Opinions on never "coming out"?

[binary suns]

[aisu_hawk]

You never have to come out to anyone. Whether it is your parents, your friends, your doctors - your life is your business. If you choose to share with certain people and not others that is your prerogative. I have not even tried to explain demisexual to my parents and I most likely never will.

You do what makes you feel comfortable and safe and happy - period.

Sorry if my tone comes off a bit aggressive but being trans and demi, my parents don't understand trans at all so I just don't even bring up demi to throw into the mix. We don't have a great relationship right now.

But overall it is your choice to come out to whomever you wish. It took me years to figure that out - no one else was going to work hard to make *me* happy, so it's my job to take care of me.

No matter what you choose, I wish you luck. Family can be tough.

[Beyourownspotlight]

My parents don't talk to me about their sex life, so I don't feel the need to come out about my lack of sex life?

My mum has asked me in the past if I'm gay, and if I'd tell her if I was. I don't think my parents would care if I ended up with someone of the same, or a different gender, so long as everyone is happy. I know my mum would like a grandkid though, so I might have to work on that haha (I'd love to have kids of my own anyway).

But yeah nah, I'm not really interested in sitting anyone at all down and explaining my sexuality to them. I'm not really repulsed by sex, it's just not something I look for on my own, y'know? I mean, if someone was to ask me I'd probably tell them something. But I dunno. It's not something I like about myself, so I don't really broadcast it/want to broadcast it.

I am romantic. Very much so. I like being in relationships and having that sort of connection, but I've never wanted to get married. Even as a little kid I didn't want the white dress, and all the trimmings. It's just not for me, and my parents know that (I did my deb so mum could see me in a wedding dress though---Australia is weird man). Just to clarify I have nothing against marriage it's just not for me.

[Whispearl]

Honestly, if you don't feel the need, then don't! Coming out is definitely not a required thing. People chose to come out (or not to come out) for entirely different reasons, and what might work for some might not work for others. I've personally come out to everyone in my life except the adults, partially because I felt I was lying by omission, and partially because I'm big on awareness and thought that coming out would help more people know what asexuality is. But I understand that a lot of people don't feel the way that I do, and that's totally fine.

[Sage Raven Domino]

Yeah, coming out (to people other than fellow aces :)) is not mandatory. Reserve that confession for the time when you're asked directly if you're gay, then it will be a relief to them that you're 'merely' an aro ace - homosexuality is regarded as a 'worse sin' by conservative people, while asexuality is unlikely to be deemed a sin at all, as celibacy is often even appraised in religions.

[Jamesasaur]

Coming out is not mandatory, you don't have to tell your family, friends or whoever. The only person that you should tell is the person what you plan on starting a romantic relationship with if they are sexual. As a lack of sex is a very big deal, best for them to know before it gets serious.

[FinallyReadyToBeHere]

The coming out process (or, in your case, NOT coming out process) is entirely up to you. Do what makes you feel comfortable. I try and stress this every so often because some people in the LGBTQ movement don't seem to get it-- not everyone wants to come out and they have their reasons. All we can do is provide avenues for people to feel comfortable with who they are, we cannot decide for them how they should go about doing it.

[sp4c34c3]

To me, coming out is just like you feel bad about what it is you have to come out with somehow, and so you have to sit down and force people to hear a conversation.

idk, maybe I am just too private to understand the importance of coming out. One of my aunts is a lesbian and my whole family has to know (she has been with another girl that lives with her for about 20 years). I say they have to know because nobody ever talks about it, so I can only assume they get the hint and just want to keep it out of sight, out of mind.

So the same would probably apply to me. So I figure, why bother with it all? I have been this way all my life and nobody within my family has felt that an explaination is due to them.

[Trava u doma]

I told my mother because I was worried she'd assume I was a closeted lesbian...

I live in a country where being asexual is way more acceptable than being gay, sadly. And I am a coward, so...

