Asexuality but strong sex drive?

[ellastokes]

Does anybody deal with this? And how do you deal with it? How does the drive affect your romantic relationships (if you have them)/feelings towards people?

[Fire & Rain]

My libido has always been pretty strong.

How do I deal with it? By diddling myself :D Sorry, I can't help it. I have a very wild imagination and I watch them like a movie. I'm autochorissexual.

It has a significant impact on my romantic relationship. Even though I'm not sexually attracted to my partner my high libido, and being a sex positive asexual and sensually attracted to my partner kinda filled the place for the lack of sexual attraction for the most part. I think that I would not be into doing anything remotely sexual if it weren't for my high libido.

[ellastokes]

@Fire & Rain

how do you distinguish your libido from sexual attraction? Because, I feel fairly confident that I don't experience sexual attraction to other people, but inside there is still this pull to be sexual because I seek the 'feelings'. That willingness to participate in such an activity confuses me (even tho the fact it would have to involve other people can sometimes give me a headache).

[Fire & Rain]

@Fire & Rain

how do you distinguish your libido from sexual attraction? Because, I feel fairly confident that I don't experience sexual attraction to other people, but inside there is still this pull to be sexual because I seek the 'feelings'. That willingness to participate in such an activity confuses me (even tho the fact it would have to involve other people can sometimes give me a headache).

My definition (and AVEN's) of sexual attraction include lack of innate desire to have partnered sex. Not only I've never seen anyone as sexually attractive but I've also never felt that desire to have sex with them. At the end of the day I ask myself this one question "Who would I have sex with if I could have it in a way I like it and under my own circumstances?" My answer is always "Meh, no one. I'd rather masturbate."

I'm demisensual so I do feel this very intense sensual attraction towards my partner and I do get aroused when things get really sensual but I still don't desire partnered sex with them or find my partner sexually attractive.

[Fire & Rain]

You should also look into autochorissexualism. A disconnection between oneself and a sexual target/object of arousal; may involve sexual fantasies, or arousal in response to erotica or pornography, but lacking any desire to be a participant in the sexual activities therein. Commonly found in asexual people; an analogous feeling may occur in aromantic people for romantic fantasies.

Basically, I can't imaging myself having sex at all. Therefore, I don't have the desire to participate in partnered sex.

[binary suns]

[Fire & Rain]

I think there is some sort of area, maybe covered by autochorissexualism, where a person isn't really asexual but isn't really experiencing sexual attraction, where they have some impulse or something along that line that either drives them to fantasies, or to actually partake in sex, but it is not the person that drives them but the experience. this area would cover both people who hope never to ACTUALLY have sex but enjoy sexual fantasy and perhaps even masturbation, and also cover people who DO hope to have sex but feel no attraction to any person, for whatever reason they want to have sex. I suspect I may be somewhere in the middle, or whatever. somewhere on the map, but not a clear pole of the map, maybe there is another pole than just the two I described, y'know?

Yeah, you explained it a lot better than I did lol

[binary suns]

[Fire & Rain]

I hope not though lol, I know nothing about autochorissexualism. unless you meant, that I explained the area better, and autochorissexualism is on the area, but does not cover all of it?

only because you guys seeded the thought :)

From what I understand autochorissexuals like the idea of sex but can't see themselves participating in one :)

[ellastokes]

@Teagan ASBNH

You have hit the mark exactly! In my mind, I can see myself desiring and having partnered sex just because of the feelings, and there is this, like you said, impulse. I don't typically get aroused by these fantasies even...but there is still this pull to have sex...and it's hard to identify why exactly it's there. I'm not sure I'd want to do anything in real life...I mean I've never seen a person that way, and I don't think I feel sexual attraction. I suppose if this is a real thing, it would fall in the gray area? I don't know, I feel so unsure.

btw, how do you quote someone? It never works for me.

[binary suns]

[mayadee]

Does anybody deal with this? And how do you deal with it? How does the drive affect your romantic relationships (if you have them)/feelings towards people?

I'm solo sexual my libido/ my sexual feelings/sexual desire/sexual drive...however you want to call it, only works for myself ( only by the power of my own hand) LOL

[mayadee]

I hope not though lol, I know nothing about autochorissexualism. unless you meant, that I explained the area better, and autochorissexualism is on the area, but does not cover all of it?

only because you guys seeded the thought :)

From what I understand autochorissexuals like the idea of sex but can't see themselves participating in one :)

I'm also an autochorrissexual. Personally, I don't even like the idea of sex , I don't even enjoy the sight of it and I can't see myself participating in one. I do watch soft porn but I skip the "deed" parts (the oral and the actual intercourse) . weird huh.

