying to answer a lot of broad questions. Maybe take your time, don't tie a lot of labels to yourself, and try not to feel pressured into acting 'normal' until you're more sure.