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People in mixed-orientation relationships :)


Fire & Rain

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▼ Did you and your partner know each other's orientations before you got into a relationship? If you didn't, why?

▼ Did you think mixed-orientation relationship can work out? Do you still think the same way or has your opinion changed over time?

▼ How long have you been in your current mixed-orientation relationship?

▼ Does having different orientations put a strain on your relationship? Did you guys work it out? If so, how?

▼ How did you and your partner come into terms with being mismatched?

▼ How often do you have communicate your needs and desires to your partner?

▼ Any advice or anecdotes? :)

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The Great WTF

▼ Did you and your partner know each other's orientations before you got into a relationship? If you didn't, why?


Yes


▼ Did you think mixed-orientation relationship can work out? Do you still think the same way or has your opinion changed over time?


Yes and yes. It's the people, not the orientation, that matters.


▼ How long have you been in your current mixed-orientation relationship?


Six years, give or take.


▼ Does having different orientations put a strain on your relationship? Did you guys work it out? If so, how?


Not really. I'm indifferent to sex and have learned to make it into a sort of game and, beyond him having to remind me that it exists sometimes and me having to remind him that he has the memory of a goldfish and a dog's sense of time and thus, no, it has not been a month since we had sex, it works pretty well.


▼ How did you and your partner come into terms with being mismatched?


There really wasn't any coming to terms with it. He knew what I was walking in and frankly our mismatched IQs and imaginations are more of a problem than our sexualities.


▼ How often do you have communicate your needs and desires to your partner?


I... don't really keep track of it.


▼ Any advice or anecdotes?


Communication. Communication. Communication. Also, this.


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▼ Did you and your partner know each other's orientations before you got into a relationship? If you didn't, why?

Yes

▼ Did you think mixed-orientation relationship can work out? Do you still think the same way or has your opinion changed over time?

Yes and yes. It's the people, not the orientation, that matters.

▼ How long have you been in your current mixed-orientation relationship?

Six years, give or take.

▼ Does having different orientations put a strain on your relationship? Did you guys work it out? If so, how?

Not really. I'm indifferent to sex and have learned to make it into a sort of game and, beyond him having to remind me that it exists sometimes and me having to remind him that he has the memory of a goldfish and a dog's sense of time and thus, no, it has not been a month since we had sex, it works pretty well.

▼ How did you and your partner come into terms with being mismatched?

There really wasn't any coming to terms with it. He knew what I was walking in and frankly our mismatched IQs and imaginations are more of a problem than our sexualities.

▼ How often do you have communicate your needs and desires to your partner?

I... don't really keep track of it.

▼ Any advice or anecdotes?

Communication. Communication. Communication. Also, this.

Thanks for the link. I'm reading it now :) Luckily, my partner and I are very sexually compatible because of my high libido but we have had some issues with my romance repulsion. And you're right, communication is the key :)

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an indignant hedgepig

▼ Did you and your partner know each other's orientations before you got into a relationship? If you didn't, why?


No, but only because I didn't come to the realization that I was asexual until we had been in the relationship for a while. At the point that I came out to him, he told me that he'd always known that my approach to sex and relationships was a little... different, and that putting a label on my actions would not change how much he cared for me.


▼ Did you think mixed-orientation relationship can work out? Do you still think the same way or has your opinion changed over time?


I still think it can, yes.


▼ How long have you been in your current mixed-orientation relationship?


Three years.


▼ Does having different orientations put a strain on your relationship? Did you guys work it out? If so, how?


Not really. Sometimes I have to tell him to back off, but he is always very good about making sure I'm comfortable. Any problems we've had, we work out by talking about it. We are very open with each other.


▼ How did you and your partner come into terms with being mismatched?


We were together long before we knew were were mismatched in terms of orientation. By then, we knew one another well enough that calling myself asexual was more akin to labelling something that's always been there, rather than introducing a new factor that needs dealing with. We meet each other halfway in terms of sex - he never makes me do anything I don't want to do, and I make an attempt to indulge him every once in a while (I'm not really interested in sex, but I'm not sex-repulsed and it makes him happy, so in the end we're both pretty pleased with our relationship).


