mayadee Posted December 10, 2014 Share Posted December 10, 2014 I'm guilty of faking enjoying sex. First of all because my allosexual husband does not know nor would he acknowledge or respect asexuality. Second because I can't imagine how sex would look like If I didn't fake it. I'm guessing it would look too awkward. :redface: To asexuals like me who do not enjoy intercourse, do you also fake it? if you don't , how do you do it? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
EdenRose Posted December 10, 2014 Share Posted December 10, 2014 I don't do it, so no need to fake. ^^ Quote Link to post Share on other sites
The Great WTF Posted December 10, 2014 Share Posted December 10, 2014 I wouldn't have sex with someone I needed to fake it for. My partner knows I'm asexual and understands I'm just not wired for it like he is. I wouldn't be with him if he did not. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
mayadee Posted December 10, 2014 Author Share Posted December 10, 2014 I'm sure you're not, but that's neither healthy nor (likely) sustainable. You really need to communicate with your husband at some point. Honestly it's disrespectful I him if you don't. It's also disrespectful to yourself, come to think of it. P.S. You don't need to use all caps in your title. It looks like you're shouting at everyone. The culture of society here is very patriarchal. I live in the Philippines where "asexuality" is still an "alien" word. If I tell my husband, he would only think that I have a dysfunction and he might go looking for other women to have sex with, women whom he could consider "functional". It's not like I enjoy faking or lying. I just feel I had to protect my marriage. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
The Great WTF Posted December 10, 2014 Share Posted December 10, 2014 Why would you want to be married to someone you have to lie to? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
binary suns Posted December 10, 2014 Share Posted December 10, 2014 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Fruity<3 Posted December 10, 2014 Share Posted December 10, 2014 I've never faked it before. I'm in the same boat as The Great WTF. I would never be with someone that didn't respect my asexuality. I would be lying to myself and to them if I tried to fake it. Granted people in the States are more accepting, but only a handful of people I brought up asexuality to actually knew what it was. I've had to explain in extensive detail what it is to everyone else haha Quote Link to post Share on other sites
yellow Posted December 10, 2014 Share Posted December 10, 2014 I have faked enjoyment before, as it was just something I felt obligated to do for the sake of the relationship. I'm no longer putting myself in situations where I have to pretend, but I understand how complicated and difficult it can be. Hugs to you! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted December 10, 2014 Share Posted December 10, 2014 If I had to lie to my partner and "fake" sex, I would simply leave him. That would be an awful, depressing way to live for me. And would make me really resent/hate the relationship eventually. My philosophy is if I have to lie to protect the relationship, it's not worth protecting to begin with. Note: That is me and you are free to choose whatever you want for your own life. And yes, that picture is kinda how it is haha I don't play solitaire though, I just lay there and run song lyrics or something through my head until he's done. Or, we use oral instead, where my bored look can't even be seen. :P Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted December 10, 2014 Share Posted December 10, 2014 I faked enjoyment of sex with my hypersexual ex for five years, but that's because he specifically asked/told me to.. I didn't know about asexuality, I just knew sex (oral, penetration, and form of being touched down there) was a painful and tedious experience that I had absolutely no desire for or enjoyment of. I figured however that there was just something wrong with me, so believed I had a duty to give it to him in the ways that he wanted, every time that he wanted it (usually twice a day) *and* pretend to enjoy it if he requested. It didn't matter how well I faked it though, he'd still always end up yelling at me because I'd accidentally yawn or start biting/picking my cubicles without knowing it.Also, I'm not sure if others are aware, but faking enjoyment can actually help your sexual partner finish a *lot* faster, even if they know you are faking lol. Even if they know you are faking, they get off on the noise or something and finish a heck of a lot faster than if you just lie there like a stiff plank, so if you really don't enjoy sex (like me) faking it can actually be in your best interest to get it over faster. That can however backfire and they sometimes try to make it last longer *because* they think you're enjoying it and want to make that last, so yeah, you gotta know your partner.I'd count down from 500,try to do timestables and things in my head while it was happening. I'm *really* bad at maths, so it took a *massive* amount of brain power to try and count without mucking it up. If I mucked it up, my punishment was having to start again from 500 lolEDIT: That was many years ago though. I'm now in a long-term relationship with another asexual, so yay, no more sex! :P Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Smmk Posted December 10, 2014 Share Posted December 10, 2014 I don't exactly fake it...but I do pretend to like it a little more than I actually do. I don't mind sex and even enjoy it at times. But I am quite neutral about it and during it I am busy with reminding myself what I must act like and such. Not because I want to lie to my partner, but because I don't want to ruin the mood for him. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
averylongwalk Posted December 10, 2014 Share Posted December 10, 2014 This is actually how I usually connect with people. If actions are louder than words then two people can learn more from physical compatibility than they can from any conversation; however, I don't believe this means only sex. It has more to do with how you act and react to each other or if we work well as a team. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
binary suns Posted December 10, 2014 Share Posted December 10, 2014 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
mayadee Posted December 10, 2014 Author Share Posted December 10, 2014 Why would you want to be married to someone you have to lie to? LOL I didn't marry someone so I could have someone to lie to LMAO! it's because I am a romatic asexual and I love family, I wanted to have my own family too. I wanted to have children and a husband...a family. ^_^ Quote Link to post Share on other sites
