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How do you behave incase of an unwanted crush ?


Rye

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Let's say:

you are male

and KNOW that a girl is crushing on you.

However nothing is farther from your mind than acting on this...

(whether due to not wanting to, or being disinterested doesn't matter:)

How do YOU cope ?

I for one find this situation totally unsatisfationary as I feel like I let that person down, while KNOWING that interest is there....

However how do you, as a guy, not approach this the wrong way ?

As a woman you can turn a guy down when he asks you out... but what can you do as a man ?

Anything goes (mainly replies from men needed here, but I would also love to hear from women that had such thing going on: liking a guy that refused to act/seemed disinterested, how did you sort this out ?)

Obviously all of this is under the big ACE Umbrella.... considering you - the target - are ace...

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That sounds simple enough...

the thing is... how do you treat someone "open" and "honest", if you are not sure that person would want to you to know that it likes you ?

If it is uncertain ?

Or do you mean:

Be as open and honest as the other is ?

As if: if you have the feeling that other person doesn't really want you to know ?

A simple yet effective advise... however I'm not sure I know how to do that...

Most of the time I tend to avoid people like that.... It's like an urge to 'get away' from them...

(extremly conflict averse ?)

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Without knowing the inn and outs of the situation personally its difficult to give the best advise..

how close to the said person are you? whats the relationship between you? friends? associates?

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If by associates you mean work colleagues then:

YES

I see her at most one or two times a week.

I used to talk to her quite often as talking to her was fun.

I actually felt like she was one of the persons @ the job that it was fun to spend time with.

However lately, I try my best not to do that... It feels awkward.

Since I realized this I tried to do jobs to be away from her

(funny enough... I didn't have to force anything by work-shift-plan-workings I luckily didn't see her to often either ways...)

When I did however, she seemed uber happy...

(It is hard to relate to such thing... One side always has catching up to do...)

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Most my female friends have had guys they had crushes on reject them. Its just a normal part of life.

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But how do you 'as a guy' reject a girl ?

I don't think most girls would dare to direcly ask out EVER....

Suffering till it goes away is nothing that seems like a good option...

I merly am convinced that certain personality characteristics will not work well....

@Clemy:

That seems unneccessary complicated... also my sarcasm detector breaks near midnight...

Isn't there a better way.

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Are you sure 100% she's interested in you the way you're implying? A lot people make a big thing out of nothing, it might be she's only interested in you as a genuine friendship or sees you as a safe friendly guy that she can be more open with herself or likes you as a favorite coworker to work with?

Don't let this affect you how you work with her, just act normally and do your job. So far she's only guilty of being friendly....did she touch you inappropriately or ask you out etc?

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I may attempt to construct an image of myself in their eyes as someone who I am not what she thinks I am or someone who they do not expect me to me. (pretend to be an ass so they will open their eyes)

This will sort of creates a bitter reality for them to wake up to BUT this essentially is disinformation....

For the more determined ones I sort of just befriend them, although it might seem cruel to put them in the "friend zone" that allosexuals dislike so much of.

I used to just sort of ignore it, but this usually resulted in me being an ass for being anti-social and it doesn't work because then I feel like I really am an ass.

I haven't actually figured out the best way to deal with people chasing me yet.

I have once just said straight up no, that sort of went ok.

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@Loki:

It isn't whether I'm 100% sure...

It is that I *fear* it to be true.

I usually wouldn't want a person I work with interested in me EVER.

Drawing a line in such situation requires utmost understanding of ones owns feelings - something most people cannot must.

If she weren't interested: Thank god....

However curse my talent for listening to ppls voices... they are the biggest telltale sign.

About the other things you mentioned:

I don't pay much attention if someone touches me or not... In my job it happens in someway or another anayways

If she did that. (Ask out etc).. I would probably blank stare at her.... Not knowing what to say...

HOWEVER

We are moving away from the topic:

HOW TO DEAL with it IF it is the case.

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I am in this situation currently with two different people.

Person 1: Male, 20 years old, "Bear-class"
Sexuality: Homosexual.
Name: M

I met 'M' in the beginning of the current school year (September). Hes a shy guy who was sexually attracted to me from our first encounter. Even going so far as to call me "Hot" to a mutual friend. About two weeks ago he confessed his interest to me, althought it had been obvious prior to. 'M' was aware I am asexual and in a serious, romantically exclusive, relationship. I have not turned him down, however I have also told him to face the reality. There is a strong chance I will end up being with my current partner for the rest of our lives. He accepted that, respects both conditions and has stated "I will snatch you the moment you become single". In truth I will probably properly reject him at that point as he is unfortunatly not a person I can view myself with romantically.