▼ How often do you have communicate your needs and desires to your partner?


All the time. He's not great at reading subtle signals, which is due to his personality more than his sexual orientation. Add to that the fact that he doesn't quite understand where I'm coming from a lot of the time, and I often have to be pretty clear in what I'm needing/wanting. Of course, he's always more than happy to listen.


▼ Any advice or anecdotes?


Communicate. Seriously. No relationship's going to work if you don't know where the other one stands, and a mixed-orientation relationship definitely won't.


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▼ Did you and your partner know each other's orientations before you got into a relationship? If you didn't, why?


nah. mostly because she wasn't "totally" aware but also because of lying to me.



▼ Did you think mixed-orientation relationship can work out? Do you still think the same way or has your opinion changed over time?


Did I? No! Do I now? Yes.



▼ How long have you been in your current mixed-orientation relationship?


5 years.



▼ Does having different orientations put a strain on your relationship? Did you guys work it out? If so, how?


Yes. Yes. Talking and talking and talking and being really nice to each other.



▼ How did you and your partner come into terms with being mismatched?


By being really nice to each other. For real. Put them first, it makes a big difference.



▼ How often do you have communicate your needs and desires to your partner?


Never, because my needs and desires are irrelevant. When I mention them all it does is cause a fight, and I hate fights. I sometimes write little essays about how I feel and tuck them away so I can read them later



▼ Any advice or anecdotes? :)


Um, no. Oh, well, she used to get really mad when I'd look at her boobs, but she eventually dealt with that. So, I learned to not have sex and she learned to let me look at her boobs. I guess that's the key to success??

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▼ Did you and your partner know each other's orientations before you got into a relationship? If you didn't, why?



No, we didn't know each other's orientations. I wasn't really aware of asexuality when I was younger, and even when I had heard of it in passing I didn't investigate it further since I had a strong libido and kink, and couldn't comprehend at the time that this didn't necessarily mean I was sexual. (I have since identified as an ace)



▼ Did you think mixed-orientation relationship can work out? Do you still think the same way or has your opinion changed over time?



I'm not sure if they can work out or not. Growing and living together is a difficult task regardless of orientations, sometimes I feel like with one less mismatch my life would be easier, but so many things are important to me that I'm not sure exactly how much relief could be had by choosing to be in a relationship with other aces.



▼ How long have you been in your current mixed-orientation relationship?


Nine years. Only four months of which have been with the realization of my orientation.



▼ Does having different orientations put a strain on your relationship? Did you guys work it out? If so, how?


The lack of understanding the two of us had regarding my orientation put a lot more strain on our relationship than the understanding of it now has. The understanding has brought relief to me in some ways and also to my partner. In other ways she has become a bit more resigned which I don't view as necessarily good.



▼ How did you and your partner come into terms with being mismatched?


We are negotiating that right now. My partner and I are continuing to think about and discuss our needs with each other. Navigating is difficult, but at least we know what types of orientations we are navigating with.



I've now understood that if I'm even the slightest bit stressed physical contact initiated by my partner repulses me. I like to be left alone, although playing with my hair is always acceptable. I can, however, initiate without being repulsed.



Currently we have sex maybe two or three times a month, which I think is still insufficient for my partner. I'm developing my understanding of sex as more of a workout and seeking to ensure that whatever libido related needs I have I meet in my own way before engaging in partnered intercourse. My failure to do so in the past led me to have some sort of sex "buyer's remorse". Since changing my approach I haven't had this negative aftertaste to intercourse.



I've increased the number of ways I show my partner that I care by initiating more cuddle level contact, buying her small gifts and affirming her verbally. She says that this is very helpful and affirming for her but she is still struggling to become confident knowing that I'm not sexually attracted to her.



▼ How often do you have communicate your needs and desires to your partner?


