Looking for understanding from an outside perspective

[GoodOlPatPat]

So, I guess I'll post here to elaborate on what I feel if only for myself.

I'm a 21-year-old male. I am a very sex-positive person, that is I enjoy seeing flagrant displays of sex and sexuality. I've never considered myself being asexual because I do feel sexual attraction, but I have no desire to have sex with those I'm attracted to, despite liking the sight of others having sex I feel either really uncomfortable with the thought of doing it myself or I just don't want to, period.

Anyway, I have pretty much always known I was aromantic, I've never had a girlfriend or boyfriend and never had ANY desire to have one, I actually never felt broken about it and always thought I was just smarter than everyone else getting into what seemed to me to be a waste of time and money for very little gain. I never really had a name for it, I just went, "I'm in love with being single" and people would laugh and say they wish they could be like that or they would give me weird looks.

But, as far as my sexuality is concerned it's more complicated for me to pin down, the closest I think I'm at right now is gray-sexuality As I said earlier, I feel attraction(get aroused by) to some people, but it's either not strong enough for me to want to act on it so I feel that makes me not strictly asexual(even though these are just labels). Every once in a while I'll feel no sex drive or attraction at all, but I don't think that is unusual for sexual people.

I have pinned down some criteria that if it were the case I would consider having sex with someone: 1. I feel attraction towards them, 2. I know and trust them, 3. They would have to be the one to offer it(this one is important) 4. My libido is kicking in(also probably pretty important lol). So if anyone has an idea in which direction I should go in understanding concepts of attraction if I'm misunderstanding any, or if I fit the description of XYZ-sexuality and I should check it out, I would appreciate it very much. Thank you!

[binary suns]

[Hobbes!]

From an outside perspective, it doesn't sound like you're asexual to me. What you describe sounds to me like aromantic sexual with a kind of low sex drive. But, that being said, it certainly sounds like you'd relate to some of the experiences of other members here.

Either way, like Teagan said, it seems like you're making good headway to figuring yourself out

[butterflydreams]

It seems to me like you got things pretty well.

Myself, I know I don't feel sexual attraction, however I do enjoy observing sexual activity as well, simply because of my libido. I don't seek out sexual activity unless I am feeling strong instance of my libido. Like you, I would not have sex unless the person initiates themselves, and I trust them (and my libido is involved)

I don't know if there is a better word for what you seem to feel, but it is actually close to how I feel about romance, and I consider myself grey-romantic. I consider myself asexual however, simply because I know that I do not feel sexual attraction. I sort of experience romantic attraction, albeit rarely if ever, kind of like how you say you feel attracted to others but don't want to engage in the activity with them because of the attraction? I can really feel a lot of feels from watching others express romance towards each other, but do not have any attraction or desire that would cause me to seek romance for myself. I'm actually honestly a little unsure if I can call what I experience romantic attraction though... sometimes I'm tempted to change my label from "greyro" to "aro"

Were we separated at birth? I could've written this. :)

Agreed though that it sounds like you have a really good handle on things. I'm especially drawn to the part about being in love with being single. If nothing else, that might be an indication of aromanticism. And then like Hobbes said, maybe it's a matter of being sexual, but having a low sex drive? These are totally things, even if they're rarely discussed outside of asexual communities, which I find weird, but also interesting. Kind of cool too. It's good that these different mix-n-match romantic/sexual/aesthetic/whatever things are being looked at and thought about. Hopefully it helps to shed some light on how you feel as well :)

And just as an afterthought, I find it so interesting that you can just say, "yes, I experience sexual attraction". Like, you can just say that...and mean it! Wow! Sorry, since realizing I was asexual, and understanding that people aren't kidding or joking when they say that, it's just so interesting to me :)

[GoodOlPatPat]

Thanks everyone for the responses so far, really good stuff!

Perhaps I am a sexual that is influenced by my aromanticism in a way that affects my drive for sex, good catch, Hobbes. It is weird(in a cool way) that there are so many of these mix-n-match things, and yet still relatable in a way. Thanks everyone for saying I have a good idea of road I'm on, your assistance is enlightening. :)