[binary suns]

[Tessc]

I most definitely match the definition of asexuality, but there are asexuals who would challenge my asexuality because they feel that someone asexual has zero interest in sex, and my interest is basically "it's easier than masturbating" so I fall somewhere in the libido'd area of the asexual spectrum. I'm not even sure I want to call my self "grey" or "demi" sexual, because if someone is in front of me I am made nervous by implications of any sexual interaction, and only want it when I'm alone because it's a theoretically preferred solution to the challenge of being a libido'd asexual, more like "I don't want to masturbate so the grass looks greener over there in the partnered sex area" xD

If I WOULD be "demi" it wouldn't be that once I am close I feel attraction, but rather once I am close I am willing to partake... and I'm pretty sure that's not the technical definition of demi =P But if some asexual person said angrily to me, "you're not asexual go play with the sexuals over there!" I would be hurt because I know as soon as I play with them in their sandbox they'll just tease me too for lying to them with my lack of interest in them, lack of a love that they understand and/or expect, by their rules :( I'd rather play in the asexual sandbox, because I understand their rules much much better and know how to laugh with them in an earnest way as we play bulldozer and firetruck saves barbie doll and king kong from the evil pinecone army

YES! I don't usually hold with labels of any kind, but when I came onto this site, I figured I'd give it a try. I cannot work out what I would be, though. I call myself grey because that can cover a multitude of sins (or lack thereof in this case) simply because I know I have a high libido. It's not directed at anyone and the thought of engaging in sex myself tends to make all feelings go away very quickly. I have only ever desired a partner when I was alone and couldn't be arsed to masturbate. I also have no idea if I could be demi either because I haven't ever gotten close enough to anyone to see if I could develop feelings for them :/

But back to the original question... I deal with it through masturbation or simply ignoring it until it goes away. :D

[mymeowmix]

I used to have a really high libido. However my attraction is more along the lines of reaction to stimulus or very particular situations. Without those being present in some way shape or form then arousal will not happen.

[sp4c34c3]

I think there is some sort of area, maybe covered by autochorissexualism, where a person isn't really asexual but isn't really experiencing sexual attraction, where they have some impulse or something along that line that either drives them to fantasies, or to actually partake in sex, but it is not the person that drives them but the experience. this area would cover both people who hope never to ACTUALLY have sex but enjoy sexual fantasy and perhaps even masturbation, and also cover people who DO hope to have sex but feel no attraction to any person, for whatever reason they want to have sex. I suspect I may be somewhere in the middle, or whatever. somewhere on the map, but not a clear pole of the map, maybe there is another pole than just the two I described, y'know?

nice description. If anybody wants more beyond all that has already been contributed, There's a research article that I found on AVEN but i dont remember exactly where I found it. I did download the article though, and this is the journal it is in and other info.

Journal: Archives of Sexual Behavior, 2012

Title: Asexuality and Autochorissexualism (Identity-less sexuality)

Author: Anthony F. Bogaert

Issue 41 pages 1513-1514

The article itself has a lot of additional valuable citations for anyone extremely interested in this. I am looking forward to see more work on this in the near future.

On a maybe unrelated note, I am finding it interesting hearing from people who say they get repulsed when their imagination has them picture having sex. This response to their imagination and the desire to find it repulsive leads them to be asexual.

[Laurens]

I've also sometimes thought my libido can be pretty high. However, I'm not sure what is considered to be high or low. It also depends on the time of the month (regarding to my menstruation, it seems to follow a pattern). I'm not sure how others experience their libido, but I tend to feel something is going on below and I take care of it until everything is relaxed again and then I go on doing what I wanted to do (mostly sleeping). This mostly happens mutiple times in a week and in high libido weeks every day and in low libido weeks zero or perhaps one time. To help myself during this act, I imagine often two imaginary/fictional persons having sex. I focus on the movements and not the persons (although I don't imagine random people, so the persons do mean something, I guess, but not my connection to them), not their naked body parts and not how close their bodies are to each other. This can, I think, to be considered a form of autochorissexualism.