With regards to our differing sexual orientations, at least once a week. Sometimes we are too exhausted to talk about it.

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▼ Did you and your partner know each other's orientations before you got into a relationship? If you didn't, why?

Absolutely!

▼ Did you think mixed-orientation relationship can work out? Do you still think the same way or has your opinion changed over time?

Absolutely! I still think the same way and I can't think of any reason why my opinion would change.

▼ How long have you been in your current mixed-orientation relationship?

3 months and 18 days, if my math is correct.

▼ Does having different orientations put a strain on your relationship? Did you guys work it out? If so, how?

It was different at first, but we were able to set up clear boundaries, what kind of touch is/isn't okay, etc., and that has made everything super easy. My SO still has some trepidation about my thoughts and intentions, which is understandable. But I'm sure she will feel much more confident/safe(for lack of a better word) over time.

▼ How did you and your partner come into terms with being mismatched?

It just happened like any other relationship! We met at a place, liked each other, started talking and doing activities together, and boom! Feelings happened. :D

▼ How often do you have communicate your needs and desires to your partner?

I dunno, as often as we need to. So far we've only had maybe 2 or 3 conversations about boundaries and what we need from the relationship, and it's been working out very well so far! I don't see the need to change things any time soon. We both know that we can talk about literally anything to one another, so if we need to have a meta-relationship convo it's no problem.

▼ Any advice or anecdotes? :)

Communicate! Lots and lots! Learn what your partner wants/needs out of the relationship, just like you should with any other relationship. Honestly, absolutely nothing about a mixed-orientation relationship is different from forming a same-orientation relationship.

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▼ Did you and your partner know each other's orientations before you got into a relationship? If you didn't, why?


Yes. I think it's important to know and talk about this aspect of things before getting involved with someone romantically.


▼ Did you think mixed-orientation relationship can work out? Do you still think the same way or has your opinion changed over time?


I used to think it wasn't possible, however, that was before I realized that it's not a difference in orientation that's the incompatibility necessarily, it's where the people fall on the sexuality spectrum that makes a difference (as well as all the other non-sexuality related preferences).


I definitely think (and know!) "mixed" relationships can (and do!) work.


▼ How long have you been in your current mixed-orientation relationship?


About 10 months.


I was in a previous "mixed" relationship for a little over four years that ended for non-sexuality related reasons.


▼ Does having different orientations put a strain on your relationship? Did you guys work it out? If so, how?


It may have been a bit stressful early in the relationship while we were trying to figure out what worked best for both of us. I think it's a delicate process that requires a lot of open and honest communication. We talked about it often. I communicated what was and wasn't working for me and my partner did the same.


▼ How did you and your partner come into terms with being mismatched?


We accepted each other and our different orientations before we decided to get involved romantically together.


▼ How often do you have communicate your needs and desires to your partner?


Often! Communication is very important. If something doesn't feel okay, then I tell them ASAP. Likewise, if something feels great, then I speak up about that, too. :D

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Notte stellata

▼ Did you and your partner know each other's orientations before you got into a relationship? If you didn't, why?


No, because I didn't know I was asexual at that time. But I told him I wasn't very interested in sex (I thought I just needed more experience though).



▼ Did you think mixed-orientation relationship can work out? Do you still think the same way or has your opinion changed over time?


It surely can, but often times it doesn't. I think in most successful cases, either the sexual is okay with little or no sex, or the asexual is okay with regular sex, or they're open/poly.



▼ How long have you been in your current mixed-orientation relationship?


Over 4 years.



▼ Does having different orientations put a strain on your relationship? Did you guys work it out? If so, how?


Not much, because I'm able to enjoy some sexual activities and my partner values the quality of sex over quantity, so we try to make it enjoyable for both of us. He is occasionally frustrated at my lack of passion in sex, but since we're poly, there's always hope for him to satisfy his sexual desire with other people.



▼ How did you and your partner come into terms with being mismatched?


Accepting each other for who we are.



▼ How often do you have communicate your needs and desires to your partner?


