How to tell if a crush is Ace?

[GRexCarolinii]

hopefully posting this in the right place ^_^

but yeah

how do you tell if other people might be Asexual or Aromantic? (or even demi)

I'm a hugely romantic Ace myself
and long story short: have a sort-of crush on someone, but completely unsure whether they might be ace or aro
but not in the position to outrightly ask (though think they might also know I'm ace myself)


I obviously get there are.... universal laws of Ace-hood because everyone is different
but a small number people have guessed I was (even before I even knew myself!)
so I also wonder whether there was anything that gave me away (other than a distinct lack of lovelife)

[deltaX]

Unfortunately, I don't think there are really any tell-tale signs that someone is aro and/or ace. Everyone in the asexual community is different, and besides a lack of sexual attraction (which you wouldn't know about someone without asking), there isn't really anything that connects us. :/

Maybe you could notice whether or not they wear a black ring, but even that wouldn't be definitive proof because a lot of aces don't wear ace rings, and some sexual people wear black rings for other reasons. Really, the only way to know for sure is to ask.

Either way, though, I wish you luck with your crush! :)

[kimbo21]

Well- I think that unless you try to pretend you are something you are not, it is typical for people to guess. Even if you are asexual, and romantic you will probably describe your attractions in a different way to how sexual people would. That being said, this isn't always the case. Sexual people still like the same sort of qualities in people that aces do- sense of humour, humility, kindness etc. Maybe you wasn't joining in conversations that your friends were when they were talking about 'hot' people and that is how they guessed. Having said this though, I think people would only guess if they knew you for a long time and spent alot of time with you. Work colleagues and associates probably wouldn't guess. You could try talking about your asexuality and see how this person responds?

[Loki]

One thing I've learned is not to assume what people know about myself.

Good Luck.

[GRexCarolinii]

The actual crush part is Least of my worries if honest

Just thought might be mice to give context

But equally would be nice for future reference I guess,like little things that might hint

Never met another ace person, so I wouldn't know signs that could suggest someone's orientation at all

And I guess I've never thought myself to be obvious because I still get crushes and whatnot

Probably worth asking why people thought I was ace (and not homosexual, which I've also been asked)

Thanks for input!

[Robin L]

Shortly put: you don't. The most reliable way is just to ask, though there are some ways to go about their matter. You can check if they wear a black ring, or if they wear the ace flag. You can talk about asexuality in general and see their reaction.

[sp4c34c3]

There is no way to tell. But looking back after having met someone you know is ace, you just tend to feel like you met someone that can relate to your life. Although maybe that feeling comes because you had the knowledge about the person in question. Idk.

[5_♦♣]

ESP, if you have that ability. Seriously, some people can pick up on 'vibes'.

[Fire & Rain]

There are no specific traits but I had a gut feeling with two aces before they came out to me. Sexual people always give off sexual vibes while being around those two aces is like being in a very silent environment. So it's not really tangible or anything. It's just a feeling that I get.

[Kid-Kitty]

Like everyone else said, there's no way to tell. If someone's ace, they may/may not come out.

If you only feel comfortable dating other aces, depending on your age, I would look on dating sites.

And if it's one person that you have your eye on, whether they're allo or ace shouldn't matter too much. And if it does, then it's time to move on.