Dazzle 'Em Posted December 16, 2014 Share Posted December 16, 2014 Righteo, so let's first begin with some backstory so you have all the info. So I'm a 16 year old male asexual in my first and hopefully last serious relationship with an amazing 16 year old female. I have had sex before, quite a bit considering I don't like it at all, however I've only had sex while drunk (I've made some bad decisions but I'm trying, so give me a break). My childhood (there may be some possible triggers in this paragraph so I suggest skipping it if you feel you need to) wasn't really the most pleasant or normal experience. I feel I should add this in because this is my first post and I would like to formally introduce my broken self. I've been exposed to way too much violence, both physical and sexual. My first sexual experiences happened at the age of 7 (that's about all I'm saying on that). I then battled severe depression and anxiety from around 14 and a half to nearly a month ago. For the last 3 or so months of that depression streak I started drinking heavily and having sex to try to "fix" my asexuality. Then I started having feelings for this amazing girl, and we started dating. She was pretty much my best friend, and now the only girl I've ever had feelings for. She knows my life story, and all about my struggles with my asexuality. Although I'm still fighting both anxiety and depression, it feels manageable now because of her. So the main issue we're having is, not surprisingly, about sex. We've talked about it heaps, but it usually boils down to her not wanting to only because she knows how I feel about it, and I want to because I want her to be happy above anything else. The last thing she said to me on the topic, although a little confusing, sums up our whole dilemma: "I do, but I don't because you want to want to." Basically, I just feel sorta lost and confused and I'm not sure what to do. I'd do anything for her, and it's not like I'm going to suffer because of it. Any sort of advice or anything would be appreciated. Link to post Share on other sites
Fruity<3 Posted December 16, 2014 Share Posted December 16, 2014 It sounds like you both want to sacrifice, or compromise, your (non)sexual desires. She seems to be at a place where she is willing to wait and you seem to be at a place where you want to make her pleasure her because you know she's sexual. Personally, I would wait until your demons are more at bay before you two try anything of the sorts. You saying that you've only had sex when you're drunk might be a hurdle in itself to get over as well as all the emotions. She seems like she doesn't want to hurt you at all and thus doesn't want sex. She's trying to do what's best for you and she might feel bad if she allowed her own needs to go before your own potential pain. I'd personally feel that way >.> This is all speculation of course. Personally, I'd just wait until you two are more comfortable and secure. You both don't 100% want to do it, so that's reason in itself not to have sex. If she's the one for you, you two have a lot of time to work this all out :] You two could reach some medium ground too... like not full PV sex, but something that would fulfill her needs. Though I feel bad suggesting that to teenagers Good luck!!! Link to post Share on other sites
pittiechick Posted December 16, 2014 Share Posted December 16, 2014 My boyfriend and I started dating at 14-15 years old and didn't start having sex until we were 18. I realize we were not the norm and other people our age were having sex but I think you have plenty of time to figure this out, especially if you just started dating her. Plus given your past, I would not rush into anything. It sounds like she is understanding and reasonable, which is great- just take time to get to know one another more, sort yourself out, and get yourself to a great place (important to note that your happiness should come from within, not her or the relationship even though it certainly makes it easier). Maybe the two of you will be able to find some activities that work for both of you. If you find that you're comfortable having sex with her, even if it's not necessarily enjoyable for you but makes her happy, AND she's okay with that scenario, then great! :) Link to post Share on other sites
Annoying lil Brit Posted December 16, 2014 Share Posted December 16, 2014 Sounds like you have found an amazing girlfriend,a lot of people won't understand this sort of thing. Just do what you think is right,that's the only advice I can properly give you. Sorry that I wasn't much help. Link to post Share on other sites
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