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Am I Asexual?


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Hello All

I'm new around here. I have some problems with my sexuality and would like to get some input to better understand myself.

I'm a 32yo male. I'm 6'2 and rather handsome. I never had any kind of social life of any kind. I was on about 3 parties during my high-school years. I never do any kind of clubbing. I've never been on a date in my life. I'm a virgin but I masturbate about twice a week. I had several direct sex offers from women. I always enjoyed when women showed me that I'm desired, but I never wanted to exploit it. I just like the sense of power it gives. I find porn boring. I have sexual fantasies only during masturbation, mostly to occupy my mind with something relevant. I think I may enjoy sex, but it's not something I'm going to strive for. Any kind of effort regarding getting sex immediately discourages me. I might go see some prostitutes in the future, but I'm not inclined much to do so. It's like I have to forcibly get psyched, to even get a bit of will to meet a sex-worker. I can easily afford it, but there is no motivation. I kind of feel that paying for sex is a waste of money. I would rather buy a new book and bottle of good wine. I don't want to have children. I don't care about love.

I don't know where I stand. Please, comment. If you have some questions I will gladly answer. Thanks for help.

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(A)rrogant Avian

You sound like you have a libido, and having a sex drive in no way defines your sexuality. You can be asexual and still masturbate, and enjoy sex while you have it. It also sounds like you may be aromantic if you don't care about love. Aromantic is a term which means, "Not romantically interested in anyone." and there are many different romantic orientations that are not unlike sexual orientations, the big difference being that romantic orientations deal with romance, while sexual orientations deal with sex. So the simple desire for sex is not in itself a sexuality, a sexuality is defined by who/what you are attracted to.

The question you should be asking yourself is if you find anyone to be sexually attractive, or even romantically attractive. You are the one to define what your sexuality is, and I hope you find the right descriptions for yourself on these forums. I hope I helped a bit. :cake:

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Thanks for a reply!

It's getting complicated...

I found a book: "The Invisible Orientation" by Julie Sondra Decker. Seems like a solid choice to get the basics down.

I'm simply unsure about my sexual orientation. Certainly I'm not gay. Even thinking about sex with men is disgusting to me. However I'm not sure about women. I just don't care about them and I always find some excuses for postponing sex.

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It's going to be a long journey, but you will figure it out. Don't we all wish someone could just tell us right away and we could move on in life? For me, I took two approaches to figuring it out - sexual attraction and emotional attraction. I looked back on my life to see if I encountered any of these attractions. I've had one crush before in my life, with a girl. It was only emotional though. When I thought about my past relationships, I realized that there was zero sexual attraction but some emotional attraction. They were all women. Then I thought about any times that I could've been emotionally or sexually attracted to men.. I couldn't think of anything. So, I identified myself as heteroromantic. Maybe some day down the road, it could change. I'm definitely not limiting myself. When it comes to your sexuality, you have to open yourself up completely. That's going to help you gain perspective on determining your sexual orientation.

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Also, don't ever force yourself into doing things sexually. I regret watching straight and gay porn so much. I could have gone my whole life without it... Now I am scarred lol. Man I don't know how porn addicts do it!

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Huh. You describe behaviours here more than your desires, I think, so i don't know. But, if you're questioning it, then it's likely that you fall somewhere on the spectrum, so please browse around and don't be afraid to ask questions in already related forum so long as you stay on topic; it's not 'stealing' someone elses thread, its simply exploring yourself, which is what we're here to help with.

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