I've thought about whether I can have sex with another person. I don't desire it obviously, but I also think it would be very difficult for me. I can use the other's person body like I would use a pillow during masturbation. But I would probably have to close my eyes, not think about their naked body (I think it would work better if they keep their clothes on) and the other person shouldn't be too active or get horny about my body or make comments about it or whatever. Basically, I have to pretend the other person isn't there, because the presence of the other person will spoil my pleasure. So nope lol I think I'm staying with masturbation, because it sounds easier and also more fun. But I've never actually tried sex, so perhaps I cannot know for certain? But yeah, I feel it in my bones or something like that. But I can be in doubt, like what if it would be totally different than I feel it would be and so on.. arrgh.

But if I HAVE to have sex (imagine your whole family and everyone you care about being killed if you don't have sex - yes I've an active imagination) I wouldn't mind if the person is male, female or other and I would rather do it with a complete stranger than someone I know or someone I have feelings for (in my case: something like a mix between crushes and squishes). So I'm not demi, I guess.

My libido has nothing to do with my crushes/squishes and therefore it doesn't effect my feelings for another person. I cannot have that kind of activity/desire/attraction in our connection, because it is different than I would our relationship to be like. If the other person develops sexual attraction to me, it is ruined for me, especially when they don't shut up about it or is really important for them. I want to connect with them on another level and this is ruined if the sexual level runs through it. (This has happened a few times with people I really liked and it sucks.)

It's like... you can sit with your cat on the couch and feel your libido, but you wouldn't have sex with your cat and probably even be grossed out about it. But you can still love the cat and cuddle the cat or scratch the cat behind his/her ears and stuff. But if you know the cat would like to jump on you and do sexual things with you, you would probably become disillusioned with your cat and you find yourself to be pretty uncomfortable when you're sitting with your cat on the couch. (I'm sorry I think my imagination is too active again ;))

I'm not sure what that tells about me or about my potential subcategory of asexuality, lol.

[binary suns]

[Laurens]

and those times, if we had sex, it was exactly as you described - I had to actively imagine that they weren't there and all that like you said.

Yes, thank you! Somehow I was afraid it sounded like I hate people, which I don't.

In a way, it is even logical. I mean, if exclusively homo- or heterosexual people have sex with someone of the wrong gender, mostly they also need fantasies to make it work, right? So they imagine someone of their prefered gender. Only we ace's have no gender we are attracted to at all, so we imagine literally nobody..

I think you are more open to have eventually sex with a partner than I am, but I agree it sounds like asexual with libido. I don't feel like the whole autochorissexualism makes a difference to this or should be added as a separate category.

[butterflydreams]

My libido has always been pretty strong.

How do I deal with it? By diddling myself :D Sorry, I can't help it. I have a very wild imagination and I watch them like a movie. I'm autochorissexual.

It has a significant impact on my romantic relationship. Even though I'm not sexually attracted to my partner my high libido, and being a sex positive asexual and sensually attracted to my partner kinda filled the place for the lack of sexual attraction for the most part. I think that I would not be into doing anything remotely sexual if it weren't for my high libido.

Hahaha, ok, this was smile worthy. :)

My libido has been really unpredictable since I got out of college. Heh, depression and associated meds will do that I suppose. When it is high, I'm a bit like Fire & Rain, just take care of it. Absolutely not going to go seeking out a partner for that purpose. That much I know for sure. If a partner was already around, I might relieve it with them, but only if they were interested in it as well. Basically, they'd have to initiate, because I just wouldn't. I suppose there is this "masturbation is what you do when you can't have sex" mentality, but really? I seriously doubt it'll live up to the hype. For the most part, I can take care of myself, and life goes on. The times I can't, sex with someone else surely isn't going to help.

[binary suns]

[ellastokes]

there is this term cupiosexual which seems to fit what I described. Not experiencing sexual attraction, but for whatever reason, wanting to do the do anyways.

idk if I'm asexual. A lot of people say they feel nothing when people do things to their body--they feel bored and nothing goes on mentally--but when I think about it....I imagine that I'd get very into it/lost in it.

[i'm very confused...TMI ALERT...I can have mental orgasms...just reading the word moaning can trigger one, so when I imagine sexual things...they happen. I'm really convinced it will feel the way it does in my mind...so that contributes to thinking....yea...I'd probably be into the whole thing mentally n' all (bc that's how it is in my mind at least)...even tho there isn't really anyone I'd desire to do it with. It all makes me wonder tho, if the real thing turns out to be a flop...I really wouldn't be interested in it at all. If that was the case, the MO are giving false signals.]

But outside of the imagined situation, I don't really experience sexual attraction or desire to really be with anyone. (after some thought, there are 3 instances that I'm investigating to see if it could have been sexual attraction).

