Uncomfortable with Physical Compliments?

[socks15]

Is anyone else uncomfortable when people compliment you based on looks? (to put it into context, I'm a girl, but any other folks can respond)

I get a weird feeling whenever someone makes a comment about my body, like "Wow it's nice to see you showing off your legs", "I really like that (item of clothing) on you!", or "Wow, it's Sexy Thursday!" (on thursdays I wear a skirt and contacts, it's a long story). I'm fine with compliments based on my ideas, kindness, jokes, stories, talents, etc but somehow other people acknowledging my body feels weird to me.

Is this a common thing for other asexual people?

[whitesphere]

I once dated a woman who might have been asexual, and she was very uncomfortable with compliments. Personally (I am a man), I appreciate compliments but don't get them often.

I imagine it could be awkward if you always got compliments on your body INSTEAD of your other qualities and traits. I'd feel very awkward if I primarily received compliments on my appearance, instead of kindness, intelligence, honesty, humor, whatever. Do you primarily only get physical compliments?

[Fire & Rain]

Yes, it makes me want to evaporate into thin air.

[TokiC]

Yeah I'm super awkward with compliments and I don't usually know how to respond to them...I'm just like "haha thanks" awkwardly walks away lol

[Skycaptain]

I agree. I find it almost unnerving if someone compliments me on my appearance, mainly because I have never come to terms with my body shape. I also feel that such a person may want to touch me or get physically close to me, something I have a chronic phobia of. There is only one exception, and that is I am happy if someone compliments me on how much weight I have lost and that I look better for it, as to lose 20Kg in 9 months wasn't easy. I always feel that if someone says anything then either they are taking the rise, or they have a sexual motive, either of which will make me super-defensive

[sp4c34c3]

I am definitely. The word handsome feels to me like what scratching fingernails on a chalkboard does to most everyone

it does not feel weird to me, i just never really want the attention it brings, i like to be left to my own vices and someone going crazy about my looks is not what i want. go crazy about someone that seeks a ton of attention IMO

[Shinnok]

Yeah...I shudder when I get physical compliments. Usually because it's a feminine compliment (I'm a transman)

[Goaty]

Every once in a while, people saying I'm pretty or beautiful is nice, especially if I think a thing I'm wearing doesn't look very good, but if any particular person says it often I start to feel weirded out. I'd hate to get anything beyond "beautiful" too (once someone did say I looked sexy - Blegh!!). I actually don't like being seen as fashionable either, though maybe that's more because I don't particularly like being seen as involved in popular culture. :P

[Whispearl]

For me, it's about what I perceive their intent to be. If the person is trying to come on to me, or seems like they are, then physical compliments make me uncomfortable. But if it's innocent and genuine, then I don't mind it. Like, people have complimented my outfits or called me like adorable or pretty, but it's innocent and I can tell. There's no ulterior motive. You can tell when there is, usually, and that makes me uncomfortable.

[Kellam]

I loathe compliments on my physical apearence. It feels very uncomfortable and makes me feel objectified. I don't ever reciprocate because of the golden rule. I'll take a compliment on my shoes or on the graphic on my t shirt but that's it. (edited down from excessive rant)

[KaiccieXavier]

Socks, I feel the same way. You also may have a gender identity disorder.

[Arte]

Only when I'm not trying to look good...

[Star Bit]

Ditto, but i wonder if its because of what a show mentioned on the topic; "I can't give anything in return."

It's even more uncomfortable when strangers do it though. (I use to get it frequently when my red hair was long. Now that it's short i don't get it at all.)

[truthisbest7]

I used to get compliments on how "pretty" I was when I was younger. Oh man I hated it . I just wanted to run in the other direction. I couldn't stand it. Is this something that a lot of asexual people experience or no? My husband of course, still tries to throw the old " your beautiful" at me from time to time but since we have been together for so long now I just ignore him. Seriously. I don't even answer him. What does anyone else have to say?

[socks15]

Socks, I feel the same way. You also may have a gender identity disorder.

It's such a relief to know people think the same way.

Question that will probably seem ignorant, but it's because I am and people learn by asking questions:

What is a gender identity disorder? How would I know if I had one? What from this post sounds like it?

[Corretto]

[A]trigger: Another Label on the Way!

I've discovered my [a]sexuality, my [a]romanticity, and now my [a]complimentarityness.

Thank-You [A]VENites

Cia

[socks15]

I once dated a woman who might have been asexual, and she was very uncomfortable with compliments. Personally (I am a man), I appreciate compliments but don't get them often.

I imagine it could be awkward if you always got compliments on your body INSTEAD of your other qualities and traits. I'd feel very awkward if I primarily received compliments on my appearance, instead of kindness, intelligence, honesty, humor, whatever. Do you primarily only get physical compliments?

Well, it's actually an interesting story. We have different standards for boys, so maybe my story has been affected by my being a girl.

I go to a school where there's a uniform. So most of the time, I wear my glasses, khaki shorts, a gray or navy polo, and long colorful socks (which is really the only part of my wardrobe that I put effort into and enjoy). When I am dressed like this, most of the comments I receive are for leadership, kindness, humor, intelligence, etc.

However, at the beginning of this year I decided to try something different. Every Thursday, I wear short socks, pop in my contacts, shave my legs (they're not usually super hairy or anything, they're just really soft on Thursdays), and squeeze into my Catholic school skirt (too short and gettin pretty small bc it's from ninth grade). 90% of comments/compliments about my body I receive on Thursdays, with the exception of "Wow I like that left sock you're wearing today". I have had other students, friends, parents, even teachers comment "Wow?!!? You're wearing a skirt!?!?!! Look at those legs!" or "You look like a real Catholic school girl!" and make similar comments about how I look better without glasses. It's very "one-dimensional female character in a male driven comedy". I have had people I don't know comment "Happy Sexy Thursday!" For the most part, people have good intentions, and want to make me feel good about my body.