Not very often overall. In the early days we communicated more often, but now we don't really need to because we know each other's needs pretty well.



▼ Any advice or anecdotes?


You don't have to understand or relate to each other's feelings about sex; just accept and respect each other.


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▼ Did you and your partner know each other's orientations before you got into a relationship? If you didn't, why?

Nope. I knew his, but neither of us knew mine so I couldn't tell him what I didn't know myself. I said I had issues staying interested in sex, because that was the best way I could phrase it at the time. He said it was just my partner's being inexperienced before. I didn't know enough to argue that.

▼ Did you think mixed-orientation relationship can work out? Do you still think the same way or has your opinion changed over time?

They can, if there is a middle ground. If not, then no.

▼ How long have you been in your current mixed-orientation relationship?

8 years + some months

▼ Does having different orientations put a strain on your relationship? Did you guys work it out? If so, how?

Some strain, yeah. He wants sex daily and gets stressed out if it's even two days between. :( I don't even enjoy sex. But, I am not repulsed, so we have it at a frequency he can handle (4-6 a week) and I don't want to murder him over (except when he interrupts a book / movie / TV show / video game)

▼ How did you and your partner come into terms with being mismatched?

Talking.

▼ How often do you have communicate your needs and desires to your partner?

Well, he knows, but we still have to "talk" about it every so often (I dunno, couple times a year) cause he keeps wanting to think I suddenly like something. And his needs are "sex as often as you'll give it" so don't generally have to discuss that much.

▼ Any advice or anecdotes? :)

Talk. Talk. Talk some more. Be honest. Be blunt. And try to leave anger out of the discussion, no matter how many hurt feelings happen with the honesty (cause, hearing "I need sex" or "I don't want sex with you" can be hurtful, doesn't mean it's useful to get angry or respond to the hurt more than the issue).

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▼ Did you and your partner know each other's orientations before you got into a relationship? If you didn't, why?

Yes. I'm only willing to have significant relationships with close friends, and I'm pretty open with friends about my sexuality and relationship preferences.

▼ Did you think mixed-orientation relationship can work out? Do you still think the same way or has your opinion changed over time?

Yes, I thought they could work for some people - I still do, and now I know they can work for me too. Within my relationship network, there are several examples of mixed relationships that are currently going well.

▼ How long have you been in your current mixed-orientation relationship?

It's hard to say. We've been friends for several years, and the exact point at which our relationship became a significant/intimate friendship is kind of fuzzy for me. However, our relationship only became sexual about 6 months ago.

▼ Does having different orientations put a strain on your relationship? Did you guys work it out? If so, how?

Occasionally, perhaps. I have some insecurities and anxieties about sex that I only discovered upon entering a sexual relationship. I've been working through them on my own and communicating about them to my friend, who typically provides reassurance and asks me questions. For him, the most frustrating thing is probably that he would like to do some things that I'm simply not wiling to do, but he doesn't seem too upset by this. He's already quite happy to be able to do the things I agree to, and I encourage him to seek other partners if he wants more variety (we're both non-monogamous).

▼ How did you and your partner come into terms with being mismatched?

Mostly through conversation.

▼ How often do you have communicate your needs and desires to your partner?

We talk about our needs and desires fairly often. I think we both understand each other pretty well at this point, but sometimes I clarify things just to be sure. Sometimes I think we do it because we want to, not because we feel we have to - talking about desires can be fun! ;)

▼ Any advice or anecdotes? :)

Aside from my mixed sexual orientation relationship, I also have a significant relationship with "mismatched" romantic orientations. The amount of diversity possible in relationships is really neat. ^_^

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▼ Did you and your partner know each other's orientations before you got into a relationship? If you didn't, why?

Yes, and initially neither one of us had any idea of dating or searching for a relationship at that time, so it was irrelevant at that point.

▼ Did you think mixed-orientation relationship can work out? Do you still think the same way or has your opinion changed over time?

I have always thought it could work under certain circumstances, and I still do.

▼ How long have you been in your current mixed-orientation relationship?