[binary suns]

[sp4c34c3]

there is this term cupiosexual which seems to fit what I described. Not experiencing sexual attraction, but for whatever reason, wanting to do the do anyways.

idk if I'm asexual. A lot of people say they feel nothing when people do things to their body--they feel bored and nothing goes on mentally--but when I think about it....I imagine that I'd get very into it/lost in it.

[i'm very confused...TMI ALERT...I can have mental orgasms...just reading the word moaning can trigger one, so when I imagine sexual things...they happen. I'm really convinced it will feel the way it does in my mind...so that contributes to thinking....yea...I'd probably be into the whole thing mentally n' all (bc that's how it is in my mind at least)...even tho there isn't really anyone I'd desire to do it with. It all makes me wonder tho, if the real thing turns out to be a flop...I really wouldn't be interested in it at all. If that was the case, the MO are giving false signals.]

But outside of the imagined situation, I don't really experience sexual attraction or desire to really be with anyone. (after some thought, there are 3 instances that I'm investigating to see if it could have been sexual attraction).

I know how you feel, and maybe it is hard to describe for you, I know it is for me.

I was thinking about it a bit, and for me the bottom line is, I would rather just be left alone to myself. Then I do what I do and at the end of the day nobody knows and I am happy. Maybe it's different for you. I read up a bit on that autochorissexual stuff, and it sort of clicks but I feel like I am missing something. Maybe the imagination part is throwing me off.

[SMW22792]

I'm an asexual with a high libido. Yes I do touch myself when it's necessary. ^_^

[Hooded_Crow]

*raises hand*

Relatively regular libido here, but still.

I include my partner in the process, because I love him and we enjoy being close to each other and making each other feel good. I also masturbate on my own but not nearly as often now that I'm in a relationship and I have the opportunity of making it a shared experience to increase our intimacy. It's nicer now, and I feel less conflicted about it than I used to feel.

[dabishop]

there is this term cupiosexual which seems to fit what I described. Not experiencing sexual attraction, but for whatever reason, wanting to do the do anyways.

idk if I'm asexual. A lot of people say they feel nothing when people do things to their body--they feel bored and nothing goes on mentally--but when I think about it....I imagine that I'd get very into it/lost in it.

[i'm very confused...TMI ALERT...I can have mental orgasms...just reading the word moaning can trigger one, so when I imagine sexual things...they happen. I'm really convinced it will feel the way it does in my mind...so that contributes to thinking....yea...I'd probably be into the whole thing mentally n' all (bc that's how it is in my mind at least)...even tho there isn't really anyone I'd desire to do it with. It all makes me wonder tho, if the real thing turns out to be a flop...I really wouldn't be interested in it at all. If that was the case, the MO are giving false signals.]

But outside of the imagined situation, I don't really experience sexual attraction or desire to really be with anyone. (after some thought, there are 3 instances that I'm investigating to see if it could have been sexual attraction).

Hmmmm...cupiosexual....OK - for me, that's close enough for jazz, I guess. What I think you're describing in the TMI bit ain't sex, it's synesthesia.

[FiddleKid]

I don't have a sex drive, I think it's something to do with my medication because I used to have a libido, not sure though.

[Squeakbox]

As much as I play with myself, and can't stop being horny... whenever I actually imagine actually doing it, or seeing real porn, it turns me off and makes me puke. I am able to be able to just not concern myself with a relationship...

I mean, I might be demisexual with unusual circumstances, but even then I have no idea if I'd actually act on it, because picturing doing it with someone doesn't turn me on, it turns me off.

In fact, it seemed to be a temporary desire, then it wore off. Now the person I had that arousal to has just turned into admiration, and just the urge to hold them. I think I'd be happy with just holding them, and being their close friend. The guy I find so admirable and attractive (despite not really knowing what he looks like) is someone I'd like to meet and get to know better.

I have mainly this desire to just be close with people, a strong need for kinship and friendship, even though society today doesn't fully understand friendship. Puts me in a situation where I'm forcing myself to be more confident in myself, and it does stress me out.

For some reason though, hentai gets me going... rarely... probably because it's surrealistic sex has this falsity to it that has this sensationalized ideal that the sex is always pleasurable. Although, I rarely ever look up porn and just diddle.

For the most part, I probably only look up hentai 10-20 times a year, and it's mostly just from me thinking "maybe today..." or "what the heck is new in the world of hentai today?" for curiosity's sake.