mayadee Posted December 10, 2014 Author Share Posted December 10, 2014 I have faked enjoyment before, as it was just something I felt obligated to do for the sake of the relationship. I'm no longer putting myself in situations where I have to pretend, but I understand how complicated and difficult it can be. Hugs to you! thank you for the hugs ^_^ Quote Link to post Share on other sites
mayadee Posted December 10, 2014 Author Share Posted December 10, 2014 I don't exactly fake it...but I do pretend to like it a little more than I actually do. I don't mind sex and even enjoy it at times. But I am quite neutral about it and during it I am busy with reminding myself what I must act like and such. Not because I want to lie to my partner, but because I don't want to ruin the mood for him. ...exactly I can imagine that it will most certainly ruin the mood for an allosexual. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
The Great WTF Posted December 10, 2014 Share Posted December 10, 2014 Why would you want to be married to someone you have to lie to? LOL I didn't marry someone so I could have someone to lie to LMAO! it's because I am a romatic asexual and I love family, I wanted to have my own family too. I wanted to have children and a husband...a family. ^_^ I wouldn't be able to do that. I'd rather be alone than build a family with someone who I know would not respect me as I really am. I certainly wouldn't want someone like that raising my children and passing their values on to them. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
mayadee Posted December 10, 2014 Author Share Posted December 10, 2014 it's more like that for me, what Smmk said. In the activity, I need to focus on what I'm doing, and I expect part of what sex is to my partner is enjoying it, and so the mechanics of sex is what I need to perform for them, and part of those mechanics is expressing enjoyment in some way, be it smiling or non-lingual sounds or actually expressing some manner of word or phrase... if it's my role to turn them on and the sound of moaning turns them on, then it is my responsibility to do so I don't really think of it as lying. Of course, if my partner thinks that I love them sexually and that is why we are having sex, then I do think it is lying, but if they know I don't love them in that specific way, or they are having sex with me for other reasons, is it really a lie? If your partner "knows" already that you are really not someone who enjoys sex and yet he witnesses you "acting" like you are enjoying sex...would that not be "weird" for your partner? Personally if I'd be in the allosexual's shoes and "know" that my partner was just acting...I think I'd find that weird...even funny I guess...I might not be able to control myself from laughing..seriously. ^_^ but that's just me of course. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Kulukan Posted December 10, 2014 Share Posted December 10, 2014 I don't fake enjoying sex because, like a lot of aromantics, I don't have it. I do, however, make all the same perverted jokes and occasionally pretend I'm straight when I'm hanging out with guys that aren't yet my friends. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted December 10, 2014 Share Posted December 10, 2014 it's more like that for me, what Smmk said. In the activity, I need to focus on what I'm doing, and I expect part of what sex is to my partner is enjoying it, and so the mechanics of sex is what I need to perform for them, and part of those mechanics is expressing enjoyment in some way, be it smiling or non-lingual sounds or actually expressing some manner of word or phrase... if it's my role to turn them on and the sound of moaning turns them on, then it is my responsibility to do so I don't really think of it as lying. Of course, if my partner thinks that I love them sexually and that is why we are having sex, then I do think it is lying, but if they know I don't love them in that specific way, or they are having sex with me for other reasons, is it really a lie? Yeah, I don't consider it a lie if your partner knows you aren't into them sexually. I would be annoyed though. I can do sex, but I won't pretend to enjoy it. If someone doesn't like that, too bad, so sad. :lol: Quote Link to post Share on other sites
binary suns Posted December 10, 2014 Share Posted December 10, 2014 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
mayadee Posted December 11, 2014 Author Share Posted December 11, 2014 I faked enjoyment of sex with my hypersexual ex for five years, but that's because he specifically asked/told me to.. I didn't know about asexuality, I just knew sex (oral, penetration, and form of being touched down there) was a painful and tedious experience that I had absolutely no desire for or enjoyment of. I figured however that there was just something wrong with me, so believed I had a duty to give it to him in the ways that he wanted, every time that he wanted it (usually twice a day) *and* pretend to enjoy it if he requested. It didn't matter how well I faked it though, he'd still always end up yelling at me because I'd accidentally yawn or start biting/picking my cubicles without knowing it. Also, I'm not sure if others are aware, but faking enjoyment can actually help your sexual partner finish a *lot* faster, even if they know you are faking lol. Even if they know you are faking, they get off on the noise or something and finish a heck of a lot faster than if you just lie there like a stiff plank, so if you really don't enjoy sex (like me) faking it can actually be in your best interest to get it over faster. That can however backfire and they sometimes try to make it last longer *because* they think you're enjoying it and want to make that last, so yeah, you gotta know your partner. And re. I'd count down from 500,try to do timestables and things in my head while it was happening. I'm *really* bad at maths, so it took a *massive* amount of brain power to try and count without mucking it up. If I mucked it up, my punishment was having to start again from 500 lol EDIT: That was many years ago though. I'm now in a long-term relationship with another asexual, so yay, no more sex! :P I find this hilarious and so true for me. but it also makes me sad and envious knowing that I'm still in this same situation. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
WhenSummersGone Posted December 11, 2014 Share Posted December 11, 2014 I haven't had sex in over 7 years but I have faked being interested lots in my teen years for only attention. I didn't even pretend to enjoy it. I just waited for it to be over. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
imgone Posted December 11, 2014 Share Posted December 11, 2014 Mmmmwell... I communicate with my partner about what I am enjoying and what feels good, or what I'm indifferent about... And I don't sugarcoat the fact that I'm not sexually attracted to him. That being said during sex I am naturally very *ahem* vocal. :redface: Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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