Relationship Issues?

[_Chromaggia_]

Hi,

First of all, I'm not quite sure if I can classify myself as asexual, as I am still very young, still growing and developing, and of course, the possibility remains that I just haven't met 'the right one' yet. But, I was hoping that in this particular environment there would be someone who could possibly understand my situation and maybe offer some advice.
Never once in my life have I felt something even as simple as a crush. I've always felt that this makes me slightly odd, especially in the past few years. I am at the age where most of the people around me have started to develop crushes, find partners, and some even (although I'm not quite sure if it is right) engage in sexual activity. But I've just never been able to understand, although I try to stay open-minded.

It has only been recently, though, that people of the opposite sex have started to show interest in me. Although this has happened a small number of times, I have always been able to politely decline, but lately it's been getting harder and harder. Maybe I'm just over thinking it, but I always feel horrible to say anything other than no. I understand that it is perfectly fine and necessary to say no, but with the unconditional respect these people show me I feel that I'm putting them down by saying no. Other thoughts such as 'what if they are afraid to ask other girls in the future?' or 'what if they just think I'm conceited?' come as well. It just keeps getting harder and harder and I often find myself lost, just agreeing to whatever a guy will ask of me without thought.

So, there is this one guy now. He's the first one, I think, who actually asked me out because he genuinely likes me, not because he just wanted a girlfriend so he could say he had one, or because he had no other options. He didn't come on strong at all, in fact, he just slowly started talking to me, very politely and kindly. We came to notice that we have a similar taste in movies and music, so we always have something to talk about .Then we started to sit together at lunch. Then we started to walk to classes together. Then, when the time felt right, he admitted that he had a crush on me. I started to panic, so I just smiled and thanked him for being so honest with me. I think this might have been a mistake; I know that I probably should have told him I wasn't ready for a relationship at the time, but to me, saying things like that just sounds like an excuse. Things like 'we can still be friends,' or 'sorry, but I'm just not interested,' or even just telling him that I had no interest in a relationship whatsoever (whether it be him or anyone else.) Once again, I must say that I understand that there is nothing wrong with saying any of these things, but it seems like the kind of thing someone would go home and scream into their pillow about. So I sort of just went with it. He later suggested meeting at a park, and even once said that we might be a cute couple. At that point, I told him I wasn't ready, but I don't think I said it correctly, because he is still trying, sometimes giving me a card or a small gift, complimenting my appearance- and honestly, It breaks my heart. He deserves better. He is so caring, funny, and interesting, but I have no romantic interest in him at all. I don't want to hurt him, but at the same time, I'm not comfortable with a relationship.

I don't know if it quite relates to the question, but for most of my life I have been struggling with a serious mood disorder. This makes it even harder, because I often have trouble speaking for myself often, and experience severe anxiety in social situations. But Possibly it is because of this that I can be so apathetic regarding romance. Maybe I'm just developing slower because I have too many other things on my mind... So I guess just saying no is easier said than done. I have also tried asking my family, but they don't quite understand.

Sorry for writing so much- I suppose this doubles as a rant as well as a question. But if anybody could help in any way it would be greatly appreciated. Thank you for reading!

[Sands]

Last year there was a boy who had a crush on me. He was already a friend, so when I found out I knew it wasn't superficial or on a whim. I loved him as a friend - and still consider him one of my best friends even after moving away, but I wasn't romantically interested in him. So I told him I wasn't looking for a relationship. He continued to make his feelings known every so often, to which I'd polity turn him down, and made a number of jokes about his feelings and my lack of feelings, which I laughed and played along with. Rather than enter a romantic relationship, I focused on building a strong friendship. No worry about me not liking him the same way, no messy break up, and we still came out great friends.

I don't know if this is helpful, but I wish you luck! :)

[CrowWakes]

well my recommendation comes from past experience I would personally tell him that you were a little nervous. I actually had a guy try to kiss me once (we were dating) and I backed a way and blushed and ran off. He thought he had offended me and felt terrible, unable to face me he avoided me. I later confronted him explaining I was asexual (explaining the meaning of it) and explained I just dont like kissing. This cleared alot of things up. we later realized that we had different needs and are still good friends thanks to my explanation.

In short, explain you were shocked and panicked, explain you are just not ready for a relationship at this moment and go from there.

I hope this helped and the best of luck to you ^_^