However, it has shown me how driven society is by aesthetics.

I don't really mind how I dress normally. Contacts are fine when I play sports, but at school I just like my glasses better because my eyes don't dry out as much, and I think I look good. Wearing skirts makes me incredibly uncomfortable. The only reason I still do "Conform to Society Thursdays" is my parents are noticeably more agreeable when I fit their definition of beautiful. Just somethin to think about.

[TealXLIV]

If it's someone I know fairly well, then I usually don't mind if they compliment my appearance; however, if it's basically a stranger then I don't like it. On the outside I'll just say "thank you" while I fake a smile and move on, but on the inside I feel like all this attention has been brought upon me and I can't stand it. I wish it had never happened. Compliment me on something else like parallel parking well or mentally figuring out 15% of a $20 restaurant check. Don't compliment my appearance if you're a total stranger.

[Mycroft is Yourcroft]

If it's someone I know and care about I don't mind so much, but if it's an acquaintance or colleague or (ew) stranger, then it usually raises my hackles a bit.

[Member54880]

For me, it's about what I perceive their intent to be. If the person is trying to come on to me, or seems like they are, then physical compliments make me uncomfortable. But if it's innocent and genuine, then I don't mind it. Like, people have complimented my outfits or called me like adorable or pretty, but it's innocent and I can tell. There's no ulterior motive. You can tell when there is, usually, and that makes me uncomfortable.

This is how I feel too.

I'm okay with compliments on my outfit, but compliments on my body make me uncomfortable, because of that possibility that there's sexual intent behind it. I just end up feeling objectified.

[Eva]

"Wow it's nice to see you showing off your legs"

"Wow, it's Sexy Thursday!"

I'm not even sure those are compliments. They sound more like wolf calls. I'd be uncomfortable with those too. If someone said things like that to me a lot, I'd feel harassed.

[Conscientious Ghost]

Oh dear gods, yeah— I feel like punching the nearest wall when that happens (and that's rare).

I can't handle it. I can't imagine people lusting over my body, so I feel goosebumps scatter the surface of my skin. I look like a preteen almost on the verge of puberty. Adorable? Eh sure. Sexy? No.

[Sally]

Ironically I've never minded when I've gotten remarks about sexy whatever, because I just figure they haven't really looked carefully. But I don't like people looking at me in any way.

[Laurens]

Oh, I hate compliments about my body. One the one hand you have people you know, including people who have a crush on you, who compliment how nice looking you are or even how sexy or feminine you are (no go away). I don't like it, it feels like my body is invalidated (I think this has also something to do with my genderqueerness).

On the other hand, you have the catcalling in the street which is more harassment. But some people feel like we should all act like they are nice compliments. Well, a few days ago I had an old man (he could literally have been my grandfather ) yelling at me he wanted to see me in bikini because my body was so well shaped. Stuff like that happens far too often, I hate it so much and feel so freaked out about it. :(

[9Lives]

Depends on the compliment. If it's honest and comes from someone who just feels like saying something nice to me, I love compliments.

What I cannot abide is catcall, whistles, random strangers commenting on my figure and anything blatantly sexual. A word of advice to anyone who looks feminine and dislikes that sort of experience? Don't ever book a vacation in Morocco. After living there for eight months, I can safely say that I passed the "sexual harrassment tolerance without resulting to violence exam" with flying colors.

[Simser101]

It really depends on my mood, who says it and what is said. Though if anyone would call me sexy I know they're full of it. Maybe I was, 15 years ago, after gaining 50lbs and having 4 kids that description really doesn't fit me hahaha. There was a brief time around the time I was 20 that I enjoyed being "sexy" but that got me a lot of unwanted attention. Surprise!!! I didn't realize that it would at the time. That was a really short lived phase for me, the whole "sexy" thing.

I enjoy looking feminine from time to time, but I don't enjoy showing a lot of skin, so when I dress up, I wear skirts down to my ankles and blouses or vests to match. Usually it's jeans and a tshirt though, and I haven't bothered with make up for at least 7 years. I don't want anyone to lust over me (though admittedly, having 4 kids in tow is an awesome lust-retardant ;) ).

[Junibud]

I can't stand compliments. I thought I was ugly for my entire childhood, and only now am letting myself think anything otherwise. I used to think people were lying to me, or just saying it to be nice (I honestly still think this a lot.) I'm terrible and figuring out what's going on in other peoples' heads, so I get really suspicious when people compliment me. I guess I also feel weird being complimented for physical appearance because I've never put any effort into my looks, and I'd rather be complimented on things that I've actually had imput in...

The only reason why I don't flat-out refute compliments anymore is because I heard it was rude...

Maybe one reason why I'm so against compliments is because I can't stand the thought of someone being attracted to me? Liking the way someone looks sometimes has correlation to sexual attraction, right?

[socks15]

It makes me kinda sad that so many awesome people hate being complimented because they don't feel good about their appearance, even though your aesthetics shouldn't really matter. Everyone has nice features about their body, even if it's that one damn cute freckle or those super symmetrical toes or whatever.

It's not that I disagree with people, it just bothers me that they feel like they need to comment, and then I feel like I need to say something and the whole situation just makes me feel very awkward.

[CrowWakes]

when somone says "you look nice today" or something similar it doesnt really bother me. I think of it as a kind formality rather than a compliment. its just a natural gesture of kindness

[IanH]

Whenever someone comments on anything on me that is usually associated with sex, for example my behind, any "bulge," a six pack if I ever get one, etc. that's when I get uncomfortable. But if someone says things like "I like your hair," or "you look very nice today," I'm okay with it.