For roughly 4 months.

▼ Does having different orientations put a strain on your relationship? Did you guys work it out? If so, how?

Not too much, since I have no prohibitions against having sex. However, he has had to go slowly with me simply because of my lack of experience which was a result of me being grey-a. Although I didn't have any prohibition on having sex at some point and time, I still didn't (and in some ways don't) know how I would react to it, so everything I've done so far is sort of a trial run for me. Being that he is a sexual, I'm sure he's hoping I will enjoy sex and want to continue (at this point about the only thing left to do is "PIV" sex, so I have tried some things so far) and that may well be the case. Thus far it is looking good for him as I have been enjoying things so far. Another thing in my favor is his age (he's about to turn 57), and let's put it this way - he's no rarin to go teenager anymore, so while he desires sex he isn't physically capable of having it every day (or even every other day; maybe twice a week if he's lucky). So if I find sex to not so great, it doesn't appear that he will be demanding a lot of it from me. And he's also poly, so his female roommate could help to "shoulder the burden" if sex should become tiring or boring for me (I hope that won't be the case). So it's very unlikely that he would be demanding more sex than I'd want to have, and at this point my libido isn't pushing me to want more than what he is currently giving.

▼ How did you and your partner come into terms with being mismatched?

Well, at this point it just works for both of us (some the reasons I've mentioned above). He says he doesn't believe that I'm asexual (due to my history of childhood sex abuse) but for me it isn't worth arguing about because things are working out sexually between us.

▼ How often do you have communicate your needs and desires to your partner?

Fairly often, since not only am I grey-a but also a sex abuse survivor, and there's been quite a bit I've had to go over with him (that, and our relationship has a BDSM aspect to it, which in and of itself requires a lot of communication in order to work).

▼ Any advice or anecdotes? :)

My thoughts on mixed relationships is that they are certainly possible and workable, especially if you are an asexual who is willing to have sex. And for those who aren't, it can still work out, and there are options on the table like finding someone who is poly (personally I wasn't even thinking about that in my case; it just happened to be that way) that might make it easier for the sexual person to get by without having sex with the asexual.

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▼ Did you and your partner know each other's orientations before you got into a relationship? If you didn't, why?

Yes, and initially neither one of us had any idea of dating or searching for a relationship at that time, so it was irrelevant at that point.

▼ Did you think mixed-orientation relationship can work out? Do you still think the same way or has your opinion changed over time?

I have always thought it could work under certain circumstances, and I still do.

▼ How long have you been in your current mixed-orientation relationship?

For roughly 4 months.

▼ Does having different orientations put a strain on your relationship? Did you guys work it out? If so, how?

Not too much, since I have no prohibitions against having sex. However, he has had to go slowly with me simply because of my lack of experience which was a result of me being grey-a. Although I didn't have any prohibition on having sex at some point and time, I still didn't (and in some ways don't) know how I would react to it, so everything I've done so far is sort of a trial run for me. Being that he is a sexual, I'm sure he's hoping I will enjoy sex and want to continue (at this point about the only thing left to do is "PIV" sex, so I have tried some things so far) and that may well be the case. Thus far it is looking good for him as I have been enjoying things so far. Another thing in my favor is his age (he's about to turn 57), and let's put it this way - he's no rarin to go teenager anymore, so while he desires sex he isn't physically capable of having it every day (or even every other day; maybe twice a week if he's lucky). So if I find sex to not so great, it doesn't appear that he will be demanding a lot of it from me. And he's also poly, so his female roommate could help to "shoulder the burden" if sex should become tiring or boring for me (I hope that won't be the case). So it's very unlikely that he would be demanding more sex than I'd want to have, and at this point my libido isn't pushing me to want more than what he is currently giving.

▼ How did you and your partner come into terms with being mismatched?

Well, at this point it just works for both of us (some the reasons I've mentioned above). He says he doesn't believe that I'm asexual (due to my history of childhood sex abuse) but for me it isn't worth arguing about because things are working out sexually between us.

