Do you think the lithromantic orientation...

[Rye]

is (in some cases) actually a form of "Avoidant attachment personality disorder" ?

I mean... I f.e. do have a person I like and would love to know better because her personality is partially childish yet very mature at the same time without any fake tendencies.

I thought a long time about it, until I reached the conclusion that *should* I ever remeet her AND she'd this time *clearly* indicate interest I'd abandon my independence and give it a try.

(note: requiring clear indicators and a low chance of rejection are also a possible sign of AvPD...)

Avoidant attachment disorder seems to have some parallels with the lithromantic orientation if I'm not mistaken:

- both do love from a distance

- as soon however as the poi makes any kind of interest sign known/ a move:

Interest is either - lost or. - the person is pushed away (for whatever reason)

AvPD also includes

- feeling of being 'not good enough'

- wanting to be 'perfect before actually considering a relationship'

- fear of failure towards the object of desire

Here is a link to a description of AvPD

http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/ency/article/000940.htm

I'd love some lithro's opinions on this.

ESPECIALLY those that have a 'distance crush'

A.k.a admiring/crushing (on a) person from afar while finding thoughts of reciprocation troublesome.

+

Personal subjective thoughts on WHY you think reciprocation would be a problem.

(No reason? Fearing loss of independence ? Thinking the person of affection might later down the line *want* sexual contact with you ? A strong dislike for our couplecentric\obsessed society and seeing no need to partake in it ?)

[Ricki]

Too many of the symptoms don't really match, so personally no.

[Rye]

If you have a distant crush:

What is you reasoning ?

[The Great WTF]

I'm moving this thread to the Romantic and Aromantic Orientations Thread.

The Great WTF

Asexual Relationships Moderator

[irishclovers]

I don't think so, because Avoidant Personality Disorder is really similar to Social Phobia. I think most people who identity as lithromantic simply don't see reciprocation as being important, whereas those with Avoidant PD have unjustified, irrational fears about social interactions with others. The main difference is the fear with Avoidant PD extends to interactions with everyone, including friends and possibly family members too, so they are known to have very few or no interpersonal relationships at all. What I've learned is that it's not that they push people away... they are too scared to make friendships/form relationships in the first place.

[Rye]

Hmm.. Since I do not have probs with fam members, friends and work colleagues I guess...

Maybe lithro might work for me in some way ?

(Is there a lithro subtype ?)

[morgaine has won]

Hm, I'm a lithro with a childhood abuse background, so believe me, I'm sometimes doubting myself. But I've come to the realisation that my disappearance of attraction upon reciprocation can't really be caused by trauma. It's so instant and not related to any thoughts or emotional processes I have in those situations! It just ..... happens. I've discovered that romance and sex are not at all for me, and that my attractions even work differently to an extent than other people's. And that's it for me. And when I accept these parts of myself, the anxiety and feelings of wrongness/ identity-loss are gone.

Whereas, with friends, that is kind of hard territory to me. But even there, even though it comes in some parts close to those symptoms you describe, it's not nearly in those levels, although still something to work on for me.

So, even as a lithro with a superficial 'probability' of it being medical, it still doesn't fit, because innate experiences that just happen to oneself, regardless of emotional states, seem simply interwoven with identity to me. [edit: with that I don't mean that, if your emotional state in such situations is, say, ALWAYS disappointment or distress, that it is less legitimate. Just, for me, my fluctuations of attraction always seem so detached from the self ... it seems like A Thing That Happens in my brain.]

[Rye]

. It's not exactly an orientation in and of itself. (Which you're kind of agreeing with in this thread though, no?)

Exactly

[Janus the Fox]

mmm well... avoidant personality disorder would be more avoidant of people in general, some suffers would shut themselves away completely from society entirely so I cant see any resemblance really...