(It went well, so I got so encouraged I asked her about her attitude to lesbians and then it went downhill >.>)

[ghostie]

I'm out as biromantic-asexual to people who ask. I actually told my mom that I was asexual (she was watching a documentary about sexual attraction so I just sorta chimed in) and she didn't really seem to care, and the people in my life can probably figure out I swing two ways romantically. When I came out to my grandmother she spent the rest of dinner trying to convince me to become a nun. Honestly, I am who I am and having to explain it is somewhat heteronormative. I APPLAUD people who come out for their bravery, but for me, I don't think I owe anyone an explanation.

Either way is pretty damn awesome!

[mymeowmix]

I don't really come out to people unless either I or them are interested in a relationship. I have had a few people notice that I never make sexual comments, particularly males but some females. I do post it on things like dating sites and the like, so that people do not get the wrong impression.

I just give the honest answer. "It is just something I do not think about."

I also tell people if they ask my orientation, so most of my friends know.

There never has been a major "coming out" thing like I had when I started to transition MtF.

[ranting ferret]

i think who you tell and how is up to you. i'd say it's good to be willing to discuss it should you be asked. i'm more or less in the same mindset. though my situation is a bit different. i am married, and that seems to lessen the chance of people asking my orientation. i have told one or two close people. but doubt it'll go beyond that. i'm pretty sure parents wouldn't accept it, as that would imply that sexual orientation is a thing. not a set in stone idea. as i've learned with other parts of me, i don't need to tell everyone if i don't want to. and if i won't get support, why do i need to say anything at all?

if/when the questions come up, i hope you get positive responses when you answer. until then, just do your thing. there's nothing wrong with that.

[Guest]

IMO, the only person you do need (i.e., have an ethical obligation) to come out to is someone you are dating/a partner in a relationship. As for everyone else - it's only their business to know if you decide you want them to know it.

[Mona Lisa]

The most important thing is that you know who you are and you do what makes you happy.

Yes, coming out really helps asexual awareness because it makes us visible, but that responsibility is not something every asexual person wants or can handle, and that's perfectly OK. Also remember that it doesn't have to be a dramatic revelation and you can tell as few or as many people as you want. If you do have a partner down the road, it's a good idea to disclose it to them.

[Manly Ace]

I don't understand the big deal.

Gay or bisexual coming-out makes more sense because it is a mean to introduce the presentation of a potential partner of the same gender. But in the case of asexuality, well...it is not different that being single (in your case).

Just because you don't tell something in particular to everyone doesn't mean that you are "in the closet" and that you try to hide something, you just keep it for you, because it is only of your concern. Besides asexuality is not even a thing by itself.

People should have the right to be and do whatever they want as long as they don't bother others. The "coming out" issue shouldn't even exist if things were logic and rational.

[Xavy]

if people ask me my orientation

Isn't it considered to be socially inappropriate to ask someone what their sexual orientation is ?

[butterflydreams]

I told my parents, but only because it was during the phase when I wa excited about realizing it, and wanted to tell everyone. I don't think they understood, and at this point, I'm not about to re-explain it to them. I don't need their support in this aspect of my life.

[dissolved]

if people ask me my orientation

Isn't it considered to be socially inappropriate to ask someone what their sexual orientation is ?

I wouldn't dare, but I think there are plenty of people that fire off questions without really caring whether it's acceptable or not.

I don't ever intend to "come out" in a major way. My family don't need to know, those of my friends that have asked/care know but that's about it. Someone who could potentially enter into a relationship with me though I think deserves to know where I stand and what they can expect from me.

[binary suns]

[SeriousCyclist]

It's really nobody's business but your own. If you want to tell someone, fine, if you don't, that's equally fine.