▼ How often do you have communicate your needs and desires to your partner?

Fairly often, since not only am I grey-a but also a sex abuse survivor, and there's been quite a bit I've had to go over with him (that, and our relationship has a BDSM aspect to it, which in and of itself requires a lot of communication in order to work).

▼ Any advice or anecdotes? :)

My thoughts on mixed relationships is that they are certainly possible and workable, especially if you are an asexual who is willing to have sex. And for those who aren't, it can still work out, and there are options on the table like finding someone who is poly (personally I wasn't even thinking about that in my case; it just happened to be that way) that might make it easier for the sexual person to get by without having sex with the asexual.

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▼ Did you and your partner know each other's orientations before you got into a relationship? If you didn't, why?
Sorta. I didn't yet ID as asexual back then, but yes, she knew from the start that sex between us was going to be permanently off the table.

▼ Did you think mixed-orientation relationship can work out? Do you still think the same way or has your opinion changed over time?
Yes, they absolutely can. However, I do think they have a considerably higher chance of failing than non-mixed ships.

▼ How long have you been in your current mixed-orientation relationship?
Six years and five months, and still happily going. :)

▼ Does having different orientations put a strain on your relationship? Did you guys work it out? If so, how?

It would be too much to say it was a strain. There sure were some problems, doubts, and worries... and one very stressful month in between. But overall, our ship has been sailing surprisingly smoothly. The two biggest factors why I think R. and I work so well are a) we're excellently compatible in just about all other regards except sexually, and best friends first and foremost, and b) our relationship has been poly/open from day one. so she's always been free and able to get her needs met by others.

▼ How did you and your partner come into terms with being mismatched?
See above.

▼ How often do you have communicate your needs and desires to your partner?

Pretty rarely. For the most part, it all runs "as smooth as an android's butt". :D

When problems do arise, it's important to honestly talk about them ASAP, though.

▼ Any advice or anecdotes? :)

Advice - Keep a sober mind when looking at how partner-compatible you are, and don't feel guilty about ending a 'ship (or not going into it in the first place) when there isn't enough common gorund for everyone involved to stand on together. Love in itself isn't enough.

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▼ Did you and your partner know each other's orientations before you got into a relationship? If you didn't, why?


Yes, we knew beforehand. (Dating profiles can be so convenient sometimes.)



▼ Did you think mixed-orientation relationship can work out? Do you still think the same way or has your opinion changed over time?


Yes, and I still feel the same way about it. I didn't use to (back when I first found out about asexuality) and I used to think the chances that I of all people would find the opportunity to enter into a mixed relationship were way too slim. Then some posts on AVEN and tumblr gave me hope.



▼ How long have you been in your current mixed-orientation relationship?


One year, one week, and five days. (I use daisypath to keep track.)



▼ Does having different orientations put a strain on your relationship? Did you guys work it out? If so, how?


No, it hasn't felt like our 'ship's been strained because of our different orientations. He finds me sexually attractive and I am okay with that. I don't find him sexually attractive and he is okay with that.



▼ How did you and your partner come into terms with being mismatched?


We accepted each other for who we are right away. He told me he would be fine with just kissing every night and that children was not a mandatory requirement for him. Since neither of us had been in a face-to-face 'ship before, we were careful to move slowly and figure out what our (well, my) boundaries were.



▼ How often do you have communicate your needs and desires to your partner?


Um... Pretty often I guess? It doesn't usually feel like I have to give him a heads-up about anything out of concern for the 'ship's stability, but I'm always telling him stuff I'd like to try someday or stuff I'd like him to adjust a bit. It's an ongoing process. Communicating with him is fun.



