sex and peer pressure

[Stefani30]

Hello everyone!

I realized in february of this year that I am grey ace. Since that time I came to the conclusion that 90% of all the sexual relation I had in my life were a direct reaction to peer pressure or to pressure i was putting on myself to feel normal.

Am I the only one here?

Thanks!

[Sexless Antonio]

Sometimes wanting to be sexually active is due to wanting to be normal, to be accepted and not a loser. But there are many other greater ways that oneself can achieve success at life.

[ghostie]

The struggle is real.

I've IDed as ace for two years now and since then, I haven't felt the same pressure to be sexual or even romantic. I'm glad the asexual community exists, because before I found out what asexuality was I was so stressed constantly about why I wasn't "like everyone else" when it came to sexual things and I thought I was going to have to be really sexual/romantic in high school to force those kinds of things on myself. Now that I'm in high school and asexual, I'm really relieved to see there's others like me and I don't have to force anything onto myself.

So yes, I can really relate to this. ^_^

[butterflydreams]

I've definitely struggled with distinguishing between how I actually felt, and peer pressure. You're definitely not alone there. The handful of proto-relationships I've been in didnt have their genesis inside my own head. That's not my natural behavior. :)

I'm much happier with myself now that I know what the deal is.

[Schrecken]

I had a terrible time with peer pressure when I was younger, especially in high school and to a lesser degree, in college. I think a lot (or maybe most) of my negative feelings and failed attempts to do something about them were the result of me wanting to be "normal" and not get left out and look like the odd ball. Pretty sure I would have had a much better young adulthood if not for the constant societal pressure to want to be part of a couple and participate in sex (and being regarded as a freak show if you don't participate).

[Eva]

I've never had a sexual or romantic relationship, but the peer pressure is happening all the time, mostly from guys pressuring me to have sex. I haven't felt a lot of pressure to be "normal" by my peer's expectations. My friends are accepting. That's why they're my friends!

[TealXLIV]

What sexual contact I've had has largely been a result of an "Ugggh...fine, if it'll hold you over for a while" mindset. Otherwise the rest has just been because I figured that's what people did. I can't recall ever having strong feelings of "Oh man, oh man, oh man, this is happening, this is AWESOME!!" Nope. Nuh uh. Never. At this point I don't really care if I'm that guy. It's my life and I'm going to live it. If you can't handle that I have autonomy, then I guess I'm just too damn good for you.

[Skycaptain]

I've never been in a relationship or had sex, or even shown the slightest interest in doing any of these things. Because, for some reason, I cannot let people get close to me no one has ever questioned this. I think I just come across in such a way that nobody ever connects me with sexual activity.

[pyroshadow]

I had a lot of pressure to "like" someone all through high school and, me not having full on sex was often dismissed from other "experimentation", so there was no pressure there, though I found out later my parents had been worried I was crazy religious or something from my lack of supposed interest.
But I felt the pressure at uni, with the whole "you're nearly 19 and still haven't done it" I got with a guy I liked and tried it, I knew first time not to expect much anyway, and we tried a few different hings and stuff but I never really understood the fuss of it all, I didn't know I was demi at the time, and I was really sick and bored of sex but felt I had to put out to please my partner as they wanted it, I just presumed it was the whole stereotype "girls have lower sex drive" thing.
I left him and eventually ended up with anther guy (who was likely demi too now I know more), and got to know his friends etc, we were very happy to only have sex every month or so, but we would get harassed by friends like "how can you have sex so infrequently?" or "which one of you isn't putting out", "why don't you guys like sex?" and they'd all talk about sex stories etc etc, this is when I finally started to realize we weren't what is considered "normal" and what I thought of my "sex crazed friends" was likely more normal.. I do get slightly less sex pressure these days, but my family are still pushing me to find a new BF -.-

[oldgeeza]

I was in my teens in the early 1980's, back then, sexual orientation was a big issue, it didn't help that I had a loud mouthed father who always put me down, telling me I was a pouff & queer, (gay), back then, if you weren't having sex with a member of the opposite gender, you were a freak & likely to be subject to a bit of queer bashing, (that was very common in the 70's & 80's over here), I have nothing against anyone of any sexual orientation as long as they're not harming anyone or interfering with children, but in my youth, you were heterosexual or you weren't normal. Long story short, although I never have had any interest in sexual activity, I tried it, I had 2 sexual partners, at most I participated in sexual activity 5 times, I hated every single second of it, thinking about it now still sends a shiver down my spine, I'm not repulsed by sex, I like intimacy, kissing, cuddling, etc, just not the sexual side.

I did it to prove to my peers I wasn't gay, luckily, by 19, impotence set in, a get out clause for not having to have sex, I have to say, even though I am attracted to women, I do look, I'm a red blooded male, I'm not denying that, the advantage of not getting that embarrassing bulge in my trousers is a bonus, I can look, not stare & not be embarrassed by what's happening down below.

I tried the sex thing, I didn't like it, I was blessed with ED, I'm too old now to worry about peer pressure, my friends accept me for who I am, if others don't, they don't have to.

[PeterRabbit]

I agree, there is so much pressure, not just directly from peers, but from our entire culture, to have sexual feelings, and that will undoubtedly affect the way we interpret our own feelings. I have often wondered if the kind of beauty I see in certain women really does stem from some evolved sexual impulse and is truly different to other forms of visual beauty that i see in nature or art... or if cultural conditioning and messages put into my head from birth have led me to believe that this type of beauty that i see is special. In my mind it feels as though i experience something unique when i see a beautiful woman compared to a beautiful man or a flower or a cloud or a painting etc, but i can't be sure it really is sexual attraction because i don't tend to want to have sexual intercourse with these women.