Person 2: Female, 18 years Old
Sexuality: Heterosexual (Past Homosexual experimenting)
Name: T

So 'T' has been much more difficult. We had met at a Halloween party November 1st and had a brief encounter followed by a day or two of texting. She doesn't know of my sexuality aside from the fact I stated I had a preference for men. Following the texting, our mutual social circles realized she had quite an interest in me, despite the lack of communication. Last night she was in attendance to the same party I was. Her advances were quite obvious, at one point she even said "We should go to the bathroom together" to which I hastily declined for numerous reasons. Primarily because I'm asexual. After that encounter I sat down with her and explained everything. She was disappointed, drunk and upset but it was nessessary. We ended up cuddling to sleep due to sleeping arrangements but otherwise nothing else happend. In the morning I re-affirmed that her feelings for me are not mutual in that way. Again disappointed but accepting of the reality. We are now currently friends!


To close; when there is interest from anyone that you do not wish. I know rejection is a difficult and scary thing to do but in my opinion it's better to close than to lead on. I still know they both have feelings for me, but the reality is that it will not be acted upon, period. I can remain friends with them knowing they have feelings/ sexual desires for me (Looking at 'M' here) because to me its not awkward. You can't control emotions but you can certainly control actions. What they do next following the rejection is their choice.

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Hmm. Well. As the recipient of unwanted attention, I try and cut down the amount I talk to them and essentially hide so they don't think I'm interested or 'leading them on'. Having been the interested one, I, er, usually flirt in a very awkward manner until I do something embarrassing enough to make me run away or I get over it or they're in a relationship or one of us moves somewhere else.

It's not a good way to act, I don't recommend it. At the moment I'm going for the 'Oh god I hope it doesn't look like I'm flirting' technique and praying nobody finds out and hoping I'll get over it in time because I have no intentions of it going anywhere.

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My experience has been that when I tried to let a girl down gently, it resulted in a "What's wrong with me?!" type of reaction. Granted this was during high school where the girls in question were a hormonal mess, but, that was the most common response. So, to combat this, I lied. I created a girlfriend out of complete cloth, and claimed to be in a relationship, and that is why I was rejecting them. It was much easier on their ego.

This is not a good option unless you have a whole conspiracy going to back you up, which I did. A few of my friends were in the know, and they claimed eyewitness accounts of the girl, and to know her and so on. It worked for me, but I would not recommend it for others.

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@Zash:

Trust me... I did that already...

Fooled everyone...

Both the the girl I wanted to fool and (accidentally) the one I actually gave a damn about.

I only just in the end realized that I fooled everyone....

However keeping such lie up is very mentally taxing...

I always use my 1st "pseudo crushes" name, as I can very well remember it.

Also I somehow know all birthdays and full names of ppl that seemed likeable to me...

(Luckily have only been less than a hand full, most of them 'fake' due to my brain trying to cope with my aceness back then ?)

I think I hold onto crushes as long as possible, in order to prevent me from getring new ones....

Its a very effective countermeasure...

Both a curse and a blessing.

You can't control emotions but you can certainly control actions.

Well said mister *hat off*

I guess I couldn't have it put better.

In theory that is exacly my stsnce.

However being in proximity of said person always changes the situation quite much, as it is different to deal with emotions first hand...

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I've been in this situation a few times at work, and since I tend toward hypersensitive I have a pretty good 'radar' when someone is starting to crush on me. You can tell when you start to get "the look", excessive eye contact, a grin that's a bit over the top for a work conversation, and other subtle clues. I've just kept the conversation going in a humorous vein, limiting eye contact myself, and presenting the image that I'm clueless about the other person's interest. This usually landed the other person's emotional flight without any direct discussion about it.

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I seem to have a personal kill switch, if someone likes me, I freak out and end that relationship in its tracks or look for any way out I can.

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Maybe you could tell one of her friends, who could then let her know. (This can help to eliminate embarrassment)

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If it happens just be cool about it and nicely say youre flattered but no thanks. People wont force themselves on you in general.

Ive been hit on at work and just did not play along as I was professional about it and changed topics and they got that hint and didnt push it any further

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If it happens just be cool about it and nicely say youre flattered but no thanks. People wont force themselves on you in general.

Ive been hit on at work and just did not play along as I was professional about it and changed topics and they got that hint and didnt push it any further

That is a very good point, If I keep in mind that people will not force themselves on me it will be much easier.

I won't have to risk any emotional and relationship repercussions when I evade the advances and it also makes it easier to befriend them.

I should learn to master this technique.

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