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How Do You Feel About Labels?


amelia89

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I'm new, so I'm not sure if this forum is the right place for this topic. If not, feel free to move it.



I'm on the fence about using labels when it comes to sexual identity. On one hand I believe that people aren't compartmental, you can't expect to neatly sort them into boxes. There's no classification, no matter how well thought-out, that could perfectly capture the spectrum of sexual identity. Sexual identity is subjective and has infinite possibilities and in order to make a labeling system we need to make it general and only allow finite possibilities.



I believe I might be somewhere in the demisexual realm, but I haven't given myself a label because the idea of committing to a "box" seems very restricting. I'm worried that attaching a label to myself will cause details about my own unique sexual identity to be lost in translation. Yet sometimes I find myself wishing that I had a label. It would be nice to have a single word or phrase to identify with. Something short and simple that I could tell other people when they ask about my sexual identity rather than giving them an essay response. I think a label would give me a sense of belonging that has always alluded me when it comes to this sort of stuff.



I do believe using labels can be helpful, but I also think they need to be taken with a grain of salt. Anyway, I'd love to hear your thoughts about labels. Do you believe in using labels? Why or why not?


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The more I speak and learn about them, the less they are meaningful for myself.
Traditionaly, societies tend to control people feelings and behaviors through labelling. With such strategy, minorities are more visible and thus more targeted by social pressures and expectations.

But labels can't define a person, they are just basic indicators.

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Hello! I remember when I first found Aven many years ago.... I was desperate to figure out which label fit me. I read every thread that at all piqued my interest, and I analyzed every little detail trying to find similarities with myself. Looking back, I don't think it was the label I wanted so much as the sense of self-understanding that I thought would come with it. I guess I've done a 180 because, at this time in my life, I find labels to be pretty useless. I know what I like and don't like, and I know what I feel and don't feel. If someone I was close to or in a relationship with wanted to talk about sexuality, I wouldn't just give them a one or two-word label to sum up myself and then change the topic. I would describe what I liked and/or didn't like and what I felt and/or didn't feel. The level of detail would depend on the relationship, but I don't think I would just allow the label to do the talking for me. My lack of interest in labels even means that I now have a hard time reading some of the posts and threads on Aven. I just find myself bored to pieces with the minutiae. However, I have no problem with others who are trying to understand or seek out labels for themselves.

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I actually don't mind labels, because those are the foundations of the communities that have made me feel less alone in the things I feel. Knowing that there's a word for what I feel makes me feel a sort of validation that it exists and that it's normal. However, I also feel like labels shouldn't dictate our lives, and that there shouldn't be a label for every minor deviation from a preconceived norm of sexual and romantic attraction. I don't know if there's any way we can reach a balance with that as a community or as a society or a world, but that's how I view it for myself.

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Labels are only good if you find them helpful. If saying 'I'm asexual' groups a whole bunch of different feelings and thoughts together in a way that makes it easier to think about then their good. If they create too many fixed ideas that make them less helpful then their not. It depends on the situation and the person, also the conversation. Labels should only make life easier, if they don't don't use them. Don't forget also that your not necessarily comitted to the label and you can always elaborate and explain the exact in's and out's of it later.

For instance right, I can label myself here as whatever bucket list of things I'm feeling most described my understand of myself best this week

To other Asexuals in person I go with Aromantic Asexual, because its easier to understand and covers the basics

To my friends Asexual, they don't really need to understand the aromantic bit, its kinda assumed anyway

In Christian circles, Single for Life. Its true and the reasons for it do very much include the fact I'm asexual. But for them its a new label that's not necessary and goes into a level of detail that only complicates a label that's already established and considering we're going to be discussing the practicality of how my singleness related to my life around God, why I'm going to be this way doesn't matter.

I hope you get my point, that labels are only as useful as you find them in the moment and that this can be a fluid and changing thing and depend on circumstances.

