mayadee Posted December 10, 2014 Share Posted December 10, 2014 I WONDER IF OTHER ASEXUALS INITIATE OR ASK FOR SEX? BECAUSE I NEVER DO. AND I WAS WONDERING ABOUT THE OTHERS. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Mostly Peaceful Ryan Posted December 10, 2014 Share Posted December 10, 2014 Some do when they are in a relationship with a sexual as a compromise or to make there partner happy. It makes it easier cause then the asexual has control over when sex is happening in the relationship and it doesn't turn into the sexual in the relationship having to deal with a lot of rejection. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
mayadee Posted December 10, 2014 Author Share Posted December 10, 2014 I am married to an sexual and my husband does not know I'm asexual. I have heard him complain as to why I never initiate sex and I was completely speechless. I just couldn't bring myself to ask for sex (especially because I don't feel anything when having sex) , it's like...a matter of dignity to me or something...i don't know. I can fake enjoying sex, I don't understand why I can't fake wanting to have sex Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Mostly Peaceful Ryan Posted December 10, 2014 Share Posted December 10, 2014 I am married to an sexual and my husband does not know I'm asexual. I have heard him complain as to why I never initiate sex and I was completely speechless. I just couldn't bring myself to ask for sex (especially because I don't feel anything when having sex) , it's like...a matter of dignity to me or something...i don't know. I can fake enjoying sex, I don't understand why I can't fake wanting to have sex I don't think it is always faking wanting it, some find joy in just making their partner happy and it is one way to do that. A person I dated once made me cookies even though they didn't like cooking they enjoyed doing it for me. (now I want a cookie) Quote Link to post Share on other sites
mayadee Posted December 10, 2014 Author Share Posted December 10, 2014 I am married to an sexual and my husband does not know I'm asexual. I have heard him complain as to why I never initiate sex and I was completely speechless. I just couldn't bring myself to ask for sex (especially because I don't feel anything when having sex) , it's like...a matter of dignity to me or something...i don't know. I can fake enjoying sex, I don't understand why I can't fake wanting to have sex I don't think it is always faking wanting it, some find joy in just making their partner happy and it is one way to do that. A person I dated once made me cookies even though they didn't like cooking they enjoyed doing it for me. (now I want a cookie) now that you mentioned it...no i never did feel like wanting to make my husband happy (or even see him happy) through sex or by initiating sex. every time we are going to have sex and when I see him excited with that naughty grin across his face all I could think about was "meh I wish none of this was necessary!". ...but I do care for my husband and I sometimes even feel romantic towards him. and I do offer him massage to make him happy but that is all I can offer. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Smmk Posted December 10, 2014 Share Posted December 10, 2014 I never initiate sex and my partner thought it was odd at first. But now that we are both aware of my lack of sexual desire he has accepted it without being difficult about it. He likes to seduce me anyway :P Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Mostly Peaceful Ryan Posted December 10, 2014 Share Posted December 10, 2014 I am married to an sexual and my husband does not know I'm asexual. I have heard him complain as to why I never initiate sex and I was completely speechless. I just couldn't bring myself to ask for sex (especially because I don't feel anything when having sex) , it's like...a matter of dignity to me or something...i don't know. I can fake enjoying sex, I don't understand why I can't fake wanting to have sex I don't think it is always faking wanting it, some find joy in just making their partner happy and it is one way to do that. A person I dated once made me cookies even though they didn't like cooking they enjoyed doing it for me. (now I want a cookie) now that you mentioned it...no i never did feel like wanting to make my husband happy (or even see him happy) through sex or by initiating sex. every time we are going to have sex and when I see him excited with that naughty grin across his face all I could think about was "meh I wish none of this was necessary!". ...but I do care for my husband and I sometimes even feel romantic towards him. Maybe talking to him about your feelings would be best then. Faking enjoying something you don't is draining, Quote Link to post Share on other sites