[Eva]

So, I'm contemplating the idea of never really "coming out"

like, if people ask me my orientation, I don't really have much opposition to telling them... but the idea of sitting down with my parents to tell them I'm asexual and aromantic, and having to explain everything, it just seems ridiculous and pointless

I plan on having a significant other someday, and my parents will be accepting if I partner with either sex, so if they ever start asking about marriage I'll just say "it's not really a priority right now"

I'm another one who feels that sitting my parents down and labeling myself and explaining it to them is unnecessary. They just haven't been asking those kinds of questions.

[Beyourownspotlight]

if people ask me my orientation

Isn't it considered to be socially inappropriate to ask someone what their sexual orientation is ?

When has social expectations ever stopped people from being inappropriate or rude? People are nosy, and think they have some sort of right to know these things about other people.

[Conscientious Ghost]

The Right to Privacy

There are some things in your life which you keep more private than others. People can be choose to tell someone about their identity/status/history, or about their heart condition, or about their obsession with rom-com chick-flicks. They can choose to tell their partner, perhaps even joke about it with friends, while never letting on with co-workers.

“Stealth” is not all-or-nothing: it’s a gradual gray of intersecting layers. You are in control; you choose who you tell, how much, and when. Like everything else, it’s a spectrum. (Disclosure is a Spectrum)

I'm a trans agender/nonbinary aromantic asexual person so I'm walking confusion to anyone who isn't informed about any of the following identities above. I used to think it was mandatory to smash through the closet door and announce I'm x, y, and z to anyone who crosses my path before I suffered backlash at home and school. I'm nowadays most comfortable, safe, and happiest without disclosing my life unless it's regarding my preferred name, pronouns or other information to prevent dysphoric triggers.

[melissaax]

As others have said, if you don't want to come out there's no need to. I never plan on coming out. There's nothing for me to say. So sex isn't my thing? Why should that be others peoples business. I understand people who do come out and admire that, but for me I know I'd feel very awkward exposing that about myself.

[R_1]

From my point of view, coming out is something that's optional and there isn't really any evidence to suggest that it'll automatically make your life better. For me, I am not coming out as who I sleep with or who I don't sleep with is none of anyone's business, and if people wanna think I'm a rampant homosexual, then be it, but do not be surprised if I say no to every sexual advances out there.

[Ficulnean]

You don't have to. Your life isn't some springboard for the rest of us to raise awareness. It's your life. Do whatever you'd like.

[Sally]

It's possible that an asexual may be more interested in telling other people what they've discovered about themselves than those other people are interested in hearing it.

[arcaneEnthusiast]

i've only come out to a few close friends on the school-day after National Coming Out Day, and even though i felt relieved and happy afterwards, it hasn't affected much. It would be bad if it HAD honestly. I tell anyone who asks about my asexuality flag pin and I've reblogged asexuality things on tumblr, but the latter seems a little different than coming out in the traditional sense

what i'm trying to say is that if no-one is actively making you uncomfortable, pushing you to get a partner, etc. then it might not actually be that beneficial to you to come out, other than just getting it out of your system. If you feel perfectly fine as you are then there's probably no need to go through the (stressful :P ) process

[Kazu]

That's pretty much how I feel about it. I've never felt the need to come out. If someone asks I'll tell them but I'm not gonna go out of my way to tell them. My sexuality or rather lack thereof doesn't affect them. I think the way my parents will ever know is if they bother me about getting married and having kids enough to the point I just say it to get them to leave that subject alone. A few of my friends know due to me talking about it on tumblr/twitter a couple of times but I never directly told them. I can see why some people like being out about their (a)sexuality though.

[AwkwardAntelope]

I told my parents and friends when I thought I was a lesbian. The reaction wasn't great on the family side and it was just fine on the friend side. tbh I cbf retracting my outness cos if I end up in a relationship it will be with a girl anyway. It's none of their business whether it's a sexual relationship or not.

All in all I'm in Camp Does-it-Really-Even-Matter-At-All. I don't see a lot of issue with not coming out. It's all about how you feel. Either way there's going to be stupid questions and mixed feelings from people. Do, or don't do, what feels right for you.