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I love labels, I think they are fun and I love organizing. My favorite topic is me, so what could be better really than having fancy words for...well...me? :D

I wouldnt use a label unless I feel that it is 100 % me though, they are not ment to be forced on.

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i use asexual very loosely and prefer not to go into any more detail. on here i'm comfortable saying i'm 'panromantic grey-asexual' etc etc but out in the real world people struggle enough trying to get their heads around asexuality. i would always be completely accommodating and accepting of other people's labels but they're just not really right for me in my day to day life. people who don't know i'm asexual sometimes refer to me as bisexual though, which makes me uncomfortable because it's just inaccurate. i'm not confident enough to correct them and explain though.

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Oh, one of these threads again. My opinion of them is still the same: they're tools and their use or harm depends entirely on the person wielding them. Think of a hammer, you can use it in a constructive way but you can also bash your skull in with it. It's up to you. Personally, I'm happy to have the labels I found here because they taught me it's okay to be this way.

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I like having a word for it. But when people ask me in "real life", the baffled looks on their faces demand a longer answer. Sometimes it's best to just evade answering the question.

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I was relieved to find the asexual label, but other than this I'm not so sure. All of this labels make me dizzy, I don't want to think too much in what exact box I match, all I know for sure is that I am ace :)

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I think labels can be very helpful for people who are trying to figure themselves out. I don't personally use the labels that I use on AVEN in "the real world" though. Partly because I'm very comfy in my closet. And partly because I don't really have a need. For my family, it's easier to say that I'm too busy with college to care about finding a relationship than to try and explain asexuality to them. And that's without bringing in romantic orientations and squishes and all the other categories that can be helpful to those in the ace community.

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They don't define who you are, but are useful as long as you have need of them,

A bit like flicking the light switch on to walk up the stairs, when you get to the top you don't need it, but when you want to go back down you mite want to flick the switch again :P

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It's a natural part of who we are as human beings to break off into groups. We love to categorize each other and take pride in being part of our own special group even when we don't necessarily fit the label perfectly. It has upsides and downsides.

Generally, people are overly harsh when it comes to labels. There's no need to feel guilty about it or stress over every little detail of a label to see if you are a perfect match. I believe most people are happier if they have a word that describes them with a fair degree of accuracy.

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I don't have a problem with labels provided they are only used assigned by the person they're about, and provided they help that person understand themselves better and/or help them explain themselves to others as needed - for instance when considering dating someone, and so forth. But I have to say I find some of the labels downright confusing and wonder if they sometimes defeat their purpose by either obfuscating or being too specific.

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I don't really have a problem with labels. They help us describe situations and meanings with a word. It's easier to say 'Asexual' than to try and explain to someone all the experiences you've ever had in life. As long as someone is assigning their own labels and someone else is telling you where you have to fit in, then I see no problem. Even at that, don't become so wrapped up in the label that you limit yourself from going outside the label. A label is just a word used to describe - it isn't an electric fence you can't leave.

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I really like labels, it might sound kind of pathetic but without them I feel lost, confused, like I don't even know myself. Not knowing what I am that makes up who I am makes me very anxious. It's why every time I start questioning things I get really freaked to figure out how accurate my current labels and change them if necessary. Even if there's not an exact word for what I identify as just knowing I've figured out the words to explain it really help me feel more at ease. I get why some people don't like labels and/or don't use them for themselves but for me personally, I really like them.

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In the end, I think it's best to think of labels more as a home than as a box. Many people can share one home, and they are all their own person, but are together, a family.

I can't pinpoint what it is, but this just has it. I love it.

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Labels are very vague but can be helpful in certain situations, I guess.

I have preferences, limitations and openness to different situations though. I feel a lot of different things and a label will never be able to condense that.

rather than giving them an essay response

Just wanted to add; it's probably better to look at your identity as something simple and vague rather than long and complicated. Most labels are really just about what gender(s) you're attracted to; not preferences, circumstances, etc. Use whatever fits you best. Personally, I feel like an essay response is really only needed when you're discussing your sexuality with a partner for obvious reasons; other people don't need to know and can accept the more vague labels.