mayadee Posted December 10, 2014 Author Share Posted December 10, 2014 I am married to an sexual and my husband does not know I'm asexual. I have heard him complain as to why I never initiate sex and I was completely speechless. I just couldn't bring myself to ask for sex (especially because I don't feel anything when having sex) , it's like...a matter of dignity to me or something...i don't know. I can fake enjoying sex, I don't understand why I can't fake wanting to have sex I don't think it is always faking wanting it, some find joy in just making their partner happy and it is one way to do that. A person I dated once made me cookies even though they didn't like cooking they enjoyed doing it for me. (now I want a cookie) now that you mentioned it...no i never did feel like wanting to make my husband happy (or even see him happy) through sex or by initiating sex. every time we are going to have sex and when I see him excited with that naughty grin across his face all I could think about was "meh I wish none of this was necessary!". ...but I do care for my husband and I sometimes even feel romantic towards him. Maybe talking to him about your feelings would be best then. Faking enjoying something you don't is draining, It is. and it makes me feel bad and guilty too. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
mayadee Posted December 10, 2014 Author Share Posted December 10, 2014 Maybe talking to him about your feelings would be best then. Faking enjoying something you don't is draining, I can't imagine having sex with an allosexual and not fake enjoying. Wouldn't it look too awkward? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Mostly Peaceful Ryan Posted December 10, 2014 Share Posted December 10, 2014 Maybe talking to him about your feelings would be best then. Faking enjoying something you don't is draining, I can't imagine having sex with an allosexual and not fake enjoying. Wouldn't it look too awkward? Hehe I'm not sure I think maybe someone else will have an answer better then mine. I am not experienced with this problem. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
paperwishes Posted December 10, 2014 Share Posted December 10, 2014 I never initiate. Before I knew I was asexual, a couple of my boyfriends had brought it up and I always felt confused. I didn't even realise it was something I was supposed to do. So for their sake I would try to remember to initiate if I felt up to it but then they would reject me! I didn't see the point. When I found out about asexuality I was like "OHHHH that's why I did that!" Quote Link to post Share on other sites
FaerieCakes Posted December 10, 2014 Share Posted December 10, 2014 Married here. I don't initiate, I don't have to really... he always wants it So we just compromise. He knows I'm asexual and he's okay with that, compromising works well for us so long as it's spaced out. I get anxiety if he pressures me outside of our "deal". Quote Link to post Share on other sites
EdenRose Posted December 10, 2014 Share Posted December 10, 2014 I, personally, don't. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Fruity<3 Posted December 10, 2014 Share Posted December 10, 2014 Even though there has been periods of me wanting sex I've never initiated it. I was just really confused how to go about it. Seduction doesn't work on me, so I didn't know how it worked... In retrospect, it'd be easier if I just literally asked for it. Maybe I'll just do that now haha. I suppose I'm an odd ace. Even though sex doesn't do much for me physically and I'm not attracted to people, I like the closeness and the activity. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Keels Posted December 10, 2014 Share Posted December 10, 2014 Nope. As a rule, I've never initiated. (There are probably exceptions, but rare, and rarely memorable.) Up to now, all I've been able to do is lamely say, I suck at initiating. Now, though, asexuality gives me a whole new way of looking at it -- a way which fits in not only with never initiating actual sexual encounters with existing sexual partners, but also of never having been the one to move any relationship into a sexual phase in the first place. This has been pretty confusing, and also generally unhappy-making, for all involved. It's a relief, but also rueful, to maybe be arriving at this understanding after all these years. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
huzen Posted December 10, 2014 Share Posted December 10, 2014 . Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted December 11, 2014 Share Posted December 11, 2014 I never initiate, really. It's more a I try to avoid having it, so why would I ask when that would mean possibly MORE sex? However, that's because my partner can't handle less than 4-6 times per week ... if it was less often, I probably would, just because it's something I know sexuals like. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Tsubaki Posted December 11, 2014 Share Posted December 11, 2014 I don't know about others, but I don't Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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