▼ Any advice or anecdotes? :)


I don't think I'm good at giving advice, but I have plenty of anecdotes. :twisted:


  • I love discussing sexuality with him. It is fascinating to learn all about his feelings and personal experiences with attraction. He's someone I feel very comfortable with talking about stuff like that in person, because he listens attentively and respects what I have to say. Plus, when he's out around other people and the topic is relevant, he helps spread awareness for me!
  • If something goes wrong when we are physically intimate (this rarely happens now, thankfully), I panic and hyperventilate and he immediately calms me down by taking deep, slow breaths that I can imitate. Then he apologizes and we stop for a while to just hold each other. Lucky for me, we can stop what we do for good if I wanted.
  • When we watch a movie where a sex or make-out scene comes up, I am free to look away and he'll tell me when it's over. I do the same for him sometimes as well. ;)
  • Normally I can't stand sexual humor, but when it's just between us, in our own private context, it can actually be pretty funny. I have a lot of ace moments around him. He thinks it's cute when I make a confused face at one of his innuendos. In return, I think it's cute when he gets flustered when I tease him with an unsexy comment (i.e. referring to breasts as "chest tumors").
  • The last time I visited him, he confessed to have had a dream where he did things with another woman. The first thing I said was, "Was she pretty?" That didn't seem to be the response he expected. XD Then he's like, "I guess," and then I found out they were in a public restroom and I was like "Ewww!" The lady left afterward, but not before other guys came in. Their stall door was open but either no one saw them or cared. We both have our share of really weird and/or inappropriate dreams. :mellow:
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▼ Did you and your partner know each other's orientations before you got into a relationship? If you didn't, why?



I knew her orientation, she didn't know mine because I was (am?) questioning mine and didn't (don't?) want to commit to a label. She assumed what I was, so in that aspect I knew hers and she thought she knew mine, but I discovered that I did not identify with the orientation that she thought I was. Hope that makes sense :redface:



▼ Did you think mixed-orientation relationship can work out? Do you still think the same way or has your opinion changed over time?



Yes, I believed it could work but I was wondering how my orientation played into that (I identified as [questioning] straight at the time). My opinion sorta changed, yes, I have found out that emotions and feelings are more complicated than I thought and that orientations [labels] are not always just a one-size-fit-all concept.



▼ How long have you been in your current mixed-orientation relationship?



Unofficially (only found definition of Queerplatonic recently), 2 years. But I still count it :P



▼ Does having different orientations put a strain on your relationship? Did you guys work it out? If so, how?



She is romantically/sexually attracted to me, but I am not to her. We both were fine with that. Any confusion was smoothed out with communication.



▼ How did you and your partner come into terms with being mismatched?



With us, we had to realize that whether our feelings were romantic or not, we still greatly cared for each other and that was all that mattered. Labeling our feelings was not going to make it easier and sometimes we have to just go with the flow.



▼ How often do you have communicate your needs and desires to your partner?



For me, if I have a problem or I need/want something in the relationship, I just tell her as soon as I think of it. We are quite open with each other.



▼ Any advice or anecdotes? :)



Communication and honesty is key ;)


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▼ Did you and your partner know each other's orientations before you got into a relationship? If you didn't, why?


No. Originally we did not know there were any other orientations other than straight, gay, and bi. Since then we have each learned a lot about ourselves and the variation that really exists in people.



▼ Did you think mixed-orientation relationship can work out? Do you still think the same way or has your opinion changed over time?


I think that it can work, but it is really difficult. It definitely presents a new set of challenges to deal with and there is relatively little experience or advice from others who have been there.



▼ How long have you been in your current mixed-orientation relationship?


5 1/2 years



▼ Does having different orientations put a strain on your relationship? Did you guys work it out? If so, how?


It does from time to time and we are still working on it. We feel it is something that we will always have to work on because we each have different things that satisfy us.



▼ How did you and your partner come to terms with being mismatched?


A lot of communication!!!



▼ How often do you have communicate your needs and desires to your partner?


We know each others needs and desires, but we still have to communicate with each other constantly on the best way we can compromise to meet our needs.



▼ Any advice or anecdotes? :)


The best advice I can give is to repeat what others have said also. Communication, communication, communication. You have to know what it is that will make each other happy and what each person is willing to do to fulfill those needs and desires.


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