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Just wanted to add; it's probably better to look at your identity as something simple and vague rather than long and complicated. Most labels are really just about what gender(s) you're attracted to; not preferences, circumstances, etc. Use whatever fits you best. Personally, I feel like an essay response is really only needed when you're discussing your sexuality with a partner for obvious reasons; other people don't need to know and can accept the more vague labels.

That is a good point. I'm always afraid to explain my sexuality to people because, to me, it's complicated, and I don't feel comfortable giving a lengthy explanation about something so personal. But, you're right, I don't need to give people the whole story if they ask, I can just give them a vague idea and be ok with them not having a complete understanding. That seems way less intimidating.

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romantic-woman

I prefer to have labels or others to have labels although that we may change them many times, it is a way to find people who understand you and have similar thought as you have.

The problem is that everyone gives his/her own meaning to the labels that he/she uses so there it might be a confusion

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FireBendingAce

I think that if a label and/or labels in general are helpful to you or help you communicate with others, then you should feel free to use them. However, if trying to label yourself is more of a stress than it is a help, then fuck it! Nobody has any obligation to label themselves and everyone should respect that as well.

And hey, it's totally possible for a person to feel like they need to label one part of themselves, but not another! For example, I do label myself as asexual quite frequently because 1. I feel like it's a bigger part of my life and a bigger part of my interactions with other people than any other orientation label I have and 2. It makes me feel connected to a greater community of people who I know have similar feelings/experiences. It helps me be proud of and comfortable with who I am.

However, I do not often bother with identifying my romantic orientation. I mean, I do call myself demiromantic on here, just because it's closest.. but I don't identify with it nearly as strongly because I don't feel like there are any existing terms that describe my romantic tendancies in a useful fashion. Finding a term is more hassle and confusion than it's worth.

The only thing that I think absolutely, 100% should be avoided is either forcing labels on other people, or not allowing them to choose their own. When I came out to my mom as asexual, she made a HUGE deal about how "she doesn't like labels" and thus was uncomfortable with me using them/didn't want me to come out to too many other people. That made me factually feel REALLY limited in trying to communicate myself and my experiences. I wasn't trying to label her- hell, if she really wanted to ignore my label in every conversation after that, she could've- but my choice to align myself with a label should have been MY choice alone.

Labels are manmade creations. They can be useful in some ways, just as they are cumbersome or counterproductive in others.

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Labels are fine unless they are itchy. Then I have to cut them off the garment.

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Labels are fine unless they are itchy. Then I have to cut them off the garment.

After reading all those serious posts, this^^ was so worth it

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I think they're important to me. I have 10 thousand labels but I feel as though the more I know about myself, the more confident I'll be about myself in life.

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I know who I am so I don't need a label for myself. It was very important to me finding out that asexuality as a descriptor of (lack of) certain feelings, and it's important that people find out that asexuality is an orientation, but I don't think it's important that we sit around trying to attach a label to each and every feeling that we have.

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Labels have a time and place, they are convenient way of describing yourself to someone outside your general "group", I love Teagan's explanation of them being like a home.
I always felt out of place, and it's good to find groups of people under a "label" that have similar qualities to feel you fit in somewhere.
I find labels are only bad if the intended use is bad, or if you feel someone needs to be exactly something to fit in the box that is a label.

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WhenSummersGone

I think they can be helpful and a good way to connect with others. There are some labels I don't care about though like a sensual and an aesthetic orientation. I don't think people should have too many labels for themselves.

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On a side note, I noticed for myself that the more comfortable I grew about my sexual and romantic orientation the less I feel like I need the labels - except of course when talking about a specific topic that requires these terms. Overall, I may still walk around calling myself an aromantic asexual but in the end I'm so much more than that and I am confident in who I am. The labels are useful but I can safely leave them aside most of the time now. However, it is thanks to them that I have gotten so far, because as I mentioned in my other post here, they taught me it's okay to be that way in the first place.

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